章 37: 第37章: A realization of her own
They had waited for a long while, sitting on the edge while realizing that it had changed. After Yuan Shao spoke up, there was only silence. As much as the vivacious boy was now in deep thought, perhaps trying to know more. As much as Dianyu didn't intrude because of her own thoughts on this, on how this was dangerous. And whether she had came to the right place. Liu Jin had entered inside, being asked shortly after Feiyu entered. The woman had left them both here.
She hadn't asked herself the questions when it came to this. She not not been sure of what she was doing here. She had merely wanted to see the world, and spent most of the time in Chang'an. Although she had seen the city in all its variety, but it wasn't enough. Although she assured herself that it would not have gone anywhere.
She had not been anywhere in a long while, and she had been able to put up with it because of travel. But now, she had no idea just what she was doing here. Things were getting more serious, and she doubted she could escape her fate as a strayer. A person who has left can return but not without great penance for leaving the fate she was meant for.
She had seen it, she did not wish to return. And yet she knew that this was not what she had in mind. This was different, this brought stakes to much higher level. A level which she would not have done. They were helping people on the brink of losing themselves, the edge of drowning into their own misery. She wanted to see the world, something that was almost impossible. Even as she realized just how difficult it will be now.
She was learning to be one, something that she had not disliked but neither did she love. She found herself watching those with pity, and a sense of necessity to tell them. But it never seemed to be much, and her curiosity hungered for more. Having Yuan Shao and Zhixun helped, as both of them were well read and known. Not to mention that Feiyu had answered any questions.
But she didn't feel any satisfaction. Even as Yuan Shao was now looking at her. "Have a drink." She took it, knowing that she had not drunk anything since they came back.
"Thanks." Before she took a full sip.
"Thinking about something?" He could see that, perhaps she was being rather obvious. Even as she glanced over to the parasol. And yet, remembering about her own dreams and her wishes. The real reason why she left. This was her best chance at seeing the world, and it hasn't been that yet. She had traveled to Chang'an and managed to see most of it. But so far for the past month she had been here.
"Why are you here?"
She wanted to know, perhaps she will find something to stay here for. Things were not in her control, and it could have changed even further. "Well, I was picked up by my mother. Although I didn't even know why I stuck, perhaps it was curiosity and gratitude. Then later on I realized why, because I wanted to be a part of the change. To see that my life will change."
She knew that her own life will have been different if she stayed. She will have the perfect life and at the same time none at all. She would be envious of others, she would be jealous. Because she never had the chance to make the choice then. She took a different route that even if she was to backtrack there will be footprints. Many will know that she had returned and she had fled a wedding. A wedding that was the ideal for so many of them. She would go back to be looked upon as ungrateful.
This wasn't entirely her dream, but she was stuck with it. And she could still get there. "Having doubts?"
"Yes." She was being honest, and he could see it.
"Of course, since you said you wanted to travel the world. It also happens often, Feiyu came here with few reasons to continue until she found it." As though he had seen it personally. "I have been here for over a decade after all."
"This wasn't what I wanted, but I won't run from it. At the same time, all I can feel about it is hollowness." He listened as though it would not have been surprising to say the least. She knew that it would have been worthless to try and leave, but she was not lying to herself about being happy either.
"Think of it this way, why won't you run?"
"Because I want to stay here, and perhaps I might be traveling around the country." She knew that it was a possibility, but a woman was expected to stay at home and never leave the house. At most it was in a single city. The only chance to ever travel had been to
"That isn't it. Look deeper and you will know the answer." At that point the gates opened to reveal Feiyu standing there. She stepped out in the next instant, clear that she had finished talking. Yuan Shao took the chance to stand up at this point. Knowing that her mother will have given Feiyu orders on their next move. Clear at least from how he wasn't demanding to go inside and listen in.
Even as she knew that his advice was the best in such a given situation. She had to ask herself the same question, for it was the only way that they could have figured anything out here. "We would continue since we took on the job. But there will be more inquest into it."
"So, she isn't asking to infiltrate."
"We've been seen." Although nothing else could have made it clearer at all. They had to have been seen in contact with them and certain that they didn't need to try and stop them. "And perhaps they thought that we would not figure it out."
Even if this was a clear change. "Or rather we simply won't have the time to stop them." They had moved fast, and this was a sudden surge. "They have a huge influence so there is no guarantee just how many families are on the verge of facing their extortion."
