章 7: Regrets and Dissatisfactions

Regular Alexander did not feel regret in his less-than-satisfactory life decisions and strove ahead with a one-track mind.

He was dedicated to honing his coding skills. Which was not that bad of a thing, given that one must find their purpose.

However, when he was enlightened that the purpose was an illusion, the dedication he dove in suddenly unraveled itself to be a distraction.

He was distracted and was not accepting of new possibilities.

Alexander could have found true camaraderie if he put effort into mending those relationships he had.

There must have been a lot of people who wanted to get to know him but his attention to programming was much more important to him.

He worked with at least a hundred companies and met capable subordinates and bosses. Instead of being humanely socializing, he kept being professional in everything and came off as stiff to his co-workers.

Alexander realized that this may have been the reason that people bred resentment of him and made the rumors that destroyed his reputation in Silicon Valley.

If he had just taken the time and initiative, perhaps he wouldn't have been alone in the end. Typing away on pirate streams and singularly tackling AI developments.

In all those girls he dated and when he reflected on them, he was always the first to give up and had not put effort into fixing things.

Sure, growing up in San Fernando Valley warped his perception of women, but there must have been genuine gals there that wanted to know him for him.

When his grandfather left his will and wanted him to inherit the business, he could've managed it and kept his grandfather's entrepreneurial spirit going.

Instead, he dumped all that with a little persuasion from buyers and used the money to learn code.

If he kept on, who knows if he would have been a successful businessman in the barely legal porn industry? In the end, he became a businessman in the illegal movie pirating business.

"I remembered muttering 'what a life' in satisfaction before but now I can say that it was all a waste." Young Alexander grumbled and his cute face was warped with regrets.

One could say that he got the ultra-mysterious binary through wasteful coding persistence but when he looked back on it, it was all on luck and not skill.

"I did think before that the binary gave my young self the golden finger of foresight. How crude of me?" He talked to himself in self-depreciation.

He now knows that it gave him a wake-up slap of self-reflection as well.

It did not just give him an edge on the layout of the future. It gave him a new chance at life.

Not an improved life but a renewed one.

It did not just connect the past and future. Rather, it also gave Alexander a somewhat omnipotent overview of his life.

Although it was only a glimpse, it still corrected his narrow perspective.

Having the industrial and economical advantage of knowing the future was good and all but the breaking down of character rigidness is an extra benefit worth pondering.

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"Now that I think of it, I seem to be frequently talking to myself now and diving into subpar philosophical debates." Alexander cringed at this other realization. "I was just thinking that school and day-to-day life were boring. Yet, there I was, having my supposedly enviable 'past life' turn into something pitiful."

He could agree with most of his train of thought but there were things he could clarify himself on.

First, it was truly regrettable to have sold his grandfather's business to others. Unfortunately, he had no choice on that one.

He had just turned 18, needed the money to go to college, and was too innocent to be as enlighteningly philosophical as he is now.

Continuing the Creed business legacy would be a priority with this re-life he is in.

Secondly, the thing about girls was more straightforward. He did not regret it.

Everyone was young and fickle. Also, he was a male alpha with advantages. If he didn't take advantage of the situation, then that would've been dumb.

All throughout high school and college, playing as a mini-playboy was an accomplishment to brag about.

As for the matter of love and meaningful connections, he had not much interest in those matters.

"Maybe it is something that I could work on now. These love and stuff..." Alexander could also relate this point with the Creed legacy he had failed on.

Thirdly, is the second thing he regrets. Losing his advantages made him a mini-playboy.

Being a programmer meant overtimes and being absorbed in the job. Eating became a chore and his hot self got thin.

Having a beer belly in his adult years was also regrettable but inevitable.

This is why he is correcting that fate by cultivating the habit of jogging now.

Fourthly, he did not regret being strictly professional and bastard-ish in the jelly eyes of Silicon associates.

He had the skill and qualifications so he did not bother with those petty people. He moved on and thrived on his own.

With the mysterious binary, he would probably be more successful and appear more skilled than before.

If he changed his character to be more accommodating to those he will work with, then that would be more counterproductive.

It was better to be anti-social when you'll be a target of envy and jealousy at a greater magnitude than ever before.

Alexander could say that his past life had regrets and disappointments but he was now slowly getting past them.

There was no point in grumbling and changing himself to be a good person. As he knows where he excels and where he lacks.

Starting from this year of 1988, he had a new starting point where he could upgrade what he excelled in and make up for what he is lacking.

"The current repetition of boring classes, early morning runs, uneventful Saturdays and weeknights with rotational babysitters, and cherishable talks with grandpa during Sundays is only temporary."

Gone were his murky goals as this remembrance of regrets and disappointments had cleared his mind.

"It is only a matter of time before I'll truly be active and take my step into this new world." Alexander smiled in anticipation.

His new objective: Make a mark in the world and ensure the Creed legacy.