章 113: Ones greatest fear
So... I'm seventeen now.
Funny thing— today, happens to be 'Noah's' birthday.
Uncle Ethan called me up to remind me.
"Well happy birthday to Noah Grey of this world...wherever you are? I guess?"
But besides that, there was another matter I wanted to discuss with uncle Ethan.
Sooner or later, he's bound to discover the truth about Master Seraphina, so I felt this lingering urge to come clean about my business ventures and all that jazz.
But... I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I made a promise to myself that I would address the issue with him, but at the same time, I didn't really want to.
Turns out, Master Seraphina somehow already knew about my birthday.
I explicitly mentioned to her that I had zero interest in any birthday celebrations, and surprisingly, she respected my wishes.
Part of me secretly hoped she would go against my wishes and throw a surprise bash for me... But I suppose it's for the best that she didn't.
But, that didn't stop her from presenting me with a gift in the end.
"A hand glove?" I asked, confused by the peculiar black hand glove that Seraphina gave me.
"It's a relic. Platinum grade one."
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks.
Platinum grade relics were unbelievably valuable and incredibly rare to come by.
My eyes couldn't help but tremble...'Why did she...for me?'
She told me that she was doing it for herself.
The main gig with this hand glove was that it had the power to mess with people's understanding of my mana core.
But, that's not all.
This relic had some extra bells and whistles. It could rev up my magic attacks and make it a breeze to caste bindrunes.
It even came equipped with its very own spell.
"Once again, Happy Birthday, Noah," she said, flashing me one of her soft smiles—the once that I kinda missed... Ahem.
Damn, my heart was seriously melting with warmth at her gesture.
Thankfully, only Master and Svetlana were in on the whole birthday deal.
It seemed like the secret was sealed between just the two of them.
And as per my request, no celebrations were held.
Svetlana surprised me with a gift as well—a unique garment that resembled a trench coat or an overcoat, but with a soft and lightweight fabric that extended below the knees. It lacked rigid structure, but was incredibly comfortable.
Turns out, it was also a relic, a rare ranked at that.
I was beginning to believe that rich people only wear relics for cloths or something.
According to her own words, the coat suits me... makes me 'more cool looking' or something.
Well, not to be narcissistic but I think I already look pretty cool...I mean have Solaris Amulet— it didn't just increase my charm stats, it also gave me certain charisma.
I personally didn't care much about birthdays but that day...I enjoyed whatever little celebration was held.
Technically, getting one platinum ranked relic and one rare ranked relic, can't be said to be a 'little' celebration.
***
It has been a few days after my birthday and I was about to return to academy in a week.
In the meantime, Svetlana dipped and left for Arcanum. I guess she's got her own life now...
Also, it turned out super soldier program was not as simple as it sounded.
According to Nano I have to go to a deep state of comatose in a cryogenic sleep.
Basically, go to sleep in a machine which will freeze my body in ice and regulate it.
Over the course of the week, when I will be in the cryogenic sleep, a process called Hyper Molecular Rejuvenation (HMR) will take place to induce a profound cellular regeneration.
During that period, the genetic material within my cells will undergo a sequence of modifications, activating dormant genes and enhancing their expression before implanting a specific genetic code of some other organism.
In cryogenic sleep, my body would be shielded from external environmental factors that could impede the genetic modifications.
The period of suspended animation safeguards against potential harmful mutations.
But turns out that I won't get the 'Instant power up' like I was hoping.
Nano machines, although advanced, operates with limited capacity and require a significant cooldown period, to recalibrate to the subsequent genetic modifications.
Nano wants to make sure I don't lose myself to some primal animal instincts. It recommended doing one genome change at a time.
A precaution so I stay mostly human, with just a touch of animal.
That way, my desires and goals won't get overridden by some wild animalistic nature.
Well, Nano machines aren't some magical objects. They're all about science and logic. So it makes sense that there are these limitations.
In simple terms, I can't do it right now.
I would first need to build the machines which will be needed for the process to work.
I can build those mechanical gizmos, even without help of Nano. I am not a complete retard, after all.
"What do you think about love, Noah?" Seraphina's velvety voice flowed into my ears.
"Love?" I feigned a blush. "I didn't know that you were interested... Never expected such a question to come from you. But I am too young for you-"
Slap! —Slap!
Instantly, two slaps marked my cheeks red, leaving behind electric vibrations.
"Need more?"
"No."—I shook my head while sitting up straight.
"Then focus on what I am teaching."
"Yes, Master."—I replied with utmost sincerity, my focus solely on absorbing every word my Master uttered.
