章 32: Kunning Chapter 32: There is light in the gap
Autumn has settled in deeply, and even at noon, the sun shines brightly, yet the brisk wind carries an unyielding chill.
Xie Wei stood by the hall's entrance, his tall figure casting a shadow that enveloped Jiang Xuening's slight form as she stood within. Despite the brilliance outside, the backlight made it impossible to discern Xie Wei's expression as he gazed at her with wide eyes.
Is she afraid?
Terrified.
Extremely afraid.
In this moment, Jiang Xuening felt an overwhelming fatigue, as if every ounce of strength had drained from her body. Abandoning all pretense, she blinked and uttered, "I'm just a lady of the court, devoid of influence and ambition. Aside from my father, I share no connections with Mr. Xie. To him, I'm a mere ant, easily crushed without posing any threat. If I admit my fear but assert that I harbor no ill intentions towards Mr. Xie, would you believe me?"
A prolonged silence followed from Xie Wei, who finally responded with a question, "If you were in my position, would you dare to believe it?"
It wasn't about willingness; it was about courage.
Jiang Xuening lowered her head, her slender neck appearing as pale as snow even in the shadows. Confronting the situation from Xie Wei's perspective, she contemplated the consequences. If she were him, she would have had a plan in motion at least four years ago. Could she trust that a momentary lapse of judgment, due to illness or desperation, wouldn't lead him to reveal her secret to others?
Jiang Xuening's eyelashes trembled as she reluctantly admitted, "I… I can't trust it."
Although the threat may seem trivial, the collapse of a thousand-mile dam could be triggered by a small ant nest. How could one be certain that this wouldn't jeopardize future plans?
Acknowledging this, Jiang Xuening was resigned to the certainty of her demise. The pain from her previous life's dagger attack resonated as she felt her folded hands tremble uncontrollably. However, she refused to display fear.
Clenching his fingers tightly, Xie Wei posed another question, "If, one day, after four years, I discovered that the girl who knew my secret wasn't as innocent as I believed, how should I interpret it?"
She responded, "She feigned ignorance, hoping to preserve her life."
Xie Wei's gaze fell upon her tightly clenched palm, asking, "So, if you were me, would you eliminate this person?"
Jiang Xuening gently closed her eyes, admitting, "But sir, I don't want to die."
Xie Wei fell into silence once more, elongating the tense atmosphere. In the midst of this, Jiang Xuening felt like a lamb standing before a guillotine, awaiting the inevitable moment.
After a prolonged scrutiny, Xie Wei extended his hand and stated, "You are not a threat to me. The real threat lies in my hesitation to trust you, despite wanting to. Miss Ning Er, Xie Wei does not forget kindness, but what you've revealed wasn't what I anticipated. I need to understand the person you truly are and if you merit my risky trust. I won't discard my savior; please remain under my watchful eye."
As he spoke, his fingers gently caressed her head. Bewildered, Jiang Xuening listened as Xie Wei continued, "Although you wish to leave the palace, this is the only way I can convince myself not to eliminate you immediately. Keep the events of four years ago buried in your heart, a secret known only to you and me. Don't provoke me, and don't make me lose my temper again."
With that, he withdrew his hand, turned, and exited the hall.
From darkness into light.
The daylight outside finally illuminated his entire figure as he walked away in his green Taoist robe, gradually receding into the distance.
Upon returning to Yang Zhizhai, Jiang Xuening resembled a drowned soul, her steps unsteady, and her face pallid. Fang Miao, sitting on the porch, was shocked to see her condition, realizing that Jiang Xuening's earlier words might not have been a mere jest.
This couldn't be…
But everyone knew how amiable Xie Wei was. What could the second Miss Jiang possibly be arguing about to be so frightened by the typically mild-tempered Mr. Xie?
Jiang Xuening chose silence.
Entering her room, she closed the door, sliding down its surface until she rested on the floor with her back against it. Her face buried in her hands, she pressed them against her bent knees, the rhythmic beats of her heart and the sound of her breath filling the room.
In that moment, the undeniable truth echoed within her: she was still alive.
Through the small northern window, the sun streamed in, casting a gentle glow through the snow-white window paper. Fine particles danced in the air like illuminated specks swimming in water.
Jiang Xuening lifted her head, fixating on the suspended dust for an extended moment.
