章 1: One Small Issue, I'm Dead?
"Hey! I'll see you later, yeah?" A merry voice rang from across the room. "Try not to slip and fall on the way out! Haha!"
"It was one time! And yeah, see you!" I replied, matching his energy as I eyed the elevator, ready to finally end the day.
'Yes! A day off after so long, it's a miracle I say!'
I packed my things, then I stepped into the elevator. With a relieved stride, I calmly make my way out the office without much difficulty, as it should be.
'It was just the one time! I promise!' I nonverbally insist in my own mind. Feels like I'm going insane, but who isn't right?
As I step out onto the sidewalk, ready for a nice walk home to relieve the senses, I think to myself.
'Am I crazy If I know I'm mental? It can't be, right? Einstein always said a person who does the same thing again and again expecting the same result is insane... but am I crazy if I know it?
Wait, this doesn't even correlate in anyway! Wrong crazy! Wrong crazy!' Another tangent huh? Another ordinary day then.
I step onto the crosswalk, having paused my breakdown in favor of crossing the street. No issues, as it should be. Nothing better than a walk after hours of sitting down all day... truly, charming...
I wonder what everyone else walking on the sidewalk is thinking, If I can have all this happen in my head with a complete straight face... I can only wonder..
"Beep! Beep! Honk!"
Horns blare ceaselessly, reverberating through the city streets uncaring of any ears that may be nearby. The bright assortment of lights assault the senses, yet all the same, I continue unbothered.
'Same old, same old... nothing better than that, yeah? Hey, talking about blaring horns, imagine if I get hit by a truck at this very moment and die?
...
I'll dodge it. Yeah, I'm gonna do it.'
I'm clearly insane, no?
Well, I'm pointing out the fact that I'm totally gonna die in any situation that's dangerous in any capacity at all... all in my own head! Haha, am I really okay? This isn't some monologue! No need to sound nice or entertaining to the mysterious "hidden" camera that's been filming me my whole life!
As you can see, I'm trying to cope by showing that I'm completely and totally self aware... but to who? No one is listening and no one to prove anything to.. I'm doing it again aren't I?
But! Before I could spiral into another breakdown, I finally arrive at my destination! Home? Nah, I need to pick something up first, just wait okay? It wont take that long.
"Ching-a-ling!" The chimes echo throughout the magnificent aisles of my local convenience store.
I inhale some nice, late night air conditioned air. I scamper about the aisles like a lost child, subconsciously trying and failing to look like a functioning adult. I pick up some noodles, some soda.. all of that stuff y'know?
I totally know what I'm doing-
'Wow... they have it! GLIZ--' I mean! Some frozen goods... nice, frozen goods for my incompetent self to cook late at midnight for no apparent reason knowing full well I won't have anything for the next meal.
As I was making a fool out of myself however, I was rudely interrupted!
"PUT YOUR HANDS UP! THIS IS A STICK UP!" A robber, armed with nothing but a balaclava, gun and quite a but of confidence. I can see it as he scans the entire store with his dumb beetle eyes, this ain't his first rodeo.
Eyes clear, hand stable and a look of hot fury, this man can kill.
See, I'm pretty clever, yeah? Oh right! Not the time! I quickly pull out my phone and dial the authorities, maybe if I'm lucky, they'll be only five minutes late!
"911 what's your emergency?" A calm tone answers my plea.
"Uhh yeah, so like there's a guy and he has a gun." I answer, nice going man.
"HEY YOU! WHAT DO U THINK YOU'RE DOIN' HUH PUNK?!" Oh great! He has the gun on me now. I just noticed how cramp this store is... they need renovations..
"Excuse me? I'm on the phone!" Don't ask me where this came from, I don't even wanna get started man! I'm like seven feet away from him!
"Sir? Is everything alright?" The operator asked hurriedly.
"HANG UP THE PHONE, YOU ARE DEAD!" Darn right I am!
"Okay! I got to go now."
"Wai--"
"I hung up the phone!" I say out loud clearly, showing the masked man my hands and phone in plain view as to not raise suspicions.
His eyes flash, he knows what he has to do, but does he have the stre-
"Bang!" "Everyone on the ground, this is the LAST warning!"
He does, he really does.
Me, the cashier and the other four bystanders get on the ground, I am probably gonna die first.
Am I scared? Honestly the impending pain does, the death part is alright with me.
Now! Now! I am not depressed or anything like that! Let me explain! I always grew up 'close' to death. I've seen bodies, I've seen it happen, friends and family. And what did I learn? It's completely natural! Why be scared of death, when it has so much to offer?
Eternal rest, sounds dandy to me.. and besides, I've lived my life, I was lucky to have one at all. You have what you have, and what you don't? Well, tough luck I guess.
Damnation, rest or bliss... doesn't matter to me, I had a life! I lived, I breathed, I made friends and I loved family! It's sad to see it go though...
Nothin' I can do about that though, I'm only human after all.
And humans, are deathly allergic to lead traveling at 2,700 feet per second right at their cranium.
Quite allergic indeed...
"What you thinkin' bout numbskull, done saying your prayers?" The robber approaches me, his tone low like he's about to do something very bad..
We know, let's not kid ourselves.
He aims the muzzle at me, finger on the trigger..
Makes no sense really, the cops are on their way and he's barely stolen anything... he's doing this out of pure spite. Ah, when you come robbing for cash and end up stealing a life instead, I hate when that happens.
"WAIT!" And just when I was about to get comfy, another idiot pops out of their shell.
'Oh? A teenager, kid looks deathly scared.' I note.
A kid no older than 18, trying to play hero, must have read too many novels and hit his head or something..
Listen kid, they are just trying to hook you in with that relatable plotline, give you false hope! A fantasy you wish to live, but would never be granted! Elves are a lot more horrifying than they seem! Quite devious, to boot!
Ah, who am I kidding... I'm just as lame as this kid.
"What? You got a screw loose or something? I know it's cliché to say, but you shouldn't be goin' round playing hero!" The robber says straight-faced, spitting real facts there genius.
"You think this is a joke? You're gonna kill someone!" Nevermind, we were the delusional ones in the first place..
"Yeah, I know." The masked man says, before lifting up the gun and aiming it at him instead.
'Oh'
Adrenaline pumps in, and I see his finger on the trigger.
Better mine than his, no? And he's clearly got his head screwed on right, he's got morals unlike me...
Oh shut up, we knew this was gonna happen! Only a matter of time!
"Bang!"
"AH!"
Searing, hot pain... Yeah, this isn't pleasant at all! I don't regret it though, It's the last thing I deserve to do!
"W-what?" Look at his confused face, kid doesn't know he's been one-upped in the heroics department.
"You're dumber than I thought" My killer says, watching me wither away on the tiled floor.
"Tis' but a scratch!.. kuh!.." Nice one! That's one off the bucket list before I go.
And as the lights darken and the faces dim, sirens wailing in the background and many frantic sounds... I'm sent off...
Where? I don't know.
I just don't know.
...
--- To Be Continued ---
(Well! Long time no see, no? This is my second story now, because new inspiration hit and I have the attention span of the average 3 year old. Add to that, I was incredible busy with life and school, I just found that I couldn't find the time..
I love writing though, so I'll do it again.
Hey new viewers, you might wanna check out my first novel, FiveHead Monster: Primordial Beast Of Chaos!
Quite the mouthful, no? It's a non-human MC, as you can probably tell, check it out. And for my boys out there, I'll try finding time to continue our Hydra's legend!
As always, power stones, reviews (especially) and any critique helps, I want you guys to know your comments always brighten my day! See you next time!)
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