章 2407: 42
42.
Interlude II
Winterfell
Dany watched quietly as the needle dug into her skin, disappearing underneath to reappear and hook to the other end, sewing the skin back together as the blood continued to spill, albeit less abundantly
"The King must've held it back at the very last moment. The blade only made a shallow cut in the skin," the Maester commented as he went on his task with keen attention.
"Will there be a scar?" asked neither Dany nor the Maester but Sansa, whose usually cold and unperturbed gaze was now forcibly fixed on the wound on her arm. The Lady of Winterfell was the first to summon the Maester, ending the scene in the Great Hall.
Daenerys' eyes flickered at her. It took Dany a moment to realize that while she was calm and mostly exhausted, Sansa looked awfully distraught, covering her nose and mouth with a handkerchief as if to avoid the smell of blood.
Daenerys leaned back in her seat and crossed her legs, her heavy breathing a sign of weariness.
"Don't subject yourself to it if you can't stand it, Lady Sansa," Daenerys softly chided her. "The bleeding is harmless."
Maester Wolkan did not object to that so she must have been on the right.
"This is madness," Sansa stated. Plainly and simply. "How are you both supposed to rule the Seven Kingdoms in union after this?"
"It was not Jon's intention to inflict this injury on me," Dany said.
"Regardless of that, he had a weapon in his hand pointed at you. He knew there was a risk and chose to rest importance on his husbandly duties in a fit of blind, inexplicable rage. It didn't look like it was Jon. He looked like someone else. He looked like..."
"Like a Targaryen?" Dany finished for her. The needle continued to travel to join the broken skin. Daenerys did not flinch for a second. "Is that the point you want to make, Lady Sansa? That Jon is mad now."
Sansa lowered her hand with the handkerchief.
"So what if I think so? so what if I think your kin was made up of tyrannical rulers at best, their involvement with fire magic a dangerous device? Are you going to burn me alive or make me your beats' meal? Enough of this winding road for me. I will not stand silent and fall for dishonesty. What happened in the Great Hall today exposed you to eyewitnesses that there is a weakness in your union and those who would seek to harm you will not hesitate to use it against you."
"Where this sudden concern of yours comes from, Lady Sansa? After all, haven't you been resolute to see me gone since I came into Jon's life?"
"What I want is to feel safe!" Sansa shouted, eyes incensed with rage, "Nothing and no one has been able to give me that since I was robbed of my home and family. The dead are on their way and my home will not survive their onslaught because I can do nothing about it! Meanwhile, those who supposedly are to save us use that power to fight each other in the skies. The same dance of war that extinguished your kin!"
Memories of the moments before came back in fresh images in Dany's mind. Fear, surprise, shock, and then pain. A solitary tear fell down Dany's cheek, as she bit her lip and shook her head as though she was suppressing wincing.
"I..." Sansa stuttered, starting back.
Her gaze fell on the freshly stitched gash bleeding, Dany's fist clenched. The Maester wiped it again with a damp cloth.
"I didn't mean to raise my voice," Sansa said changing her stance, filled with a nagging awkwardness all of sudden.
"It's all right," said Dany, "You haven't spoken anything I hadn't thought before." Her eyes lifted, the violet of them shadowed with sorrow. "You don't have to be afraid of what Jon is. Time after time he has proven to be courageous and honest. He may not have been the wisest decision-maker, but he has always put the welfare of his family above all else. Anything," she stressed purposefully, "Castles and forts can fall and they will be rebuilt. But a family? That can hardly be lost and won back. That's what matters, Lady Sansa."
Dany loosened the tension in her body, throwing her head back with her eyes closed.
Unsurprisingly, Jon walked in a few moments later.
Sansa and the Maester looked over at him, her unforgiving gaze on him as a silent berate.
"I need a word with my wife," Jon said without further ado.
Sansa frowned.
"You can't be left alone in the same rooms," she argued.
But Dany wouldn't have it. The last thing Dany wanted was to grant Sansa Stark that prerogative, one she had not had in the past: to have a say in her intimacies with Jon.
"Lady Sansa. Maester. Leave us," she required them. Ordered them.
The Maester sighed, collected his things, and left the chambers silently. Sansa stood there longer but finally withdraw saying not a single word.
Dany took a deep breath, unable to look up at that moment. She had refused to drink milk of the poppy to handle the pain but honestly, she would have appreciated some now just to feel lighter and unburdened. Without the lies between them, there were now only truths left to address. And she was not ready.
***
"Are you well?"
Perfect. Something simple to start with, Dany thought.
She smiled.
"Not my first scar," nor will it be my last, she repressed for both their sakes. "The bleeding wasn't major. My ego's bruised though. Now they see that I bleed," she attempted to quip but all that was heard was silence.
Jon didn't find it in himself to feign a light moodiness.
Dany cocked her head.
"Jon..." she started but he cut her off.
"It shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't," he said, and with his rigid form still clad in armor as he stepped forward, just slightly. "None of it. Nothing."
Dany's wound started throbbing and a sting of pain made her wince. She should've accepted that milk of the poppy.
Her eyes squeezed shut and he restrained himself from reaching out.
"Still, it happened, didn't it?" she said, hinting stress, "Whatever is meant to be, will be. Brandon put it in those words. And I ignored their importance just like I ignored everything else since I lost my way. I mean, I may not have destroyed King's Landing, but that wound will always be there. How I hurt all those people for no reason."
And the ones she hurt to save them.
"What happened, or what would've happened, wasn't solely on you. You were on the edge of falling, and all of us...we were just behind you, Daenerys," his low voice became thinner as a rope tightening to a thread.
"I know," she said, "And yet I was the one who took the last step. Greatest is the pain that stems from the consequences of following one's own choices and that is the lot I shall carry. Regardless of your input, Tyrion's, Sansa's, anyone's."
Although he wasn't satisfied with it, Jon nodded.
He swallowed hard, trying to hold it back, but to no avail. His tear-streaked face contorted with utter hurt until a half-suppressed sob broke out, rumbling through his entire body.
Dany would have liked to hold herself up for both of them, but she could no longer. She was tired. She was exhausted. She didn't even have the strength to feel angry.
"Daenery-ss, words would never --be enough to convey my regret for this. --But you need to know this: the day I kill--ed you, I killed my--self. My heart--there was nothing in it. I couldn't. I just couldn't--"
How great was the vindication that was worth so much hurt? she wondered. Once, surely, she wished with all the forces of her heart to have Jon kneeling in front of her, repentant and full of sorrow. How little did she really know that what she really wanted —what she really needed— was being at peace with herself. And more pain wouldn't grant her that.
"This war in your head...you have to stop fighting it," Dany said, watching him, "I, myself had twelve years to learn to live with it but I couldn't even start to make sense of it. Don't expect it all to become easier to bear overnight. Have some mercy on yourself." She smiled at him, not with pity but with the sincere desire to extend comfort for the time being. "Now you need to cry. You will do that. And I will tell you all of it. And just when it's lighter in your chest, you'll start moving on."
Notes:
Next chapters will follow the Night King's plot, there won't be too much time for conversations. Anyway, my outline * checks the crumpled paper I scribbled in 2021 * says that the resolution comes after those events, so don't lose hope.
ps. Yes, Drogon is also wounded but not seriously.
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