Suddenly, a laughter erupted from her, free and tinged with self-derision.
Could she actually believe Xie Wei's claim that he didn't want to end her life?
Yet, she found herself in a vulnerable position. No longer a queen, lacking authority, she was a mere girl. Even if she ventured outside and fell prey to bandits, her demise would likely go unnoticed, lost in the multitude of stories that sought to conceal such incidents.
Did jackals need to deceive ants?
No.
Then why did Xie Wei, in her previous life, utter such terrifying threats?
Was it a twisted form of amusement, finding joy in terrorizing her?
Or perhaps, the shift in Xie Wei's demeanor was a consequence of changes in her own life—
It had been less than a month since her rebirth, and her options were limited. One notable action stood out: refusing to take Yan Lin's kindness for granted and not plotting a connection with Shen Jie.
If this was the catalyst for Xie Wei's altered attitude in her two lives, and Yan Lin had not yet sided with Xie Wei, she could entertain the possibility that You Fangyin's revelation of the previous dynasty's secret twenty years ago might be true.
It wouldn't be unreasonable for Xie Wei to eliminate the royal family and the Xiao clan, considering the circumstances.
At this moment, a sense of pity washed over Jiang Xuening for the person in question. Yet, upon reflection, she recognized her own vulnerability—a mud bodhisattva crossing the river had no capacity to pity a superior holding her life in their hands.
"Half a year, just half a year…"
She closed her eyes slowly, repeating this timeframe in her mind, exhaling slowly as she did.
"It's inevitable; might as well unveil the trick!"
Hiding would be ideal, but she couldn't afford to conceal herself, nor did she want to become a victim. If Xie Wei's previous words held truth, leaving the palace after half a year would be the best resolution for him. However, if Xie Wei proved deceitful, using those words merely to mislead her, then spending the next six months within the palace would be her safest course of action.
Regardless of her actions, she had to be cautious within the palace.
Taking a step back, the worst-case scenario for her would be reliving the patterns of her previous life, striving to connect with Shen Jie, ascending to queenhood, and subsequently navigating the complexities of her relationship with Xie Wei.
Having determined her next steps, Jiang Xuening sat in contemplation for a while. Eventually, she felt some strength returning to her legs, prompting her to stand, wash herself, regain sobriety, tidy her belongings, and prepare to leave the palace.
Her three-day stint in the palace had been primarily for learning the rules and gaining another promotion. The true companionship would commence two days later. The chosen individuals would return home to bid farewell to their parents, subsequently reentering the palace following the court officials' example, implementing a rest and bathing system. Once inside the palace to accompany the princess, they could return home for one day every ten days.
After the knowledge examination results were announced, Princess Shen Zhiyi of Leyang generously rewarded both the selected and non-selected candidates. Those chosen received an additional set of Four Treasures of the Study.
Before Jiang Xuening left the palace with the others, Princess Shen Zhiyi personally came to see her off. Holding Xiao Shu's hand, they engaged in lengthy conversation, and then she held Jiang Xuening's hand, speaking for a considerable time. Finally, Huang Renli, the responsible palace official, led a group of servants out of the palace.
The carriage sent by Jiang's mansion to pick her up awaited outside the palace gate.
Lian'er and Tang'er stood by the carriage, spotting her exiting the palace gate from a distance. They waved to her happily.
Jiang Xuening bid farewell to the others and entered the carriage. Tang'er, noting her apparent fatigue, quickly stowed away the pillow, helped her settle in, and expressed concern, "Miss, have you been tired these days?"
Indeed, Jiang Xuening felt a weariness deep within, compounded by her underlying fear. With that, she slowly closed her eyes, and after a moment of reflection, she said, "When we return home, I'll rest first. Send someone to Yongyihou's mansion to convey a message—ask Yan Lin to meet me at the Heavenly Terrace tomorrow. I have something to discuss with him."
Historically, it was usually Yan Shizi who visited her during their interactions, but gradually even the maids became accustomed to seeing Yan Shizi occasionally at the courtyard wall of Jiang's mansion or even on the girl's windowsill.
It was a rare occurrence for the second Miss to initiate a meeting with Yan Shizi on her own accord.
Tang'er, hearing Jiang Xuening's composed voice, felt a sudden unease without understanding why. She didn't dare to ask further questions and responded softly.