And how many were already facing that but feeling that they had no way to tell. "That means that another thing we would have to do is figure out just which family had been affected." It was a difficult task.
Although Yuan Shao seemed willing to do it. Even as she focused on her next. "This won't be a lot of playing with fate, there won't be any spirits." Instead, this was merely tactics. Coercing someone into doing their bidding, an assurance that they won't be able to break free. It was the same kind of influence she knew that came to judges, and investigators. Justice could be swayed, as long as there was money or power to turn it in their favor.
This was something that didn't need their abilities as much. "This is where things can get difficult. Hopefully they won't bring anyone who uses the energy within this." It was not related but it could get tricky.
"That isn't it?"
"Liu Jin is taking you. Madame Yuan wants me to look after you." It made sense given the similarities of their choice of instrument. They were both more likely to hide than before. Even as Liu Jin took the chance to come here, hers was made of cloth. Something that was beneficial to her, it was for the best. And Feiyu took the chance to step back and leave the place.
Liu Jin did the same as well, bringing her deeper where it was safe for them to display. The surroundings were enclosed by a wall, which made snooping difficult unless they were high up.
It was a change but she figured it could answer her doubts better if she wasn't with someone familiar. Yuan Shao had given her a clear line of thought, and one which gave her enough reason to keep thinking. Now all she needed to do was to figure out why.
"Show me." The first command that came from the woman who had spent most of her time observing. She took in a deep breath, knowing that this would have helped. Before taking the chance to have a first swing. Her parasol was best used as a shield, or a cover. It was defensive more than anything else. Although it could be made offensive once they learned tricks and illusions. Like how the sounds induced feelings into them.
She stood before Dianyu with her scarf on her hands and ready to use at any point.
But it was not within her means now. "Cloth is flexible, the exception happens to be yours." Because it was bound by wood and kept together. "But remember, it still is flexible within your own hands." She was telling the truth as there were many many ways to use it to her benefit.
And clear that she found it lacking. She did it again, using the chance to surround her and use it. "Once more. Use my back since I left it open. Take the advantage." She had to remember that whenever she was here. It was better that way, for her to remember this when she needed to at this point. Even as she was surprised given just how lax she had acted before, and to turn into this had been rather sudden.
Before she helped to adjust her hand. Before showing her how it was done. "Do it again." She merely nodded and agreed to do the same. Even as she repeated, she was still frowning.
"I wonder, why are you here?" A question that she never did want to answer again. Clear that perhaps she wanted something.
"I'm not sure."
"Most of us aren't when we first came, but even till now do you have an idea of what you're doing with us?" The commitment was large, unlikely to ever change within a small amount of time. She didn't have the answer to it. Not when she had just gotten to why she was here. She had only begun to think.
"I came because I didn't have much of any choice and I wanted to see the world." She didn't want to run the risk of being kidnapped and sold as she was a girl. She had originally been willing to do this because she thought Feiyu was a traveling entertainer, someone who did it. She knew that things were rarely simple, but she had never felt hollow like this.
"Ask yourself, why won't you return back to your life." It was a specific example. But it was enough. Because there was still this possibility dangled before her, and at the core she realized one thing. She had liked the safety this place offered her, while still allowing her the chance to look into it. "We make our own futures and hope to lead others to do the same."
But for Dianyu, she had not found something. Zhixun had a chance to tell others that the best person may not have a scholar. Yuan Shao had been a thief picked up, eventually curious to know how they will change things; realizing that this had been a better option. Feiyu had done this because she escaped a cruel fate.
"You must remember that all of us came here for protection but realized one reason why we will protect." Just what was her reason here. Yuan Shao had told her to look within herself. Why had she left the altar when it was one of the best options. She was not going to marry a scoundrel, a criminal, neither was she being promised as a concubine.
Just why was the best question to this. Why had chosen to resort to this at the end of the day. Why she had came here instead of accepting her fate. It was choice, it was that everyone could choose their own path and not be judged harshly. She had done the same and turned a perfectly good offer down for this.
"Found the answer?" Liu Jin asked.
"Yes, it's because I don't want others to have choices ripped from them simply because they had a good option before them. And that they should take that because it was the best option and it will be ungrateful to do so otherwise."
Liu Jin merely gave her a smile. "Now we can truly begin."
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