章 201: 31
Chapter thirty one: It's time.
"Dattebayo!" – talks.
'Stop that!' – thoughts.
"Make me!" – Yamato/Rebellion.
"Nah, too troublesome…" – demonic/jutsu.
...
Kumogakure no sato. Naruto's headquarters…
"Whew, that shit was tight!" Neji exclaimed, appearing along Naruto and Hanabi in a burst of flames.
"Tight? Tight?! That shit was… shit!" Hanabi replied. "We almost died out there!"
Neji shrugged. "Well, it's not my fault that…" He was suddenly interrupted when sharp metal covered fingers wrapped around his throat and slammed him into the wall.
"Not your fault you say?" Naruto asked dangerously.
Neji hasn't felt so much fear for quite a while. Blonde's sunglasses were gone; instead two burning eyes stared right into Hyuga's soul.
"I think otherwise!" The demon shouted and threw Neji on the ground. "You fucked up, Neji."
"No! I did everything you told me!" The byakugan user responded.
"If you did, you wouldn't end up like this!" Naruto shouted again, but then halted and sighed. "What really happened?"
Neji coughed few times and stood up. "Danzou… He somehow found out."
"How I wonder…" Naruto muttered.
"Maybe I was not the only one."
"What do you mean?" The demon asked.
"Maybe I was among their targets…" Neji started. "But due to my… situation…" He pointed at his forehead. "Perhaps I was simply the easiest one to check on."
"Makes sense." Hanabi said.
"Yeah, even if the seal wasn't removed, they could simply force you into speaking with its help." Naruto said. "Fine, I guess it can't be helped now anyway. Your ass is out of there, and I don't care about everything else. I've got other things on my mind right now…"
"Like what?" Hanabi asked.
"I having a… little journey ahead…" The demon stated.
Konohagakure. Hokage's office…
"Fuck… FUCK!"
"Calm down, Tsunade…" Orochimaru said, looking over some documents.
"Shut up!" The Hokage shouted, drinking her sake. "Hyuga was our only lead, and we let him escape! And he was rescued by one little girl, who single handedly killed two dozens of trained ninjas!"
"Yeah, that's a fuck up… But no, he was not the only one." The snake sannin stated. "Besides, why were you asking about his whereabouts? We already know he's in Kumo."
Tsunade gritted her teeth. "Well, it's because… Tch! No matter! Is Shikamaru's team out?"
"Yes, left this morning."
"Good, what about reinforcements?"
Orochimaru looked at the documents again. "Kazekage sent his army along with his sister as support. All in all we should be tied in numbers."
"And Iwa?" Tsunade asked.
"Nope, nothing."
The Hokage grimaced. "That old fool is playing with fire. Naruto might not be as patient as we are."
Orochimaru smirked. "You know, people in our age shouldn't use the word 'old'…"
"Yeah…" Tsunade muttered and her eyes widened slightly. 'Damn, it's almost slipped my mind that I'm covering my young age now, not my old one… shit…'
"Say…"
"Yeah?"
"Why did you forbid Sasuke and Sakura to leave?" The snake charmer asked. "They could be a great help."
"No." Tsunade shook her head. "Sasuke's training is not yet complete, and Sakura will be training as well. Surprisingly those two were the only ones who qualified for my newest project."
Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. "What project?"
The Hokage frowned. "When Naruto showed his true face, I understood what we'll be dealing with. Demons, Orochimaru… We'll be dealing with demons." She stated. "So I gathered units with special skills and chose five who will make an elite demon slayer team."
"Oh? And who are they?"
"Well…" She started. "You already know two of them. One is Sai, Danzou's subordinate…"
"Why him?" The snake sannin asked.
"His abilities." Tsunade stated. "He can give us the advantage of numbers."
"I see… Who are the other two?"
Hokage smirked. "Well, the next member… and also a leader of this team is… you."
Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. "Me?"
"Yep. You're the most experienced person in our ranks, so you will be the leader. Any questions?"
"I guess not… Wait; there is one, who's the last member?"