Jiang Xuening closed her eyes, seeking solace.
The carriage departed from outside the palace gate, making its way onward.
"It's just that before we go far, a subdued voice suddenly sounded outside: 'Second Miss, Second Miss!'"
Jiang Xuening felt a sense of familiarity with the voice, prompting her to open her eyes.
The carriage driver observed someone and halted in time. He turned to report, "Second Miss, there's a girl outside who seems to be looking for you."
With a wave of Jiang Xuening's hand, Lian'er drew back the corner of the car curtain for a look. It turned out to be You Fangyin!
Today, she wore a crescent white dress, though it didn't appear particularly new. Her hair was neatly arranged in a bun, devoid of any headgear. A face that could be considered attractive displayed anxiety and nervousness. Both hands remained hidden in her sleeves, clutching something that couldn't be seen clearly.
Her unease seemed to be connected to whatever she held.
Upon passing the carriage curtain and spotting Jiang Xuening inside, her eyes lit up slightly, and even the reddish tear mole at the corner of her eye seemed to shimmer.
Dazzled by the sudden burst of radiance from this usually dull face, Jiang Xuening took a moment to react, staring at her in bewilderment.
But in no time, You Fangyin became nervous once more.
The previous radiance swiftly receded, replaced by her original timidity and fear.
She stumbled, attempting to speak: "I, I, I…"
Jiang Xuening sighed upon witnessing this and said, "Get in the carriage and explain."
After hesitating for a moment, Jiang Xuening couldn't quite understand the situation and couldn't leave her standing outside. The coachman adjusted the footstool, stepped aside, and allowed You Fangyin to board the carriage with the shaft.
Jiang Xuening directed her to sit across from her and inquired, "What brings you here?"
After You Fangyin sat down, she seemed lost, her body tense, struggling to find words after considerable thought. After glancing at her a couple of times, it appeared that she took a deep breath and mustered the courage to retrieve something concealed within her sleeves.
It was a simple square box.
Flat and seemingly incapable of holding much, it was made of affordable sour branch pear wood. Held with both hands, she handed it to Jiang Xuening, saying eagerly, "Yes, I wanted to give this to the Second Miss."
Jiang Xuening speculated that she might be expressing gratitude for saving her life by buying a gift. However, she hadn't requested anything in return.
Not reaching out to take it immediately, Jiang Xuening softened her tone and said, "Your situation in the mansion isn't favorable. If there's anything, you should keep it for yourself. If you wish to repay, you can wait until your circumstances improve, perhaps later."
"No, it's not…"
Upon hearing Jiang Xuening's words, You Fangyin realized there was a misunderstanding. She had a lot to say, but when the words reached her throat, her nerves and Jiang Xuening's presence made her fumble, rendering her speech clumsy.
She could only present the box to Jiang Xuening.
"This is meant for the Second Miss, and it's all yours."
For her?
Jiang Xuening genuinely couldn't recall what she had given her. Witnessing You Fangyin's persistence and awkward demeanor, she felt a touch of emotion at her clumsy but unwavering attempts. She smiled and said, "Let me see, then."
Raising her hand, she opened the box.
The sight that met her eyes left her utterly stunned—
In this unassuming box lay a stack of thin banknotes, alongside an exquisitely embroidered moon-white sachet.
The denominations were the largest in Beijing today.
Each banknote held a value of one hundred taels. Jiang Xuening's fingers trembled slightly as she picked up the notes—one thousand, two thousand, five hundred taels!
How could a mere concubine from an uncle's mansion possess such wealth?
The moment she saw these banknotes, realization struck, and her eyes welled up with tears. Yet, she composed herself and raised her head to ask, "Where did you get all this money?"
You Fangyin blinked, as if puzzled by the question: "Didn't the Second Miss instruct me? I took the money and went to a merchant named Xu Wenyi outside the Jiangsu-Zhejiang Chamber of Commerce to buy raw silk. After waiting for half a month for the price to rise, I sold it. I, I bought a total of four hundred taels of silk!"
She had actually done it…
Jiang Xuening was almost choked up.
But upon scrutinizing the banknotes, Jiang Xuening calculated and said, "Even if you triple the profit on the four hundred taels, it won't exceed twelve hundred taels. If you hold onto it until the end, you'll only get sixteen hundred taels. How did you end up with two thousand five hundred taels?"
