章 1012: 26
025 - On the extremely convoluted courtship rituals of the Tsunderus Japanica
Tohsaka Rin
It's been three days since I summoned my Servant and joined the Holy Grail War in earnest and I've already started to notice a pattern: Apparently, I'm never going to sleep a full night again.
Between the recharging ritual, finally getting the Geas Scroll for Emiya-kun, investigating old legends for someone who matches the very vague information on Assassin and considering my options for an alliance, the night was gone in a flash. What's worse, it didn't really provide any result worth mentioning.
At least I can be reasonably sure of Assassin's skills after what happened last night. Emiya-kun's actions are mostly clear in my mind, and he didn't defend himself from Lancer's attack, beyond whatever he did to force Lancer to release him. This mysterious probably-Assassin had to intervene.
I can also tell the mysterious Servant had to engage in real combat to hold back Lancer, because there were combat marks in the area that Archer definitely didn't cause. I should know, I'm the one who fixed it all up.
Back to the point, not actually undetectable, but rather capable of erasing their own presence afterwards. Then again I think having a Servant Assassin whose[Presence Concealment] seems to work retroactively more than justifies having trouble sleeping. The rest is just overkill.
It should also make them distinguishable enough, but I have found nothing tangible. Maybe the modern myths about grey men that meld into the background and nobody can notice or remember are enough to spawn an unconventional Servant, but that seems like grasping at straws.
The problem with finding an ally is both easier and more complex.
Emiya-kun, his sister, Shinji, Maybe-Sakura, whoever is trying to pulp the school for prana, Lancer's Master, who may or may not be a fucking Sealing Designation Enforcer, the Einzbern Master. Those are the players I know about, though some of them are likely the same person. At least one needs to be for the numbers to match, and that's assuming I already know of every participant.
Out of them, Emiya-kun's group is already off the table. That's Emiya-kun, his sister and Maybe-Sakura. Whoever is attacking the school is a last option sort of deal, and even then it can only ever work if I can convince them to give up on their plans for the school.
The little I know about Lancer's Master makes them a…. not horrible option, just a bad one. She's careful and seems to have at least a basic grasp of how real-life warfare works, but Lancer doesn't respect her, and she doesn't seem to respect Lancer either. That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Shinji is a joke and I'm not considering him seriously unless it's to put his brain and Command Spells in a jar.
That leaves…. The Einzbern Master.
I let out a long-drawn sigh as I lean my forehead against the rooftop fence. As a fellow founder, there are certain good things I can assume from their candidate, they're likely to be competent and committed and I have no doubt I'll be able to keep a professional relationship with them if an alliance is actually formed. Until the inevitable betrayal, of course.
That betrayal wouldn't just be business like usual between magi either. For families that so closely worked together to bring forth the ritual in the first place, there's considerable bad blood between us three. Maybe it's inevitable, familiarity breeds contempt after all, and each of our families is painfully aware of some… distasteful aspects about the other two.
Looking at it that way, it's actually kind of surprising that Sakura even… not important.
In any case, I'm first going to be on the lookout for the Masters I know less about, because I simply can't approach the Einzbern Master without an opening. What am I supposed to do? Walk up to their seat of power and beg on my knees to please protect me from the scary boogeyman Servant? As if my pride would allow me to do that.
I grip the wire mesh of the fence with enough force to make it creak. That sums up hours of my mind going in circles reaching no useful conclusion whatsoever. Archer's presence grows closer, her astral form leaning against me in response to my irritation. If she had a body right now, I'm pretty sure she'd be wrapping her arms around my waist.
I can't help a small smile as my grip relaxes. If nothing else comes from the War, I might be able to convince myself that meeting my cute adorable Servant was worth it by itself.
Back to last night though, I also dug through the notes of the ritual itself, because something about Emiya-kun's plan struck me in a funny way and I wasn't going to get any sleep anyway. What I found were references to a failsafe never used before, intended to prevent the Servants from banding together and permanently stalemating the War.
