Overpowered in Kuroko no Basket

LV 4

Spirits_everywhere

Hm...I can only give a 3.2 to 3.4 stars review, and that's only because your grammar, vocab, and sentence structure are good enough for casual reading. I'm sorry, but the key quality of a "story" is missing here. You see, a "story" consists of more than just narration. Sure, your childhood fairy tales are an exception, but there is a lot more than just recounting what happened. First, story development is rather lackluster. Sure, I can see the story progressing, and I know roughly what happens in each game, but that's about it. It's just descriptive writing, and it's hardly interesting. This sort of story is very generic, having an OP mc and all, but each author portrays it so differently that it still remains interesting to this day. Each game is described within one to two paragraphs, then you move on to something else. This takes "fast-paced" to a whole new level. There are no dialogues, no interactions, no appearances description. It's just "MC does something. Midorima is good, but MC is better. MC shoots from half-court consistently. They win the game 100-50." Second, the character design is missing. I know the characters exist, I know what they do, but they feel very 2-dimensional. There is no "feel" to them. The way you write makes them sound very robotic in nature, and there are no human qualities that make stories what they are. They don't interact, they don't talk, they don't have appearance; they just exist for the sake of existing. Your MC is your generic MC that is stronger than the GOM. We know that from your synopsis, and from the multiple three-pointers he did from half-court. Ok, then what? Did he train? Did he have some sort of gift? Did his parents support him? Does he have close friends? We know he is popular, but why? Is he smart? Or is the mere athleticism enough to make him popular? Is he rich? Is he poor? We know he is a rather quiet person who "only talks when he needs to", but why? Does he have some sort of childhood story behind it? Or is it just the way he was born? Is he tall? How tall is he? How does he know the GOM? What is his relationship with them? Friends? Rivals? Childhood friend with Aomine (like most authors do)? Does the story contain romance? What are his goals? Does he aim to be the best? Or is he just playing for the sake of playing? You see, you have to constantly ask questions like these to yourself. It's questions like these that make you write a lot more and what carves out a "story". I'm sorry if you feel insulted; I don't mean to phrase it that way. At this point in time, this feels more like a diary rather than a story. If you want to improve, you must first read plenty. As soon as you start to do that, you'll know exactly what your "story" lacks and know how to improve it.

LV 1

Whon

Very good and I believe that if I keep working it will be better.If I would have kept going and worked hard it would definitely be better and this is why I believe it would be a 4.6 and this was my first one and it wasn't that bad.

LV 1

IFicRead

622547 I think you can build and impact off of what you already have and continue to build keep going and let critiques help you they know what they doing