"You can come in now." Tsunade said and office door opened.
Orochimaru cocked his head to the side when he saw the person who entered. It was a girl, pretty young he could add. But the reason why he looked at her strangely was that she was almost completely covered in weapons.
"And what should I call you?" Sannin asked.
"I don't care, call me whatever you want." The girl responded coldly.
Kumogakure. Naruto's war council…
"I'm telling you, this is ridiculous!" One council member explained passionately. "We are not yet ready for…"
"Naruto-sama said we are." The Raikage replied.
"Yes, but he's not going to…"
"I'm not going to do what?" Naruto asked, entering the room.
"Naruto-sama!" Everyone bowed.
"Well?" The demon said, sitting down at the head of the table. "What am I not going to do?"
The council member gasped. "You're n-not g-going to fight-t with us… in battle for the Moon Country…"
"Damn right, I won't!" Naruto stated. "It's time for you morons to show me your…"
"I'm sorry, Naruto-sama…" Same council member interrupted. "But I was just explaining to everyone that our army is not yet ready for a battle of this caliber. We should…"
"What is your name?" Naruto interrupted this time.
"I-I'm…"
"It doesn't matter what your name is!" The demon shouted. "I told you all that army must be ready by the time I return! And you're telling me it's not, right?"
"N-Naruto-sama, I…"
"Right. And you're also telling me you're useless, right?"
Man's eyes widened. "Naruto-sama, please let me…"
"Know your role and shut your mouth!" The demon shouted. "I don't want a useless man in my ranks!"
Ay smirked silently. This guy was getting on his nerves lately.
The council member paled. "Please, I beg you! I have a wife and kids!"
Naruto snorted. "And I have a talking sword and cola. Hadou #4…"
"Baykurai!"
A beam of energy pierced man's head… but surprisingly it didn't come from Naruto.
"What the…?" The demon asked in confusion.
"No one disobeys Naruto-sama's order." Hanabi stated, walking into the room and stopping near Naruto.
"A girl?" The Raikage asked. "What is she doing here? Get out of here, this is an important meeting!"
"Shut your mouth!" Naruto commanded and patted Hanabi on the head. "Good girl. Now where are the other three?"
Ay suddenly paled… despite his skin color.
"They… They are in your room, Naruto-sama?"
The demon raised an eyebrow. "Eh? What in the blue hell are they doing there? Scratch that, who let them in there?!"
"I don't know…"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Great, one more problem. Everyone sit down and don't move." He stood up. "Hanabi, if anyone tries to leave, kill them instantly."
"Hai, Naruto-sama."
Naruto's private quarters…
'I wonder what three girls could do in my room…' The demon thought, opening the door. 'Sigh… I should've guessed.'
Mei, Trish and Yugito were currently occupying his bed… and they were naked… and they were smiling…
"Dattebayo!" Yamato exclaimed. "What the hell are you waiting for?!"
Naruto smiled at demon blade's words… but suddenly remembered his next task and all excitement disappeared instantly. Even the smile faded from his face.
'Not in the mood.' He replied. "All right, get up! All three of you!"
"Wha… Naruto!" Trish woke up the first. "Hey girls! Naruto's back!"
"Wha… Naruto-kun!" Yugito exclaimed happily
"Hey bear! Wanna join us?" Mei asked slyly.
"No." He simply answered. "Be in the conference room in ten minutes, or I'll return and you will finish dressing up while dodging my fireballs." The blond said and left.
"Geez, what's up with him?" Trish asked.
"I don't know, but he's serious." Mei stated. "It will be in our best interests to hurry up…"
Conference room…
"What in the blue hell is this?" Naruto asked Hanabi, who stood over three dead bodies.
"They tried to leave." The girl responded.
"I see… good girl." He patted her head again, and couldn't help but smile at Raikage's expression. He could even see some respect the dark skinned man now had for Hanabi.
"Okay. Three more minutes, and I go throwing fireballs…"
"Sorry we're late." Mei, Yugito and Trish apologized and entered.
