章 5: Snape’s Return.

"I…." Marlene started.
"And, you too." Sirius snapped.
"Come on, James." Sirius said, but James Potter had already gone.
"Where did he go?" Remus demanded.
"I think I know."
Sirius Black was followed by Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin towards the school ground where James was. He was thousands of feet above the air, standing perfectly balanced on the edge of his broomstick. It was very admirable that a man of his weight and stature could do that. Remus admired his skill, Peter admired his courage and only Sirius realized the thing his friend was about to do.
James Potter closed his eyes and let himself go. He fell down thousands feet feeling as if the fall would never end as his friends stood around, horrified. Sirius cursed and quickly cast a spell to catch him seconds before his body would have crashed to the ground and broken all the bones in his body.
"What the hell are you doing, Prongs?" Sirius shouted.
"Jesus, Padfoot." James grumbled as he summoned his broomstick, "I was not trying to kill myself, I am not suicidal."
"Then what were you doing?"
"I just….I wanted to….I…"
"What, James?" Remus asked, impatiently.
"I wanted to feel how she felt." He confessed. "She was in pain when she died…..It wasn't easy for her. I want to know how she felt."
Survivor's guilt…..that's what it was.
"You should rest, James," Remus said, "Look….look at yourself."
The dark rims and tired eyes showed James as an older man.
"I can't." James whispered, "Each time, I close my eyes…and there she is. And, when I open them….she is gone."
"I will get dreamless sleep potion from Pomfrey," Peter said, "And, then….you will be okay,"
They both nodded, James resigned, it did sound nice. Sleeping without seeing Charlotte or waking up and not knowing that she is dead.
James returned to his chamber and put the dreamless potion on the table. He had skipped his first duties as the Headboy, yet he knew neither Dumbledore nor McGonagall would say anything. He had just changed into his comfortable t-shirt and was about to take his dreamless sleep potion when he heard it. The sob. The quiet crying. He came outside and Lily Evans was sitting in the common room, near the fireplace, trying to hide her face in a book. But, he knew...he knew she was the one who was crying,
He came near her,
"Hey…" His voice was soft yet audible. "Evans,"
Lily pretended that she didn't hear him.
"I know you are hurt...by what Remus said," He ignored her childish behavior, "It's not his fault. He was just trying to protect me."
Lily put her book down,
"Ever since, my family left….." He confessed, "I have not been the same. I am…..I am just sorry, that's all. About what happened."
She nodded. This was a new James. A James who was humble. A James who was polite. A James who apologized for things he didn't even do. A James who seemed sincere.
"You really aren't the same." She smiled, with a slightly red nose. "Your family should leave you more often,"
His expression changed, but she didn't notice.
"I guess I deserve that," He said,
"Yeah…" She thought he was joking, "You do deserve all this."
All the color from his face drained,
"Good night, Evans," The words barely came out of his mouth as he refused to maintain eye contact with her. He turned around and left.
"James….." She called out, wondering if she had said something wrong.
But, James Potter came inside his room, locked the room, took double the amount of sleep potion he had been advised to take and waited for the sweet and most welcomed darkness to take him away.

Soon after settling himself into Hogwarts, James became busier and busier, trying to keep up with his duties as a Captain and the Headboy, it was hard. The NEWTS studies particularly kept him away from his grief. His pain would have eased had he not seen Severus Snape come to school a week late. James hadn't seen him till he was walking towards his Transfiguration class, muttering about how difficult it was proving to be, even for him who was great at it. McGonagall had assigned so much homework that anyone could barely keep up.
"Hey, it's Snivellious. Everybody," it was Peter who cried out or James wouldn't have even noticed him.
Sirius cursed at Peter and then at Snape. Peter didn't know what happened, at least it wasn't James or Remus or Sirius who told him.....maybe, someone else had.
James felt an angry fire rise inside him. He didn't care that half the school was watching him. He didn't care that he was the Headboy.
"You piece of shit…." Quickly, he had made his way through the crowd and pinned Snape to the wall.
Many people gasped.
"I will kill you." He growled, "I should have killed you that day. I should have killed you ages ago!"
It wasn't loud, only Snape could hear what he was saying. Sirius and Remus quickly followed.
"You don't have the guts, Potter." Snape replied, nonchalantly.
James could see no pleas of redemption, no apologies and it certainly didn't help that James had hated him.
"Oh, I could kill you right here, right now. And, Dumbledore wouldn't even flinch an eye." James brought his face even closer to Snape's. "But, no….I want you to suffer. I want you to be in pain. I want the dementors to suck your soul out. I want you in Azkaban wishing it was you who died that day."
"Says the man who couldn't defend his eleven year old sister." He sniggered.
James felt so angry.
"You just wait, Snape." He told him. "If you think you broke me, it is far from over....I will take everything and everyone away from you."
He saw him glancing at Lily who had just come inside.
"Yes…even her." He pushed Snape into the wall harder. "A day will come that she will loathe the sight of you. You will want to kill yourself, it I will be there to save you....so you can die, like I want you to."
Snape was always intimidated by James's towering body and now the words. No matter what happened…..James had never been a spiteful person. But, now...everything was personal. James's drive for vengeance was extremely personal. It was the only thing he now wanted. He craved revenge. There was nothing on his mind but the painful deaths of the men who had killed his entire family and broken his heart and his soul in a matter of seconds.
"Potter, let him go!" Lily made her way through the crowd. "You are the Headboy, for Merlin's sake! Let him go."
"Sure thing, Evans." James Potter pushed Snape and he fell on the floor.
"Potter!" Lily shouted.
McGonagall appeared out of nowhere,
"Mr. Potter, you come with me." She said, curtly. "And, you, Mr. Snape…your house Professor will deal with you!"
She waved a hand towards everyone.
"Get to class all."
James followed McGonagall and Lily followed them too. They came inside the Headmaster's office, past the Gargoyle.
"Professor McGonagall…." Albus Dumbledore smiled, "What seems to be the..."
His smile disappeared as he saw James and Lily follow them.
"Sit down."
James obeyed without an objection.
"Mr. Potter was in a riot with...." McGonagall started to say. She didn't need to complete the sentence, Dumbledore already knew why she had brought James here, Severus Snape had just returned to school.
"She had to go." James said, quietly, looking at his hands. "I want her gone, Professor. Tell her to leave."
"You can't tell me to leave, Potter." She scoffed, "I am the head girl."
James didn't even look at her,
"I am not saying anything with anyone else here. She is not Remus or Sirius." James looked from McGonagall to Dumbledore. "I want her gone."
His eyes said it all. He wasn't asking…..he was telling the headmistress and the headmaster that he wanted the room empty. Lily almost gasped. She wanted to laugh at his stupidity. Here, she saw another man…..a stupid yet an assertive man.
"Now." James added, assertively.
"How stupid are you, Potter?" Lily laughed at him, "You can't be...."
"Leave us, Ms. Evans." Professor Dumbledore told him.
She was dumbfounded.