章 1007: 21
020 - Being Lancer is suffering
Somehow, somewhat, we reach Homurahara High without Jackie performing the world's dirtiest liver surgery on me along the way. Either the cake and headpats worked even better than expected, or she knows Caster will disappear without me around to anchor her existence.
… Yeah, I'm expecting it to be the second too.
As soon as we step closer though, we are greeted by the sounds of combat. That's the problem with working on a shaky schedule from two lifetimes ago. I'm uncertain whether a solid timeline was ever stated for the events of canon, but I sure as hell can't remember them after all these years.
"Looks like we're late to the party…" Maybe I shouldn't have taken the time to bake cake? Nah, that would've caused a whole different host of problems. "Alright Jakie. Do you remember the plan?"
"We find a spot to spy on them." She recites obediently. "We don't hurt the red onee-chan, we don't hunt the red onee-chan's Servant."
"Good." I pat her head again. She closes her eyes and makes a pouty face, but doesn't actually try to get away. "We only come out to help if they look like they're losing, don't use [The Mist] unless you actually have to step in, we don't want to clue them in our presence otherwise."
"Daddy is weird."
"That I am, Jakie." I agree with a soft chuckle. "But weird people have more fun. Let's go."
She sends me a funny look, but doesn't comment further. Reaching the fight undetected doesn't take us doing anything fancy. Shirou managed to just walk into it and was only detected because he made extra noise. So we just… walk into the building and take the backdoor out to the courtyard.
There they are. The blue Lancer with the blood-red spear, and the diminutive white Archer with the technicolor bow, dancing around the open field in a display of martial prowess that's as brutal as breathtaking. Lancer holds the initiative, putting the pressure on Archer with his gap-closing skill and superior melee reach.
Archer is far from overwhelmed though. She dodges and weaves around the spear with ease, alternating between making distance to use her bow properly and rushing in, wielding her bow like a club to try and brain Lancer at the slightest opening.
And Rin is just standing there like a sitting duck. If Kirei actually wanted to kill her, she would've been skewered already. I swear, why is it always the smart ones that are such idiots?
There's a moment of cognitive dissonance as I watch their weapons clash in a contest of raw strength, and is the tiny slip of a girl who forces the celtic warrior to disengage first. At a first glance, Altera can't compete with Cu Chulainn in raw stats, but both [Crest of the Star] and [Natural Body] allow for temporary boosts, giving her a solid advantage in spite of appearances.
A barrage of rainbow arrows rain on Lancer as he touches ground, raising a dust cloud and obscuring him from vision, but he immediately charges out, looking no worse for wear. [Protection from Arrows] is a really unfair advantage in this fight. What's worse, neither Rin nor Altera have a reason to suspect it's existence, making it harder for them to develop a counter.
"You are really good with that bow of yours, kid!" Lancer praises with a fierce smile, as their weapons get locked once again. "You remind me of–"
Whatever he was going to say gets interrupted by an explosive gem going off in front his face, giving all the opening Archer needs to try and crush Lancer's knee with a very nasty kick. Lancer dodges, but I can't help a wince as I imagine the results of that hit connecting.
"The Jou-chan is a great Master too!" Lancer cackles, sending an amused smile at Rin. I can feel my blood pressure go off the charts. Sensei, will you please stop trying to become a target? "I wish my own Master wasn't such a coward and would fight at my side like that!"
"Hmpf! Of course I'm a great Master!" Rin answers, throwing her hair behind her shoulder before crossing her arms, in a confident pose I'm fairly sure is ninety percent bluster. "Now, are we doing this or not?"
"I would love to, but… We seem to have uninvited guests sniffing around." The man leans on his spear, turning his head just enough to send a look towards where I'm hiding. "How about you come out and introduce yourself like a man?"
Of course, by now Jackie is nowhere to be found, but her [Presence Concealment] level is bullshit anyway, there's no worry of her being detected.
"I'm the captain of my soul." A shackle breaks, and my magic circuits activate. My whole body gets [Reinforced] for this encounter, with emphasis on my reflexes. Lancer's lunges are dangerous. Everything will be pointless if I can't even react to a hostile action. "Hello there. Fancy meeting you all here."
Lancer's eyes narrow dangerously as soon as I enter his field of vision.
