章 12: For All The Wrong Reasons

...Sebastian POV...

I have just asked Kati to marry me. I love her and want to spend all my days with her. If this is the ultimate thing that she desires, then I will give it to her.

But it has now become complicated. I want to do this for all the right reasons, not because she is going to die. I know I should have no doubts. But I do. Everything has become crazy out of control.

I need a different point of view, so I phone my mom. "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, my boy."

"Mom, I don't know what to do anymore. This has been such a roller-coaster. I don't know how to control my feelings."

"Is Kati okay?"

"Yes and no, more no than yes. She is starting to get sick."

"No, Sebastian. Are you guys still going to insist not going to a hospital?"

"She refuses. I am starting to think that she should. We don't have the same opinions anymore. There are so many lies and secrets. She is changing, mom."

"But you knew she was."

"She has a sister, and I did not even know; she has never hidden anything from me. I'm grabbing at straws here. I don't know how to make her happy anymore. I love her mom, but she is busy losing her mind faster than her body."

"Sebastian, you need to hang in there. We always knew that you are going to slowly kill yourself inside. But you can't give up."

"Mom, I asked her to marry me. She was ready to give up, so I got on my knees and asked her."

"Oh my boy, she does mean the world to you."

"I am worried I did it for the wrong reasons. That I only did it because she is going to die."

"What does your heart say?"

"I don't know. I have become numb inside. Mom, all I know is that I love her. All this, I will have to figure out when she is gone."

"Don't talk like she is already dead. She is still here, and if you have to put your doubts aside and give her what she wants, then do it."

"Mom, will you help me plan the perfect wedding?"

"I will see you tomorrow."

I drop the call with mom and check on Kati, still sleeping in the room. She made me bring her this giant teddy bear. There she is, laying clutching to it with dear life. The remains of wet tears still linger on her cheeks. I take my fingers, wiping them away, placing a kiss on her forehead. Glancing to the bathroom as I turn around, there it is...she has gotten sick.

...Mom's POV...

The day Kati came into Sebastian and my life, she came like a ray of sunshine after the rain.

She came from losing her mom and then, shortly after that, her brother. She was broken, shattered in pieces. Slowly she came out of her protective cocoon and embraced Sebastian both as a friend and a brother. My son was hell bend on never letting her hurt again.

I saw how he slowly fell in love with her but never said a word. His heart was aching; here, he loved this girl but could never say a word.

Kati got cancer. She was optimistic, but for Sebastian, it was the end of his world. I heard him every night cry himself to sleep. He was powerless; there was nothing he could do to make her better.

My son was torn apart. Kati was near on giving up. They waited for a miracle, and then they got it. Things just went back to normal. He continued to love her, and she was the miracle after the rain.

Today they are back to that awful time they would give anything to forget. Now she knows that he loves her, and she knows the same. But she is giving up yet again. We need a miracle to save our sunshine after the rain

He loves her so much. It's unbearable to see both their pain. He would go to the ends of the earth and even beyond to find the tiniest spec that would bring her heart joy.

I know he has his doubts. But I also know he would rather spend two months as a man and wife with her than never being able at all.

…Kati's POV…

I am feeling sick. I want to get up. But I can't. I want to go outside. But I can't. I want to go to Sebastian. But I can't. I don't want to die. But I am.

"Morning sunshine."

"Morning, Sebastian."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm tired, but my body does not want to wake up."

"How about I make you some hot chocolate, and we stay in bed today."

"I want to take a quick shower first."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"My legs are wobbly, but I should be."

"Let me run you a bath; then I can help you."

Sebastian goes into the bathroom and runs the water. He comes back and lifts me off the bed.

"I see you have been practicing."

"What husband would I be if I cannot carry my wife."

"Are you really serious about that?"

"About what?"

"Marrying me?"

"I would not want to marry anyone else."

"But it would be so short?"

"I would rather marry you for two months than not at all."

He slowly drops my clothes in a pile on the floor. He admires my body from afar. Gently he lifts my legs into the water. But he notices the marks on my side.

