章 7: Finale "I once hold a star" KSJ FF
______________________
We stood before the world, proclaiming our love and commitment through the announcement of our marriage. It was a joyous occasion, filled with promises of a future together. As the world celebrated our union, a different kind of excitement brewed within me. The very next day, my long-awaited book was finally published, a culmination of countless hours poured into its creation. It was a dream come true, a testament to my passion for storytelling. But amidst the whirlwind of emotions, there was a lingering sense of unease. Deep down, I longed for something more, something miraculous to affirm the preciousness of life.
In the depths of my heart, a fear lingered—a fear of untimely demise, of leaving this world before fully experiencing its wonders. The fragility of existence weighed heavily on my mind, whispering doubts and anxieties into the recesses of my soul. With the impending book signing event rescheduled to the day after tomorrow, the ticking clock only intensified my yearning for that elusive miracle.
-----
Amidst the crowd gathered for the book signing, I found solace in the act of connecting with readers, of sharing my words and stories. As I sat there, pen in hand, ready to leave a piece of myself within the pages of each book, a man caught my attention. He approached with a genuine smile, his eyes sparkling with admiration.
Jin: Hi! I'm Kim Seokjin! I must confess, I'm an ardent admirer of your literary masterpiece, "The Goodbye." Your words have moved me deeply, and I can't help but feel an inexplicable connection to the emotions you've crafted. Would it be too much to ask if we could share a dinner tonight? As a fan, it would be an honor.
Me: (Caught off guard) Oh, thank you so much for your kind words! However, I must apologize. I already have plans for dinner with my beloved husband tonight. But I appreciate your support and enthusiasm.
Jin: (Smiling warmly) Ah, I see. In that case, I'm genuinely excited for you, my dear wife. May your evening be filled with love and laughter.
_______________________
Week 3
The passage of time seemed both swift and agonizingly slow. Here I lay, nestled beside the man who had captured my heart with his unwavering love and unblemished soul. How could he be so perfect? His mere presence beside me brought solace and a profound sense of belonging. Yet, as the weight of reality bore down on my shoulders, the knowledge that the fateful day awaited me tomorrow brought a profound sorrow.
I stirred from my slumber, careful not to disturb his peaceful rest. With quiet determination, I rose from the bed and embarked on a mission to create a morning feast. The familiar routines provided a temporary distraction from the bittersweet emotions that swirled within. As I cooked, the fragrant aroma filled the kitchen, mingling with memories of shared breakfasts and stolen kisses.
Once breakfast was prepared, I left the comfort of our home, a place I had transformed into a sanctuary for my writing endeavors. It had become my haven, where words danced upon the pages, and stories came alive. In the quiet solitude, I opened my camera and pressed record, capturing a message to be witnessed after I had departed.
"Hey, Jin oppa. Jakiya, how has your day been? I find myself compelled to offer my sincerest apologies for my moments of selfishness and my bouts of weakness. You, my beloved, deserve far more than what I can give. In my heart, I know that my time in this world is dwindling. Ah, forgive my choice of words—I misspoke
. By the time you lay eyes on this video, I will have left this realm behind, ascending to a better place. You, Seokjin, are the epitome of goodness and light, the best person I've ever had the privilege to meet. My love for you knows no bounds. All I ever wanted was to leave an indelible mark on the world, to be remembered by all. Yet now, I implore you to forget me entirely. Erase my existence from your memories and your heart. I apologize for any pain I have caused you. Know that my love for you will endure, even beyond the veil of time. Find someone who can bring you more happiness than I ever could. Remember, always, that you are my guiding star, my beacon of hope. Please, do not let my absence bring you sorrow. Take care of yourself, for my sake. In the fridge, you will find an abundance of food I prepared, along with a heartfelt note. I love you beyond measure. Eat well, rest well, and remember to convey my love to my family and to the members of BTS. They hold a special place in my heart."
With a heavy heart, I transferred the video onto a USB drive and connected it to the television. I set the timer, ensuring that my final message would reach him when the time was right. Returning to his house, I found him immersed in his meal, nourishing himself with the sustenance I had lovingly prepared. I approached him, planting a tender kiss upon his cheek, and whispered the three words that had become the refrain of our love: "I love you," repeated more than a hundred times.
^Evening...
Me: Jagiya?
Jin: Mmm?
Me: What if you wake up one day, and I am no longer here beside you?
