章 135: 37
Chapter 37 – I know what you did last School Dance
"Rest assured, neither of you are in trouble for your actions this night." Headmaster Ozpin sighed as he sat down in the seat behind his desk. Blake and Ruby were stood opposite, with Miss Goodwitch and the General standing nearby. "Defending those in danger and reacting to a threat are actions expected of Huntresses such as yourself. We will hold no blame towards you for this, nor should you consider any towards yourselves."
"I…I-" Ruby's voice cracked, silver eyes glancing away. The action only seemed to make the man look older, hands steeping before his face as he let out another loud sigh.
"There was nothing more either of you could have done. From what you've told us, and from what we've seen, this foe was beyond what you could have had any hope expecting to defeat. That you managed to survive and stall for time is impressive enough."
General Ironwood coughed loudly, "Though it's difficult for those so young to hear, casualties are something you will have to accept in life. Learn from them if possible, but in situations where they were unavoidable – you cannot blame yourself."
"I understand…"
Blake thought Ruby probably did, more than many their age might have. Her history with her mother was likely indication enough… she knew full well the risks involved in their job. Blake too was somewhat inured to it. She'd lost more than her fair share of companions in the White Fang… one might even say her actions had led to others losing their lives. If only those who had stood against them.
"I killed him…"
But it was neither Ruby nor herself she was worried about. Jaune stood beside her, invisible to any but her, and yet somehow the fact that he stood on two feet was worrying enough. He liked to float, to spin and drift and do other stupid stuff to catch her attention. Now he stood as one of them, looking down at his hands, despite the lack of blood there.
"I… I killed that man…"
Damn it… couldn't this blasted meeting end already, so she could talk to him? Instead she had to stand still and listen to his whispered condemnations, watch the agony on his spectral face – as he blamed himself over and over.
All the while, she could do nothing to help him.
"She said something about operations in the east," Ruby said, the information being news to Blake… it must have been before she had arrived.
"I see..." if he was surprised by the news, Ozpin didn't show it. His face was as calm as ever, brown eyes giving nothing away. "We will look into this, though I'll have to ask the two of you to remain silent on the matter."
"Yes, sir." Blake nodded, already knowing she'd be explaining this to Yang and Weiss back in their room. Part of her expected that he knew that too, but that he felt he needed to say it anyway. "Can we be excused?"
The grey-haired man watched her for a long moment, without answering the question or releasing them. Ruby shifted beneath his gaze but Blake met his eyes dead on. Did he wonder what her rush was, or whether they would be able to recover from what had happened? It mattered little to her. Jaune needed her help.
"You may return to the dance," he finally said, "I believe it should still be in full-swing."
"Thank you," Ruby nodded and turned away. Blake did the same, limping in her newly reclaimed heels, only to pause as a hand fell on her shoulder.
"Might I have a word with you outside, Miss Belladonna?" the General of the Atlas military asked. He worded the question to her, but she noticed that his gaze was affixed more on the teachers behind them. It honestly frustrated her that it was Ozpin's nod that had the man following her into the elevator. The ride down, in purest silence, couldn't have been any more awkward. Especially with how Ruby looked between the two of them every now and then.
"I'll catch up with you later," she said to the smaller girl once the ride had ended. "Head back to the dance… have some fun if you can. There's no need to burden our team with this yet." Weiss and Yang should have a chance to enjoy their dance without having to worry about them. Ruby seemed to understand the message, nodding and rushing away.
"I suppose there goes the message of not telling anyone," the General sighed. "Not that I believed for a moment any of you would. Just try to keep it between you and your team, please."
"You wanted to talk to me." Not a question, but a statement.
"I did. I wanted to personally thank you for your actions in the CCT Tower." She spared a glance to her companion, golden eyes watching as Jaune's body stiffened. "Though you were unable to save my soldier's life, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate that you tried. Thank you."
"How can you thank us…?"
"I wasn't really able to do anything." First aid was something she knew only as much as any other Hunter, enough to bandage a wound – disinfect and avoid things that might lead to illness. Even had she been the best however, she doubted there was much that could be done for an iron spike through the throat.
"You were not," he agreed. "But what you did do was make the effort. That is more than I would have expected, and certainly more than he did. I'm sure were he able to, he would thank you too."
"I doubt that."
"I just wanted you to know that under no circumstances can you consider this your fault," the tall man sighed, one hand coming up to push his hair back. "I'm a Headmaster myself, Miss Belladonna. I have students that I care for, and this is no lesson I would want them to go through. If there is anything wrong, if you need any support – you may feel free to call upon me for it. I owe you that much."
"You don't owe me anything," Blake said, pushing away from the man. She heard him sigh as she stepped away, Jaune in tow. The faunus paused however, just before she turned the corner. "But thank you for offering… I appreciate it."
The man chuckled, "No problem."
"You heard the man, this isn't our fault." Blake said to Jaune the moment they were alone, the two of them stood by the cliffs they'd once been fired off. Back when he was still alive.
"Bullshit, is it not! There's a man dead in that tower because of me." Blake shook her head, fighting back a growl as Jaune paced back and forth. She felt it was only the fact that he was trapped with her that kept the ghost from fleeing.
"He was a soldier, if he'd been awake he would have done the exact same thing!"
"If I hadn't possessed him then he wouldn't have been awake. He would have woken up hours later, completely safe!"
"And we might have died," she snapped. "Is that better – that Ruby and I lay dead, instead?"