"Oh Kati, what happened here?

"I fell."

"Please don't go anywhere without me. I don't want you to fall."

"And if I need to go to the bathroom?"

"I will wait outside."

"Sebastian, that is creepy!"

"I'm serious."

"No, you not! It's definitely not happening."

"Okay, I will wait in the room?"

"No, still creepy!"

"Take your cell phone with."

"No!"

"We can get a baby monitor."

"No!"

"Okay, I am out of ideas."

"Good!"

"I'm going to make the hot chocolate, be back now."

Sebastian runs off and, a few minutes later, has two cups in his hands and an extra blanket over his shoulders.

"So tell me more about the perfect wedding you would like to have?"

"When?"

"Now."

"Now, when?"

"The next week."

"You kidding me."

"No, mom is on her way."

Is this really happening, am I getting married to the man I love the most, just before I die then leaving him behind to hurt?

"You crazy!"

"Crazy about you."

"That is cheesy."

"Then I am crazy cheesy."

"Oh Sebastian, what am I gonna do with you."

"Just love me."

"I already do."

"Then be my wife."

"This must be the quickest romance ever."

"We have been preparing for it all our lives."

"You are doing quite well on the pick uplines there."

"Is it working?"

"Yes."

"Come get some rest. It's going to get crazy when mom gets here."

We lay there in each other's arms. Sebastian falls asleep, but I can't. He is doing so much for me. I can't help but wonder if he really wants to or is it because I'm dying.

The next morning Sebastian's mom arrives at the cabin. By the look on her face, I know a lot of mixed emotions are running through her head. She thinks that Sebastian is not thinking clearly and only doing this because I am busy dying and that Sebastian wants to give me everything. She can't help but think that we both are making an irrational decision.

"Morning, sweety."

"Hi, mom. It's so nice to see you."

"I'm glad that I could visit. Where is Sebastian?"

"He is sleeping. I will wake him."

"No, it's fine. Let's have some girl time. How are you feeling?"

"I am tired."

"I'm so sorry, sweety."

"Mom, I don't know what is going on anymore. I love Sebastian, but I think he is pushing himself beyond what is normal to give me everything I want."

"His heart is in a good place. He wants to do what he believes is right."

"Marrying is a big deal. I think it will kill him more when I go and leave him as a widower."

"Sweety, I can't tell you if you should not do it or should. I think you both will know what is right in your hearts."

"Mom, I am hurting. My body is hurting. I am trying to hang on, but I can't. It's different this time. I never know if I am going to have a good day or not. I cannot let Sebastian see me this way anymore. He believes that he knows what to do when it comes, but he doesn't."

"Maybe you should consider going to the hospital. I think he believes that he will hold it together if he has your limp body in his hands. He won't survive it."

"I think we have not thought this through. We have made a mistake. We are trying to take on something bigger than we can handle. Maybe the outcome would have been better for me if I did not refuse to go to the hospital."

"Don't punish yourself for what has happened. You did what you thought was right."

"Mom, will it be bad if I tell Sebastian I did not want to get married?"

"I think you guys can sit down and work through it without anyone getting hurt. Katy how long do you think you still have?"

"Not long. My body is rotting inside. I feel like I don't have control anymore. I am getting more sick every day. It's harder for me to move around."

"Does Sebastian know?"

"He has an idea but not completely. He is not ready to admit it."

"I wish we could make you better, Kati. Sebastian might deny a lot of things, but I know he loves you."

"He climbs in bed with me. Brings me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He has even started to bathe me."

"Oh Kati, he cares so much."

"Mom, do you believe in miracles?"

"I believe anything is possible. We almost lost you once; we can do it again."

"Mom I don't want to die, but I am. I sealed my fate the day I decided to come hide out here."

I look up from my cup of hot chocolate and catch a glimpse of Sebastian standing in the doorway. I do not know how long he has been standing there, but it should have been long enough cause he has tears running down his face.

"Sebastian!"