/ Fantasy / New Place, New name
概要
Sarah is reincarnated into a new world where magic and monsters are real but her life turns upside-down as she has restrictions to her power. The system restricts her from some privileges but she has to grow even with the impartiality. In the end, she gathers herself a team and breaks the system proving that the impossible is possible.
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- テキストの品質
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- ストーリー展開
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- 世界の背景
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Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact leorichard2021*@*outlook.com (please ignore both * when sending email). A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.
Okay, I don't want to offend you but I'll give my honest review. And I'll give you some few tips on how to improve. (I'm not a professional writer, but I'll do my best to give some tips.) Synopsis - needs some work, it's really short and doesn't pull in readers, I suggest you read some other people's synopsis so that you'll understand how to create one. Chapters - The length of the chapters are too short and very quick, make it longer maybe up to 1500 - 2000 words are okay so that you'll pull in readers. Story - The entire magic system is a mess, it doesn't explain how and why the MC got those skills except for the MC defeating some monsters. Need some work on how the skill system functions. The story is to fast paced and almost has no narration or dialogues, which is a huge PROBLEM⚠️. You need to thoroughly explain everything about what the characters are doing or else it wouldn't make sense from the readers point of view. Remember to not lump in many information or else it could be off putting to readers to remember the skills of the MC, and make sure to do something so that your loyal readers would be fascinated of the MC's skills. Due to the fast-paced story, there'd no character development at all and the world building is not that good, so I suggest to update some of the chapters. Names - I suggest to not use words like Google or Magicules because they're already taken by people who created them, change them quickly or else there will be consequences if someone reported your book. I know that you are inspired by isekai animes especially That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, you write something similar but not too similar maybe change some part of the words used, or how they obtained skills, or some other things. Overall, if you want to improve I suggest you to read many novels so that you would understand how to write one, how to develop characters, how to do world-building and many more. Because you'll learn by reading a lot.
The title of the novel is very good, it makes the reader think there will be some comedy or a cocky MC, however as I read I saw none of these. Firstly, the synopsis gave away too much. The reader could easily know what was going to happen in the novel before even reading it. I recommend that you work on the synopsis. I only read two chapters and I must say I was confused straight throughout. I couldn't understand how the mc was supposed to be new to the system and was fighting like he had been using the system for a long time. There was no plot development and no character development. In the first few chapters too many things were thrown at the reader and the story was to fast paced and had too many loop holes. Punctuation and grammar needed work too. The novel structure was quite strange and the chapters were incredibly short with little to no substance. I recommend you read some novels that fall under the same genre as yours to assist you with your writing. I'm sorry if some of what I said seemed harsh but this is my honest review. I hope you can take what I said into consideration and improve the quality of the novel. I believe that it truly has potential.
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This story has a lot of potential. Unfortunately, the first three chapters are like a slap to the face. A lot of information is thrown at you and you are not able to properly get a sense of what is going on. Also, I would advise against using brand names like Google for the System name. A lot of world building elements are glossed over like somehow the Main Character is supposed to know these things. This does not make sense. There is a lot of opportunity for the MC to learn about the world but you don't take the time to do that. I would advise the author to take the time to allow the reader to experience the world and grow with the MC. Tell me names of the places the MC visits, who they interact with, and more importantly learn about the System as they come to know the world around them.
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Amazing start! Exciting premise and the characters are portrayed realistically and are easy to connect to. I can't wait to see more. A great read on a lazy weekend. Good luck, author!
I don't really want to offend you but the info dump bothers me a little bit. It's quite can confusing at first but the plot story was great. I think your story will improve a lot of you add more dialogues in it. Each chapter was very short but I sort of understand a little bit since some of the readers could get boring if the chapter was too long. I don't really understand how your magic system works so I had to read all of your chapters twice or more. The introduction of the characters quite confusing as well.
Nice knowing that there have been more people reviewing your novel. I have analysis some of what I have commented and realize, That some of my advice id probably not what you need right now since as a new writer what you need is to finish developing you outline, So as an honest recommendation continue to develop your novel as it is, the reason being that you are probably writing what ever you imagine happening to Sarah on paper before you forget. This is good because by the end you will have an outline of everything you imagine happening to her you can then you can expand that outline later and refine it. Because if you start going down the route of what I have said then we might never see the end of your initial idea. As your work stands right now is a great as a first draft of imagining scenarios and events but it lacks development. You can then further refine your idea by developing plot points characters and so on, this will cause your world o increase and expand. and since you would already have a complete outline from beginning to end then you will not be stuck later on. Stuff like Character development, World development, Developing the magic system, all of this things will open a lot of routes for you once you look into them. I guess what you need is more practice, Go at it an write. n.n/
An interesting mixture of reincarnation, system, and fantasy. The plot is intriguing, the main female lead character is nicely designed. From the beginning of the story, you try to show to the readers the background world. Well done!