章 32: The Killing End*
"Mr. J?" My assistant asked, glancing at the bags of superhero costumes as she got to her feet.
"She would understand anyway. - I walked over to our things, pulling out my vestments. My heart fluttered with anticipation. A new adventure, full of adrenaline. Especially in Metropolis! If a man in tights couldn't deal with the trouble instantly, then there was something very serious. Naturally, I wasn't going to go into the middle of nowhere without reconnoitering. If the situation turned out to be too dangerous, I could always start rescuing victims, building up a reputation.
[Monster quest generated: destroy the monster. Reward 150 free points]
Well, at least I now know what we're up against, except the reward seems pretty high to me.
"Why the hell are you taking your clothes off!" Zatanna exclaimed indignantly.
"We're going to help the city, and these are our heroic images. - I changed quickly, putting on my makeup. The cloak was in its proper place, and Mouse's gift fit in my hand as if it were my own. - Allow me to introduce myself, Knight of Moonlight and my incomparable assistant, Sailormoon!
"Hi there. - Harley swung the bat a couple times and made the peace sign, sticking her tongue out amusingly. She's so cute, I can't wait to pet her! No, Jay, wait till you get home, then you can do more than just pet her. Right now, we need to focus on the job at hand.
"And who are you going to fool with these ridiculous outfits?" The enchantress asked sarcastically. - Your voices are the same, and your faces are practically open. Besides, the image of a slightly strange blond girl with a bat is quite conspicuous. It takes an IQ a little different from bread to figure out your real identities.
I think she's right, but Superman wouldn't be recognized if he just put on glasses and combed his hair a little, and a lot of other characters just need to cover their eyes with a little mask to remain anonymous. And the voice, if I'm not mistaken, is something only the Gotham Defender has bothered with.
"Bats has half his face sticking out from under his mask, and yet no one has recognized him yet. - I parried. - Hmm... Aren't you going to help? You're a hero, aren't you?
"I'm a wizard first and foremost, and I deal with mystical problems, but this is clearly something more down-to-earth. - The girl looked carefully at the fortune-telling ball, which should darken when other people use magic, but it still remained snow-white.
~Boom~
The floor shook again, but clearly more violently, causing items to fall from some shelves.
"All right, then. Sailor, let's go save the people!
"Wait. - The illusionist walked around the table she'd grabbed onto during the shaking, critically inspecting our appearance. - Heroic impulses should be encouraged, especially in ex-criminals. AQUORIXAM.
Something subtly changed. An almost weightless film touched my face. I shifted my gaze to the blonde, noting that her appearance was a little different: slightly chubbier cheeks, different eye color and hair shade, different lip and nose line. Now, at a glance, she was unrecognizable as the assistant of a crazy clown. Hmm... And the edges of the disguise rippled a little, making me strain my eyes harder.
"The simplest illusion, practically undetectable by magic detectors due to the low investment of power. It will last only two hours. - The sorceress explained her actions.
"Thank you. - We thanked the girl.
Oh, and the voices have changed a bit too, becoming a bit unnatural. That's cool. Damn, where's my hat? I was about to make a graceful bow, but I couldn't find my hat.
"Here you go, Knight. - Harley, as if reading my thoughts, handed me the missing accessory.
"Great, now we're definitely ready. Zee, the stuff stays here so we don't have to carry it into battle. Let's go!" I was the first to leave the trailer, heading for the hangar exit.
"Don't you dare call me Zee!" I could hear it in my back, but I didn't have time to pay attention to the little things, because I had an epic confrontation ahead of me.
***
"Knight, are you sure we should go in there?" My assistant asked, looking at the wide energy beam flickering between the warehouse buildings nearby. It hit the edge of the roof of one of the buildings, instantly melting it, then there were a few loud pops, and the beam disappeared. This kind of whizzing had been going on for quite some time now, and there was clearly an epic brawl going on ahead.
"Let's at least see what's going on. Besides, this place is far away from residential areas, so there's no one to save yet.
An easy run and a minute later we have to sharply dodge a live shell.
~Bam~
The body slammed into the wall, leaving a decent dent, and then slammed down, along with a pile of bricks.
"Hey, are you okay?" I ran over to where the UFO had landed, preparing to administer first aid, which thankfully wasn't needed.
