章 9: Dreams.
I couldn't believe it when news reached me in the North of Lucerys's passing.
It came as a shock to me that he had met Vhagar in the skies.
After saying my farewells to Cregan and a promise of support to my mother's cause, I was off.
I didn't stay a day after getting the missive my mother sent me. I flew Vermax with haste, with almost no stops in between, wanting to make sense of what all of this meant as fast as possible.
When Dragonstone came into view from the distance, the first thing I noticed were the foreign ships and banners that I didn't recognize, but I didn't—or couldn't—really dwell on it when my mind was in so much turmoil.
As I finally landed Vermax, I went straight to my mother's chambers, the air in the castle feeling heavier with every step I took, my heart beating uncontrollably in my chest.
As I finally arrived at my mother's chambers, I made a prayer to all the gods, the new and the old, for the news to be false. So, when I stepped into the chamber and saw my mother sitting there with a faraway look, I braced myself for the worst.
"Your Grace," I said, every word I spoke feeling heavy in my mouth, stepping closer to my mother.
"Lady Jayne Arryn has pledged her support, in exchange for a dragon to guard the Vale," I reported, feeling choked on emotions.
Searching for any signs of emotion on my mother's face was futile because, on all accounts, she looked fine for a person who had lost a son.
"And… Lord Cregan Stark," I continued, swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat, "has… promised 2,000 men." I finally couldn't hold it in as my voice cracked.
My mother, seeing this, stood up from where she sat and slowly, step by step, walked towards me and embraced me with a hug.
All I could think of was my little brother's suffering. Did he feel pain when he died? Was it a quick death, or was he mutilated to become Vhagar's feed?
All of these thoughts were raging through my mind, and it was… suffocating…
"He's fine," my mother whispered in my ear, my breath hitching, confusion building up in me.
Leaning back from the embrace, I locked my gaze with my mother and saw a relieved look on her.
"What… do you mean?" I asked, my voice cracking once again as tears streamed down my face.
My mother, who kept on looking at me, wiped the tears from me before slowly guiding me to where she was sitting earlier.
"That missive," she began, as we sat next to each other, "was a ploy to not leak what truly happened to Lucerys that day above Shipbreaker's Bay," she said, smiling at me, which warmed my heart that had been in pain for the last two days.
"Right now… every lord and lady thinks he died by the hand of Aemond and Vhagar, and that would have been the case, but…" She stopped to take a breath.
"Lucerys lives," she finally uttered the words that brought relief so large to me, it felt like life was breathed into me once more.
'But how,' I thought, and as if she knew my thoughts, my mother went on to answer.
Just before she did, though, someone rudely interrupted by opening the chamber doors.
Both my mother's and my gaze turned to the unknown intruder.
The first thing I noticed about him was his height. He was tall, very tall, wearing a plain, full black outfit that looked like something a knight would wear for sword training—and I was right, if the sword hanging from his waist and the dirt and grime on his clothes indicated anything.
But...
The oddest part of this man came when I looked at his helm-covered head. He was wearing a complete black helm with intricate carvings, designs that almost made the helm look like a dragon's head.
"You're here," I heard Mother speak next to me with familiarity. She knew this man… and intimately, if the smile on her face meant anything.
"Who are you?" I asked, feeling frustrated at being interrupted. Who does he think he is, stepping into the Queen's chambers unannounced? I thought.
The man was silent before a chuckling sound left him. Did he just… laugh at me?
"How dare you enter the Queen's chamber without her leave to do so," I went on to say, but my mother, who had been quiet until now, stepped in.
"Jacaerys!" she shouted, interrupting me.
I turned my gaze to her in question. Why would she side with this unknown man? But I heard footsteps approaching, and before I could react, he was already in front of me.
Looking at his imposing form, I could tell he was a formidable warrior. If he attacked, I couldn't defend my mother, and that made my heart start to race.
He shifted a bit, which made me flinch, but all I felt next was a soothing hand brushing my hair out of my face.
"You let your hair grow," I heard him say behind the mask, and I could swear the voice sounded familiar. Looking at my mother once again and back to the man, who until now had not spoken a word, confusion hit me.
Who was this man?
And as if to answer my question, he slowly reached his hand to his helm and started revealing the face behind it.
And what I saw… was impossible.
"Last I remember, you had it short. But I guess it's been years since we've last seen each other, right,
...
...
brother?"
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"Last I remember, you had it short, but I guess it's been years since we've last seen each other, right,
...
...
brother?" I said, a rare smile coming to my lips as I felt my brother's shocked state.
