章 137: 39
Chapter 39 – Pride and Prejaunedice
Blake barely paid attention as the other three members of her team argued about whether or not a mission with Professor, sorry, Doctor Oobleck would kill them. As the Bullhead raced away into the distance, all she could think about was that stubborn idiot she'd left behind.
How long had it been now, three months – four? When she thought about it, but the smallest fraction of her life had been at Beacon, yet it was everything to her now. And as much as she hated to admit it, he had been a part of her for all of that. Or with her, the specifics were uncertain. This would actually be the first time she went into combat without him since she had become a Huntress.
"Welcome to Mountain Glenn ladies. I hope you're aware that this is not a field trip. We will be moving light and swift!"
"Yes, sir," they all replied in tandem, each with varying levels of motivation. Even Weiss, the politest of them all, sounded muted. Blake couldn't blame her… when you heard the words `skilled Hunter,` you tended to think of someone a little more impressive than Oobleck. Then again, it could have been Port… we might have dodged a bullet there.
"We'll be investigating activity that has been noted to take place here in Mountain Glenn. Something that should be impossible given the nature of this ruined city. Ruby, what are you doing?" Blake's eyes were drawn to their leader, who looked back nervously as she struggled with her backpack for some reason… likely because it was wriggling.
"Don't tell me," Blake sighed.
"Genius!" The faunus sighed as she watched the teacher twirl the mutt around, proclaiming it some grand tool to aid them in their mission. Ruby gloated, Weiss argued, Blake just rolled her eyes. Somehow it all felt par for the course.
"That damn mutt doesn't seem willing to leave us alone." She whispered. A smirk came to her lips as she waited for a response that would not come. When she remembered he was back at Beacon it quickly morphed into a scowl.
She wasn't lonely. Even suggesting that when she was surrounded by other people was ridiculous.
She'd show him that she didn't need him. One way or another.
"You look more down than usual, kitty-kat. What's wrong?" As always it was her partner who posed the questions she never wanted to answer. The day had already been problematic enough, fighting to exhaustion against Grimm while the Professor did absolutely nothing.
"What makes you think anything is wrong?"
"Tch, come on Blake," Yang scoffed. "I'm your partner. I can tell when something is up. You've been brooding since this mission began." Blake sighed. Normally she'd have rebutted with some kind of comment about how she didn't brood, or denied the point entirely. As it was, she just felt tired. Drained in a way she wasn't used to. "You know that you can talk to me, right?"
"I know. It's just…"
"Difficult?" Yang offered, when the silence between them had grown too strong. Weiss had already fallen into a deep slumber, while Ruby kept first watch from far above. Blake had no idea whether Oobleck was awake or not. "Because you've been alone for so long?"
"That," Blake agreed, "but it's personal too…"
Yang rolled over onto her front, propping her face up on her arms as she watched Blake. "Well you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I'm here if it's something I can help with."
Something she could help with? Hah, what a joke… there probably wasn't another person alive who had been through this. How many people could claim that they had the dead spirit of a young man following them around? And that she was having problems with him and that they had been in an argument…?
It sounded so pathetic.
"I've had an argument with a friend," she said instead. Settling for the half-truth it was.
"Your boyfriend?"
"How di-" The words bit off as her lips clamped shut, but the damage had already been done. Contrary to how she usually acted, however, Yang didn't show any amusement or joy in being correct. She looked worried…
"How did I guess? Blake… I don't know if you realise, but you really don't have many friends."
The faunus flushed as she looked away, feeling more than a little uncomfortable at that. "It's not my fault… there wasn't much time for friends before, and now I guess I've just gotten used to not having any."
"Many," Yang corrected firmly. "You have friends in us, Blake. And probably in Team LVN too, even if you barely talk to them. They did come to your aid back in Forever Fall, remember?"
She did remember… but that had been so long ago and she hadn't really spoken to them since. Yang, Ruby and Weiss often did – and the two teams had shared more than a few breakfasts together. But even then she had been a silent observer, usually in the background with a book. Or that was how it must have seemed.
The truth was far simpler… she had always been interacting with Jaune.
"We're not talking to one another anymore." The words spilled from her mouth without any meaning. "We had a… disagreement. I said things I shouldn't have said, but he did too. I… I don't know. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do to bridge that gap now. And it feels so stupid, how I can even be thinking about this on a mission. I should be focused on the task ahead." Emotions had no place on a mission… Adam had always said that. And while she disagreed with it in terms of empathy and kindness, he had been right that any personal drama should have been left back at base. Disagreements and arguments were common amongst the Fang, but he had always made sure his people fought with complete loyalty and conviction on the field.
Back at base he had allowed them to settle their disputes in their own time.