"And who the fuck are you?"
Yikes, [Mr. Steal Your Girl] doing its job again, I see. I always thought there was a certain tension between Lancer and Rin. A bit of a shame, that. Lancer can be a real bro in the right circumstances. Sucks to be him though, he won't be touching my Rin in this timeline either.
"Emiya-kun?" Rin asks her own question, utterly ignoring the enemy Servant's reaction. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I know we never properly formalized our contract, but I thought I'd at least keep the spirit of the agreement and take a look to try and find clues about the perpetrator." I smile disarmingly. "I hope you remember to have the scrolls ready for tomorrow, by the way."
"Not the time, Emiya-kun…" She complains grumpily, cheeks reddening slightly at the mention of her past blunder. Then points a finger at Lancer in an attempt to deflect attention. "You're screwed now, Lancer. The Saber in this War is a monster! She'll make short work of you!"
"Ah, I'm sorry to say this, sensei, but Saber is otherwise occupied at the moment." I wince as I recall how I last saw her, lounging bonelessly on the living room sofa with a bloated stomach and a satisfied smile. "We'll have to manage without her."
"Why did you even come without your Servant!"
"I was expecting investigation work, sensei!" I defend myself. "One doesn't need a Servant for investigation work!"
"One does when one is in the middle of a war!"
"If you two lovebirds are done with your little spat…" Lancer butts in with patent hostility, prompting a perfectly predictable reaction from Rin that I happily play along with.
"[Finn Shot]"
"[Corrosion]"
Two spells fly at Lancer's face, both missing by a fraction of an inch.
Of course Rin's attack did nothing. Between [Protection from Arrows] and [Magic Resistance] her spell was doomed at multiple levels. But I'm a bit more surprised that mine failed too. I went to great pains to find a form of magecraft that wouldn't be affected by [Magic Resistance], but it's all for naught if beams are still considered 'Arrows'!
That means it's time for Plan B. I don't like Plan B. The fact that his hostility will play in my favor should give you a hint of how bad Plan B is.
"Oh, come on!" I complain. "How's that fair?"
"Kid, I'll admit you have guts picking a fight with a Servant." He answers with a superior smile. "But how's that sane?"
Cu's smile freezes for a moment and he… Tilts his head to the side?
"Really, Master?" His smile widens as he crouches slightly, body tensing with the clear intention of lunging at me. "It'll be my pleasure! Sorry kid, Master suddenly doesn't want you around. I'm going to have to take you out of the fight."
"Taking me out, eh?" I answer sardonically, doing my best to keep my cool and not stain my pants as he walks towards me. I really should've worn brown. "You have to catch me first. [The Mist]"
Jackie understands my intentions perfectly, releasing her Noble Phantasm as if I was the one actually using it. I turn around to flee as soon as the malevolent fumes start wrapping around me, causing Lancer to let out a curse and do his best to close the distance.
Even expecting his actions, even with the fair distance separating us, it's only thanks to my overclocked reflexes that I can follow Lancer's actions well enough to time my commands right. I'm not trying to simply get him off my trail, not even just getting a cheap shot in. I want him to do something specific, to force his hand in a very particular way.
That's why I don't give the order until he's already on me, getting his spear ready for a thrust.
In spite of the danger towards my person, this situation is overwhelmingly advantageous for Jackie. She hasn't revealed herself yet, and [The Mist] allows her to abuse [Murder on a Misty Night] to launch a proper ambush even against a Servant. Cu is also relatively exposed, in a hurry to catch me before I disappear and with most of his spare attention on Archer. It's not an opening I would be able to exploit. My adorably murderous new daughter, on the other hand…
"Now!"
Jackie jumps from the mist, a perfect ambush from an impossible angle against an unsuspecting opponent on the back foot. Which… doesn't actually accomplish all that much, to be honest.
Lancer is surprised alright, and is forced to abort his thrust to block Jackie's blades with his spear, but she's too light to make him even break stride. So, instead of piercing my guts side to side and turning me into the world's most handsome shish kebab, he reaches with his free hand to grab me by the throat.
"Oh, come on!" He whines as he lifts me up into the air by the neck with his left arm alone, more focused on Jackie's attack than on me. "Another kid? Am I the only adult in this war?"