"Finally." Naruto stated. "Now here are the things I wanted to discuss. First what's important for you. I know that Tsunade's forces are in the Moon Country already. What about Suna?"
Ay cleared his throat. "We managed to learn that Kazekage sent one quarter of his army along with his sister Tamari…"
"Temari…" Naruto corrected.
"Oh yes, sorry. And if mixing their power together, then we are at a stalemate."
Naruto scowled. "Damn, that's not good…"
"Why?" Mei asked. "Our men are just as powerful, or I dare to say even more powerful then Konoha's or Suna's!"
Naruto waved his hand. "That may be so… But you forgot one thing…"
"What thing?"
"The summons. They will take Konoha and Suna's side. We'll be at a disadvantage…"
"Hmm… Troublesome indeed." Ay muttered. "What should we do if they show up?"
"Yugito, Kirabi!" Naruto called.
"Hai!"
"You two are in charge of summon disposal. Remain withdrawn from battle otherwise, and join only in critical case."
"Acknowledged."
"Who will be leading the operation, Naruto-sama?" The Raikage asked.
Naruto smirked. "Two people." He stated. "Mei, you will work alongside… Hyuga Neji."
The woman in question raised an eyebrow. "Who?"
"Oi Neji! Get your sorry ass out here!"
"What?" Hyuga entered.
"Meet these wonderful people, they…"
"I know who they are." Neji stated. "What do you need me for?"
Naruto's smile widened. "Congratulations, Neji! You are the new commander of my army! And along with this beautiful lady you will be conquering the Moon Country!"
"Wha…?" Neji looked in shock. "Why me?!"
"Yes, Naruto-sama." Ay added. "If anything, it should be me leading my men, not some boy, who never even saw real battle."
"I said shut your mouth!" Naruto shouted. "There are two reasons why I chose him. First – he was ANBU commander and was doing great by the way. Second – he's the person I trust the most…"
Last sentence shocked everyone.
"You, Raikage, will not be fighting in this battle at all! Knowing your reckless behavior, you will rush into battle and at best – get yourself killed."
"And at worst?" The dark skinned man asked.
"At worst – you'll get EVERYONE killed!" Naruto stated. "Here are my reasons for choosing Neji over you to lead this battle… However, they shouldn't matter. The only reason that should matter for each and every one of you is because I said so. Is that clear?!"
Everyone nodded.
"Good…"
"But Naruto-kun…" Mei started. "You said you won't be participating in this battle. Can you explain why?"
The demon nodded slowly. "Very well." He paused. "Tomorrow morning Trish and I will go to hell… literally."
"What?!" Yugito exclaimed in anger. "Why only she will go with you?!"
"Because she's the only one who's a demon."
"But I…"
"No, you're only a jinchuriki, Yugito. Besides, you already have your task and this battle is not for you."
"What do you mean not for me?!"
Naruto took a deep breath. "I mean that even I can die in a process…"
That got needed effect alright.
"That tough, huh?" Mei asked.
Naruto paused. "Mundus was never defeated. His servants are no slouches either. This will no doubt be my hardest mission yet…" He sighed. "Alright, you all know what to do. Get out of here."
No one moved.
"I said get out!" The demon shouted.
Konohagakure. Training grounds…
"Concentrate, Sasuke." Kakashi commanded. "It's not as easy as killing your best friend. You have enough chakra, concentrate on your target."
"I know, dammit!" Uchiha shouted, as he lay on the ground panting heavily.
"Calm down. That's what stopping you. What are you thinking when you do the jutsu?"
Sasuke gritted his teeth. "Naruto…" He spat. "I see his smiling face! He…"
SLAP.
"What the hell, Kakashi?!"
"You are not listening to me!" The jounin stated. "Are you trying to walk your avenger's path again?!"
"So what if I am?!"
"Can't you see where it lead Naruto?!"
Sasuke's eyes widened.
"They killed her…"
"I deem them unworthy…"
"That's her necklace…"
"I will kill them all…"
"I don't wanna stop!"