For a moment, neither of us said a word. I didn't know whether he would hug me or punch me, but when he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around me, my questions were answered.
"You're really here," I heard him say, his voice slightly cracking. "I didn't…" he started.
But I dropped my helm and embraced him back, the years apart from each other melting away.
"Shush... it's all right," I said, as I heard a small droplet of tears fall from where my mother was standing. She was crying.
"Lucerys?" he asked, his voice quieter than before.
"Yes... I know," I said. "But he'll be fine," I confirmed, as I slowly let him go to observe how he'd grown.
"Gods... you're a man now," I said, touching his face and hair as a small laugh escaped his lips.
"You can't expect me to take care of Mother and Lucerys as a child, can you?" he said, sniffing his nose while wiping his tear-filled eyes.
I nodded before feeling my mother approach us.
"Jacaerys, would you leave me and Vaelor for a moment? I have something to discuss with him," she said. He looked between us and nodded.
"Don't worry, we'll catch up after this," I said, squeezing his shoulders. He turned to me again and embraced me with much greater vigor.
As he let go of me, he turned to Mother and gave her a lighter hug before departing from the room.
"He's grown," I said as I heard the door close behind him.
"Of course, they've both turned into fine young men... and so have you," my mother said, coming closer to me and taking my hand to guide me to where the chair was.
"It's fine, I can do it myself," I said, slowly pulling my hand away as I took the sheathed sword from my waist and put it to the side before sitting down next to my mother.
"Were you at the training yard?" she asked, focusing on the sword.
"Yes," I said shortly, wondering what she wanted to talk to me about. Was it about the Riverlands?
I knew it was unexpected that I suggested Daemon should go there, but it is for his own good. If what I saw in my dream is to happen, then his eyes need to be opened, and that will only happen if he goes to Harrenhal.
"How long?" she asked me, touching my hand that was placed on my lap.
Looking at her with what I assumed was a questioning glance, she clarified for me.
"About the dragon dreams, how long have you had them?" she asked, and I felt her flinch as I locked my eyes with her.
There was silence as I contemplated whether to tell her the truth or not, and I wondered whether there would be any downsides to it. In the end, I decided to tell her everything, considering that I already tried telling her years ago.
"Hmm, ever since I could remember," I started, recalling the time I tried telling her, and she dismissed it as a child's imagination.
"I don't know whether you remember or not, but I did tell you," I said, making her shift a little.
"What?" she asked, clearly confused about what I told her.
"Yes," I said, nodding before continuing. "It was around the time of my fifth name day, that one night I came to you and said I saw Grandfather die in my dreams," I said, feeling a pang of emotion from the mention of my grandfather Viserys. The way my mother closed and opened her mouth told me she felt the same.
"I never knew," she finally said after a moment of silence. That night was an eye-opening one because it was one of the first and last times I spoke about my dreams. It was mostly because of the way my mother, who was sitting in front of me, reacted.
"Yes, if I remember correctly, you said I should stop with my childish imagination and that Grandfather wouldn't be dying anytime soon," I spoke the words she told me when I came to her teary-eyed and in need of comfort from my mother. But she was too busy with a baby Lucerys.
I didn't fault her for not listening, but I did fault her for not comforting a boy who was crying out of confusion after just seeing a dream about the death of one of his closest family members.
I felt my mother embrace me.
"I'm sorry," she said, her heartbeat uncontrollably fast in her chest, the wave of guilt in her so strong I could practically feel it.
"I was... negligent of you when you were growing up. That was one of the many reasons you would spend so much time with your grandfather. And I apologize, Vaelor... truly," she said, her voice quivering to show the genuine regret she felt for what she had done to me.
Returning the embrace my mother gave me, I thought of all the pain and suffering I went through: in Essos, in the slave pits, in the Red Waste, and all the years I spent fighting... just to hear these words from my mother.
It felt... good, and it made me relieved to know that this was how she truly felt.
There were no words needed between us. We stayed like that for a moment, letting her calm down as I felt her heart slow in her chest, showing my acceptance of her apology by drawing circles on her back.
"Forgiveness is the first step to recovery," I heard the voice of my master in my head.
"As much as I resented you for how you behaved towards me," I finally spoke, breaking the silent atmosphere, "and as much as I would still like to fault you for some things in the past," I said again, feeling her stiffen in my embrace.
"I could not, because in the end, you are my mother, and I..." I said, feeling the weight of what I was saying.
"I love you. That is all that matters," I said, all of my resentments leaving my heart like a waterfall.
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