Just as planned. If my projectiles can't reach him, I'll just have to find a more direct delivery method.
"[Touch of Corrosion]"
Od flows through my circuits, reaching outside to stimulate the Mana in the air. A metaphysical eye opens, locking on the shining beacon I just lit up. Magecraft that's anathema to magi serves its purpose, what shouldn't be here swiftly eroded away by the hands of something greater than anyone present.
"Hey! What the fuck did you–"
Of course, Lancer reacts before I can finish the job, throwing me away to break the contact and making me collide painfully against a wall. If not for my [Reinforced] body I would've splattered against it like a bug on a windshield. Vaguely, I register Rin's voice in the background, yelling orders to Archer, but I'm too focused on capitalizing the opening to properly acknowledge it.
"Raise the heat, Assassin!"
There are three conditions that make Jackie's Noble Phantasm increasingly more effective. It must be night, it must be misty, and the target must be a woman.
"Hell starts here. We are the fire, the rain, the power…" Cu Chulainn doesn't really fit the last condition, but it's still two out of three. "Let the slaughter begin. [Maria the Ripper!]"
Four times, Jackie stabs from the mist, four knives seeking Lancer's flesh. Four times, Lancer reacts in time to try and block them. Three times, he succeeds. The last stab sinks on his right shoulder with a victorious roar. That's my daughter.
Our victory is short-lived though, as Lancer recovers swiftly to throw Jackie off. She lands at my side, much more gracefully than I did.
"Are you alright, Daddy?" She asks without really turning my way.
"Been better, but I'll survive." I grunt, peeling myself from the wall. Then I praise her with a smile. "Good job there, Assassin!"
"Un." She nods neutrally, already priming herself for another round against Lancer. What's with that lukewarm reaction?
'Yes, good job there, sweetie.' Medea adds her two cents through our mental link.
"Ehehe~" That's not fair! What's with that flustered reaction?
'And you, Master…' Medea addresses me with a reproachful voice. 'I seem to remember something about not trying to become a target?'
'It's fine if I'm the one doing it!' I answer cheekily.
"The fuck did you do to my Skill? Did you seal it?" Lancer demands, interrupting our mental conversation before Medea can make me regret my words. "No, you've harmed my Spirit Origin. What kind of bullshit magecraft did you use?"
"One that no real magus would ever use. Unfortunately for you, I'm a lousy magus." I spy Archer's white form in the mist, swiftly getting closer. "You also have more pressing problems at the moment."
He turns in time to once again block the incoming loli with his spear, but Archer doesn't seem overly worried by this development. Instead of striking with her bow, she grabs hold of Gae Bolg with both hands.
"Oi oi, kid!" Lancer shakes his spear, looking a bit incredulous at how Archer fails to dislodge herself from it. "Are you sure you want to tangle with me with your bare hands? I might've taken a hit, but I still have a mean punch!"
"I hold Photon Ray." She announces cooly, completely ignoring Lancer's words. Crazy girl, don't tell me she's trying to– "Everything I hold is Photon Ray."
Lancer freezes as that statement registers, an expression of incredulity turning into a panicked struggle to dislodge Archer once he realizes something is indeed wrong. But it's too little, too late. Archer is stronger than him, and for once her small size plays on her favor, allowing her to play keepaway with Lancer without ever releasing his spear.
It looks a bit silly to an outside observer, but there's no denying that, as the two of them dance around each other, Gae Bolg is gradually becoming less… Gae Bolg-ish. The ornaments and serrated edges even out. The red pigmentation becomes brighter, sinking to a third of the spear's shape as blue and green take over the rest of its surface.
By the time Lancer stops struggling to listen to his Master again, his prized spear looks more like a tricolor double-bladed lightsaber. Or a very kinky sex toy.
"Well, fuck you too, Master!" Finally managing to dislodge Archer with a well-placed kick in the gut, he sends a baleful look our way. "You win this time, brats! Don't expect the next—"
Before he can properly deliver his ominous threat, he disappears in a shower of golden light, no doubt recalled by a Command Spell from that jerk of Master he has. I can only shake my head in amusement at the ridiculousness of it all. Seems like being Lancer remains suffering in this timeline too.
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