In case too many Servants take the same side, or too long goes on without one of them being defeated, a second set of seven Servants will be summoned, alongside with a theoretically neutral fifteenth one never seen before. Ruler would be tied to the Grail itself and would ensure the proper development of the expanded ritual.
It all seemed pointlessly overkill when they could've arranged it for Ruler to be summoned from the start instead. How the responsibility came to fall into the Church in the first place is something the notes didn't elaborate on, but those two points are definitely related. I can only assume politics got in the way of common sense like it always does.
In any case, that would ruin Emiya-kun's plans, assuming he hasn't accounted for that somehow. He shouldn't know about the failsafe, but he's already proven to know far more than he should. His father worked closely with the Einzberns during the past War, so Akasha only knows how many supposedly secret functions and features he's privy on.
For now, I'll have to assume he knows and carefully prod him for holes in his knowledge. Something tells me I won't lack chances to do so, in spite of our status as theoretical enemies.
Case in point…
"Tohsaka-sensei!" The fool kicks the rooftop door open with a cheerful expression, happily ignoring the wards I set in place once again. "I come to bargain!"
"That joke was getting old the second time you used it, Emiya-kun." I protest wearily, noting how Archer's form remains close to me, but feels far more relaxed than the first time she met Emiya-kun. The fool seems to be the sort of person who would be good with children, go figure. "Is there anything I can help you with?"
"Why yes." He starts genially, raising a finger. "Actually–"
"I haven't rethought my posture about alliances." I preempt him, maybe enjoying the over-the-top way he deflates a tiny bit more than I should.
"That's not what I was going to ask!" He pouts, suspiciously reluctant to maintain eye contact. It totally was what he was going to ask. "I want to ask for permission to court your little sister with sights towards marriage."
I'm very glad I wasn't drinking anything, because I would've spat it all over Emiya-kun. Actually, now that I look at it that way, it's a shame I wasn't drinking anything. I'm feeling quite miffed with him at the moment, for some reason.
"Sakura is a Matou." I answer as neutrally as I can manage. Sakura has always been a… sensitive topic. Knowing she might become an enemy in the war really isn't helping my peace of mind. "I have no place interfering with their business."
"The Matou are Headless right now, you're the next in kin." The fool retorts with that (sexy) dumb smile of his, all my inner turmoil flying right over his (pretty little) head. "I promise I'll treat her well and will do my best to keep her happy and safe."
"That's nonsense, this is nonsense, your face is nonsense." I know my protests don't make much sense, but at this point I just don't want to hear his (sexy lips) lips dumb mouth spouting more nonsense. "If she's the last Matou, then she's her own head." Just like me. She doesn't need me, I doubt she even considers me her sister anymore. And if she decides that marrying Emiya-kun is the best for the Matou family, then she can choke on him! "She can decide who she marries just fine."
"She'd still like your blessing for her marriage, I'm sure."
"You two can go explode together!" I blurt out before I realize what I'm saying. Panickedly, I open my mouth again to try and fix it, not too sure of how I will manage that. "I mean–"
"Ohoo~" It doesn't matter, because Emiya-kun interrupts me, leaning closer with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Feeling a bit jealous there, sensei?"
"D– don't make wild accusations like that!" I hold back the instinct to jump back, pushing his face away with my hand instead. "Why would I ever be jealous about that?"
It's not like I am a girl too with her own dreams of love and romance, after all. I'm a stone cold bitch of a magus family head who puts her research before anything else because reaching the Root is everything that matters in this life.
… Yes, it doesn't sound very convincing in my own mind either, but that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
"Why would you be jealous? I honestly can't think of a reason." The idiot nods, taking my lame excuse at face value. I can feel a strong and sudden urge to whack him in the head. "Unless you forgot our little bet yesterday?"
