章 34: CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE
WARNING: Read at your own risk. There's some violent and inappropriate scenes.
It's been weeks and no one came to us to ask about the rumors. Like what CEO said, that article company was known for spreading fake news so I think people thought that their spreading fake rumors again so they didn't bother to asked us about it
And if its not dispatch, people won't believe it
We're currently on our taping shoot and it's our break time. I kinda feel guilty, leaving honey there so I prepared something....
"Hon? Where are you?" I called him
[ Ha? Uhmm.. I'm here at the dorm with the members. Why? ] He answered
"Uhmmm do you have any schedules later?" I asked again, keeping my hopes up..
It's our 4th anniversary
But I didn't heard anything from him... Yet....
It's still early and we have a lot of time to celebrate until 12. Maybe he's doing something to surprise me.
[ Hmmm... Nothing. Why? ]
"I'm just thinking. Should we grab some dinner?" I asked
[ Ofcourse hon! Let's just meet at our favorite restaurant on 8? ]
I smiled "Sure hon. I love you"
[.... I love you too... Take care ]
"Angel, let's start?" The staff called me so I looked at her and nodded with a smile. I'm in a good mood now
We all bowed at each other and greeted them a goodbye. I went to my waiting room and changed my clothes to a red ruffled dress and a black heels
"You're going somewhere?" My manager asked as he saw me, retouching my make up
"It's our anniversary remember? We'll eat dinner to celebrate" I said
"Okay. Let's go so we can drop you" he said I nodded and stood up
"You can go now. I'm okay here" I told them before going out of the car. I lastly waved at them before entering the restaurant
"Any reservations ma'am?" A staff said
"Yes, under the name of Sung Angel?", I asked. He looked into the screen in front of him and nodded
"This way ma'am" he said and guided me the way to a table for 2
"Thank you" I said. He bowed before walking out. I looked at my phone and it's already 8pm. I smiled and waited for him
The man earlier came to me and gave me water "Are you gonna order now ma'am?" He asked and offered a menu
I nodded and get the menu. I ordered what we always eat before and gave him back the menu
I waited again for him and I keep on looking at my wristwatch but he's still not here
I smiled to the waiter when he already served the foods. I waited again but it's already 10 pm and he's still not here
"Ma'am? We're now closing, what would you like to do with the food? It seems like it's not yet eaten" he politely asked
"Uhmmm. I'll just take out these. I'm sorry" I said. He smiled and got the foods back to their kitchen
"Thank you" I said as he gave me 2 paper bags with the foods inside. I have him my pay and a tip before going out. I looked around the street and it's already dark and quiet. There are very few vehicles passing by the road now. The streets was empty and quiet and it make me feel lonely
I called him but he didn't answered. I called him again and he picked up. I'm supposed to talk but he ended the call. I looked at my phone, disappointed
I sat on a waiting shed while waiting for the bus. I know it's impossible to have bus this hours but I know, there's still few buses
I don't want to ride taxi this hours because I'll just remember what happened before
I waited again and it's almost 12 am. I sighed and texted Jeonghan
________________________
To: JeongHoney
Happy 4th Anniversary hon
Sent 11:59 pm
________________________
I stared at my phone when the numbers become 12 am
I couldn't help my self but to cry... I didn't expect this.. I can maybe understand him if he just told me at first that he can't come and just tell me the reason. He didn't even text me a happy anniversary...
I don't know what's happening to us. It looks like I'm just the only one, holding into our relationship and fighting for it although I know that something's wrong...
I just want everything to be normal.... Like before....
But I guess that wouldn't happened
My tears fell again as I realized that the bus wouldn't come anymore and I just kept on waiting... Like what he did to me earlier
"Oppa..... Can you fetch me?" I called him
[ Huh? It's already midnight. Where are you? ] My tears fell again as he asked that
I told him where I am and tried to stopped my sobs so that he can't tell
[ Okay, I'm on my way ] Joshua oppa lastly said before ending the call
I just bowed my head and cry.... I'm not used to this situation. All of my years here are spent with them, the spoiled me, they gave me everything though I didn't asked, they helped me, they stayed with me while I'm flying up my career.. and then just one day, everything's a mess... They was there when I'm happy, when I'm sad... Every single day is filled with them and now.... I felt like.. the already replaced me
I remembered the time when they surprised me on my 4th years after debut... They promised me... They promised me a lot and I'm still holding into that
Like how I hold on Jeonghan's promise....
I felt someone, placed a jacket above my shoulder. I looked up and saw Jeonghan for a second... I blinked many times and my vision's become more clear...
It's Joshua oppa
"What happened? Are you okay?" He asked, worried. I stood up and hugged him. He caress my back to calm me down
"Sshhh. I'm sorry oppa came just now... I'm here now... You don't have to be scared... Stop crying now.. oppa's here... I'll always be here... I won't leave you.. okay? Stop crying now... Oppa is here"
The next morning, I woke up early. I texted Joshua oppa to tell the other members that I'll come there later so we can bond together and he said okay.
