章 37: CHAPTER 37
OPHELIA'S POV
Why is it so dark in here?
Ouch. My legs. They hurt so bad. My body felt so stiff and my head ached too. I remember going for a run and then feelin-
"Oh my god, Xavier! You scared the fuck out of me."
My hand immediately flew to my chest. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. I was already feeling lightheaded and this did not help at all.
In the midst of this darkness, which I now realized was Xavier's car, he sat in front of me. His staring eyes burnt holes at me. His face looked stoic, devoid of any emotion, similar to how it used to be before.
Why did it feel like we were back to where we'd started?
"Xavier, you're scaring me. Tell me what's wrong. Please."
My eyes pleaded as I started to remember the events of what had happened. I ran a little too fast and that must have caused me to collapse.
"YOU are scaring me, Ophelia! What were you thinking? Running like a maniac in the middle of nowhere. You could've gotten hurt, you know that? And what if, what if you'd collapsed on someone else, huh? Do you know what could have happened?"
Xavier began with a whisper but by the time he finished speaking, he was almost yelling. His chest heaved as he took ragged breaths. His eyes wide as his pale cheeks were tainted red. His hair all messed up and covering his forehead.
I got him really worried, hadn't I?
I was used to running fast. I didn't exactly like it or even enjoy it a bit. But I liked the pain that came later. It made me feel like I got what I deserved.
I deserved this pain for killing Preston.
I deserved it for tearing my family apart.
And I will deserve it even more if I don't save Xavier.
But this was the first time I'd collapsed. Sure, I felt dizzy. But I always stop, when I knew it got too much.
But today, it was different. I couldn't bring myself to stop. I remember trying to stop. But I just couldn't. It was like something had come over me. I was there but I wasn't in control anymore. That was my biggest fear. And it was coming true.
I was losing control.
I tried to answer.
I wanted to speak something.
Anything to comfort Xavier. He needed me.
But I couldn't. My hands got clammy as my heartbeat sped up, taking flight, only for my chest to weigh me down and fall, into the ocean of despair. I couldn't breathe nor could I move, I tried to pull myself together. I didn't want Xavier to see me having a panic attack.
I should have known. The look on Xavier's face was one filled with worry. I could hear him asking whether I'm fine. But he seemed so far away. Like I was drowning and he was yelling from above the water.
The irony was that I felt my throat dry up even though I felt I was in an ocean. My mouth felt dry as a bone. Tears began to stream down my face. I wanted to run. Once again. But, this time, I would be in control. Sweat rolled up on my forehead as my hands started shaking.
I tried to look at Xavier, again. But my vision disfigured. I felt like I was looking through a fish-eye lens.
Panic attacks weren't unfamiliar to me. I had been getting them since I was 14. At first, I thought it was my teenage hormones being a little messed up. I remember talking to Luna about it. She got concerned and told me these were panic attacks.
She wanted to tell mum, but I distinctly remember begging her not to tell mum. She finally agreed but took me to the counselor in her school.
Mrs. Daves was a sweet woman. She told me a little about panic attacks and assured me that there was nothing wrong with me.
I tried using the 'counting to 100' method she had told me to use but it didn't work. I always had panic attacks, but this was one of the worst ones I had ever got. I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath. But it got cut off, halfway through.
I felt like I was being choked. I tried taking a deep breath once again, as it was my only hope.
This time, I could breathe. A gasp left my body as I could finally see. The heaviness in my heart got lifted.
"-okay? Can you hear me, Lia? Look here. You're okay. You will feel better. Please don't cr-"
I hugged Xavier. One look at his face and I felt so guilty. He looked so worried. His arms immediately wrapped around me. One arm went to my head, as he patted it gently. I snuggled my head even closer to his chest while taking deep breaths.
It felt like I was making up for the lack of air during the panic attack. Xavier's arms held me even tighter as I calmed down.
"I-I'm s-so sorry, Xavi-"
"Shh, it's okay. As long as you're okay, everything is okay. Please just don't go running like this. It can really damage your muscles, Ophelia."
I shivered as I nodded. I moved away from his arms and settled back. I closed my eyes as I leaned on the car seat.
I was tired.
No, slash that.
I was exhausted. My eyelids felt groggy as my headache had gotten even worse.
"W-What were you even doing here, Xavier?"
I wondered what brought him here. I mean, I was thankful he was at the right place at the right time. But, how did he know I was here.
"I called you twice, but you didn't pick up. So I thought I could pull a Romeo and come meet you from your window."
I chuckled and then winced at the pain in my chest. Panic attacks may not be foreign to me but their after-effects still came down hard on me. I hated the headaches, but what I hated, even more, was the stabbing pain in my chest.
Xavier didn't seem to notice my wince and I was grateful that he didn't.
"You must be tired. I'll drive you home."
I opened my eyes and nodded. It was already nine. Luna might think I lost my way home. She jumps to the most absurd conclusions.
Xavier starts driving and moves his free arm towards me. With one swift movement, he intertwined his fingers with mine. I tried pulling away because my palms were still a little clammy, but he didn't let go.
He just tightened his hold. After a few moments of struggling, I finally gave in and held his hand.
We drove back home in silence. It didn't take us more than fifteen minutes to reach my home. As I got out of his car, he climbed out too.
"You don't need to do that, you know?"
He just walked over two my side and started walking me home.
"Yea, I know. I want to."
I tried searching my pockets for the keys but I couldn't find them.
"Where did I keep the keys?"
Xavier looked at me like I was an idiot.
"How do you think I would know that, Lia?"
Yeah, he had a point. But still, I didn't want to knock. Or worse ring the bell.
What if my dad answered the door?
"Just ring the damn bell, will you?"
Fine, but if it's my dad, then it's on you, Xavier. We waited for someone to answer the door after ringing the bell.
My heart raced but Xavier seemed abnormally calm. What's wrong with him? Isn't he nervous about meeting my parents?
I heard the door being unlocked as I folded my arms.
Please be Luna.
Please be L-
"Didn't you take the key, Opheli-. And who might this gentleman be?"
It was my mum.
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