"Our… bet? Of course I didn't!" … I kinda did. Not that it'll actually matter, since once I win I'll be joining the Root and it'll all be pointless, but he doesn't know that. "What does that have to do with anything? I'm not jealous anyway, that's slanderous and below you. It's all your fault for bringing up marriage in the first place, Emiya-kun!"
"It has to do with everything!" He protests in faux indignation. "What kind of loose man do you take me for? Of course I'm going to properly marry my full harem!"
That… kind of floors me. I'm starting to doubt I'll ever understand what goes through Emiya-kun's mind. "I really don't think that's how marriage works."
"I can't wait to see Sensei in a wedding dress." He mutters dreamily, completely ignoring my protests.
My traitorous cheeks heat up at those words. Unbidden by my will, pictures of a white dress and a chapel that's not Kotomine's Church come to mind. I would be carrying a bouquet of flowers, and Emiya-kun would lift my veil and kiss me deeply. Archer would be my bridesmaid and there would be a lot of hot girls cheering from the pews, including Haku-san, Mistuzuri and Sakura.
… It's a far more attractive mental image than it has any right to be.
"I know you want to reconnect with Sakura, you know?" He continues a bit more seriously, crossing his arms and throwing me a worried look (that sends my heart aflutter). "I might have fun acting like a fool, but I'm not actually stupid."
"E–even if that was true… And I'm not saying it is!" I look away to hide my expression, but I can't seem to keep myself from blabbering. Stupid emotions and stupidly emotionally sharp apprentices, digging into my business unprompted! Nobody is supposed to notice that! "I still need to think of my position. I can't just… you know what I mean."
"I know and I can't help thinking you're letting your own pride drag you by the nose." Why do I feel like a chastised child? I am proud! There's nothing wrong with being proud! Except… he's kind of right in this particular, exceptional and once-in-a-lifetime circumstance. Not that I'm going to give him the satisfaction of admitting it. "But if something overt is so unthinkable… how about something a bit more… covert?"
In spite of myself, I can't help feeling a bit curious. Emiya-kun has good ideas from time to time and, as much as I'd like for him to stick his nose into his own business, I have to admit his thoughtfulness can be a bit romantic from time to time.
"... What were you thinking about?"
"Maybe you can start by trading some personal items from the other?" That sounds like the sort of stupid crap that sisters get up to when they're twelve, and live in pink disney world of fantasy and cotton candy. "Maybe something used?"
Then again, that's exactly the sort of thing I never got to do with Sakura. Maybe it would be a good way to make up for lost time? In a very roundabout way that I can actually bring myself to go through without compromising my pride?
His words make sense, and I find myself nodding alongside them before I notice the way his eyes are trailing down my body to pointlessly stop at crotch height and I finally realize what sort of item he's proposing for the trade.
… Forget everything I said about romanticism.
"And I suppose you'd work as our in-between?" I answer with an arched eyebrow, crossing my arms to avoid the urge to cover myself from his eyes. This sort of shameless leering (from someone you actually care about) is surprisingly (arousing) embarrassing. "For purely altruistic reasons, I'm sure."
"Well, I wouldn't claim it is for purely altruistic reasons…" He trails off, still staring at my crotch area with an amused smile on his lips and no hint of shame. "But your inability to do it in person is what brought this situation in the first place."
"Well, I'm sorry for not being overly enthused with the idea of entrusting my used underwear to someone like you." Why am I even arguing? This is beyond ridiculous! I should just slap his dumb face and walk out! "Why don't you give me your underwear instead?"
Why did I ever ask for that? It doesn't even make sense in-context! Before I can try to say something to salvage the situation though, I see the grin on his face.
I'm going to regret those words.
"Sure."
At first, his answer didn't even register. The sheer absurdity of his agreement is something I should've expected from Emiya-kun, but somehow I didn't. It's only once his hands go to the waist of her pants to start toying with it suggestively that my brain catches up on the program and my lips go very dry in anticipation for what's about to happen.
