章 25: Something just cannot stay buried
Silence. All the motions had stopped as if we became a muggle's photo. My ears were ringing, and the lights seemed to agitate my eyes more than ever. I didn't move, for a second I thought I forgot the ability to move or speak. The only thing I could do was to sit still like a statue, didn't dare to look at Ron and was terribly afraid of what he would say or do next.
Malfoy, on the flipside, appeared to be amused. He was casually leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed, and his lips curled, started right into Ron's eyes with disdain.
"What's the matter?" Ginny was the first one to react. She spoke in a cheery tone that she'd use when the situation was grim, with a forced smiled, she added, "I presume you are done with your breakfast, my dear brother."
"I guess I am," Ron said through gritted teeth, which did not move his sight an inch away from Malfoy, "And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to head back to my room now."
Before anyone said anything else, he left in a hast. Lavender, who at that time was drinking her tea, hurriedly put her teacup down, apologized with an uneased smile before running after her boyfriend.
The remainder of us, with the mutual knowledge of something was off but determined not to speak of it, gradually resumed our conversations after a few moments of awkwardness.
"Why on earth did you say that to him?" I said in a scolded tone with my eyes wide, "Are you insane? What can you possibly get out of scorn him like that in his house? We are already unwanted guests."
"So, you concur with what I said," Malfoy rose his eyebrow. There was a complicated look in his grey eyes which I wasn't able to fully comprehend.
"I'm not sure I understood what you meant," I frowned. For some unknown reason I was nervous when there was no reason to be nervous for. Or perhaps there was, but my already overwhelmed mind had blocked it out.
"Are you avoiding the question?" He uncrossed his arm and sat straight before he fully turned to look at me, "You agree with me in the sense that Weasley is playing a pathetic chase with you, but you'd sworn your loyalty to me. Only me."
"I'm not sure what you are expecting me to say here," I became mildly agitated and held onto my fork tighter, "I don't know if Ron is playing games with me and honestly, I don't care. He no longer has any influence over me. I am with you now, and you know that. What more can I do to make it clearer?"
He didn't flinch. For a moment I was terrified. Terrified of what he would say next. In a state of confusion, I couldn't think through the reason he was being serious and brooding when the last second, he was acting like he didn't have a worry in the world.
Did I do something wrong? Did my past actions come back to haunt me? I didn't know. For the past months with Malfoy, I came to love him, love him enough to stay with him despite what he did to me with that spell; love him enough to leave Ron behind, painstakingly, dreadfully, but I managed.
He was right, he always turned out to be right. The truth was I knew Ron was pulling my heartstrings, I just couldn't understand why he was doing so. But he was succeeding at it, and I was ashamed to admit that if Malfoy didn't barge his way into my life, I'd succumb to Ron's plan.
Malfoy saved me, as plain as it was. And as reluctant as I might be, there was no doubt I used him.
But again, I came to love him. Faithfully, truthfully and dearly.
At least I convinced myself so.
Shouldn't we then, just bury the past in the past?
After breakfast I was sitting by the window, aimless staring outside. Malfoy was by my side, quietly reading a book, in the form of serenity that I had never seen before. It was too peaceful, which led me worrying about what was going on his in mind. I wanted to ask him about it, but I swallowed my words back. He would come around, I told myself, he always came around.
No one had seen Ron, or Lavender for the past hour. And no one was talking about them either. I guessed we all came to an unspoken agreement that it was better not to stir the situation even more.
As I continued on my mindless observation of the nothingness outside the window, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. Partly excited and partly anxious that Malfoy finally wanted to talk, I turned around, only to find myself in surprise and amazement when I saw who was standing next to me.
"Hi, sorry," Lavender said with unease, "Can I talk to you for a second? Just the two of us."
"Sure, of course," I nodded and stood up, not sure what to come and followed her into the kitchen where no one would overhear our conversation.
As I walked pass Malfoy, he looked up from his book with a frown. I curled my lips and shrugged to show him that I was as equally as confused.
Frankly, I had no recollection of when the last time I spoke to Lavender was. I was never much a fan of her, mostly for her irrational jealousy toward me, or anyone who was close to Ron back in the days. And for that reason, I tried my best to avoid her on every occasion that we had be in the same place. I had to admit I built a certain level of resentment to her after she and Ron got together rather quickly after we split. At that time, I found myself wonder if he was, yet again, under love spell. When the answer turned to be as clear as daylight that he voluntarily asked her out, I was broken.
Part of me believed I would never be full again.
"I know you don't like me," She said quietly, looking past my shoulder, "It's fine, don't try deny it. I know. And I'm ok with it."
I wasn't sure what to say, so I waited.
"But what I'm not ok with, is your constant torment of the one I love," She swiftly turned to stare at me, which I found to be intimidating, "Why can't you just leave him alone?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I threw my hands, "I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. He was the one broke it off, he was the one come at Malfoy and me. So, excuse me when I say, what you are telling me right now is nonsense."
"Hermione, please, there's no use for you to play the victim card here between the two of us," She walked closer to me and didn't break off the eye contact, "He broke it off with you only to protect himself. You were the one with the nonstop complaints about how you didn't see the two of you as fit, and how you could do much better. You tried to guilt him, over and over again, you belittled him. In your eyes, he was nothing. Nothing he did was ever good enough for you. "
"I don't know what…"
"Yes, you do know what I'm talking about," She got even closer, "So he left before you could. And that was for your sake. But what did you do? You turned people against him, everyone pitied you and he was the only one to blame. 'Oh, look at that Weasley, what a fool for leaving someone smart and courageous like Granger and broke her heart, what a monster.' Instead of coming to term with it, what did you do? You went to Malfoy. And what a slap in the face that was for poor Ron."
"Ron has you, and I hope he's happy," I was flustered, "And what happened between him and I doesn't matter anymore. We both have somebody now."
"Yes, because I lift him up instead of putting him down like you do," She squinted and I backed toward the wall, "Are you playing Malfoy as a fool too?"
"This is getting ridiculous," I attempted to leave but she blocked my way out, "Please, I don't want to have this conversation anymore."
"I don't hate you, Hermione," Her tone softened as she sighed, "But I do hope you can leave Ron alone for good. It does nobody good if you stick around like that. I'm sure Malfoy wants the same. If you do love him like you say so, then I'd suggest you consider leaving your old crowd behind."
"I think I can make my own decision for that," I said firmly and stepped up, signaling her my desire to escape.
She opened her mouth and wanted to speak, but she didn't make any sound. Instead, she stepped aside to let me leave.
"You can't keep running away from it." She said quietly as I was walking away.
Was I hurt? Yes. I thought that chapter of my life had closed. And as long as I acted normal around the others, I didn't have to make a choice. Though as much as I wanted to say her words were not true, if I did so, then I wouldn't be honest.
Then that question came into mind once again:
Did I love Ron?
I retreated to my window seat, hoping to get back to my mindless observation again. But that glimmer of hope was shattered when Malfoy came to sit next to me.
"Hermione, I'm not going to ask what Brown said to you, but I do have an idea," He said gently, "But there is one thing that I need to say."
"Yes?" I didn't dare to look at him.
"I love you, and you know it," He continued in a voice I couldn't recognize, "Against my family's liking, against my belief, I've made up my mind to love you. There is only you, none precedes and none proceeds. "
Then, I felt his cold fingers on my chin, slowly lifting it up:
"Now, I want you to look at me in the eye and tell me that you feel the same."
週次パワーステータス
-- 推薦
ランキング 
-- 推薦
チケット