章 84: Chapter 1726 - I Can't Avoid Losing It (6)
Words naturally failed him.
'Heo Gong...'
The moment Baek Cheon saw the faint smile on Heo Gong's now noticeably haggard face, he visibly faltered.
'This...'
He had certainly heard the news. That Heo Gong had made a difficult decision to save him.
They had likely softened the message to avoid shocking him, but someone like Baek Cheon couldn't fail to understand the true meaning.
However, despite knowing all of this, Baek Cheon hadn't thought to visit Heo Gong to express his gratitude. Although he had pretended otherwise, he had been so consumed by his own situation that he had even forgotten basic courtesy.
As this realization struck, Baek Cheon's face flushed red.
"I... I'm sorry..."
As he hastily tried to move, Baek Cheon momentarily lost his balance and stumbled. Heo Gong reached out and lightly grasped his shoulder.
"Be careful."
"Oh..."
"If you were to fall to your death in a place like this... wouldn't it cast suspicion on me, who was with you? I'm not confident I could bear the wrath of Mount Hua."
Heo Gong's tone was gentle, mixed with a bit of humor. There was an air of ease in his words. Baek Cheon grew even more visibly uneasy.
"Isn't that so?"
It was only after Heo Gong repeated the question with a smile that Baek Cheon managed to regain his composure, clearing his throat awkwardly. Then, albeit belatedly, he bowed deeply towards Heo Gong.
"I heard that you saved my life. I am ashamed that my foolishness delayed my gratitude. Please, I beg for your forgiveness."
"Forgiveness..."
Heo Gong muttered the word quietly, then smiled.
"Aren't we Taoists?"
"...Pardon?"
"I only followed where my heart led me. It was nothing worthy of thanks to begin with. So what need is there for forgiveness?"
"..."
"Sit down. Today, I'll generously give you my seat."
Baek Cheon nodded and cautiously sat down. Heo Gong soon followed suit, sitting beside him as if it were nothing.
A moment of silence passed. With guilt weighing on his heart, Baek Cheon found it difficult to speak.
The quietness dragged on, and Baek Cheon, unable to bear the awkwardness any longer, tried to speak. But Heo Gong beat him to it.
"It's quite a pleasant view, isn't it?"
"Pardon?"
Baek Cheon, feeling slightly puzzled, looked out again.
...Well. Perhaps a few days ago, he might have agreed with Heo Gong's words. But now, they seemed a bit strange. How could he describe a mountain range blackened by fire as a pleasant view?
"Don't you think so?"
When Heo Gong asked again, an awkward smile appeared on Baek Cheon's lips.
"I suppose so, but..."
"You don't think so at all."
In the end, Baek Cheon forced a bitter smile.
"I'm sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry about. We simply see things differently."
"..."
"Of course, the surface has become quite unsightly... but... Well, those burnt trees and grasses aren't the essence of this mountain, are they?"
Baek Cheon's eyes filled with confusion. Seeing his puzzled expression, Heo Gong offered a brief smile.
"If the trees on this mountain were replaced with others, would it no longer be Wudang?"
"Pardon?"
"Or suppose one day, all the trees on this mountain suddenly disappeared. Would that mean this mountain is no longer Wudang mountain?"
"..."
"That wouldn't be the case."
Heo Gong's voice was calm.
"Ultimately, Wudang refers to the terrain of this mountain. That's why people refer to it as Wudang, regardless of how spring and summer differ, or how autumn and winter change it."
Baek Cheon stared at Heo Gong blankly for a moment.
A complicated feeling rose within him.
To be honest, the Heo Gong he remembered was a much more rigid and sharp person. He had seemed like someone who would sleep with a sword by his side, not someone you could easily strike up a conversation with.
But the man before him now was very different from the Heo Gong he had known. To exaggerate a little, it felt like a completely different person, with only the face being the same.
"Dojang..."
As he vaguely guessed the reason for this change, a long, deep sigh escaped Baek Cheon's lips.
"I'm sorry. Because of me..."
"You're making me repeat myself. It's not a good habit."
"But..."
"I used to like this place. No, to be precise, I once liked it. Coming up here made me feel as if my chest was being cleared."
He could understand. That's why Baek Cheon had instinctively climbed up here as well.
Heo Gong's gaze turned upward, beyond the mountains and fields, to the distant sky.
"There was a time when I believed I could reach the highest place in the world."
"..."
"No, to be exact, I thought I had to reach it. And I was certain I had the talent to do so."
Baek Cheon nodded silently.
"The Sect Leader always said so. Heo Gong must lead Wudang to become the greatest sect in the world and become the indisputable greatest swordsman under heaven. And he said that I was fully capable of achieving it."
Though perhaps not as much as Shaolin's Hye Yeon, Heo Gong had also been a prodigy upon whom all of Wudang's expectations were pinned. It was only natural that he would aim for the highest position in the world.
"I also believed those words without a doubt. Yes, until I met your Sajae."
Baek Cheon couldn't help but sigh deeply.
"That..."
"Don't misunderstand me. I don't mean to blame anyone. It's just... I came to realize something. That I cannot reach that place."
Baek Cheon's face stiffened.
