章 50: Chapter 50: Hina's PoV
~~~~~~This chapter follows Hina's point of view during chapter 43~~~~~~
"Hah... Hah... this... this fucking sucks...!" I said, while my hand was trying to grab my heart to throw it away.
My hand was tightening a grip on my chest, trying to suppress my emotions and my pain.
"it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts-- IT HURTS SO FUCKIN' MUCH!" I screamed inside of me.
I didn't want to remember my past.
I hate it , with every single fiber of me.
After I walked outside from Kai's house, I ran towards my home since I forgot my medicines.
Whenever I'm with Kai, it feels like I don't need them... but in the end, my inner demons always have the best on me.
I'm so scared of hurting him.
I don't want to lose another person who genuinely cares about me for who I am...
He's the only one who completely accepted me... maybe...
I'm a complicated girl... I've never been a good person... and maybe I'll never be... but the selfish side of me keeps saying that deep down my soul there's still a glimpse of humanity...
I killed too many people in my life... all of them kinda deserved it, but... I did all of that to protect the people I loved...
But I can't erase who i am... my nature... what they taught me...
I only wanted to live a peaceful life, nothing more.
While running away, some tears fell from my eyes without even noticing.
I had to take my medicines very quickly , or something awful would've happened.
But that day... It was the first time where I didn't hurt anyone during my mental breakdowns...
Kai's presence calmed me and he was a constant reminder that even a monster like me could be loved and accepted by someone... and that was also the reason of why I wanted to protect him at all costs...
Remembering my past is like turning a switch inside my soul.
Whenever I try to remember, or when I recall too many tragic events, my mind starts to get blurred.
I begin to see the images right in front of me like when I'm watching a movie on TV.
I become totally absent from the normal world, thinking about how I could avoid a situation... and I see demons and ghosts of the people I killed staring and whispering at me "Murderer! Bitch! Coward! Monster!".
I take some special medicines to forget about my past... and that's why I never spoke to him before... because when I start to remember, bad things are going to happen... I could even hurt Kai...
"Fuck...! I need to be fast...!" I said to myself while speeding up.
During my run, I accidentally bumped into two guys.
I didn't even care about them, so I didn't even say "Sorry" to them.
But they made a bad mistake.
There was another one of them who was further ahead who grabbed my arm and stopped me.
I wasn't in the right time for talking.
I was capable of even killing someone if i hadn't taken my medicines.
"Hey, beutiful girl! Why don't you say sorry to my friends and make amends?". The boy said.
Then, after he spoke, I took a look around me and noticed that I arrived into a random alley near my home.
Considering the place , I realized that there were 5 men dealing drugs.
They had very bad intentions.
I didn't want to have problems... I mean, I didn't want to kill them and dirt my clothes.
"Leave me." I said in a cold and empty voice.
The only feeling of his hand on my skin was disgusting and irritating.
Kai was the only person in this world allowed to touch me.
"Oh... someone is being naugh-" I didn't let him finish the sentence that I threw him a punch directed to his throat.
I didn't even put so much force, otherwise he would've been dead.
He feel down trying to catch a breath, while the two guys behind him became angry and scared at the same time.
"Hey... What have you done to our boss, bitch?!?!" one of them yelled.
I took some seconds of silence to analyze them.
1st guy on the left: Red shirt and jeans, muscular, buzz cut, menacing but good eyes, sign that he didn't want to be there.
2nd guy on the right: Blue jeans, black leather jacket, long hair, malicious face, a dragon tattoo on his neck... and he had a knife on his belt.
3rd guy in the middle: A total asshole. Probably someone who was buying the drugs. He was so slim and he was probably having an astinence crysis.
The 4th guy ran away after I put knocked out the boss.
"Oh no..." I said to myself after feeling a strange sensation tickling my heart.
I was feeling it again.
The urge to kill and hurt the people I considered bad...
But... it was a sensation... a pleasant one...
The sensation of their scream of pain and beg for forgiveness after they've hurt so many innocent people.
Oh my god... the only thought of it actually made my whole body tremble from arousal...
But at the same time, I promised to be a better girl for Kai... so this behavior had to stop.
I was staying still in place, doing nothing. Just controlling my inner demons.
We remained in silence until the guy with the buzz cut attacked me with a random baseball bat taken out of nowhere.
"Annoying and too cliched..." I thought after sighing.
I dodged his strike easily and knocked him out with a chop on his neck.
