章 58: Reminisce II
TW: This chapter may contain some triggering scenes such as rape and violence.
Cold, sore, tears, pain. I was in pain the whole time, and he kept saying it would be fine, muffling my voice to prevent myself from screaming due to the pain, while forcing himself inside me. I throw a punch, I kicked, I clawed but he won't stop. I am disgusted, scared and praying to God, please save me. I keep struggling and he keeps pushing himself in. The sharp pain...I sobbed. I keep praying and praying to god, please save me.
I bit his palm and he hissed, but that didn't stop him. I keep punching his shoulder and he keeps laughing. Why? Why did he do this to me? Did I do something wrong?
He suddenly stopped moving and I could feel torn and aching. It hurts so bad. He looked up and abruptly pulled out which made me scream in pain, as he stood up to the door. I turned myself on the side, weeping, trying to process what's going on, slowly dragging myself under the table. I heard some noises but I was too confused, too scared, and I have something else to worry about. Myself.
"Maddie...look. This fat arse guy wants to join us." I didn't even bother to look back and hide under the table, curling and hugging my knees to cover my exposed skin. I wept until I heard a scream, another scream. I flinched and hid my face but I kept hearing something else too.
I know that sound, so familiar. It's been a while since I heard it. Chills started to get under my skin even more as my memory kept triggering from my past. I looked up, seeing Jade was beaten to death, I don't know if he's going to die.
And what's worse, I saw myself, beaten to death. I closed my eyes tight as I saw the episode. Shit!
No!
But he was the one who dragged you here.
As I opened my eyes slowly, all I can see was a half-dead boy who got beaten by another boy, but he's taller, bulkier, more powerful.
As I saw that he was already weak, falling on the ground, looking lifeless, I could feel he was looking at me, with his teary eyes. Mouthing word 'sorry' as he closed his eyes, and I witnessing him, got r*ped but mother fucking man. And that man just looked at me with a smile, before looking up and laughing, drunk by the pleasure he got from the pain we received. I was disgusted and powerless, so I crawled to grab a baseball bat around. Little did I know, I have no energy, power and guts. Even with that slightest bravery that brought me to crawl over, I couldn't do anything.
He was standing right in front of me now, glancing at the tool I tried to reach before looking at me smirking.
"Are you going to kill me?" he asked, slowly crouching down in front of me. I looked at Jade, who knew crying silently, couldn't even stand up. "I'll see you here tonight again, so don't forget to come. Or maybe…"
His finger stroked my face slowly, giving me a bad taste on my tongue, I wanted to throw it out.
"You know...maybe I could do it to one of your roommates. What about...Ginny? She's cute. How old is she again?" I looked at him with disgust and disbelief. Mother. Fucking. Paedophile! She's only twelve! And I'm only thirteen!
Due to the rage, I felt, I spat on his face, making him laugh.
"You're such an open book, I'm only sixteen, we are just four years apart. Don't look at me like that." He cupped my face roughly before looking at me deeply. "You should be careful right there, before I did the same thing to you know, Ginny. Or perhaps...your favourite, Han?"
I don't know where the fear went, but it left. Only rage.
"Don't glare at me like that. Just come, okay. Or should I go to you?"
"Go die!" I said, coldly. And he looked at me with a smirk. He let go of my face, stood up and pulled up his pants. He threw his shirt to me, along with one jacket.
"I'm joking." He said, laughing. It's not funny and it doesn't change the fact that he is disgusting.
"Wear this, ah...can you handle that thing for me? I'll better go." He said, leaving me and Jade, the two of us like a fucking trash. I still can hear him sobbing silently, and I quickly put on that mother fucker shirt, lucky me, it's huge enough to cover up. I could feel the disgusting liquid flow down from my private part, breaking my heart into shattered even more, maybe into dust. I slowly crawled to Jade with his jacket on my hands and covered him up.
I slowly hugged him, patted his back, holding back my tears.
"So-sorry...I'm sorry...I didn't know…" he said, sobbing. I know he tried his best to muffle his voice.
I don't know what to do. Or what to say. As he said, he didn't know. If he did, he would 'do' me right away but it's the other way around. He was r*ped. Like me, without our consent, we don't have the power to do anything.
And he got beaten, the red and purple colour started to show up, and I'm sure, soon enough it will be black and blue.
He was shaking and so was I. So I told him to sit up but he couldn't, which broke my heart even more. I do feel sore between my thighs too.
He kept repeating that he was sorry and crying. Which made me cry too. What did both of us do to deserve this much?
And we both cried for a while, and couldn't even walk. We both sobbing and leaning on the wall, yes he can finally sit. But still unable to stand up.
It hurts. so bad. What's more hurt is our heart.
"What are we going to do now?" he asked, wiping off his eyes.
"Telling father, maybe. Just telling adults. It's the two of us, they will believe us." I said.
He was quiet, for a moment.
"Why do you think that other kids are still bullying me, Maddie?" he asked, no longer calling me ugly. I looked at him with my swollen eyes, furrowed. "I told them, the adult but nobody heard me. My voice can't reach anyone." He said, smiling faintly.
"Did you think they would hear your voice, Maddie? He is the chairman's son. Did you think so?"
I was speechless. But it's different right now. Right? I mean this is not just a bully, but a crime too!
"It will be different," I said confidently. And he smiled.
"Maybe, because you are the favourite one, they will listen to you. Try it, maybe they will hear you out." He said, sounding a bit sarcastic but maybe, they always listen.
We went back to the dorm, late at night, before the roll call, surprisingly. I took a long shower, cleaning myself, I couldn't sleep that night since that fucker said he would see me again tonight. I was totally on guard. I lock the door and put a chair against it, double locking.