"Yeah, it's all good. - The projectile on inspection turned out to be a beautiful girl with lovely facial features, a perfect tan that could be called coffee and milk, and thick dark curly hair. She was clad in an armored swimsuit with a skirt. I have no idea what else to call this crazy designer's creation. The top of the suit was painted red and the bottom was blue, with the addition of gold inserts between the transitions. Hmm, this thing is not a traditional armored bra - it's too closed, but it's not even close to the normal protective equipment, like armor. I shifted my gaze to my assistant. This is an armored seylor fuku!
By the way, if someone hasn't guessed yet, Wonder Woman appeared before us, though I can't call her a woman, because she looks like a young girl. Of course, not as young as Mouseketeer, but close enough.
If I remember correctly, her name is Diana and she is an Amazon princess from the island of Themyscira. She has superhuman strength, speed, stamina, agility and resilience, only slightly inferior to Superman. At the same time, the girl is still a master of martial arts and possesses two powerful magical artifacts: impenetrable protective bracelets and the Lasso of Truth, which makes those bound to them tell the truth. In short, in a swashbuckling matchup of Amazon and Sun Boy, I'd bet on the former. Although the Kryptonian can fly, but the princess can't, so due to tactical advantage she can be exhausted by shooting lasers from her eyes from somewhere above, and then just finish her off.
"Are you heroes?" Diana asked, leaning over the remains of the wall to pull out a sword and a round shield a second later.
"Yes. I am the Knight of Moonlight, and this is my lovely assistant Sailormoon. - I introduced Harley, making an elegant bow in the process. Something continued to explode nearby.
"Great, then you should help with Doomsday before he brings more destruction.
With Doomsday?!
Nah... This creature is clearly out of my league. An invulnerable, super-strong humanoid that was experimented on by a mad scientist from Krypton. You can imagine, he just repeatedly killed his creation in various ways, each time collecting the remains and creating a clone with the memory of the original. It came to the point that the resulting miracle-Judo was able to adapt not only to extreme conditions, but also to death itself! The most amazing thing is that in the original version it was a compatriot of the scientist, who eventually turned into an invulnerable monster. He simply cannot be killed - only temporarily incapacitated. To be honest, it's amazing that this place is still intact and not swept away by one of his attacks, because sometimes the best defense is offense.
You know what they say? Before you do something, sift it four times. The sieve of truth - are you sure it's true? The sieve of kindness - will your action do good? The sieve of usefulness - does your action make sense? And finally, the sieve of osteochondrosis - is it not dangerous for your back? While I have no complaints at all about the first three points, the last one blows them all out of proportion. I'm definitely not taking this fight on my backbone, and Harley might get hurt in the process.
"Well, my work here is done.
"But you didn't do anything. - My assistant pointed out logically.
I flapped my cloak, expecting to hide, better to actually search for the injured and try to help them than to go out to fight an invulnerable monster.
"Knight, wait. - Suddenly Wonder Woman spoke up. - We need only a little help to defeat this hybrid.
"Wait, a hybrid?" I paused looking at Diana with interest.
"Yes." She nodded affirmatively. - Superman said that Lex Luthor created this creature. It's half human, half Kryptonian.
Whew, that's a relief. It's not the real Doomsday, which means it can be fought and destroyed... Ahem, not the real Joker will fight the fake Doomsday. Ha ha ha ha, perfect! Though why would I want to get into the thick of it myself when I have an ultimatum weapon to hand over to a worthy one? Or a worthy one!
"Oh, beautiful warrior. - I've switched to a lofty syllable. - I'm not very strong in direct confrontation, but I have a weapon that can weaken the monster, and I'm ready to give it to you!
"Hand it over. - The Amazon hurried me up, keeping her eyes fixed on the abandoned battlefield. - I'm not sure Batman and Superman can do it without my help.
Oh, and Bats is here. I wonder what the hell brought him here. I wonder if he was trying to spy on me. It's funny, I've got my own personal stalker. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, as long as he doesn't act like a Yandere, eliminating the competition, and everything will be fine. Okay, I'm clearly in the wrong place, so I need to focus on the real world again.
Pulling back the edge of my cloak, I pulled out the Great Weapon, which I had obviously brought with me on my way to Metropolis for a reason.