His fingers pull here and there, letting me catch glimpses of his (mouth-watering abs) toned stomach and hints of his underwear's fabric. While (my eyes are stuck there) I'm distracted, there's a brief flash of prana and, suddenly, there's a whtie and blue bundle of cloth flying at me. I catch it in reflex.
"Gah! Don't throw your dirty things on my face!"
I throw it away as soon as I realize what they are, but not before (catching a hint of manly musk) taking note of more detail that I ever wanted to know about his fashion choices. Striped boxers? Nothing fancy, but I guess it fits him and– get your head out of the gutter, Rin!
"Hey, you asked!"
"I wasn't expecting you to actually comply!" In spite of myself, I have to hold back a smile, after all the heavy topics, I can actually appreciate a bit of bickering and levity. Then, I remember the brief burst of prana and my eyes narrow in suspicion. "Did you just use a Mystery to strip?"
"I've said it again and again, I'm a good magecraft user, but–"
"A lousy magus, yes. I know." I finish for him with a sigh. "Such a waste of talent..."
"I prefer to think I'm just applying my many talents in a slightly different way." He shrugs indifferently. "I don't get what could possibly be so interesting about the Root that you'd willfully throw everything you have and are to reach it."
"Is the origin of everything!"
"And that sounds great on paper, but doesn't keep me warm at night."
"This isn't the moment for lewd jokes!"
"Counterargument, you were just sniffing my boxers."
As my cheeks flush once more, my eyes steal a glance at where a piece of fabric landed, but I power through the embarrassment through pure indignation. I've been the butt of the joke for long enough already.
Fueled by righteous fury, my shoulders tense. I clench my fists, narrowing my eyes to give Emiya-kun the verbal lashing he's been asking for all morning.
"But no, I wasn't saying that in a lewd sense." Emiya-kun continues talking before I can properly start, stealing the wind out of my sails as he turns away from me to watch the cityscape beyond the fence. "What does the Root actually do for you? How will you use the fact of having reached the Root going forward with your life? How will your overall happiness increase after you have reached the Root?"
… And we're back to the heavy topics. He wasn't this insistent while I was teaching him! "I…"
"If the answer to any of those questions is 'I don't know' then you might be mistaking the goal for the means." He continues when I trail off without answering. "How sad would it be to say: I reached the Root, and got absolutely nothing out of it."
It's rather telling that I can find no words to counter his own. He leaves without another word, and my mental state is such that it takes me five whole minutes to realize I never brought up the Geas Scrolls at all.
"Scheiße! Gottverdammt!" You had one job, Rin! "Unverständliche deutsche Schimpfwörter!!"
After a good minute and a half releasing expletives in a language nobody around me is likely to understand, I'm forced to stop and catch my breath. The exercise has been rather cathartic, but lungs are designed with pauses for air intake in mind.
While I'm composing myself, my eyes wander towards Emiya-kun's boxers, which remain hanging on the fence where I threw them, waving in the wind like the world's most obscene flag. Carefully looking left and right, I take a step closer.
"I can't believe I'm doing this." I mutter, feeling incredibly disappointed with myself as I extend a hand to take the offending piece of clothing and furtively hide it on my person.
At least nobody will see me making a fool out of myself this time.
"A peculiar choice of loot, Master." Archer's voice comes from my side, cool and detached with only a hint of curiosity. "You have unusual tastes."
"Gah! Archer!" I jump away in reflex, startled by the sudden reminder of her presence. I can't believe I forgot about her! "This isn't what it looks like! I'm just..."
Before my automatic excuse leaves my lips fully, I realize there's no judgement on her eyes. She's just looking at me with her head slightly tilted. Does she really not care about… No, I'm being silly. Why would she care, after all? Child or not, she's Attila the Hun. The height of her culture was learning to pillage before burning. I'm sure she's seen worse.
"Just…" I slump my shoulders in defeat. "Just don't tell anyone about this, okay?"
"Acknowledged, Master."
I think the lack of sleep is finally catching up to me, I'm suddenly very tired.
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