章 32: Finding a New Path
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Rai smiled and bid his mother goodnight before entering his room. The moment the door latched behind him, however, the crushing weight of reality seemed to descend upon him. His breath hitched, turning sporadic and shallow as the onset of hyperventilation gripped him. Cold beads of sweat surfaced on his forehead while a sense of claustrophobia clawed at him, giving the illusion of the walls inching towards him.
In a desperate bid to regain control, Rai staggered towards the bedside table, intending to take a soothing sip of water. But as he reached for the glass, his hands, betraying his outward composure, trembled uncontrollably. The glass slipped from his shaky grasp, crashing to the floor and shattering into fragments
The resonating crash of the shattered glass amplified his spiraling anxiety, causing his internal turmoil to spin further out of control. He crumpled onto his bed, each gasping breath a battle, his mind racing with all the possibilities of danger and harm that could come his way as a shinobi.
His thoughts were a stormy sea of chaos as he struggled to calm himself down. "No, no, this isn't right...this was never part of the plan.," he thought to himself. "I can't let my fear control me like this. I can't do this." He tried to take deep breaths and calm himself down, but it seemed like a herculean task amidst his current state of disarray.
"This is not a fairytale," he thought. "This is a bloody nightmare." Vivid recollections from the day's events haunted him - the brutal sight of blood, the chilling acts of violence, the looming specter of danger It was overwhelming, too intense for him to digest. He struggled to suppress these ghastly images, yet they invaded his thoughts, unbidden and insistent.
He tried to remind himself of his training and the guidance of his mother and father, but it all felt hollow in the face of the brutality he had witnessed. The world he lived in was harsh and unforgiving, and he wondered if he had what it took to survive in it.
He berated himself, thinking, "How could I have been so naïve? How could I have failed to recognize the gravity of my actions? I was training to become a shinobi, a warrior capable of taking lives. But I never truly considered the ramifications of such a path."
He felt overwhelmed with guilt and fear, wondering if he was capable of such violence and if he could handle the weight of taking someone's life. The thought alone made him feel sick to his stomach.
The intensity of the violence he had borne witness to in the Chunin exams left an indelible imprint on Rai's conscience. It bewildered him to see even youngsters, barely older than him, display such ferocity. "If such was the norm amongst my peers, what of the adults? What about the jonin? I...I can't take this. Why was I brought into this world? What purpose do I serve as a shinobi?" His spirit was in disarray, his sense of direction adrift.
His thoughts threatened to engulf him, and in the face of the surging emotional tide, his defenses crumbled. Tears welled up, tracing hot paths down his cheeks. He acknowledged the futility of just sitting idly, he couldn't just sit there and wallow in despair.
Rai, gathering his composure, wiped his tear-streaked face, thinking, "There has to be something I can do." The notion of surrendering to this grim fate was intolerable. But could he genuinely embrace the life of a shinobi? The allure of learning martial arts or jutsu was undeniable, but to be coerced into the act of killing, that's a hard pass."
Rai was well aware of his roots and heritage as a member of a shinobi clan; abandoning this identity was out of the question. Simultaneously, the concept of taking lives as an integral part of his duty was something he found impossible to swallow. He needed to find a way to reconcile his beliefs with his reality.
As his thoughts continued to churn, a realization hit him. He didn't have to become a shinobi that takes lives; he could become a shinobi that saves lives. Rai's frantic heart gradually steadied, and his breathing normalized. "A medical-nin," he murmured to himself, his voice barely above a whisper. "That seems the most suitable path."
As Rai came to a decision, he knew the first thing he needed to do was talk to his parents about it. Yet, he found himself wrestling with the uncertainty of how to broach this subject. He devoted the remainder of the sleepless night, crafting and recrafting the conversation in his mind.
He didn't want to go against the traditions and expectations of his shinobi clan, but he also couldn't ignore his own beliefs and values.
He mentally rehearsed various dialogues, searching for the right words that would express his feelings without causing conflict. The progression of the night saw Rai's energy waning, yet his determination held steadfast. He was aware that his decision carried far-reaching implications for his life's path. In the early morning, after a long battle with his thoughts, he eventually surrendered to fatigue, drifting off into a restless sleep.
*
Yoshino woke up the next morning, feeling a sense of unease. She had noticed that Rai had been acting strangely the night before, and she couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong. Opting to give him some privacy, she chose not to intrude, allowing him to sort through his thoughts independently.
Yet as the morning hours passed, her concern amplified. Rai was typically the early bird, up before the rest, enthusiastic for training, but today, he was nowhere to be seen. His room remained quiet and untouched. She approached, gently rapping on his door, but no response came.
POV Yoshino:
I slowly pushed open the door to Rai's room and as I entered the room, I found him sprawled haphazardly across his bed, still clad in the same outfit from yesterday's Chunin Exams.
I approached him cautiously, trying not to wake him up. However, as I drew nearer, I could see that his face looked pale and was creased with worry, and I knew that something must be seriously bothering him. Gently touching his shoulder, I softly called out, "Rai? Is everything alright?"
