章 15: Gil-kun and the Hangover
"Mmm, yes Saber, just a little on the left... yeah, good job... your feet are so relaxing... but why do you smell of fish so much?"
Gilgamesh slowly opened his eyes and saw Mr. Pop Pea running off.
"Ugh, where am I? This headache is killing me... why do I have grass in my mouth... wait... giant fish, pants down, poisonous grass... shit!"
Gilgamesh rose up and noticed a few things: firstly, he was alive. Secondly, he had his pants up.
"Oh, thank past me for remembering... those damn mongrels will pay for not helping me and for defiling me like that."
"I hate to ruin your mood, but I was the one who saved your life and your honour, great king."
"Who the hell are you?"
"I'm Avicenna, the pioneer of modern healing. It's a pleasure to meet you. The two ladies you are traveling with asked me to look after you."
The kind old man sitting next to him said with a faint smile on his face. His eyes very barely open and he had a long curly beard, white as snow, which contrasted with the colour of his skin.
"And so you healed me?"
"Well, I gave you something, but it seems that the effects of the poison were already mitigated by the amount of alcohol in your body. What you are feeling are just the classic symptoms of a hangover, nothing to worry about."
"I see, so you looked after me for the whole night. Good job, old sage."
"It's the least I can do after you saved our lives. Also, while I don't partake in these youthful activities anymore, if you feel like you have to settle the score with someone, everyone else is still asleep."
"They're in the diner, correct?"
"Yes, they insisted on sleeping there to not inconvenience anyone."
"Very well. Thank you, old man. Go back to your house and rest."
"As you wish, sir."
Although his movements were still somewhat impaired, he felt like his head was getting clearer and clearer the more he walked.
"It's not like I'm particularly angry... I'm not petty like the Gods, I can recognise that they didn't do that on purpose, and it's not like they saw anything, and even if they did, I wouldn't really care, as I said to them... still, if it were for them, I could have died by eating that grass. But what pisses me off the most and what makes them worthy of my wrath... WHY DIDN'T THEY PULL UP MY PANTS?!"
He reached the diner. Salter and Nero were sleeping on the couches of the diner, while Nancy had fallen asleep against the counter. He lifted Nancy, gently carried her out and placed her on a bed he had summoned, then he placed inside the diner every alarm of any kind that he possesed and set them all to start in one minute.
He closed the doors to the diner and wore a pair of earplugs. Then he waited, with an unshakable grin plastered on his face.
One minute passed.
An hour later...
"..."
"..."
"..."
The three of them stared at each other with angry expressions. Salter and Nero on one side of the table, Gilgamesh on the other. Nancy didn't know what to say as she stood there, trying to reason with the three kings.
"I believe that the first step to get over this little... incident... is if everyone apologises."
"I'll apologise after he does."
"Same."
"I have no need to apologise to anyone."
"Then we don't either."
"... they're acting like children! Are all rulers this petty and childish?! If so, I get why everyone got tired of getting governed by kings. Now I see why Great Britain chose to abolish the monarchy when I was 10..."
"Come on. I know you don't want to stay like this for the rest of the day."
"I could stay like this for the whole day."
"I could for the whole week."
"I could for whole my life!"
"Well sure, but do you want to stay like this? Think of all the good things that happened with us as a group."
"I only remember those two being a hindrance."
"Look who's talking, Goldie!"
"Yeah, you've just made my life harder, you two."
"What? You're including me too, Salty?"
"I am, and stop talking to me like I am your friend."
"Fine, Miss Pendra-jerk!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Please... seeing you acting like this makes me really sad... you are the ones who made my dream to not be alone true. If you don't make peace with one another, then you might go on your own separate way... and then you'll be alone again... I don't know a lot of things... I'm just a young, naive girl working in a diner, and you are all great heroes... but I know one thing for sure... being alone sucks. So, please, apologise."
"..."
Sensing the hesitation in their hearts, Nancy moved for the finishing blow.
"If you guys make peace, I'll go prepare you burgers and milkshakes."
"... ehm, fine, ugh, fine... fine, I apologise for not helping you yesterday. I should have been more considerate."
"And I apologise for laughing at you, Goldie. I wasn't trying to make fun of you."
"Very well... ok... ehm... I... well, I... *cough*... I..."
"Come on, Your Majesty, you can do it."
"Of course I can. I... well, this is hard... ehm... I... screw it, I'm sorry! *catches his breath* I admit that my prank might have come off as unreasonable and cruel... and... although I wanted to get payback... this wasn't the right way... and I apologise for the excessive suffering I caused you, as a king, no, as the King, I should be a better example to my subjects."
"See? That wasn't... incredibly hard... just moderately hard. Now let's all accept apologies from the other party."
"I accept your apology, Galter."
"I do too, Goldie."
"And I accept both of your apologies."
"Good job! Now shake hands... shake hands... come on, guys, shake hands! Good, good. As promised, I'll go make some food."
Nancy left with a smile and the remaining Heroic Spirits just stared a bit absently in different directions. Gilgamesh eventually broke the newly formed silence.
"Still... I think there's something we can all agree on... that fish was really fucking fast."
