章 50: Regret
"I don't understand, why do you want to know about them?"
Good question, why do I need to know? Well, this whole situation is strange. In the beginning, marquis planned to create a strong army with me in it, then he hid the amount of his income. If everything is revealed, he will be punished as a traitor and all would go in vain, but he took this risk anyway. About him, I just want to know why...for what does he want to risk it all?
Most importantly, why did duke Phelter take Spencer as an assistant butler, when he has his own, and is even more experienced than Spencer. My suspicions lead to one thing, he must have a connection to marquis Vinter, and Spencer can be used because of it. Not to mention my role in this, but I can't say this to him. He is smart, but he can not think things the same as me, so he will not have the same thought.
"Whatever I do and why I need that information, it has nothing to do with you, so you should talk."
"Why should I?" - he said in a cocky voice.
That's the thing I do not like about him, he is too loyal to his own good. I understand that he doesn't want to tell me anything about his former lord, but why does he refuse to tell me anything about his grace? And, is he being cocky with me now?
"Look Spencer, I really don't understand you! Weren't you a little while ago, treating me like your lady? Then as a good servant, you must carry out the orders. Anything they have done for you is not worthy of your silence."
"So are you. You are not worthy of my time and this information. What would you do if you knew about them? Nothing, completely nothing. You have always thought about yourself and it didn't bother you even when you knew something would happen..."
'Why is he saying this, I thought only of myself? It's ironic that one of the people I want to help is saying this to my face. '
"… You have always allowed yourself to be controlled by time and late it to solve your problems, so what I will tell you will serve you for nothing and you will not do anything to solve it either. You will only stay watching them happen, being the only one knowing and the unfortunates will suffer. "
Is he talking about Mireyan now, about today's meeting with his grace? He is crossing the limit, I would never sit and watch while Mireya would be suffering, I would try to do everything possible to stop any misfortune that might happen to her. I know I have not done anything before, I just saw people do whatever they want with me, but it was another time, another me. At that time I thought that everything was against me and didn't want me to be happy, but now it is different. I feel better, now I have people who believe in me and depend on me, a mistake I can make can cost them dearly, so I am not allowed to fail… I am not allowed to be weak or silent.
'Hahaha, Spencer! You little… how can you say that? You should understand me more than everyone else, I expected more from you. Knowing that you think so about me, you who have seen me from the beginning until now, makes me really angry! '
"It's funny that you are telling me that I only think only for myself, even your silence is unfortunate! From what I remember, it wasn't me who let my lover suicide and I was not the one working for the person who took his life later, despite all of that. "
"What ?! Why are you bringing this up now? "
[Don't lie to yourself child, admit that he is right. Don't complicate this or you are going to hate yourself after.]
'No need, I hate myself already, so I have nothing to lose anyway. '
"You should have been filled with rage after what happened, you should have sought revenge for him, but what did you do? Nothing, you just let him die, you let him die for you. Do you think that because you helped me escape, it is called revenge against the marquis and he paid for all his deeds? Even without me there he will continue to live, he will continue with his plan and who knows how many more lives like Roans he will take. I know I couldn't do nothing before, I know I was worthless and I just saw humans do whatever they wanted, but I swear I'm different now."
'?! H-h-humans ?!'
"I can see things clearly now, I know what I am capable to do and what I have to do, and I will make it clear to you too, that what you know will not go in vain with me."
"…"
[What a speech! So emotional! I would applaud you if I had my hands.]
'Can't you keep quiet and look at that beautiful darkness of yours. Quite snooping around my business. '
[Well, it's beautiful in here, you saw it for yourself, but let me tell you where you were wrong, you have to say "our" dear! It's our business.]
Sight! More importantly, Spencer has not said a word all this time, is he okay? Maybe I talked more than I should, but I don't know why it bothered me so much that he addressed me as a selfish person.
"Y-y…"
'?! Was he trying to say something just now ?! '
"Ahem! You have to go inside, it is getting ready to get dark and you have a busy day tomorrow. Get up early, get ready in time and I'll see you for breakfast. Oh, and don't make your maids worry about you. "
"Huh?!"
'What is he saying, did he not take into account at all what I said? How can he leave like nothing happened, like it was a casual conversation? '
"Than my lady, good night!"