"Remember when I told you about curse magic? Well, curse is not exactly a magic."—Seraphina began to explain.
"Just like emotions —love, amusement, pathos, anger, courage, fear, odious, marvel—curses too have a very similar spectrum. It is like an arrow from the bow. But every curse has an antidote or atonement. We can call it an escape route or exit strategy. Once a curse is released, it works like casualty of the universe, a cause and effect which cannot be stopped. There is a whole school of philosophy to understand curses but I am not won't lecture them right now."
"Yes, Master."
"So, Noah," Seraphina said as she rose from her seat and began pacing around. "In your opinion, what do you believe is the most potent curse?"
I pondered for a moment before responding, "Losing someone you truly love?"
A flicker of amusement danced in Seraphina's eyes as she raised her right eyebrow. "Close, but not quite."
"I would argue that the most intense curse of all is love itself." She spoke softly, almost in a whisper. "And perhaps the most twisted as well..."
My heart twinged with empathy as I recalled the tragic fate of her husband.
She pressed on, her words dripping with intensity, "Love has this twisted way of making us fear. Fear of losing those we hold dear. And if we aren't strong enough, it can lead us to that dark abyss."
She looked at me and asked, with the most sincerest tone I have ever heard from her, "This question will give you the insight to curse, so think carefully before you answer. What is your greatest fear? Take your time."
"My fear?" I asked, probably more to myself than to her.
Insight to curse huh...well if she is so serious...
I closed my eyes. Rationality was the need of the hour. I needed focus.
In the depths of my consciousness, cracks formed, allowing thoughts from the unknown to seep in, like whispers of the wind.
'My greatest fear... What truly haunts me? What is my greatest fear?' I didn't know. I never thought about it.
When thinking of fear, it always finds its way back to death.
Pop culture, movies, documentaries, books, tablets, monuments, stories, dogmas, ideologies, philosophies, superstitions, art, tales and the whispers of the society—all these, in one way or another, have painted death as synonym of fear.
The strands of fear meets the beginning of death, stitching together into our mind and the fabric of our existence.
We often fear that which we have never experienced—the unknown. It wouldn't matter if it was a lie, even a lie would be truth if said enough times.
Well, as strange it may sound, death is not what I fear. I have lived with death my whole life. It was always there.
I knew death more than I knew life.
But if not death, then what? Then what... then what...do I fear?
For a very brief moment, a very disgusting image began to take shape in the recess of my mind. An ugly image which looked eerily similar to the silhouette a human, but covered in pitch-black darkness. It's eyes all white, it's hands thin and long, it's nails sharp, like daggers.
Without even realizing, I gulped.
No, that's not it...its just a dream.
I shook my head and thought about it again.
If not death than what...pain?
Yes, pain.
Who in their right mind would enjoy pain? It's an unwelcomed visitor that creeps into our lives.
Pain is a part of us. It's woven into the fabric of our very being. It's the price we pay for simply being born.
Many years ago, I used to think that perhaps giving birth, is the biggest sin one can do.
Perhaps creation is the biggest sin of all. A life nurtured by death.
Pain is suffering. Longingness is pain. Mercy is cruelty. And end is, the beginning, just like how death gives birth to life and how life eventually circles back to death.
During my life, whenever I had painful episodes, sleep was the only solace.
So sleep is good.
But let's flip the coin, is death bad?
It's the end of all suffering so in that viewpoint, death is better.
But of course best would be to have never been born at all.
Lost in my thoughts, I closed my eyes, shutting out the distractions of the world. I sought an answer to her question.
Slowly, the world around me faded into darkness, and the only sounds I heard were the echoes of memories.
-"He doesn't have much time left. Maybe two years, if we're lucky."
-"It's astonishing. How does he...makes no sense. How is he still breathing?"
-"I miss him too and it hurts alot."
-"Grandfather Hope."
-"These are nano machines. Something we can use to survive in this god forsaken world."
-"How long was I unconscious?"
-Serial number: 01Z-619. Activating
the 1st generation of Nanoma...
-The hell is happening ! I can hear some voice in my head...
- "Noah! Where are you?!"
-'Is this... the end? This is how I die?'
"Noah?" Seraphina's voice took me out before my mind could reach the darkest place of my heart.
I turned to her, my gaze meeting hers, "I suppose my greatest fear... lies in losing the place I call home."
In that briefest of instances, a fleeting expression of profound pity flashed across Seraphina's eyes before dissipating, leaving no trace.
"And what lengths would you go to reclaim that lost home of yours?" she asked with an unusual calmness in her voice.
In a heartbeat, I replied, "Anything."
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