"Guh!" Uchiha clutched his head. "You… You're right. I don't want to become like him. He will cast everything away if it means to reach his goal."
"And you?" Masked jounin asked.
"I…" Sasuke paused. "I already did once. I don't want to do it again."
"And you don't have to." Kakashi whispered. "Every goal can be achieved by many ways. Yours just have to be different from his."
"Yes, I see that now…" The Sharingan user slowly stood up. "I'm ready to continue."
"Good, now close your eyes and send chakra to them in pulses…"
Another training ground…
"Gah!" Sakura fell on the ground panting.
"Sakura-san, are you okay?!" Lee asked worriedly.
The kunoichi raised her arm. "Cough… I'm alright, Lee." She slowly stood up. "Again."
"But Sakura-san, you're barely standing!" The green clad ninja stated. "I admire your efforts, but…"
"Lee!" Sakura interrupted. "Do you know why I try so hard?"
Lee remained silent.
"It's because the man I thought to be my best friend wants to destroy the world." She stated. "I can't let this happen… I won't let this happen!"
"Sakura-san…" Lee started. "Do you still believe Naruto-kun to be your friend?"
Kunoichi shook her head. "No, Lee…" She paused. "I believe I have feelings for him."
Lee's eyes widened.
"I believe he will never feel the same way about me, and I also believe that he will kill me if I try to stop him…" Sakura stopped. "But even so… If my death can bring him peace, I will gladly…"
"No!" Lee shouted, startling her. "You must not do this! I will never let this happen! But even if I won't be able to… If he takes your life, then Naruto-kun will discard whatever humanity he has now! Then he will never have peace!"
Sakura stood shocked from Lee's explanation. 'Yes, he's right… But that's only means I can't die! And if I do, I will return from hell itself to turn him! I won't stop… I will never stop!' She thought and took a battle stance. "Again, Lee!"
Later that night. Naruto's private quarters…
'I won't stop… I will never stop!'
Naruto's eyes shot open. 'Yamato? You said something?'
"Zzzzzzzzzzz…"
'Don't shit me, you can't sleep!'
"Fine, fine! No, I didn't say anything. Why?"
The demon sat up. 'I can swear I heard something… strange…'
"Can't sleep?"
Naruto prepared to attack, but…
"Relax, it's just me." The blond haired girl stepped into the light.
"Yugito?" Naruto sighed. "Don't do that again."
The girl stepped closer. "Sorry, I couldn't sleep as well…"
"Then I guess you want to join me…"
"Good guess."
"Come here then." Naruto moved to give her place.
Yugito started to remove her bra, but Naruto stopped her.
"Wait… not today." He stated. "I just… have too much on my mind."
"Okay." She smiled and lay nearby, cuddling to him.
They just remained like that for a couple of minutes, and then Naruto suddenly asked…
"Say, Yugito…?"
"Mmm?"
"Will you do anything for me?"
Girl's heart skipped a beat. "I… I will, Naruto, and you know it." She whispered in his ear. "I'll even give my life for you any second…"
"No." He interrupted.
"Excuse me?"
"I said no, I don't want you to do it." The demon stated.
Yugito's eyes widened. "But I… I will…"
"Yugito." Naruto called her name like he never did before. She couldn't place what it was in his voice, but everything inside her told her to listen without interrupting.
"Listen to me." He started. "I want you to promise me that you will never… and Naruto means never…" Instead of usual shout it came out like a whisper. "…ever give up your life for mine…"
"N-Naruto… I can't promise that, I…"
"Promise me dammit!"
Her eyes widened once again. It came out like an order, yes, but now she finally understood what it was in his voice…
Sadness.
'Why is he sad?' She thought. "I…"
"Promise me…"
"I… I promise."
Naruto closed his eyes. "Good. Never forget it." He said, hugging her closer. 'I saw it three times already…' Three female faces flashed in his mind. Each one of them had eternal smile on. '…I don't want another one…'
"You can't escape it though…" Yamato commented.