You Fangyin honestly replied, "I only made twelve hundred taels from the sale, but after the silk was sold, Boss Xu said he would add two thousand taels to me no matter what. I couldn't resist it. After much persuasion, he agreed and added nine hundred taels."
Puzzled, Jiang Xuening asked, "Boss Xu gave you money?"
You Fangyin nodded vigorously, her eyes sparkling as she recounted, "Yes. My silk sold well, and so did Boss Xu's silk, making a lot of money. The silkworm farmers in his hometown were delighted to hear about it. They asked Boss Xu to convey to me that if Fangyin wishes to continue the raw silk business next year, he can provide me with some premium products, and I only need to pay half the price. I can even sell it first and settle the deposit later!"
Xu Wenyi's silk had also sold…
Jiang Xuening's eyelids twitched, "Does he know that the silk prices will rise?"
You Fangyin, sensing a change in Jiang Xuening's expression, dimmed her bright eyes and lowered her voice, "He asked me, so I told him. But don't worry, I didn't mention your identity. When Boss Xu inquired about you, I remained tight-lipped."
Holding the box of banknotes, Jiang Xuening found it hard to believe what she was hearing.
Firstly, in her previous life, You Fangyin made only three times the profit in this raw silk transaction, yet now she had taken out four hundred taels and received two thousand five hundred taels.
Secondly, this naïve girl had intended to make a fortune for herself, but she had even disclosed the news to Xu Wenyi!
She regarded You Fangyin with a complex gaze, "How could you reveal such information? Announcing it can lead to trouble."
You Fangyin's face turned pale, her hands clenched tightly, and she stammered, "B-Boss Xu is a good person…"
A good person?
In two lifetimes, Jiang Xuening had only known how to spell the word "good" when referring to Zhang Zhe.
She said, "How do you know he's a good person? If he's profit-driven, I'm afraid you wouldn't be standing here in front of me right now."
You Fangyin was frightened by her stern words and could only stare at her, eyes wide open, seemingly holding a thousand words within.
But not a single word escaped her lips.
Jiang Xuening sighed, "That's enough."
She gestured to return the box, thinking that nothing catastrophic had occurred this time, so she would just advise You Fangyin to be more cautious in the future.
Unexpectedly, You Fangyin spoke again. Although her voice trembled with fear, there was an inexplicable determination and persistence in her eyes, "Second Miss, before I went to the Jiangsu and Zhejiang Guild Hall, I asked Boss Xu. His wealth and life are tied to this business, and the silkworm farmers in his hometown are still in Nanxun awaiting the sale of silk to retrieve their money. My aunt told me that if a person has many friends willing to help him and believe in him, he must be a decent person. If I didn't tell him, what would he do, and what about those silkworm farmers? That's why I…"
Jiang Xuening was stunned.
The next moment, she burst into laughter.
However, amidst her laughter, she couldn't fathom why a sense of sorrow enveloped her heart. The tears she had suppressed and withheld finally spilled over, rolling down her cheeks and dampening the banknotes in the box.
"Silly girl…"
You Fangyin saw her initial smile but then witnessed her expression change. While she thought Jiang Xuening wasn't pursuing the matter, she perceived that she had done the right thing. However, before she could revel in relief, Jiang Xuening started crying.
Frightened, You Fangyin hurriedly spoke, "Don't cry, don't cry. It's all Fangyin's fault. Fangyin knows she was wrong and will never speak carelessly to others again…"
Jiang Xuening couldn't stop crying upon hearing her speak like this.
You Fangyin began to cry as well, blaming herself, "The girl wanted me to make money, but it's because Fangyin isn't good enough. This time, I didn't make enough. Don't cry; next time, next time, I'll definitely make more money. I'll study hard, and next time, I'll earn even more. A lot, a lot…"
What a silly girl.
Jiang Xuening, amidst tears, wanted to laugh again. For a moment, all sorts of feelings surged from the past and present, converging into something profound, firmly pressed down. Finally, she touched the ground after floating in the boundless sky.
She choked up uncontrollably.
Looking down at the box of banknotes, she raised her head again. Although she tried to halt her tears, there was still a quiver in her voice, "No, this is good. You've truly done well."
It's me.
I am not good enough.
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