章 24: Back to the Hospital?
Location: UNSC Forward Operating Base, Northern Virek
Date and Time: April 10, 2553 – 1400 Hours
The world is a blur of pain and muffled voices. My body feels heavy, every movement a battle against the stabbing ache in my side. The ringing in my ears hasn't stopped since the grenade went off, but the sharp crack of gunfire has faded, replaced by the steady hum of a medical bay.
I'm back at base. I made it out. But I know I shouldn't have.
Santiago is sitting next to my bed, his expression grim. He hasn't said anything since I woke up, just sat there, watching me, like he's waiting for something.
"Guess I screwed up," I mutter, my voice hoarse. It hurts to talk, but the pain is nothing compared to the guilt gnawing at my insides.
Santiago doesn't smile. He just nods. "Yeah, you did. But we got out. That's what matters."
I close my eyes, the weight of it all crashing down on me. I let my squad down. I let myself get distracted, and because of that, I almost got us all killed. The grenade, the ambush—it's all a blur now, but I remember enough to know I wasn't fully there when it happened.
I wasn't focused.
"Everyone else okay?" I ask, opening my eyes again, though part of me doesn't want to hear the answer.
Santiago nods. "Yeah, we're good. Few cuts and bruises, but nothing serious. You took the worst of it."
I sigh, relief washing over me, but it's short-lived. They're okay, but it was too close. And it's my fault.
"You weren't focused out there," Santiago says, his voice low. "You've been off since you came back."
He's right, and I can't argue with him. I've been distracted. I've been thinking about Emily when I should've been thinking about the squad. About the mission.
"I know," I mutter, feeling the weight of the admission settle over me. "I… I let my head get clouded. I wasn't all there."
Santiago leans back in his chair, his eyes searching mine. "Look, man, I get it. We all have our things, you know? But out there, you need to be sharp. You need to be all in."
I nod, knowing he's right. But it's not that simple. Not anymore.
The door opens, and Lieutenant Kane steps into the room, his expression unreadable. He glances at Santiago, then looks down at me, his hands clasped behind his back.
"You're lucky, Kowalski," he says, his tone cold but calm. "That could've gone a lot worse."
"I know, sir," I reply, forcing myself to sit up despite the pain shooting through my side. "I won't let it happen again."
Kane studies me for a moment, his eyes narrowing. "See that you don't. We can't afford mistakes out here."
He doesn't say it, but the unspoken words are clear. I'm on thin ice. Another slip-up like this, and I'm done.
Location: UNSC Field Hospital, Avenport, Virek
Date and Time: April 12, 2553 – 1000 Hours
A few days later, I'm back at the field hospital. It's strange, being here again after everything that happened. The last time I was in this place, I couldn't stop thinking about getting back to my squad. Now, I'm not sure where my head's at.
I lie in the hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling, my mind a mess of conflicting thoughts. I should be focused on healing, on getting back to my team. But all I can think about is Emily. She's the reason I've been so distracted. But she's also the reason I've felt something… more. Something beyond the war.
And that scares me.
The door opens, and I expect to see Emily step in like she always does. But it's another nurse, one I don't recognize, and for a second, disappointment floods through me.
I'm relieved when, a few minutes later, Emily finally walks in. There's a soft smile on her face, but it fades as soon as she sees me. There's something different in her eyes this time—concern, but also something heavier. Something deeper.
She pulls up a chair next to the bed, sitting down without saying a word at first. I can feel the tension between us, the weight of everything unspoken.
"I heard what happened," she says quietly, finally breaking the silence. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I reply, though the words don't come out as confidently as I'd like. "Just… a close call."
Emily looks down at her hands, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her clipboard. "You're pushing yourself too hard."
"I don't have a choice," I mutter, the frustration bubbling up again. "It's my job. My responsibility."
"I know," she says, her voice soft but firm. "But it's not just about the mission, Kowalski. It's about you. You can't keep tearing yourself apart like this."
I turn my head to look at her, the tension in my chest tightening. "I don't know how to do this," I admit, my voice low. "I don't know how to balance it all—the squad, the war, and… you."
Her eyes meet mine, and for a moment, everything else fades away. "You don't have to figure it all out right now," she says, her voice gentle. "But you do need to take care of yourself. You can't keep pushing yourself to the breaking point."
I close my eyes, the weight of her words settling over me. She's right. I've been pushing too hard, trying to do everything at once, and it's catching up to me. But I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to slow down when everything feels so urgent, so immediate.
"I don't want to let them down," I whisper, the admission slipping out before I can stop it.
"You won't," she says softly, reaching out to place her hand on mine. The warmth of her touch sends a jolt through me, a reminder that there's something more than just the fight. "But you have to be there for yourself too. You have to find a balance."
For a moment, I just sit there, feeling the warmth of her hand and the weight of her words. I don't know how to balance it all yet, but maybe, with her, I can figure it out.
"I'll try," I say, my voice barely audible. "I don't know if I'm any good at it, but I'll try."
Her smile returns, soft but genuine. "That's all I ask."
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