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A Second Chance (The O.C./Modern Family/All-American) オリジナル

A Second Chance (The O.C./Modern Family/All-American)

TV 10 章 130.7K ビュー
作者: swaggyp_

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概要

It's been 16 years since he took his own life. 16 years since he found himself reincarnated to the past, 16 years since he got his second chance. There was only one thing in his past life that ever mattered to him, (American) Football. When a career ending injury ended his NFL aspirations he spiraled out of control and ultimately decided to end it all. Now with a new life and a second chance he seeks to prove to himself, and the world just how special of an athlete he truly is, and maybe along the way he will find purpose in something outside of sports.

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  1. swaggyp_
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  2. CPS01
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  3. Mercurio
    Mercurio 貢献した 6

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  • 世界の背景

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DaoistwQMHOL

Hello, I'm reading your book and I really don't feel connected to your main character. Who is the main character, and is he reincarnated or something? Does he have a system? The story goes so fast that I can't create connections. I mean, the dude is talking to girls, maybe you should create the girls' inner voices more. And you should create a background. I mean, your character goes to the beach. What properties does the beach have, or what is the current weather? What color are the girls' bikinis—pink, red, or something else? Are there many people? Little details add life to the story. So, you should create more background details of the environment. You should provide more knowledge about your character to create empathy. And you should create more inner voices and more details about people for connections. When you make transitions, add more detail. And your character development is not fine. You are creating a character who is a genius, who thinks "I don't need school, f*ck society." You should add more details about why Ryan thinks like that, which books or experiences lead Ryan to think like that. Again, it's a detail issue. I hope you understand, my English is not good.

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MercenaryRollen

more please 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

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swaggyp_

Obligatory 5 star author review. This is my first time writing so I’d love to hear GENUINE feedback and criticisms. Thank you for checking it out even if it’s not your taste. Peace ✌🏽

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DegeneratePrince

I really like this fan-fic ! The crossover is FIREEE 🔥🔥 Good story right now, not your average Chinese story who worship their country even when the MC is American so it’s a damnnn 5/5

5h
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swaggyp_

Obligatory 5 star author review. This is my first time writing so I’d love to hear GENUINE feedback and criticisms. Thank you for checking it out even if it’s not your taste. Peace ✌🏽

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作者 swaggyp_