'…'
"Do you really think you can avoid it with everything you've planned?!"
'…'
"It is inevitable…"
'…I…'
Next morning…
'Sun… I hate it…' Naruto thought, slowly opening his eyes.
"Good morning, sleeping son of a bitch! Hahaha! Ready for a big day?!"
The demon frowned. 'If anyone could be ready for it…'
"Get a grip, dammit!" Yamato stated. "You can't think of anything else now! What's important?!"
Naruto's eyes burned with determination. 'Success.'
"Mmm…" Yugito moaned pleasantly.
"Rise and shine!" Naruto said. "Or do you want to miss my departing?"
Yugito sat up immediately. "When?!"
"Hmhmhm… That's the spirit! Let's go!"
Kumogakure outskirts…
"Everyone knows what to do?" Naruto asked.
Ay, Mei, Neji, Hanabi, Yugito and Kirabi nodded.
"Good. One last thing. Raikage, you're in charge of the headquarters while I'm gone, and Neji…"
"Yes?"
"Get over here."
Hyuga walked closer.
"Give me your forearm."
Neji complied without questions. Naruto touched Neji's skin with two fingers and small skull-like tattoo appeared.
"What is this?" He asked.
"If this disappears from your hand, that means I'm gone. You know what to do then…"
Everyone nodded again, this time more reluctantly.
"Very well." Naruto turned to Trish. "Are you ready?"
"I…"
"No, I said ARE YOU READY?!"
Silence.
"Then for the dozens of attendants, for thousands of our men, itching for a fight, and for Mundus, who's probably blowing himself right now… LLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO FFFUCK IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Naruto shouted, summoning hell gates…
"And if you're not down with that, then we've got two words for ya!"
Konohagakure. Hokage's office…
"Do you know why you're here?" Tsunade asked.
"Yes." Five people answered.
"Before we start, do you have any questions?"
"I have one." Sasuke raised his hand.
"Yes, Uchiha?"
"Who's she?" He pointed at unknown girl with lots of weapons on her.
"She's a member of your team, Uchiha."
"But we don't know anything about her!" He pressed.
"And I don't know anything about you." The girl replied. "It doesn't matter to me anyway."
"Can you at least tell us your name?"
"I don't have a name."
"What a charming lady!" Sai stated, smiling from ear to ear.
"Alright, enough!" Tsunade commanded. "She's an experienced demon hunter… If anything, she's far more experienced than all of you combined. So she will be instructing all of you in ways of killing demons." The Hokage nodded to the nameless girl.
"Very well. I will ask you all to tell me your skills."
"I am a medic." Sakura started. "Besides I have Tsunade-sama's ability to use super-powered taijutsu and cast moderate genjutsu."
"Good. Next."
"I can use my drawings as a weapon." Sai said. "Using them, I can be a universal fighter. I can fight in the air; I can fight from afar and even in close combat. My ability can give me almost endless amount of soldiers."
"I see… Now you, with the sword."
Sasuke scowled. "I have Sharingan – my family doujutsu. Also I have a devil arm in my possession and know a vast amount of pretty destructive jutsus."
"Excellent. And the last one?"
Orochimaru cleared his throat. "I can summon snakes, have excellent speed and agility. I know Justus of every element and can use them to their best capacity. Beside that, I'm a pretty good swordsman and possess pretty good knowledge in sealing techniques."
"Perfect." The girl stated. "You really made quite a team, Hokage-sama."
"Yes, these four are the best of the best."
"I see. Now I will introduce you to an art of killing demons. The truth is… they are not very difficult to kill… if you know the way."
"And I believe you know it." Tsunade said.
"Of course." The girl said and threw some pictures at Hokage's desk. "These are the photos of main adept demon species. You must recognize any of them instantly; otherwise you won't be fighting for long."
"Adept demon." Orochimaru muttered. "Second class, right?"
"Yes."
"Why them?"
"Because they are the main threat." The girl stated. "They attack in groups and they're very deadly. First classes won't participate in a fight anyway, they are just too useless."