They all exploded in laughter and began chatting about what had happened last night during the party. Nancy arrived with the food. Three burgers and four milkshakes.
"May I sit next to you, Your Majesty?"
"You may."
Nancy joined the conversation, detailing what she saw people doing and the few mistakes the Lancer Squad made as cooks.
"And so I told them that a medium is not a measure of how big the burger is, but of its cooking time."
"Haha, don't tell me they were comparing the sizes of different patties to decide which ones were average?"
"Unfortunately yes..."
"Ha, mongrels will always be mongrels, no matter what they do."
"Are you going to finish that burger, Nero?"
"No, I'm kind of full. You can have the rest, Salt-"
Salter devoured what was left of Nero's burger in one swift bite.
"You certainly have an appetite for junk food."
"It's not junk food. It's... elaborated food."
"You mean processed?"
"No, elaborated."
"Ok, sure."
"My Saber wouldn't eat such lowly commoners' food with so much gluttony."
"Well you better hope she doesn't like fish either."
They all chuckled at the remark, before Nancy cleared her throat.
"Everyone, I really wanted to thank you for your help and for taking me in. However, while I really enjoyed spending time with you, I can see that my presence isn't really needed. And that's not a problem for me. However, these people, if we all go away, they still won't have any food. And I've already been told that it's impossible to make the soil here fertile in the near future. So for a while, they won't have anything to eat once more. So I feel like... my presence is really needed here."
"You wish to stay here, Nancy?"
"Y-Yes, Your Majesty, as long as you permit it."
"Are you sure, Nancy? Maybe we can figure something out, I'm sure Goldie has something that can help them."
"I appreciate the sentiment, Miss Nero, but I have already pondered this choice throughout the night. It's not just a necessity for this village. For now, everything in your adventure has been going smoothly, but I'm sure there's still a long way to go and many fights to go through. I'm not a fighter and I don't want to end up being dead weight to the people who helped me. Everyone who's been brought to this world has a resolve, something they want to accomplish, a battle they want to partake in. This is my battle: to fill the stomach of others."
"I see, in that case, since you have shown in my regards nothing but loyalty and high spirit, I'll allow you to stay here and spread the word of my greatness."
"I certainly will!"
"Aw, Nancy, you're so noble and kind! I'll surely miss you! Give Miss Nero a hug!"
"Sure, Miss Nero."
As Nancy and Nero hugged, Salter remained quiet, staring at the glass close to her.
"Your Highness? Your Highness? You mustn't worry. Your Highness, please look at me."
Salter turned around, with an expression that was a mix of pouting, concern and sadness.
"Don't worry, Your Highness, I won't forget about you. In fact, I want to give you a gift."
Nancy took out from her uniform a piece of paper.
"It's a map. Mr. Mercator made it for me. It roughly outlines the territory around us. Here is the woods we were in. The course of the river. South of us there's a desert, North an icy region, and East there's a swamp that reveals an unexplored section of this world. And here, this red dot, is where we are now. So if you ever wish to visit us, you'll know where to find us!"
"Really?"
"Yes, of course! I'll always have a burger ready for you, Your Highness!"
"... thank you, you're a good kid."
Salter said, patting her head.
"Did you say there's an icy region north of here?"
"The map seems to indicate that."
"Wow, so that's the perfect new home for Mr. Pop Pea! Aren't you excited, my cute little Poppy Pea?"
"*expresses joy in penguinese*"
"Although, judging from the distance, it could take several days if not weeks of walking to reach it."
"I'm willing to push myself to this extent for Mr. Pop Pea!"
"I'm not. However, there's a simple way for us to reach that place much quicker."
"And what would that be?"
"Vimana."
"What's a Vimana?"
"My airship."
"You have your own spaceship?!"
"You think a king like me would walk to his destination?"
"Well... that's what we've been doing..."
Gilgamesh headed out of the diner, followed by the others, and opened a massive portal, out of which came Vimana.
"Wow! So cool and shiny!"
"Of course there's throne there..."
"With this, I shall reach the cold in a single thought!"
"Cool! Cool! Where do the passegers sit?"
"There are no seats for anyone but me, since I'm the only one allowed to board this creation."
"What? So we're not coming?"
"You think I'd let a fool like you on this? I'll deliver this beast to a new refuge myself."
"No, no way I'm not saying goodbye to Mr. Pop Pea."
"Yes way, now give it to me."
"No."
"Come on, don't be such a pain!"
"You're being a pain!"
"Stop holding it!"
"I'm letting him go like this!"
"Fine! Fine, you damn mongrels! Come on then, let's make this trip quick."
"Ok. Let's go, Mr. Pop Pea!"
"Guess I'll go too."
"I'll pass, Your Majesty. Planes have always made me sick."
"Very well. *sits down* I suggest you two to hold on my throne as much as you can, if you don't want to fly away."
"If you go too fast I'll kill you, bastard."
"Ok, I'll hold on tight!"
Gilgamesh moved his fingers and the airship raised up and suddenly vanished in a flash towards North.
"Wow, we're going so fast!"
"Ahhh, we're going so fast!"
"*panics and prays in penguinese*"
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