章 1: MANIC
The birds chirping woke me up from my slumber. It was the first time in months I had gotten a full night's sleep. For once I did not feel like I was tired. I had slept, that was what mattered.
I always woke up tired and my days were gloomy as obvious. For the first day in months, I was ready to know what the day had in store for me. I had never been this happy in a long time it was starting to bother me.
Then again this was how I ended up ruining most of my days. I was not going to ruin this day too. I was going to live it and gave fun. It was the first day of school and I could hardly wait.
Do not get me wrong, I hated school but then again I had been alone for so long to the point where my company was boring.
At least I was leaving the house, I would meet with thousands of people and I'd have a good laugh about all the stupid shit they said.
I took a shower got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.
Everyone went quiet as they all turned to look at me. I did not see anything wrong with my outfit. I looked myself over, though it took me a while to figure out what was wrong.
I had stayed in bed for months without leaving and all of a sudden I had woken up early in the morning and got ready for school. What was I supposed to do?
Was I supposed to stay in bed and continue crying and being sorry for myself? As much as I would like to do that it did not matter because things had to go on. No one was coming to save me.
I was tired of staying in bed all day I had to go out there and leave my life. I would rather forget about it rather than be safe and cry about it.
I was the only one who was hurting, I was a danger to myself and I could not give that piece of shit the satisfaction. He had done enough damage
'Why are you guys looking at me like that, have I not dressed appropriately?", I ask as I sit down and pour myself some juice.
"No baby you look good there is nothing with your dressing, I just haven't seen you like this in months. Are you okay?" she asks clear look of concern on her face being
"Am I okay, mum I feel amazing I haven't felt like this in months and now I feel like I should leave the past there", I say chuckling and she just looks at me and continues eating her food.
I wonder why they would think I was not doing okay when I get amazing. I finish taking my breakfast and wait for my parents to finish so they can drop me at school.
"You're dropping me at school ", I say to my mum as I take my bag and leave the house. As the cold air hits my skin I feel alive again. It's like I had been locked up and was not allowed to see the light of day.
I took in a deep breath and the air filled my lungs as I smiled. It felt so nice to be outside that I hoped nothing would fuck up this already good day.
I see my mum leaving the house and I head to the garage as I wait for her to start the car. She starts to the car and I sit in the passenger seat and take my phone and start going through.
I had gone days without using my phone which was not something that I would do. I was obsessed with my phone and not touching it was unexplainable.
I was starting to feel like myself again. I wanted to start doing things and learn other things. All I wanted was to fill the hole inside if I do that I could feel whole again.
"You know you need to start driving yourself to school right?", asks my mum which I presume is her attempt of making small talk with me. I appreciated it but I was in no mood to start a conversation with her again it would be a biting car ride if I did not say something.
"Yeah I know but I don't have one. The other one is beyond repair ", I say.
"That is because you crushed it Do you know how worried I was? You just can't drive when you are that drunk you could have died, God forbid "she says as she puts her focus on me.
I remembered that day vividly. I was trying to run away from my thoughts and I thought that alcohol was going to make things better. It didn't if you were wondering.
I was having the best time of my life and then I had to go home and I was crushed. I did not feel any pain that night l the following day.
The whole of my body was sore and I has never felt that much pain in my entire life. The bright thing was that I now knew not to drive when I was drunk. It's not that I was scared of dying.
What scared me was that I had no idea of what came after someone had died I wanted to know what it felt like when someone was dying. Was it painful?
"Eyes on the road, you don't want to kill us nodded?", I ask as I chuckle.
"Don't joke like that, it's not funny", she says looking serious.
"What, you scared of dying?", I ask again the just looks at me and goes back to driving in. She was worried about me and I could not blame her. The things I was saying were bat shit crazy.
Who even thought about death?
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