"And higher classes?" Sakura asked.
Nameless girl frowned. "They are more problematic… simply because there are no simple ways of destroying them. Each one must be fought in a different way."
"Are they tough?"
"Yes… they are…"
Hell…
"Pretty, just as I remember…" Trish muttered, observing her surroundings.
Naruto cleared his throat. "Ahem… FINALLY! Naruto has come back to hell!"
Suddenly flying bats started to swirl around them. Then they gathered in one place and…
"Ahahahaha…" A red haired demoness appeared and smiled. "Welcome, sir!" She walked closer to Naruto and rubbed his chest with her hand. "The usual?" She asked hopefully.
"Hmhmhm… You know I don't have time for it right now, Nevan."
The witch sighed in disappointment. "Yeah, I know… won't hurt to try though." She looked at the blond demoness beside him. "And who's she?"
"That's Trish." Naruto nodded at blond woman. "She will actually be leading our forces alongside you in the upcoming battle."
"She what?!" Nevan complained.
"But I thought I'll go with you!" Trish added.
"No, I'll go alone. We need more allies, and Nevan will lead me to them. Then the two of you will gather all our forces and wait for my return. Any questions?"
Silence.
"Good. Let's go."
An hour later…
"Did you manage to get something on Mundus'es castle?" Naruto asked.
"Yes." Nevan nodded and Trish's eyes narrowed at the name. "It's very well protected…"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Tell me something I don't know."
"Fine, here's something you don't know. Mundus is wearing diapers and calls for mama in his sleep."
Naruto and Trish stared at Nevan with 'What the fuck' expression on their faces.
"For real?!"
"No. Now stop asking stupid questions. His castle is not only protected from any physical damage, it's also protected by a very strong illusion."
Naruto's eyes narrowed at that. "How strong?"
"No one has ever broken free from it."
"Doesn't sound very good to me…" Trish stated.
Naruto paused. "Hmm… How interesting! I must definitely test this genjutsu."
"I think you'd better try to avoid it…" Nevan replied.
"Why?"
"Well, the rumors say that this illusion was cast by an elder god…"
"Hmhmhm… hmhmhmhmhm… HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Now I absolutely, totally, surely must try this illusion!" Naruto stated with insane look on his face.
"You shouldn't have said that…" Trish whispered.
"Yeah, I see that now…" Nevan whispered back. "Oh, look we're here."
Three demons stopped.
"Behold! The infamous Temen-ni-gru tower!"
Trish raised an eyebrow. "What's so special about it?"
"You don't know?" Nevan asked back.
The blond demoness shook her head no.
"Temen-ni-gru was built as a steady portal between this world, and the human world…" The red haired woman sighed. "And I was actually the lady of these lands…"
"Really? What happened?" Trish asked.
"That motherfucker Sparda came!" Nevan hissed. "Apparently he decided that leaving a portal like that is too dangerous for his precious little humans, so he sealed it off… defeating me in the process."
"Ah, I see… So you became a Remnant…"
"Yeah, I became a remnant… Anyway, I got you here." She told Naruto. "Are you sure you want to come alone?"
"Yeah, it'll be quicker that way." The demon replied. "How many Remnants are out there?"
"At least two." Nevan stated. "They probably won't go down without a fight."
Naruto snorted. "I'd be surprised if they will…"
"Well, off we go then." Nevan said and turned around. "Let's see if you can keep up with me, girl."
Trish glared. "I'll show you a girl!"
And with that two demonesses ran away at insane speed.
"What's up with them?" Yamato asked.
'Fuck me if I know…' Naruto answered and looked up the tower. "Hooooo… I have only one word to describe this…"
Suddenly a dark skinned man walked up to him and looked up as well.
Naruto turned to the newcomer, and he stared right back.
'A human?' Naruto thought, raising an eyebrow.
The dark skinned man nodded.
'What is he…?'
"DAMN!" He shouted and walked away.
"A-A-A…"
"You didn't see it. Nothing happened!" Yamato stated.
