章 17: 17 | The Beginning

Usually at age 18 people embark on their new lives. Sometimes even earlier and yet I'm still here.

When Hulang was here, sometimes he would bring me to town to teach me 'common sense'. Basically, I should know when I'm being scammed, the places I should avoid, and how to act around other people. If I was seen as weak or if I carried valuable things, then I'll probably get robbed or worse, killed. I also have to be wary of people because their smiles and kindness can be deceiving.

He said the main thing that ran this world was money.

"If you have money then you can get whatever you want and you'll live an easy life, but if you didn't then you'd have to work for it."

Is what he said, but he also said it was possible to survive without money. I'll just need to catch and cook my own food, find shelter, and endure the winters.

With that being said, he threw me in the woods for two weeks after teaching me the basics on hunting and survival. The first week was really hard, but I got used to it. Killing and cleaning animals was really hard and many times I cried for the poor beings.

"The speed of your learning capabilities is frightening." That's what Hulang said, but I didn't quite understand what he meant. I just wanted to learn everything as fast as I could because I was so far behind.

I sat on my patio and looked up into the bright skies. I want to see more of this world. The maps that Hulang showed me and the country I lived in was just a small part of this vast world. I want to travel and see new things.

There has only been one thing in my life that I have ever wanted. To be accepted and loved, but now there was no one left here who would accept me. I also didn't belong here. However, now I have a new goal and it wasn't sitting in this room and walking around the corridors.

I ask for a servant to help me relay a message to see Lord Yun and as I waited for his response, I took out paper and ink. I wanted to write a letter to Hulang. He taught me a lot of things in such a short amount of time and I know he's not the type to talk much, but he did for me.

It has only been two weeks since Hulang left. I know my decisions were made on impulse, but I was sure that I wouldn't have any regrets. I walked into Lord Yun's quarters and sat across him face to face. I have never spoken to him before, but I felt that I needed his approval.

"I wish to leave the Yun clan." I said with confidence. Lord Yun was shocked and replied with,

"May I ask why?"

"I want to travel."

"If you just want to travel then you can, but why did you want to cut ties? I know your life was not great here, but you've lived here all your life."

"The Yun family has given me a place to call home, but I don't belong here. Even though the Yun siblings have changed their ways toward me, they will never come to accept me as one of their own. I've recently learn how to read and write; And although I don't have much experience with people, I understand that they are uncomfortable with me around. I like them, I truly do. However, as much as I want to be accepted, I know that it's impossible."

Lord Yun sighed and thought to himself for a few minutes with his eyes closed. He stroked his beard, as he responded with,

"For 12 years, I had thought that there was no cure for you, but that wasn't the case. Your kindness and willingness to forgive had reached beyond my expectations. I had always thought that my wife was the one who pushed you to forgive hey wrong doings, but you were already a forgiving boy from the beginning. She just happened to take advantage of it. Tell me, when did your conciousness return?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"It's not that you don't understand, but you don't know when it happened. Then let me rephrase my question. Apart from wanting to be accepted, when did you start wanting more things?"

When did I start to want more? Then it was probably that day when I fell in love with Raiya. Although also I seeked love from the Yun siblings, that kind of love and the love I had for Raiya was different. I wanted him to love me not as family, but more. However, I'm a man and he's a man.

The day I was able to read, I read as much books as possible. History, science, mathematics, and more. One thing I leaned was that it took a man and a woman to have a child. The terms wife and husband refers to a woman and man. However, we were both men and neither one of us can conceive a child. The love I have for him was deemed abnormal. A love that was hopeless in every way.

"I was probably 16 when I first started wanting more." I replied.

"I see. Then why did you wait for 2 years?"

"I still yearned for acceptance and at the time I didn't know anything of the world. Hulang was the one who taught me everything I know today."

"Then you understand that what they did to you was-"

"I know, but it's as I said before. I like them, I could never come to hate them and I don't like seeing them in pain, but they no longer know how to look at me. Their feelings toward me has turned into confusion and it makes them uncomfortable. Maybe not for Hulang, but for the others, my existence bothers them whether they hate me or not. If that's the case then I want to leave. Not only for their sake, but mine as well. There's a lot of things I want to experience. There's also a lot of things I don't understand, but I want to figure it out myself."

"You have grown so much that it's quite shocking." Lord Yun sighed, "In just 6 months with my youngest son, you have learned to be confident. Your understandings of things has also greatly improved."

"Yes. Hulang did say I was learning at a very fast pace. Every day I learn something new."

"If that's the case then you can leave. You will no longer be tied to the Yun clan and if you find that the outside world is too harsh, you can come back."

"Thank you Lord Yun."

"Forgive me son, for not being able to protect you."

"There's nothing to forgive." I smiled and left the room.