章 169: Ch.39 – A New Normal (3/4)
Aimlessly, I began wandering around the area. There was a park nearby. It had a swing set, and a bunch of kids was playing. There were people walking their dogs on this beautiful sunny day. When I stepped inside, I saw a few benches. It was around lunchtime, and I still hadn't had breakfast, so I took out my box made by Mary-san. I couldn't lie. I was a little excited to finish this.
"Hmm… so sweet."
I could feel the rush of sugar give me energy. I looked around the park to see a bunch of people playing with their dogs. I never owned a dog before, and I never had the desire to either.
I found them cute, but they can easily get fur all over my clothing or make a mess in my room when I'm not around to see them. Dogs are like mini-tornadoes because of how destructive they can be.
"Hey!"
With a spoon full of yogurt in my mouth, I turned to see a pink-haired, shiny-eyed friend.
"T-Takade-san?"
I questioned as she rushed over with me, waving her arms wildly. She was dragging a dog on her leash. It was a large Golden Retriever and was fighting back, but eventually, it made its way up to me.
"I haven't seen you around here before, Nakagawa-san! Do you live around here?"
I hesitated before nodding.
"Oh… yeah, I just moved around here yesterday. I didn't know you lived nearby."
"Oh really?! Yep. I live a few blocks that way!"
She pointed towards the direction of Mary-san's home. I didn't think too much of it. It's likely we live in completely different areas. So, I turned back and stared at her dog. Its black eyes gazed back at me with its tongue out.
"You can pet him!"
She suggested. I looked at it's fur… then my meal. I… didn't want fur in my food.
"Oh no… I'm eating right now."
I shyly replied.
"Eeh, my bad! Get over here, come on!"
Takeda-san pulled the dog next to her. The poor thing looked sad that I didn't want to give it the attention I'm sure it deserved. Instead, it laid down next to her master's feet. Takade-san took this chance to sit next to me as I continued eating my meal.
"Does that mean you'll be going to school on the same train as me?!"
"I guess so."
"Cool! We can talk about all kinds of girls and love!"
She screamed, turning the head of everyone nearby. Takade Saki-san was a bundle of energy as always. All the attention was getting to me, though, as I lowered my head and continued eating.
"Hey, I… I followed your advice Takade-san… and…."
I sighed. With all the energy I could muster, I turned back to the pigtailed wonder.
"I separated myself from the… person I had feelings for."
"Woah?! You did?! Ah, are you alright, Nakagawa-san?"
"Hm?"
I was confused by her words as she leaned closer to me.
"Well, I'm sure that wasn't easy to do! Are… are you okay?"
I sat there as I spun the remaining bits of my meal. It was delicious, but suddenly my stomach started to get hot… and my throat began to dry up for no reason. The simple answer came out as I confessed.
"No. No, I'm not okay… I'm upset, Takade-san."
I was more tired than anything. How I wanted to be back at home, listening to idol music as I danced around in my room without a care in the world. But the reality wasn't like that. My complicated feelings turned my life into a convoluted mess.
"Yeah, I figured Nakagawa-san."
She placed her hand on mine. Without me even realizing it, Takade-san was comforting me.
"I bet you still have feelings for that girl, right?"
The answer was obvious… and I felt as though there was no bias with Takade-san. She didn't know who this person was… she had no idea that this person was my stepmother.
"Takade-san… I'm still in love with her… even though I know it won't work out."
I confessed.
"But… I need to distance myself from her… and let her find out what to do."
The wind blew lightly, causing my bangs to dance to them as I thought about that black-haired fox. Even further away, she was able to enter my mind and cause me to stir with heartache.
Takade-san leaned back in her seat and looked at the sky.
"Even on such a beautiful day, the heart can dampen your mood."
I turned to see her gazing at the world above. The sparkle in her eyes reminded me of the child looking at fireworks. They glimmered with the hope that I couldn't understand where she found it. So, I asked the question…
"Hey, if you realized that your love for the person you like… wouldn't work, what would you do, Takade-san?"
"Hm, you mean Saya-senpai?"
For some reason, I forgot that her love interest was Saya-san, but I went along with it as I nodded.
"If I found out that Saya-senpai couldn't love me… I would be devastated."
She said with conviction.
"But, I would fight that battle for as long as I could, and when I'm on the ground, and the referee rings the last bell, then maybe I'd get up again and keep going."
She shrugged.
"But in reality… it's never that easy, is it Nakagawa-san?"
She gazed at me. Our eyes connected as if we were two souls that were lost in our own ways.
"No… it's never that easy. I… I want to keep fighting, but…."
I shrugged.
"I… I'm here… on a bench in an unfamiliar park and…"
I felt those pesky tears starting to take over. There were a bunch of people around, and the last thing I wanted to do was cry.
"But it's… it's not fair. Why… why did my love have to turn out like this?"
The sides of my cheek were getting wet as what I didn't want to happen finally did. My glasses were fogging up and I began to feel… miserable.
"I'm sorry… I-I… I've just been… holding it in."