"Heh," Yang chuckled. "I guess that shows just how new you are to all of this. Otherwise you'd know that there's no more sickening a feeling than an argument unresolved. It doesn't matter what you're doing. It will eat at you until it's fixed."
"What… do you mean?"
Yang smiled comfortingly. As though she were talking to someone ever so delicate and young… it annoyed her a little, but she just had to accept that Yang was falling into her mothering routine. There was no malice behind it, of that she was sure.
"There's that old saying, wound one person and you wound yourself. I think it's just that when you have an argument with someone your temper is gone, they're right in front of you and it's just to easy to be angry. But once they're gone it all changes. Suddenly there's nothing to keep that anger burning… and all that's left is ash." She sounded so certain, so experienced… and to be honest it had Blake looking away too.
She'd been angry at Jaune, that much was true. But he'd been just as angry – and she still didn't understand why. That man had died because of them, yes… it was a tragedy – she knew and accepted that. But that didn't make it their fault… or at least not his. They had made a mistake, she had made hundreds, you just had to learn from them.
"So what am I supposed to do then? He's just as angry as me, plus I still don't agree with his reasons."
"What are those reasons, then?" Yang asked. That… wasn't an easy thing to answer. Not if she didn't want to give away any of the truth behind it. There was no way her apparent soldier boyfriend could have been held responsible for someone guarding a different area having died.
"He tried to save my life, and did… but it led to an innocent getting hurt – killed." she added, when Yang made to speak. The blonde's mouth closed a second later. "Now he blames himself for it and has said he doesn't want to do it anymore, to fight, I mean." A close enough explanation… Jaune's only ability to fight really was his possession. "I got angry because even if it could be said that it was his fault the person died, that's no reason to give up on everything. Even the people around him clearly said he shouldn't blame himself for it."
"So…" Yang cocked her head, "You're angry because he's blaming himself? Or because he won't fight?"
"I-… both, really. The fighting isn't a big thing… if he doesn't want to, then that's fine. But it's the way he won't speak to me now that's causing trouble."
"I take it you told him he was wrong? That he was being silly?"
"Of course."
"Well there's your first problem." Yang delivered the words without any warning. Blake recoiled from them, but the blonde didn't let her recover. "It may be obvious to you that he shouldn't blame himself. And between you and me, I agree too. But neither you nor I are in his shoes, so what the hell do we know?"
"Bu-"
"The thing is, people react to guilt in different ways. It's not for you to tell him what's right or wrong, that's up to his moral code or how he has chosen to live his life. If you don't like that then maybe you shouldn't be hanging around with him."
"No, I do!" Blake rushed to say, "I'm not against that at all!"
"Then maybe you should accept how he feels." Judging from the grin on her face, it was the moment she'd been waiting for. "If you don't dislike him and you still want to be friends with him, then you'd better be willing to step back and do what a friend should."
"Do what?" Yang looked away, but Blake reached out to grab her shoulders. "Please Yang, you know I've not had proper friends. Don't leave me to figure this out and mess up."
"Help him heal." It wasn't Yang who spoke, but rather Weiss, pale blue eyes open and staring up towards the ceiling. "You've both hurt each other, so rather than try and figure out who managed to do the most damage, maybe you should start trying to mend it."
"Bingo," Yang cocked one finger like a gun. "Didn't realise you were up Weiss-cream."
"Hard to sleep with a blonde gorilla giving her idea of good advice nearby. I thought I'd best step in just to make sure you didn't offer Blake any bad advice." Weiss noticed Blake's panicked look, quickly adding; "And she didn't… the advice is good. It's a miracle."
"Take it from me, girl." Yang continued. "Being in the right isn't nearly as satisfying as you imagine it will be. It's lonely up there… especially if you had to push people you cared about away to achieve it. You don't have to follow their views… hell, you don't even need to understand them. You just need to accept that they're important to the other person – and that you have to get used to it."
"And if they're good friends," Weiss finished. "Then everything will work out. Much like it did with Ruby and I. Or all of us, for that matter."
Was it that simple? Blake wasn't sure… but then again, Yang was right, what did she know about friendship? When you didn't know how to do something you asked for help from a professional… in this regard that could easily be Yang. Either way, the mere thought of it made her feel a little lighter.
It wasn't accepting that she had been wrong – because she still didn't think she was. It was just that Jaune's feelings weren't necessarily wrong either. Just a different way of doing things.
She still felt drained… but there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
"I'll do it," she said at last. Anyone else might have asked what… made her admit what she was going to do. Weiss and Yang just nodded, however. The simple words enough for them, because it was enough for her.
And a good six metres of so above them, a certain Doctor smiled.
And the girl keeping watch nearby nearly fainted when she looked in her bag and realised what her pet had brought along with him. That normally pale face managed to go even whiter as she imagined just what a certain teammate would do if she knew.
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