I cleaned my dorm and did my laundry before taking a bath and going down. I still don't know how to talk to Jeonghan after what happened last night but I decided not to hold grudge to him....
I really need to fix our relationship
Around 6 when I went in front of their dorm and rang the bell.. I can hear their shouts and laughs so maybe they didn't heard the bell so I ranged it again and again and again
Maybe they heard me so I decided to to punch their passcodes. I entered their dorm and saw them watching some comedy movie. So that's why their so loud
"Angel!" Hoshi oppa noticed me first. I smiled at them and noticed Sunnie, sitting beside Jeonghan
"I already entered because-" Seungkwan oppa cut me off
"Yaahh why did you just came inside? We have a rule right? Let us know first that your coming! Ring the door bell first before punching the codes!" I was shocked to what Seungkwan oppa said. Why is he so sensitive?
"Why are you talking like that?" I asked, hurt
"You're invading our privacy!" He said again that made me shocked, again
"I mean, I ranged the door bell many times and I did tell Joshua oppa to tell you that I'm coming here" they all looked at Joshua oppa, asking for his explanation
"I did tell you many times! But all of you are just talking about Sunnie!" Joshua oppa said, irritated
"That's not acceptable!" Dino oppa said to Joshua oppa
"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, nearly to cry
"We're saying that it's not right just to enter the dorm. Even though you know the pass codes, that doesn't mean you can just enter the dorm like it's your house" Scoups oppa said that made me feel more hurt
I'm tired of explaining my side....
"I told you-" Seungkwan oppa cut me again
"If you're gonna continue being so spoiled and childish, just leave okay? We don't want any drama today" he said, irritated.
"You're so childish and spoiled. Can't you fix that attitude? We're tired of your drama" Dino oppa said
"YAH!" Joshua oppa shouted at them
A tear fell from my eye. I can't believe their doing this to me. I nodded and left the dorm.
I went back to my dorm and double locked it so no one can enter even though they know the pass codes. I even doubt if their going to chase me and say sorry..
I locked my self in my room and couldn't help to think a lot.. there's a lot happening to us these past few months and I'm tired... I'm all keeping them and sooner or later, I might just burst out
I think I'm bursting know....
"That's what you get! You spoiled brat!" I heard Sunnie's voice. I looked around and saw nothing
I suddenly remembered their promises and the words that helped me to be strong and the words that made me broke
They build me and thought me how to be strong and they can just easily break me because they're the reason why I'm strong... They're the reason why I'm breaking now too
"I promise to be a good boyfriend to protect you, to love you and to care for you... You're my Angel, hon... I'll always be here for you"
"That won't happen. You're our little sister"
"We promised to take care of you as your older brothers and best friend. We're always here for you no matter what and we'll never leave you and replace you because you're our favorite! Even if you're spoiled and have bad attitudes, well always understand you because you're our little sister. We accept you for who you are so we wished you to stay what you are"
I cried again and again... My heart's in pain and I couldn't do anything for it to stop
"You're useless"
"Argh she sounds rat when singing"
"You're alone now. No one's helping you"
"No one's gonna help you"
I looked around my room. I kept on hearing Sunnie's voice but she's not here...
I ruffled my hair in frustration "STOP!" I shouted and covered my ears
"They don't like you anymore. They all turned their backs on you. You're alone now.. no one loves you" I heard her voice again
"STOP PLEASE!" I shouted. I went to my drawer and got a cutter. I turned around, pointing the cutter to her. I saw her for a moment and vanished after I heard her loud laugh
The cutter fell out of my hand and my knees become weak. I sat down the floor and I can still her laugh and her words that kept on repeating
"They don't love you anymore! Because you're useless! You're on your own now! They all turned their backs on you! And the promises they told you? That was just to let your hopes up! Their just toying you cause you're dumb! Why don't you just die? So that you won't feel the pain anymore?" I heard her said again and loudly laughed
I got the cutter and pointed it on my wrist... Maybe it's good if I will be dead.. so that I won't feel the pain anymore... So that I won't be a burden to them... So that I can have my rest....
"Why can't you do it? Because you're weak! You're weak!" I heard he said. Tears fell again...
I can't take it anymore.... I'm having a hard time... I cut my wrist and saw blood, running down. I don't feel pain.. all I can feel was my heart, being in pain
"ANGEL!" I lastly heard after everything went black
クリエイターの想い 
SeoGhelts
SeoGhelts REMINDER: Suicide is not the answer to our problems. Remember that okay? We can solve everything and you don't have to own all of your problems. Try to talk to a friend, your sibling or to someone who you feel comfortable and who you can trust. Anxiety and Depression is a serious matter so I'm suggesting, always pray and ask for God's guidance because He won't give you that problem if He know that you can't do it. Always remember that YOU ARE BRAVE. Don't let the problems take you down and always remember the past problems you had before, you succeeded on solving them and get strength to that and always think that everything will pass by.. Just don't keep it all for yourself.. share your problems to someone you're comfortable with to ease the pain okay? Again, suicide is not the answer. God loves you
YOU ARE BRAVE, LOVE
DISCLAIMER: Again, this is all a fan fiction
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