"Sure, I didn't see how some guy just shouted 'DAMN!' right into my face…" The blond muttered absently.
Yamato sighed. "You know this is it, right?" The sword asked again. "Either you will return as a victor, or… you know… won't return at all…"
'…'
"Get a grip, dammit!"
'…'
"You came this far, you have no right to stop!"
"…Shut up! I'm not going to stop! I don't want to stop!" Naruto's face twisted in an insane smile. "Put your life on the line! Put everything on the line! Win, and bask in your glory! Lose and die in a blinding flash of light on a battlefield! That's the kind of death I wish to have!"
"Hahaha… Don't worry, man! You won't have another one… Hell, you can't have another one! I won't let it happen!" Yamato commented.
"Hahaha! Yes, death is an honor! And it must be earned!" Naruto stated. "And what better way to earn something than to slay your enemy in battle! But not any battle, the battle that will be remembered for a millennia! And if I come out as a victor, hell will be forever at my feet! And even if I lose, I will still be remembered for generations! Isn't it worth fighting for?! Isn't it worth dying for?!"
"To live by the sword and to die by it! No better day is needed! Lead on, Naruto!"
"HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! If you smell what Naruto's cooking!"
...
Omake. Naruto vs. Scooby Doo…
Naruto (Pacing back and forth): "Fuck… Fuck! All our fucking money! When I get this son of a bitch… And where is Darthemius with fucking cola?!"
Naruto's cell phone: "If you smeeeeeell…!"
Naruto (Picking up his phone): "Yeah… Yeah, I'm here. Where in the blue hell are you? Fine, fine just get your ass over here." (Cancelling the call) "Damn, slow motherfucker…"
Naruto's cell phone: "If you smeeeeeell…!"
Naruto (Picking up his phone): "Who the hell is this?"
Voice in the phone: "Hello, Neo. Do you know who you're speaking with?"
Naruto (Making 'what the fuck' expression): "No fucking idea! And I believe you've got the wrong number, pal…"
Voice in the phone: "I am Morpheus, and I have come to free you, because you are the one."
Naruto: "Well, I know I'm the one. After all, every girl said so… But wait a second! I can't go anywhere! I have a contract for at least twenty more chapters, and if I break it, Darthemius will hand me back to Kishimoto! I hate that guy, he makes me wear orange!"
Voice in the phone: "You don't understand, Neo! You must save the world!"
Naruto (In frustration): "What, are you nuts?! I'm a villain, my purpose is to destroy! Are you high?"
Voice in the phone: "No, I believe in you! I…"
Naruto (Cancelling the call): "Shit, gotta change my number…" (Pocketing cell phone and looking at some picture of a dog) "I can't believe I'm gonna do something like that! I mean I know we need money, but damn…"
Sudden voice: "Scooby Doo? Where are you?"
Naruto (Raising an eyebrow): "Who in the green hell are you?"
Newcomer: "Umm… I'm Shaggy… Say, have you seen a large brown dog around here?"
Naruto (Showing the picture): "That dog?"
Shaggy (Happily): "Yes! Where is it?"
Naruto (Shrugging): "I don't know. Should be here…"
Darthemius (Panting): "Huff… huff… Made it!"
Naruto (Smiling): "Where the hell have you been?"
Darthemius (Trying to catch his breath): "Huff… Tried to get some money. Huff… You know we got sued, right?"
Naruto (Frowning): "Yeah…"
Darthemius (Smirking): "Well, I found a way to get some more spare cash!"
Naruto: "Oh really? By making me fight a fucking dog?!"
Darthemius (Smiling sheepishly): "Ahaha, sorry about that. But have no fear! You're not going to fight a fucking dog, because…"
Asian man in apron: "Nice to have business with you, Mr. Darthemius." (Handing Darthemius a pack of money)
Darthemius (Taking the money): "Likewise, Mr. Chong."
Asian man nodded and left.
Naruto (In confusion): "Who the fuck was that?"
Darthemius: "Mr. Chong?"
Naruto: "Yeah, that China guy."