I felt a cold impression on my hand and a warm hand on my back. When I opened my eyes, Takade-san was holding her handkerchief my away… and even her big dog was touching its nose on my hand. I was surprised to see both the master and pet comforting me.
"I can't imagine what happened to you. That's so painful, Nakagawa-san."
Takade-san began as she rubbed my back.
"But it's clear to me that you don't deserve what you're going through. You're a high school girl that should be enjoying her days…."
Suddenly, her dog put its head under my hand. Its fur was a tad fluffy. I… felt an intense warmth go through me as it panted and waited for me to pet it.
"It's just… a really screwed up situation. And… I don't know how to fix it."
I said.
"Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me."
She moved closer to me.
"Hey… what does your heart want, Nakagawa-san?"
I looked around the park, avoiding Takade-san's gaze. As I searched the area, people were just going about their day… Nobody around was feeling the pains and aches in my heart.
"You know… I don't know. There's a part of me that wishes I could go back before my coma and make everything right… but another part of me wants to move on."
I sighed.
"But then… all of me still hurts for… this person."
"What's her name again, Madoka-san? I think her name started with an "M?"
I held my tongue briefly. I looked in the sky, and what was there was clear skies. It was warmer today, and that helped heat up my heart, if only a little.
"Mari…"
I whispered. The name that's been rummaging around in my heart for years ping in me again.
"What do you love about this… Mari-san?"
"Her intelligence, how caring she can be too. She is a bit aloof and mysterious, and it makes me want to always know what's going on in her head. She's always three steps ahead of me, and it makes me want to chase her. She can be warm and funny… then at times, she's strange and goofy."
I was piecing together the reason my heart was broken today.
"We share the same love for makeup, clothing, genres of shows, and she's good at English…."
I said as my voice trailed off…
"I hate English, Takade-san."
I turned back to my partner.
"Her eyes are like gems, and that smile of hers… when she's not faking it is one of the most wonderful things ever."
I imagined that idiot.
"Mari isn't perfect. She's made a bunch of mistakes and hurt a lot of people… but she doesn't have to be for me to still like her."
I looked up at the sky.
"In a perfect world, everything would have worked out. But…"
I sighed.
"In a perfect world… I wouldn't have fallen into my coma, and my life wouldn't have messed up so badly."
Takade-san's dog continued to beg for attention, and that warmed my heart all the more. I petted the dog as my feelings began to ease. The ache in my heart was subsiding too and it helped me breathe.
"But just because I love her doesn't mean I have to be with her."
I shrugged.
"One day, all these feelings will calm down, and I'll be able to think clearly… but right now, Takade-san… I… I don't think I could look for love without thinking about what I lost."
"Dang girl… that's heavy."
I… laughed. I couldn't help but laugh at her response. Takade-san tilted her head, but my stomach began to hurt… as tears were still rolling down my cheek. Nothing made sense about my emotions.
I was happy that I had someone who'd listen to me without bias… but also extremely sad that my family was being destroyed by my selfish feelings. And even after all this… I still couldn't just say I don't love Mari-san anymore because that would be a lie.
Mari-san is my heroine, and she has flaws… but that's what makes her a tad irresistible. She's… human despite how hard she tries to not show it.
"Did you get it all out… or a least a bit of it, Nakagawa-san?"
I nodded.
"Yeah. Saying it aloud helped me calm down a bit. This entire situation I'm in… I'm not ready to share it with many people, Takade-san… sorry."
I was honest, like I was with Sora-chan. However, instead of giving me a disappointed look, the pigtail just nodded happily.
"That's all good. It sounds like you've been struggling for a while now. It would be odd if you just told me all your secrets."
She took my hand and pulled me up with her. My food box fell on the bench as we locked arms.
"But what I want you to know is that together we make a lesbian alliance."
"A… what?"
"A lesbian alliance! We both had suffered from a love that was near impossible. Your Mari-san and my stuff back in middle school."
She looked at her dog, nodded strangely like it gave her answers, then turned back to me.
"But listen… I found Saya-senpai… and this isn't just a fling! She's perfect, and I want to try and make it work. What I'm saying, Nakagawa-san, is… that if things don't work out… that's fine."
She tilted her head.
"We are young. We still have time to see what choices are right and wrong. Nobody is telling us to fall in love once, and if it doesn't work out, that's it."
I could feel the heat resonate from our fingers entwining.
"We… will find the love we want one day. Through all the pain and heartache, let's look for our happy ending together!"
"Takade-san…"
I was taken aback by her sincerity.
"Love is a terrible thing, Nakagawa-san… but it's also equally beautiful. Let's look for that beauty together."
I rubbed the tears off from my cheeks. In this unknown park, in an unknown place, I finally found someone that I felt connected to. It was like if I let go of her hand, she'd vanish and leave me in this mysterious place again. So, I held on tight.
"Thank you. I'll… I'll figure it out and make sure to be stronger."
"Aww, you two look so cute together."
That demonic voice caught me off guard as a certain devil walked into the park.
"S-Saya-san?"
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