章 3: dreams are just dream
I wake up on the floor with a headache. I didn't know where I was until I saw my desk. I was in my room decorated with my family's photos stuck onto the ceiling and on the side of the room.
I didn't remember what happened the night before. I was still in my uniform from yesterday when performing the fan dance. I remember now. My parents, my sister, and Neve. I still don't know where he is.
Standing up already feels exhausting.
It feels so unreal. I feel like I can't recall any memories I've made with them even if there are so many pictures around me, I can't remember my father's birthday, I can't remember my sister's favourite hair clip, I can't remember my mother's smile.
Her smile leaves a dent in me, one I never wanna stop seeing. She taught me how to smile. Now I can't even remember what she looks like, or her voice. Have I She'd always play this one lullaby to put me to sleep.
I don't remember the lyrics anymore.
Surely it's just a nightmare, right? Oh silly Collie you, always imagining some of the wildest things in that noggin of yours.
Right?
Recalling any lullaby my mother sang to me was as if I never had a mother to begin with. I can't remember the times I laughed with her, or hugged her. Or even cried with her.
A shadow passes me. Mother?
"Mom," no answer.
"Mom where are you," noting.
"Mom please, I don't want to be alone again" Only my footsteps were heard walking through this empty hallway until finally reached the stairs to go down. Mom is surely just downstairs preparing something yummy to eat. I love her delicious soft crunchy bread. It's one of my favourites to eat during breakfast.
The kitchen was empty. I tried so hard to not look. But my gaze gave in and I looked at them. It still feels unreal.
It's just your wild imagination Collie,
No, it wasn't, I would never imagine anything this gruesome, I would never imagine my mother stabbed in the heart, and I would never imagine my father's dead eyes staring at me. His head shouldn't be parted. I would never imagine my sister crying at her last moment. I would never imagine a knife in her throat.
The worst I could imagine was losing my parents.
I moved towards my sister and placed my face against hers. She's cold. She has always hated the cold, when she is cold I always give her a warm hug to make sure she stays toasty.
I closed my eyes and placed a hand above her head giving her a gentle rub. Maybe that's enough to keep her memories warm.
One tear fell. Then two. Suddenly I'm crying hysterically. I looked at my parents like a lost child.
"Mom,"
"Please, just tell me what to do"
"Mom I promise to be better,"
"Please just cut the act,"
"Mom,"
"Are you there? Are you still with me?"
What was I saying?
She's not here anymore collie,
No one is
Despite everything happening now, I still wondered. Why didn't I call help yesterday? Why did I wake up in my bed like it was a normal Saturday?
None of these add up, I can't even make sense of my actions. Were they not important to me that I didn't even bother to call for help?
I let out a cold breath, the power turned off. Guess Dad wasn't able to pay the bills in time.
I stood up to call someone. My vision went fuzzy, my head felt light. Everything around me started spinning, I felt cold.
I hate feeling cold
Standing up already feels exhausting
Momentarily I saw myself back at the palace where I once stood. Scared and confused, encage just to meet my doom early.
From outside I could hear voices, a voice who was scared.
I used all my energy and strength to open my eyes. My sight was still hazy but I could make out gold eyes staring at me.
I blanked out again.
Shocked woke me up in a white room. There were curtains on the window in daisy patterns. That was the first thing I saw when I woke up. The room feels cold and refreshing.
I couldn't move my body, I was too weak to even move. How pathetic. They had me on an oxygen mask, now this place seems familiar. I was at the hospital.
A doctor walks in along with someone. He wears an oversized white shirt with a necklace we made out of seashells and pebbles, Luhune, for once I'm glad he's the first person to come see me.
"Li are you doing okay?" Luhune gives me a gentle look. "I'm doing fine" my voice tired and dehydrated. How long was I out? The doctor informed me of the basics of what happened and what I'll have to be on for a few days. I didn't pass out, more as if I suddenly got separated between living and dying. It's hard to explain what the doctor told me but to put it simply. I died, but somehow I managed to come back with just a click of a finger. Still, I felt dehydrated.
To my left, I could see another patient, to my right was the door the doctor and Luhune walked in, and in front of me I saw a painting. It was a painting of a beautiful woman with long pearly white hair. Her expression on the painting was so gentle and ethereal that it cooled my heart. I stared at it long until I lost track of time, the painting still looked soft to my eyes, but, the woman's face turned into a blur and a black smudge was all I could see, her once angelic expression showed only deformity.
"What was I looking at?" I mumbled. A lady jumps out of the painting, she had a fox mask on. Her hair covered most of her body. It didn't even seem like she had one. The lady then took off her mask, I can't tell if time had stopped or if I was in a state of some sort. The lady didn't have a face, the room was dark. Strange, wasn't it just daylight outside? And where did Luhune go? What time is it? Piano plays in the background, children's are crying. So many noises yet the room stayed quiet.
"Li?" "Hey Li this isn't funny now snap out of this" Luhune shakes me in desperation. Finally, I snapped out of whatever state I was in, grasping for air like I ran a marathon. "Li it's okay, calm down, I'm here", "Hey now don't cry" I was crying?
He wipes my tears away. And helped me calm down. I hugged him. I didn't know what to do. I felt scared. What was I scared of? The painting? The lady? Me? Was that what the doctor meant by I died? I died but was able to resurrect? What the heck is happening?
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