/ Anime & Comics / Danmachi: Reborn with wishes [Finished]

Danmachi: Reborn with wishes [Finished] オリジナル

Danmachi: Reborn with wishes [Finished]

Anime & Comics 50 章 292.9K ビュー
作者: WRizz1

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概要

Mc as Bell with Gilgamesh and Gojo powers

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  1. WRizz1
    WRizz1 貢献した 56
  2. faesr
    faesr 貢献した 5
  3. TheNeedHawg
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Darknorthhhh

ok so i like the idea but you have no character development if it's there it's shallow as hell and he did not have to work at his power like most people I get that he had wishes but even then he is still level 1 he has the bare minimum of mind and any one of his limitless techniques would put him in mind down faster than he could blink I would understand if he used cursed energy like the original gojo did but the description said it used MANA not cursed energy so if he used it as a level 1 he would be in mind down really fast cause he has such a small mana pool and his gate of Babylon at level 1 he should at most be able to summon one or 2 portals at the start until he could level up and get a bigger mana pool and your story is so fast that in the first real chapter(not the prologue) he goes on his first dungeon dve and goes straight to the water floor boss and then you have it like he spent time with the Loki familia cause riveria said that he came a long way but we didn't get to read that it seems like you are using this as a proof of concept or a drabble instead of a full fleged story if you actually do a proper story I would love to see it cause i love the concept of him awakening something ancient in the dungeon but just slow it down and use some of Cannon to have a little depth to your character and let the readers connect to your character like we would with Cannon and i get that this is fanfiction but i feel that you could make a really interesting mix of Cannon and your au storyline but you need to slow it down but over all I think it's a good concept but just poorly implemented and could use some work and it could turn out really good i hope you take my advice and not ignore it I have seen way to many good ideas turn shit cause of poor implementation

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5mth
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WRizz1

I feel this one is better to write. Do tell if you like my other work better.

5mth
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作者 WRizz1