And I had a nightmare that night, sleeping for only half an hour, and woke up sore. The first thing that I did was run to the church to see the father. I sat on the front bench, feeling empty. I stare into the portrait that hangs in front of us. Questioning, why me? What did I do to deserve this?
Jade was next to me, still having black and blue traces on his face, surprisingly, he was right. No one cared about him and no one asked about him. Not even adults. He needs to see a doctor, he looks worse. But why does nobody asked what happened?
It breaks me. To see that no one cares about him.
And all of sudden, I started to wonder, what was this place? Isn't this supposed to be an orphanage? So what with favouritism?
The amount of disgust when I saw everyone walking past him just now, without any concern or question, just churning inside my stomach. He was used to it and didn't even bother to show any hurt expression. I didn't even realise it before because like he said, I was the favourite.
Since I don't have any scars or bruises on my face, nobody asked me too, what happened last night. They greeted me and smiled widely at me.
Disgusting. The favouritism is just disgusting. No wonder that Jade is always being bullied and no one helps him. Not even the adults. What kind of system is that?
"What's his name again?" I asked since I forgot. No, I don't even know his name and never bother to know.
"Henry. I don't know his surname. But would it be okay, Maddie? He's the son of the chairman."
"So? It's a crime." like I said, I am naive. That's my middle name. At that time.
He just shut. No more questions or statements coming out from him. And we stayed quiet in the church until I heard someone calling my name. I turned around and quickly stood up, and walked closer.
"Father, I have something to say," I said and he looked at me with sad eyes. He placed his hands on my shoulders and sighed heavily.
"I already heard about it," he said. And I was relieved. He's heard? From who? And that feeling called relief suddenly changed into anxiety. My heart started to beat rapidly and I felt like what he's going to say next would shatter my heart even more. How do I know? I saw the figure of the boy I hate, coming out from the confess room. Walked away.
"Maddie...you're so young. And you already lost the thing that you should treasure the most, sweetheart. You should protect it until you get married. I know, young love can be a little dramatic but you need to think twice before losing your virginity, sweetheart." he said, disappointedly. What the fuck is this old man talking about? I frowned. "You're just thirteen, Maddie. Thirteen. Please be careful. You are the oldest, and you have younger siblings who adore you. You should be the role model for them."
"What did he tell you?" I asked. Cold. He frowned as he heard that. Of course, I never talked rudely to him. Not like this.
"He lost composure, wants to marry you. But you both are still young. Please hold back yourself until you're at least eighteen." he said, sternly. "Until then, no intimate action between you two, Maddie. I talked to him, and he agreed with me."
"The fuck?" I blurt out. I'm not mad at all. And he looked at me furiously.
"For god sake, Maddison! We are in a holy church." he scolded, "And you're grounded, young lady!"
"For what?" I laughed. This must be a joke, right? "Grounded for being raped?"
"Raped is a strong word, Maddie. What you did with him was intercourse. He might be a little rough, but you applied for it! For having intercourse unmarried, and bring a bad influence to other children, raising your voice in front of me in our holy church."
"What? How did you..."
"Enough! Go back to your room. Don't come here until you reflect on your actions."
"Father!"
"Listen to me, Maddison! Go back to your room. Now!" He was upset. His voice was echoing inside my brain.
Grounded? For what? For being raped? I don't know why but I was at a loss to explain and tell him everything. I just don't think it would make it. I am disgusted. I want to laugh.
"This is so fuck up, you, and him. And that!" I pointed my finger to the fucking huge picture. "That fucked up too."
"Maddison Iyves!" he roared. And I just walked past him with a broken heart. Jade was right. Nobody listened. If he thinks that I was the favourite one, I just lost the favouritism, over the chairman's son.
I pushed the door abruptly, and I saw him waiting for me in front of the door, smirking.
Jade, who was following me, stopped next to me.
"Ah, you're feeling fine, huh?" He tossed me a white plastic bag, but I didn't even bother to catch it, which caused it to fall on the floor. He just looked at me with an amused expression.
"See you later." He said, walking away. Hatred. Hatred started to grow even more.
And I locked myself in the room, my younger roommate just looked at me with confusion. And sister Judy suddenly came and asked me to move out from the room to the other room. She told me to reflect on myself in the smaller room, which looked like a punishment room, with only one small window, one small bed and one small closet. That's all.
I was locked inside. Jade was the one who came and gave me food, I don't even want to get out of the room. The favouritism stopped there. And just like Jade, I was invisible as a ghost.
I laid down on my bed, staring into the ceiling, and closed my eyes tight. I should sleep. I should.
"So this is your punishment room? Nice!" I quickly opened my eyes as I heard that voice, sitting up on the bed, looking straight to the window.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!!
He jumped down from the window and looked around. Shit! I quickly ran to the door, but he grabbed my hair and yanked me backwards, making me fall on the floor. Fuck!
I tried to scream, but he muffled my mouth with one of his hands, flipping his body to hover above me. I struggle, and pang! My face started to feel burnt. My head started to ringing, his voice faded away, my heartbeat thumping faster. My eyes started to burn and streaming down.
"I heard you will be nice if I hit you a little. Right?" He hit me one more time, and another burning sensation, sting, spread on my face. "Be a good girl, okay?" he slapped me one more time and I stopped struggling, I couldn't. I'm scared. "Say, you'll be a good girl? Hm?"
He abruptly stripped me, by taking my shirt off, tearing them apart, and the realisation hit me. I pushed his shoulders, weeping, trying to kick his waist. And he swung his hand to my face for another slap.
"Be nice, baby. It'll be good."
No! No! No!!!!
And thus, he fucked me for the second time, roughly. This time, he beat me up too.
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