Jin: Then, my love, I would seek solace in the kitchen, hoping to find remnants of your culinary creations, or perhaps I would wander into the studio, surrounded by the echoes of your creativity.
Me: And what if I were to die?
Jin: (His voice trembles) Please, do not speak such words. You are young, full of life. As for me, I cannot fathom a world without you by my side.
Me: If, by some cruel twist of fate, I were to depart from this realm, promise me that you will live a life filled with even greater joy than when I was with you.
Jin: (His voice catches in his throat) My love, you have brought me more happiness than I ever thought possible. Your absence would create a void I could never fill. Please, let us not dwell on such thoughts. Let us find solace in one another's arms and surrender to sleep.
Me: But what if I never wake up again— (He silences me with a passionate kiss)
*Our lips entwined, a desperate attempt to convey emotions too profound for words.
Jin: I said, let us sleep.
Me: (Whispering softly) But, my love, I cannot...
*Jin begins to sing "Crystal Snow"...
The translation of "Crystal Snow":
Chorus:
I yearn to hold you once more before you vanish from sight
Ah, like a soaring crystal wherever it may go
There is naught else I desire; I merely crave a fleeting moment
May I touch your heart?
I long to do so, yet it slips through my fingers—someday, someday
Verse 4:
Even your slightest smile somehow brings me pain
How can I bridge the gap between us, uh-uh?
Why do I struggle to find answers to this love?
How will I ever uncover them? How?
Oh,
reveal them to me...
*I find myself drifting into a slumber.
__________________
Time of death: 7:30 am
"If only my songs had sung you to sleep! Argh! Why did you leave me?!"
-Jin stumbled upon the video at 8:15 am, the time we would typically awaken from our peaceful repose.
... _________
Maye departed, and Jin lost his voice. Seokjin loved Maye with an intensity that transcended the bounds of time, but she slipped away. Her slumber extended for far too long, inflicting immeasurable pain upon those who cherished her.
Jin found himself in a state of bewilderment, his heart heavy with sorrow and regret. The realization of Maye's departure struck him like a bolt of lightning, shattering the fragile equilibrium of his world. The echoes of her voice, once so vibrant and full of life, now haunted his every thought.
In the days that followed, Jin struggled to come to terms with the void left by Maye's absence. Each moment seemed devoid of color, the world around him dulled without her presence. He yearned for her touch, her laughter, and the warmth of her love that once enveloped his being. But she had slipped away, leaving him with only memories and a profound sense of loss.
Jin's voice, once known for its ethereal beauty, fell silent. The melodies that used to flow effortlessly from his lips now seemed distant and unattainable. His throat constricted with unspoken words, his songs unable to find release. The music that once defined him became a painful reminder of the love he had lost.
Days turned into weeks, and Jin wandered through the corridors of his life, haunted by the echoes of their shared moments. He found solace in the lyrics of their favorite songs, hoping to find traces of her essence within the melodies. The lyrics became his lament, his desperate plea for her return.
Seokjin sought refuge in the arms of their memories, reliving their love story with each passing day. He would sit by the window, staring at the moon, wondering if she, too, was gazing at its luminous glow. He would visit their favorite places, hoping to catch a glimpse of her in the familiar surroundings. But all he found were remnants of a love that once burned brightly, now reduced to mere echoes.
The pain of her absence weighed heavily on Jin's shoulders, threatening to consume him. Yet, in the depths of his despair, he found strength. He vowed to honor Maye's memory by living a life filled with purpose and joy. He channeled his sorrow into acts of kindness, reaching out to those in need, and using his platform to spread love and positivity.
As time passed, Jin discovered that love, even in its absence, could fuel his artistic spirit. He poured his emotions into his music, infusing each note with the bittersweet longing that consumed his soul. The melodies became a cathartic release, a way to immortalize their love and keep Maye's memory alive.
In the quiet moments of solitude, Jin would sing their songs, his voice trembling with raw emotion. The echoes of their love reverberated through the air, reminding him of the bond they shared. Although she was physically gone, her spirit remained intertwined with his, guiding him through the darkest nights.
Seokjin learned that grief, like love, is a complex tapestry of emotions. It is an ever-present companion, sometimes quietly lurking in the shadows and at other times demanding to be felt. But he also discovered that within the depths of sorrow, there lies the potential for growth and healing. Through the pain, Jin found solace in knowing that their love, though tragic, was a testament to the power of human connection
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