章 22: CHAPTER 21.
Under the silver light of the full moon, whose light was dim in the dusk, Oliver was amazed by the beautiful array of colors that merged to reveal three forms.
He recognized her form first, then beside her, his brother's, and as he squinted harder, he saw what he was sure, without looking harder, was him at their feet, surrounded by rats.
The two of them were smiling lovingly down at him. He realized the purpose of her previous joke was to remind him of the traumatizing, yet fond memory before she gave him the painting.
The painting was so beautiful he could not be offended by the obvious mockery. And yet, he wondered. Was this how she saw him? A scrawny little boy afraid of rats? Did he have an identity besides Fredrick's little brother to her?
"I didn't know you could paint," he breathed, not taking his eyes from the canvas, and trying to push the insecure thoughts away.
"I can't, a friend of mine did it, his name is Adam, he is teaching me to paint, but I'm not ready yet. Do you like it? I told him to make it like that." she was rambling.
He turned and looked at her then. Biting her lip nervously, some of her hair loose from the band that held it together, the moonlight made her look like a goddess. A nervous wreck of a goddess, but a goddess nonetheless.
In this light, he wished he could thank her with more than words. He wondered if she would let him. Swallowing back his wants and desires, he looked back at the painting, fingering it with his thumb and feeling the texture of the brush that had brought the colors to life.
When had she and Adam become friends?
"It's beautiful…" (you are beautiful) "I love it." (I love you), he said his voice coming out as a breathy whisper.
Charlotte studied him for a moment, moving closer to him.
"You seem sad. What's wrong?" she asked, placing her palm on his face and forcing him to look at her. He leaned into her touch, filling up with her cruel comfort.
Her brows were furrowed, filling her eyes with concern.
"Oli," he died at the whisper of his name, pulling his hand off his face and turning away from her. Why did she have to be so cruel?
"What's wrong?" she followed him, peeking beneath his lowered gaze to meet his eyes. "Did the painting upset you? I thought you didn't mind the joke…"
"There is nothing wrong with the painting Charlotte," he said, sounding annoyed. "It's beautiful, and it's funny… it's perfect. I love it. But it's not mine, and it doesn't want to be mine."
"What?" she sounded confused. "What Are you talking about? I made the painting for you, it is yours."
Oliver found himself smiling. A chuckle escaped his lips. She was so cruel.
"You are so cruel, Charlotte," he said, folding the painting back and taking a step back from her. A ruthless goddess.
Charlotte stared back at him. The moon now shone brighter with the light of dusk gone. It was a full moon, and it shone bright enough that you could see as well as if it was a foggy day.
He could sense the defiance coming from her. She wanted to deny this for as long as she could. He could tell she wanted him to joke and remove them both from the situation he had created, but he had been pretending so long, he had used up all his energy.
'Tell me Charlotte. Tell Me where we stand, please. Break this heart I just bared to you, or wrap it in your warm embrace and heal me forever.' he begged her with his eyes.
'Please don't.' her eyes replied, welling up with tears.
He hated himself for making her cry but hated her more for making him suppress these emotions for so long.
She crumbled before him, letting the tears wash her cheeks without wiping them away.
"You know how I feel, Oliver," she said, sniffling and letting herself fall to the ground and rest on a rock, tired.
"And you know how I feel," he replied, unable to let it go despite seeing the grief he caused her.
"Charlotte," he continued, "I have loved you for a long time. Everyone Knows it, you know it, and-"
"- Please stop, I cannot-"
"-No, let me finish. I have tried Charlotte. I noticed you did not appreciate my feelings, and I tried for both our sakes, to see you the way you wanted me to see you. I really, did, but I cannot look at you without wanting to touch you, I cannot be close to you without wanting to be closer…charlotte, you kill me every day, lay me to rest now."
Charlotte was full-on sobbing now, her head buried in her hands. He dropped to his knees before her, to be level with her, and took her hands in his. "Please Charlotte," he pleaded. "Say yes and let us be happy forever."
She looked into his eyes, and for a moment, he thought the wall would crumble to dust, but in the same moment, he saw her gaze turn steely, and her body stiffen. The wall was back up. He sighed.
She pried her hands from his and stood up.
"Only children believe in forever, Oliver. You know how I feel, accept it and let us move past it," she said, her voice cold and pleading at the same time.
Oliver got angry. Standing up, he stood before her and looked her in her eyes.
"I Know how you feel," he said, with a passion he did not know existed within him. "But do you know how you feel, Charlotte? Because I notice how your breath catches when I'm too close to your body," he moved closer to prove his point. Charlotte's lungs betrayed her.
"I notice how you stiffen up when I touch you," his hand found her waist, and again, Charlotte's body betrayed her, responding as he had predicted.
"I notice the indecisiveness in your eyes when my eyes linger on your lips a little too long, and you debate whether you would let me kiss you if I tried, so don't stand there and act like these feelings are one-sided because I know they are not."
He stopped to catch a breath, decided otherwise, and captured her lips with his.
For a second, for a glorious, heavenly second, she kissed him back, and his body flooded with warmth and pleasure, spreading from the heels of his feet to the top of his head and sending a shiver down his spine.
For a second, for a glorious, heavenly second, his world was perfect. She would say 'Yes, you are right, I am sorry, I love you,' and he would say, 'It's okay, I know, it doesn't matter anymore,' and they would be happy forever.
For a second, but only a second, he did not know where he was, or who he was, he knew only her lips, and the ripples of pleasure they caused throughout his body.
But a second is only a second. And after a second, he was pulled roughly from his dream as Charlotte pulled away from him and pushed him away.
His pleased smile disappeared as he noticed the hurt, betrayed, and was that a disgusted look on her face?
His emotions took a turn for the darker side, his momentary high spirits falling. His shoulders slouched in defeat, energy draining from his body.
"What's wrong?" it was his turn to ask.
"What's wrong?" Charlotte was angrier than he had ever seen her. But he could not tell whether it was at him or herself.
"What wrong, is that I told you, my stand on this situation, and you ignored my opinions and kissed me!"
"You kissed me back." he tried to defend himself.
"For a second. Out of shock, what has become of you?"
Oliver couldn't stand the disgusted look on her face.
"I Know how you feel, Charlotte, if-" he started, but he did not get to finish.
"- You know nothing, Oliver. You saw what you wanted to see to justify what you wanted to do. I don't love you, not the way you want me to, nor will I ever. I'm sorry Oliver, but it's time to grow up, there is more to life than what's between your legs." her voice and face were cold as ice as she delivered the blow.
She turned from him, took her bag, and walked away.
"Are you in love with someone else?" he heard his voice ask, "Is it the Adam you spoke of? Or Frederick?"
She stopped cold in her tracks and turned slowly to face him. The smile on her face made him shuffle uncomfortably.
"You speak and act like a child, in case you ever wonder why I was unable to reciprocate your feelings."
She twisted the knife on his already maimed heart, before turning and leaving without a goodbye.
With every step she took away from him, Oliver's heart broke even more. Had he been so wrong? Had he imagined it all?
He fell to his knees and sobbed like a baby, comforting himself by promising never to let anyone break his heart again.
He had chased away the only good thing he had in his life.
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