"No!" Jaune threw one arm aside, "But that doesn't mean killing him was alright either! I… I realise what I did was necessary, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Or that you can write it off as not being my fault. It doesn't change the fact that I killed a person."
Damn it. Why did he not understand? She felt for the guy that had died, of course she did… no one deserved that. But that woman might have blown up the entire CCT anyway, killing him and everyone else nearby. The other soldiers had been killed too.
People died… that was the cruel reality of Remnant. And neither Jaune nor she could change that.
"So what now? You can't just wallow in guilt, Jaune. I'm telling you it's not your fault, the Headmaster told you – hell, even the man's Commander just told you. The only one blaming you is yourself."
"I'm not going to possess anyone. Not anymore."
"Oh for…" Blake sighed, "Jaune, you can't just throw away your biggest advantage like that. We've just started to understand what it means, what you can achieve with thi-"
"Have we?" he scoffed, "Have we, Blake? Because from where I'm standing it looks like we've done nothing more than piss around with it!" His voice rose in volume as he spoke, face pushing close to hers. "This isn't a toy Blake, it's a responsibility – one that can ruin people, even kill them! And what have we been using it for? Getting a date for a dance, making people fight our battles for us?"
"The dance was a mistake… but the others, you saved my life those times. Both of our lives."
"And risked someone else's in the meanwhile. Those people don't get a choice in the matter, they don't get to say no or have second thoughts. What do you thinks going to happen to your previous boyfriend when his superiors are told he spent the night dancing with some random girl – while his friends were slaughtered?"
"He was unconscious," she yelled, "there was nothing he could have done!"
"Was he? Because it seems to me that hundreds of people saw him walking around just fine an hour ago."
That was… but she didn't… "You liked that too," she accused. "The dancing, the kiss – you can't just lay all of this on me. I admit I made a mistake with the dance, but I didn't expect this to happen."
"And I'm not blaming you, I'm saying we can't keep doing this. I don't want to be responsible for another man dying like that."
"You need to listen," Blake growled, "You didn't kill him. Everyone has said that – why won't you understand!?"
"Because everyone who has said that doesn't know the full story! I didn't `put him in a bad spot` I didn't `risk him` I literally woke him up, took control of his body and made him attack someone he had no hope of fighting."
"You didn't know he had no ho-"
"I did!" he roared. "I did, I completely fucking did! Don't you remember, I become them when I possess them – I can see things, I know things. I knew exactly what he could and couldn't do, I knew exactly how his aura wouldn't be enough to stop that. I knew, just as he did, that he would die when I pulled that trigger." He was crying now. Tears streaming down his face as he strode back and forth. "And when he died, when I died with him, I even saw glimpses of his life – final memories. He had a family, Blake. He had two daughters, a wife, a mum and dad… And now he has nothing!"
She didn't need to know that. She didn't want to know that. These feelings were always easier to deal with when it was distant faces, names she couldn't recognise – people with helmets. You had to distance yourself from it all, you just had to! But how could he, when he was intimately close to every person he possessed – when he was the person he possessed?
"He wouldn't blame you," she tried.
"He did. Right at the end… where the agony woke him up, tore his control from mine. He couldn't tell what was happening… he was confused, afraid – and so very angry." Jaune sighed, turning to face her with a fierce glare. "You treat me like I'm such a kid, Blake. I know what happens when someone attacks another person. I may have been an idiot and a fraud, but I knew the risks. When I took control of that man I knew full well I was about to kill him."
"Then why?"
"For you." he whispered. "To save your life… because at the end of the day I was willing to throw away the life of someone like him to make sure you kept living. And that's not fair, Blake. It's fine if it was my life to give, taking a bullet for you… but I can't just throw everyone else in front of you like this. You need to damn well have some more concern for your own life!"
"Me!?" Blake howled, actually pushing his chest, forgetting for a moment his circumstances as her hands pushed straight through him. "What did I do wrong? I didn't plan for any of this!"
"You never do! But what happened made me realise why that needs to damn well stop. Sun, that White Fang girl, this soldier! I only end up taking over people when it's to look after you, because you've run into something without thinking it through. If it isn't chasing after the White Fang, it's running away from your team or charging into a situation you have no idea about! You might not have any respect for your life, but at least have some for everyone else I'll be killing to protect you!"
"So it's all my fault?" Blake seethed, making sure he could see the depths of anger in her golden eyes. "Real mature, let's just lash out at Blake because you can't deal with your own damn grief!" She wasn't like that, was she? Sure, she'd run into trouble a few times… and he was right, he only had to possess people when it was to look after her…
But she didn't have no respect for her own life. Did she?
"If this is such a big deal then why even bother protecting me? Why not let me just die next time? At least that way your hands will be clean – and that's what really matters, right?"
"Because I l-…" his mouth snapped shut, cutting off the words before they could even be spoken. "No… you know what, just no. I've made my decision, Blake. No more possessions." His form seemed to waver, slipping into the teddy bear that still hung from her waist all this time. "Live with it."
"This conversation isn't finished!" she hissed, pulling the bear before her eyes and squeezing it. "Jaune! Jaune!?" He didn't answer, though she could see the faint flicker of blue in its button eyes.
Fine, see if I need you.
She'd been fine without him for all of seventeen years. She would be fine if he was playing silent too… it wouldn't even be a problem. In fact, it might even be nice to have some damn peace for once.
She'd show him.
She would!
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