Then, the slim guy ran away while the second one attacked me with a knife.
But he was too slow, probably because he was on drugs.
"Don't you fuckin dare to touch me, worm." I said with a low voice while my puplis became really small and sharp while kicking him in the stomach, not even giving him the time to strike.
And there it was...
Once he fell on the floor, he became terrified of me and crawled on the ground.
"MONSTER!" He exclaimed while his eyes were open wide.
Being called like this by a scumbag... it felt so refreshing and nice...
A sadistic and malicious smile appeared on my face while a small tingly sensation was literally playing with the strings of my soul.
"Oh my god... I want to kill him so much... he doesn't even deserve to live... such a waste of oxygen..." I sait to myself.
I was already imaginating his corpse full of blood on the floor.
There was no turning back... the urge to kill was literally calling me.
Someone like this guy could hurt Kai one day...
He needed to die... along with his friends.
The three of them were on the ground.
One couldn't breathe, one was crawling on the ground and another one was K'O.
My eyes then moved on the right, noticing the knife that the guy with long hair dropped.
I couldn't contain myself anymore...
"You'll surely make a good doll, you know...?" I said with a sadistic tone while stepping on his feet.
The guy's eyes widened in pain and terror.
He started to beg for his life... and my heart started to flutter.
What a beautiful sensation...
I then grabbed the knife on the floor after letting him crawl for a bit...
I was on rampage...
Then, I slowly took some steps towards him and... ready to kill him but suddenly...
My phone buzzed.
I felt my whole body freezing instantly...
I never did something like that but... I had a strange feeling.
By instinct, I grabbed the phone to see who sent me a message and noticed that it was Kai.
"Hey, Hina!! Are you okay? Please send me a message! I'm worried so much!" That was the text.
After reading it, my homicidal instincts immediately stopped for magic, replaced by an immense feeling of sadness and regret...
Kai would've been angry at me if he had discovered that I've hurt someone...
My body started to tremble.
I kept watching the guys crawling away from me... and then something unexpected happened.
I put my phone away and dropped the knife on the ground.
After that, I ran away in shame towards my home to take the medicines.
I decided to spare someone I considered bad for the first time in years.
And all because I wanted to be a better person for Kai.
"I love him so much..." That's what I thought... he was my only light in this world full of sorrow and evil.
I kept running and running towards my home until I finally arrived.
I rapidly opened the door and ran into my room to take the medicines.
I swallowed all of them very quickly and all my bed sensations and feeling disappearead immediately like magic...
Then, I slowly sat down on the floor, forgetting my past and thinking about Kai....
"My precious little boy... My love... my darling... I love you... You're mine forever..." That's what I kept repeating for a while until my mind started to remember our first time together...
A sudden wave of warmth and arousal started to envelope around my soul...
Then, I stood up and opened my closet... Inside of it I grabbed an used sweatshirt of Kai and began to sniff it... to feel his parfume and scent... like he was there with me...
He was my first time in a lot of things... way too many things... It felt like we were destined to be toghether...
That's why I made a copy of his house keys and brought some of my clothes to his house...
So that I could always stay with him and protect him everytime... even when he sleeps...
While thinking about my first time... I even started to touch myself until I reached my climax.
It felt way too good... I couldn't wait to have another moment like this with Kai...
I didn't care if he had female friends... He's mine... forever... no girl can take him away from me... otherwise they'll die...
But I also knew that I had to let him live at the same time... and that's why I kept running away from him before having a mental breakdown...
Two things in one... I wouldn't have hurt him and at the same time he could go out with his friends... despite my jealousy...
The heart can't cry about something he didn't see...
"Ah... Kai...!" I kept repeating his name a few times until I took a shower and changed into some more clothes.
After that I had the idea to make him a surprise by preparing him lunch...
"I think that i'm okay now..." I said to myself after finishing to prepare.
I then grabbed some stuff and went to buy something to eat.
After that, I finally managed to enter inside Kai's house.
As always, he always leaves a mess... so I took some time to clean his place before starting to cook...
"Oh... Kai..." I kept repeating his name too many times while doing my tasks...
I was doing all of that to avoid thinking about the places where he could be.
Only the thought that he could've met other girls while he wasn't without me was enough to drive me insane... but to become a better person I had to learn to trust him...
After cleaning his house, I put on an apron and started to cook his favorite things... being careful not to drug him that time... Fufufu~
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