Spencer gave a slight bow and started to walk away. Raeliana sat speechless looking at him go, but she did nothing to stop him. She tried to behave like the person she hated most to get that little bit of information he knew but was unsuccessful. She regretted not being able to apologize this time after he left. He said nothing even though he was a little intrigued that Raeliana was saying something that had happened a long time ago. It was true that he was sorry for the fate that befell Roan, but he still needed time to forgive himself.
Even though he did what he did, previously Vinter was like a father to Spencer. He rescued him when his family collapsed, he also put him in an academy and taught him everything he knew, so it took him a while to start hating him, or maybe he could not. Maybe he blamed Raelina, because if she hadn't come nothing would have happened. The marquis would remain the same, Roan would be alive because he wouldn't have to look through his documents and find something that would risk the marquis's plan.
But he did save her! And Raelian was right, he saved her because he wanted revenge, to rebel against what happened to him. But his escape alone wouldn't cause anything, he could easily have replaced him, and he would have no remorse for Spencer, since he threaten him with someone's life. Knowing that he, therefore, decided to take something important that he would need to start his "great victory" over the royal family. The only thing he cherished so much, that he had locked it in a room, in the most forgotten part of the mansion.
He thought of rescuing her at first when he found out everything, and when it happened it wasn't out of goodwill. Even after what happened to Roan had nothing to do with her, he thought of taking revenge on Raeliana and the marquis at the same time. His and her disappearance would put the marquis in a panic and when he couldn't find them, he would feel lost. Going so far into the countryside, in a house away from all the people was not a coincidence either. He planned that, when they got there and Raelian would be weak from being locked in that room for so long, and also from the road, it would have been the perfect place to kill her.
But he couldn't do it! During all those years he lived with her and that thought going through his mind. Even though he hated her and did all he could to kill her, he couldn't bring himself to do it, probably because after that, he would be left completely alone. He couldn't go home and tell the marquis that he killed rapha and finally got revenge, Spencer was not stupid enough to do so. So he avoided Raelian, but not completely. After that Mireya appeared and at the same time, he couldn't stand her guts of being so friendly with Raelian. So he stays away from her too!
Seeing them having a good time with each other made him feel left out, he wanted to be part of that too, but his conscience didn't leave him. His previous feelings and intentions made him feel dirty and not worthy of that kind of warmth anymore, but he also tried to create a place for himself among them. Making money and creating a place that they both call home was all he wanted to do, to be part of them. But it was all for nothing!
"I, Spencer Melbruc, have lived my whole life in wealth. In a loving family that always made me feel needed. The only happy childhood memories I have are of my mother, even though her health got worse day by day, she always had a smile and a warm hug to give me. My father was always busy with work, but he also made me feel loved. After losing them, I had nothing else. The wealth I had and the love of my parents were all taken from me. Vinter Corttes showed kindness to me and look me as his apprentice, he teaches me finance, literature, and sword fighting from a young age. Working for him I again felt that someone need me, and after meeting Raon I thought I had regained, both the love and the lost family. I can not thank him enough for what he did for me. Even after what happened I couldn't hate him. Not doing so made me think Roan was of no value to me, and he was just someone that made me feel needed since he was cute and could do whatever I told him. His loss reminds me of the time when my family was destroyed and I could not take it back. I was even angry that even though I had grown up and had more power than before when I was a child, I still couldn't do anything. Once, after all this time I think I had achieved the goal of having my former life back.
The decision to kill Raeliana was the best thing that ever happened to me, because I didn't do it, and I gained something more. I realized that after killing her, I would be left alone, just like when I was a child. Marquis Corttes wouldn't accept me anymore after I had left, he didn't need me anymore, but Rapha did. She depended on me, for food and shelter. I really thought I had created a place for the three of us to live together. A place where I could regain the warmth I had lost, but Raeliana ruined it all. Why did she need to leave the house for so long and then come back and take us with her? Wasn't I enough to give her a better life? Was she that greedy for power?'
"Amm, s-sir Spencer do you need something, are you in pain?"
"I am fine, don't mind me!"
'Sigh, I don't understand anymore! If she can do anything by herself, then what is my role in this? I liked her better when she was just sitting on the field looking at those flowers. I couldn't be a part of them then and now I can not even take care of them, so what am I supposed to do?'
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