"Hey, that's my dildo!" Sailormoon was outraged.
"What's that..." The warrior was speechless. The knight seemed to her a real hero, dressed normally, not in those horrible tight tights like the rest of the defenders of humanity. He had a certain charm and manners, but only this prank completely crossed out all the found merits. Naturally, the girl knew what kind of object her new acquaintance held in his hand, some Amazons on the island were fond of such things, but she always tried to stay away from these perverts or at least not to be alone with them, after all, they were all her sisters and it would not be too good if she showed clear dislike.
"An ultimatum weapon against the Kryptonians. - I waved the green unit in the air, demonstrating a couple of lunges with it as if it were a sword. - Don't pay attention to its appearance, because it's the functionality that matters! Just stick it into the monster's body, and it will be weakened enough to be handled by a simple tank shot.
"How do you propose we stick it in? It's not sharp. - The warrior hesitated. She had studied tactics and realized that at times she had to make less than popular decisions using various tricks.
"Well... There is one option for sure...
Both girls blushed a little after I said that.
"Whoa. I meant the mouth! I'm not sure about the opposite orifice. - I hastened to dispel my doubts, but the female listeners were clearly on their wavelength, still blushing.
The situation was surreal, given the sounds of the battle. Luckily, Diana was able to regain her senses and approach me unhesitatingly.
"R-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-!!!!!
There was a deafening roar.
"Look out!" The Amazon blocked us with her shield in front of her.
Holy shit!
A red energy wave was coming straight at our company. It touched the buildings, destroying them to the ground in an instant.
There was no use in running. I immediately pulled Harley close to me, hiding behind the strong and independent girl, who seemed to have seen this before, judging by her confident actions.
Is that a batshit? I gave a surprised look to the figure of the superhero, who was moving aloft using a bat-hook.
~Boom~
The wave collided with the princess' shield, causing her to pull back slightly.
Holy shit. I had no words for it. The energy tsunami had destroyed the buildings in front of us, revealing a scorched wasteland that would make a great illustration for a post-apocalyptic movie. Now it made sense to me why we'd seen virtually no signs of battle before, it was just that the heroes had managed to fight the other way before. Damn, we were just lucky to have Diana around. I stepped off to the side a bit, admiring the hellish landscape. Two hundred meters away from us stood a gray humanoid figure with red veins that were slowly fading. The creature looked at our friendly group.
~Boom~
I didn't even have time to blink, only to feel the air vibrate to my right. The carcass slammed into the warrior's shield at full speed, sending her and Harley flying. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Diana had time to put her arm around my favorite, so they should have a soft landing. Hmm, it's low, so it must be raining.
I could now get a good look at this parody of Doomsday, or maybe not even a parody. Four meters tall, powerful build, bony growths all over his body, red eyes burning with hatred.
I'm in a lyrical mood. I won't be able to hide from this monster if I want to, but I can try to leave with dignity. Heh, like a real hero!
"Ha ha ha. - Concentration soars to maximum.
The monster hadn't met me yet, so he didn't take it as a serious threat, just brushed it off. I could see his muscles moving, so I started to dodge in advance, pushing my body to the max. Dodge the slap, put the cane to his knee, and give the maximum discharge.
~Tresk~
I doubt the monster felt anything, but physics and biology can be hard to fool sometimes. His leg tucks in, giving me a perfect foothold. I let go of the interfering gift, jump, and I'm in front of his head, caught on a growth sticking out of his forearm.
"Raaaaah. - Doomsday growled softly, a horrible stench from his mouth, expecting to swat me like a pesky fly.
That was enough for me to shove my ultimatum weapon inside the monster and then drive my knee into its jaw with all my might.
~Glot~
Huh, open your mouth, there goes the airplane!
Thanks to the momentum from the impact, I successfully jumped to the ground, avoiding the monster's grasp.
"R-A-A-A-A-A-A!
The hybrid seemed to realize what had happened only now. He was clearly shocked by my insolence until now.
Good-bye, Harley. I hope Ivy helps you deal with the grief of your loss.
~BAM! ~
The mighty blow of the enraged creature literally drove one arrogant hero into the ground like a nail, leaving only a crumpled headdress on the surface...
*In Russian, the word game end and dildo is played here. So it turns out that the chapter is called the killer dildo.
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