His movements were sluggish as he roused, his eyes opening slowly. "Mom?" he mumbled, his voice hoarse from what I assumed was lack of sleep. "What's the time
"It's late," I responded gently. "You missed your training this morning. Are you feeling okay?"
He ran a hand over his face and gradually rose to a seated position, his features baring a worn-out expression. "I'm alright," he managed to voice out, almost too soft to hear. "Just had a restless night."
Sensing that there lay a deeper layer beneath his response, I refrained from prying. Instead, I mustered a tender smile and pressed a loving kiss to his forehead, assuring him to take all the time he needed to gather himself.
Suppressing any undue concerns, I resolved to not dwell excessively on Rai's apparent distress. I had faith that he would approach me in due course, when he felt ready to share his worries. For now, I needed to trust in his resilience and reassure myself that he would eventually find solace.
*
POV Normal:
As Yoshino departed the room, Rai lingered for a brief moment, collecting himself and inhaling deep breaths in an attempt to regain composure. He acknowledged that the time for concealing his inner turmoil had reached its limit. With resolute determination, he committed to sharing his burdens with his mother.
Changing swiftly into fresh attire, he made his way to the kitchen where the aroma of breakfast wafted through the air. His voice trembled slightly with nerves as he approached Yoshino. "Mom," he began, his tone betraying a mix of apprehension and vulnerability. "There's something I need to talk to you about,"
Yoshino turned to face him, concern etched on her face. "Of course, Rai. Is everything alright?" she inquired, setting aside the spatula and affording him her undivided attention.
Rai hesitated, his conscience pricking with guilt as he prepared to deceive his mother. However, the necessity of this conversation overshadowed his worries. Lowering his gaze briefly, he inhaled deeply, summoning his resolve before meeting her eyes once more. "Mom, I want to be a medical-nin," he said, his voice steady and resolute.
Yoshino's eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly regained her composure. "A medical-nin?" she repeated, curious. "What brought this on?"
Rai drew a deep breath, carefully recounting his observations during the Chunin Exams, the impact of the violence on his psyche, and his newfound desire to bring about change by preserving lives instead of ending them.
"I understand," Yoshino responded, her hand tenderly resting upon Rai's cheek as she offered a reassuring smile "I'm proud of you for thinking about this. Becoming a medical-nin is a noble goal, and I'm sure your father and I will support you every step of the way.
She continued, her voice filled with encouragement, "In fact, you may possess a unique advantage in this field. While the Nara clan may not traditionally specialize in medical ninjutsu, our lineage has cultivated an extensive history of expertise in medicine and the healing arts."
Rai regarded his mother with a perplexed expression, his confusion etched onto his features. "Aren't healing arts and medical ninjutsu essentially the same?" he questioned
"In a sense, they share a connection," Yoshino clarified, "however, medical ninjutsu primarily revolves around utilizing chakra to mend wounds and address ailments, whereas healing arts often encompass non-chakra-based methods such as herbal remedies, poultices, and other forms of treatment. Each holds its own significance, and having a foundation in healing arts can undoubtedly complement your journey as a medical-nin."
She continued, "As a member of the Nara clan, you possess access to a wealth of advanced medical knowledge and techniques. Coupled with your intellect and dedication, I have complete faith that you will thrive and become an exceptional medical-nin."
Rai's countenance brightened, the burden he had carried dissipating as a smile bloomed upon his lips. "Thank you, Mom," he expressed sincerely, the relief evident in his voice. "I feel better already. I'm glad I could talk to you about this."
Yoshino reciprocated the smile, her hand finding solace upon his shoulder. "Of course, Rai. I'm always here for you. Whatever path you choose, our unwavering support will be with you every step of the way."
Yoshino then turned serious and added, "But I want you to know that the path of a medical-nin is not an easy one. It requires an extensive amount of study, training, and dedication.
If you genuinely choose this path, Rai, then it demands your utmost dedication. Merely being an average medical-nin is insufficient when lives hang in the balance," she stressed. "You will bear the weight of your comrades' well-being and survival, and that is an immense responsibility"
Rai looked at his mother with his eyes filled with resolve and determination. "I understand, Mom. I will work much, much harder than I already do. I want to make a difference and save lives. I won't let you down," he said firmly.
Yoshino smiled, proud of her son's determination. "I know you won't, Rai," she said. "We'll have to make some changes to your training schedule to accommodate your new goal, but for now, let's have breakfast." She turned back to the stove and began serving up some eggs and bacon onto their plates.
Rai felt a sense of relief wash over him, knowing that his mother was supportive of his decision. He ate his breakfast with newfound energy and determination, ready to embark on a new path and make a difference as a medical-nin.
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A/N: This is the conclusion of the first arc, and I am thrilled to announce that starting Wednesday, we will venture into the second arc of our story. Your support throughout this journey has meant the world to me, and I am truly grateful. If you have been enjoying the story so far, I would be deeply grateful if you could leave a review and share your thoughts. Your feedback will not only encourage others to join in but also help me improve and continue crafting this tale. Thank you for being a part of this adventure, and I hope you will stick around for the exciting chapters to come.
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