"Can you understand? For some reason, from a certain point on, I had been living only to reach that place. The value of my life was entirely in that. But... that day, I suddenly realized that I could never become the greatest swordsman under heaven."
"Do...jang..."
"Once I realized that, I suddenly had this thought. What value do I have when I've lost my purpose?"
Heo Gong laughed briefly.
But Baek Cheon noticed a fleeting, bitter pain in that laughter. He could recognize it because it resembled the despair that currently gripped him and wouldn't let go.
"Not anymore."
"...Not anymore? So you're saying you no longer care?"
"That's right."
For a moment, something stirred inside Baek Cheon. It was a feeling entirely different from awe or admiration.
"Are you serious?"
Baek Cheon asked again. Heo Gong, who was about to answer nonchalantly, paused for a moment and looked back at Baek Cheon. He noticed something strange in his voice.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Is it just an excuse?"
"Sect Leader Baek."
Baek Cheon bit his lip firmly.
His rational mind knew this was wrong. The person before him had even given up martial arts for Baek Cheon's sake. He was, quite literally, his benefactor.
Moreover, since he owed his life to him, the gratitude was undoubtedly significant. Baek Cheon's current behavior was entirely out of line.
But even though he knew it, he couldn't hold back.
"I'm not trying to belittle your enlightenment. You must have gained a great understanding. But... despite that, I have one thing I want to ask."
"What is it?"
"Would you say the same thing if you hadn't lost it?"
Heo Gong was silent for a moment, seemingly taken aback.
Baek Cheon bit his lip repeatedly, as if trying to suppress his impulses, but there was no way to stop the flood of emotions that had already burst forth.
His uncontrolled feelings spilled over to the point where he could no longer contain them.
"Would you have said the same thing before you were defeated? What if there was still hope? Would you still have had those thoughts? Or are you simply deceiving yourself, pretending to have transcended because it's something you can never get back?"
Baek Cheon's face grew increasingly distorted.
It wasn't anger. It was disillusionment. A deep-seated contempt for himself, who was spitting out such words toward his benefactor, welled up from within him.
"Those who have something don't dismiss gold lightly. They know its value. But those who don't have it often say it's nothing. Because it's easier to downplay something they can never obtain. What do you think? Can you really say that you don't care?"
Baek Cheon's voice grew more intense. His quivering lips and wandering eyes clearly showed that he was in the midst of confusion.
"If you had the chance to get it back, if you could regain your martial arts and return to the way you were! Would you still say the same thing as you do now? Could you really say that? Really?"
"Sect Leader Baek..."
"What is a Taoist, anyway?!"
Baek Cheon's eyes were bloodshot. His desperate cry echoed throughout the mountains.
"Is a Daoist someone who doesn't have desires? Is it someone who laughs off falling during a race, saying they were meant to stop there? Is a Daoist someone who claims to follow the Dao no matter what happens, thinking that solves everything? What on earth...!"
Baek Cheon's thin hands trembled. Heo Gong just looked at him with eyes filled with pity.
After gasping for breath for a while, Baek Cheon slowly closed his eyes. His eyelashes trembled pathetically.
"I never asked for the heavens... Never."
"..."
"I just..."
Baek Cheon's head slowly drooped.
"I just..."
His words faded as if they were burning away. Watching him silently, Heo Gong stood up. Then, gazing off into the distant sky, he spoke.
"What is a Taoist...?"
Heo Gong, chewing over Baek Cheon's question, let out a short sigh.
"I see. Now that I think about it, you're right. I've acted too high and mighty. We each suffer in our own ways."
"..."
"I've been rude. Please forgive me."
With those final words, Heo Gong turned away.
Baek Cheon flinched and looked up to see Heo Gong's back as he descended the peak.
He needed to say something. Anything.
"Dojang..."
He needed to apologize. For the rude behavior he had just displayed. For this foolish act.
But at that moment, Heo Gong's voice reached him. There wasn't a hint of disappointment or anger directed at Baek Cheon.
"What was your dream?"
Baek Cheon couldn't easily answer and blankly stared at Heo Gong's back.
"Was it to make Mount Hua the greatest sect under heaven, to become a great Sect Leader, and perhaps to gain a little fame? Maybe it was to live a life of giving back what you had earned. Or perhaps you pursued some value that I couldn't even imagine. But..."
Heo Gong's voice slowly penetrated Baek Cheon's ears.
"What did you plan to do after achieving all that?"
Heo Gong stopped walking and slightly turned his head to look back.
Baek Cheon couldn't bear to meet his eyes, deep and calm like a serene lake, and he lowered his head. He ended up avoiding them.
"Perhaps what you need right now is an answer to that question."
Heo Gong began to walk down the mountain again. He was limping slightly. The remnants of his injuries still hadn't healed. He had brought himself all the way here, thinking Baek Cheon might be here.
Baek Cheon closed his eyes tightly, feeling a sudden wave of despair and dizziness.
When he opened his eyes again, only the clear, cloudless sky stretched out before him.
'I am...'
He laughed bitterly with a broken voice.
'The worst person.'
When he lowered his head, a drop of murky tear hung sorrowfully from the corner of his eye.
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Muffin_niffuM Look there's less than 30 chapters left till were all caught up with the raws. Just so y'all are aware. No post tomorrow but the day after. :)
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