Darthemius: "Korean actually…"
Naruto (Raising an eyebrow): "Difference?"
Darthemius (Grinning evilly): "Dining preferences."
Naruto: "What do you mean?"
Darthemius: "Well, our clients never pointed the exact way our target has to die. So… I thought of the most profitable way." (Noticing Naruto's confused look) "What do Koreans eat?"
Naruto: "Well…"
Shaggy: "Dogs!"
Silence…
Shaggy (In horror): "NO! Scooby Doo!"
Darthemius: "Sorry pal, it can't hear you anymore."
Naruto: "HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! You sly son of a bitch! Well, since I won't have a fight today, I'll at least waste this guy…"
Darthemius: "Oh, wait, wait, wait!" (Standing protectively in front of Shaggy) "He will be very useful to us real soon!"
Shaggy (Uncertainly): "R-Really?"
Darthemius (Smiling kindly): "Of course!" (To Naruto) "You see, I have found us another work! We'll do cola advertisement!"
Naruto (Excitedly): "That sounds cool, man! What should we do?"
Darthemius: "No worries, I got it covered! Check out our slogan: "Drink cola, or die!" How's that?"
Naruto: "Awesome! What's my part?"
Darthemius: "Well, here's the thing. I say the slogan, and then the picture shows you offering a cola can to some random guy. He refuses it, and you cut him in two!"
Naruto: "Sounds great!"
Shaggy: "Umm… Where is my part?"
Darthemius: "Take a guess? You're our random guy!"
Silence…
Shaggy: "No, I don't want to die!"
Darthemius: "No one wants. At least you'll die for the greater good. Take him away, guys."
Coca-Cola staff: "Right away, sir!" (Dragging screaming Shaggy away)
Naruto: "Well, that's that…"
Darthemius's cell phone: "I have voices in my head…"
Darthemius (Picking up the phone): "Yeah… Yeah, we did it… Yeah, it suffered… It suffered enough… It still does… Yeah, you can tell everyone that they will never hear Scooby-dooby-doo ever again… I meant from this moment! Okay, bye. (Cancelling the call)
Naruto: "Say… Who was desperate enough to put a contract for a DOG?!"
Darthemius (Shrugging): "Well, in every episode of their fucking show that dog and its friends screwed over some guy. Apparently all those guys just gave up one hundred dollars each…"
Naruto: "That little?"
Darthemius: "There were 647 of them…"
Naruto: "Oh…"
Darthemius: "Yeah, so we now actually have about 65000 dollars."
Naruto (Whistling): "Man, that's rich for a dog! I could kill every dog in the world for that money!"
Darthemius's cell phone: "I have voices in my head…"
Darthemius (Picking up the phone): "Yeah, who the hell is this?!"
Voice in the phone: "Hello, Neo. Do you know who you're talking with?"
Darthemius: "Nah, who the fuck is it?"
Voice in the phone: "I am Morpheus, and I have come to free you, because you are the one."
Darthemius: "I'm not the one, call Harry Potter!"
Naruto (With wide eyes): "Wait a second… Is this some insane guy named Morpheus?"
Darthemius: "How did you…?"
Naruto: "HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" (Slapping Darthemius's shoulder) "Nice, man! You're gonna save the world!"
Darthemius (Sighing): "Do you know how to get rid of it?"
Naruto (Taking Darthemius's cell phone and throwing it into a trash can): "That's how! Come on, let's go have some cola!"
Voice from a trash can: "Wait! You must save the world!"
KO!
Winner: Uzumaki Naruto!
Darthemius: "Come on, say it!"
Naruto: "No fucking way!"
Darthemius: "Come on! People have read the entire chapter to hear you say it!"
Naruto: "Go fuck yourself!"
Darthemius: "Say it, or I'll switch pairing to Naru/Saku!"
Naruto (With wide eyes): "NOOOOOOOOOO! Okay, you win… Ahem… DATTEBAYO! There, are you happy?!"
Darthemius (Chuckling): "Yeah, pretty much…"
...
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