章 15: 1.15: Off the Rails
"Hey, kiddo, whatcha thinkin'?"
Ranko looked up from the train window, blinking herself back into the moment. The Shibuya cityscape zooming by her served as a welcome analogue for how quickly her life seemed to be moving at the moment. At least, unlike the shops and plazas that zipped past her right shoulder, it no longer felt like it was passing her by. "Huh? Sorry! I spaced out for a minute there."
With an easy grin, Izumi gave the smaller girl a nudge with her shoulder. "Yeah, you've kinda been off in your own little world since we got on the train. Everything okay?"
The redhead gave a slow nod, turning in her seat to face the girl that had taken to calling herself her sister. One of them, she corrected herself. There's freakin' three more! She tried to smile, even though the ends of her ears still felt like they'd been injected with molten plasma. "Yeah, I think so. It's just… been a crazy couple o' days, is all. Trying to just digest it all, and it's a lot."
"Anything you wanna talk about?" Izumi offered a disarming smile, adjusting in her seat as well. "It stands to reason you'd have a lot going on in your head right now, but you gotta remember, all of us have been where you are, honey, so there's… we understand, is all I'm trying to say."
As if, Ranko thought with a sigh. Bet none of you woke up one morning and said, "hey, today's a good day to start being a girl," and then spent all day having strangers messin' with your tits and shootin' holes in your face, while everybody's lookin' at you like you're a charity case. "You guys… sure like doing the whole talking thing, don'tcha?"
Izumi nodded softly. "Talking about the things you're feeling is good. It gives you validation, even if it's just somebody else saying they understand. Brains are complicated, and they can think a thousand things at once, but your mouth can only say one thing at a time, so talking about stuff has this uncanny way of simplifying things and quieting the noise in your head a little bit so you can focus and work through stuff. Again, though - it's not a requirement. There's no expectation here, Ranko. We want you to process everything at your pace. We want you to feel comfortable."
Comfortable? What's that?! Ranko fidgeted in her seat, idly eyeing the sparkly paint covering her fingernails. Perhaps it was psychosomatic, and perhaps it was the Full-Body Cat's Tongue, but she could have sworn she could feel the thick layer of polish lacquered on her nails. I'm sitting here talking to a stranger who wants to be my sister, and dressed up like a freakin' Barbie doll. Every impulse in her mind told her to run, but she couldn't decide if she wanted to run from the new developments in her life, or toward them.
"Why do you do it? What makes you guys wanna take a chance on me like this?"
Izumi chuckled quietly under her breath. "Because you're worth it, honey. Because all of us - even Mama, although she doesn't like to talk about it - know what it's like to need somebody else to tell you you're worth it when you can't believe it yourself. We all know what it's like to have nothing, to doubt everything, and to feel like the demons of the world are waiting around every corner and hiding in every shadow to get you. And, we know, for a hundred percent certain, that there is such a thing as coming back from feeling like that, because all of us did it." She reached to her right, patting the back of Ranko's hand gently while avoiding her younger sister's fresh nail polish. "You will too, Ranko. I promise. We're gonna help you get your feet back under you, no matter what it takes."
The young redhead shrugged nonchalantly at the elder girl's words, speaking over the chime indicating the approaching train station. "I just… I ain't used to people lookin' out for me, doin' for me, stuff like that, when there's nothin' in it for them. My pop, he was a big one for, ya gotta make your own way in the world, always be ready to up and split, don't get too attached, that sorta thing." Of course, then he grew roots in Mr. Tendo's guest room, and he doesn't even have a job. Maybe… She smiled weakly. Maybe it was just one more thing he was full of shit about. It's amazing how much different all the shit he used to say feels after you get out from under it a little bit and see it from a different perspective.
She pulled her black crossbody purse - she still couldn't believe she owned a freaking purse - out from between her hip and the armrest of the train seat, wincing a bit as she adjusted in the uncomfortable chair. The skin on the backs of her thighs stuck to the grayish-blue vinyl of the seat under her white lace dress, and it was driving the Cat's Tongue crazy every time her body made the slightest movement. Guess it's just something I'm gonna have to get used to if I ever want to deal with dressing like a girl on the regular, she mused. "But, ya know, bein' out on the street like I am, I didn't really have much of a choice but to say yes and accept all your help, and now I'm just tryin' to enjoy it while it lasts."
"Wait, hold up," Izumi said, raising her left hand in a stop gesture. "First things first, you're not out on the street anymore. Ranko, this isn't like you're crashing on our couch for a week while you figure things out. You're one of us now, honey, just as much as Mei or Yui are. I know it's strange and unfamiliar, and that's okay; we know it'll take time for you to adjust. But you've got to stop looking at this like a day is gonna come where you're suddenly gonna have to stuff your crap back in that backpack and hit the road. There is no while it lasts here. You're our family now, and family doesn't come with an expiration date."
She squeezed Ranko's hand in her own, offering the younger girl a soft smile of reassurance. "I know it feels surreal. Believe me, I do. When Yui and Aya started calling themselves Auntie around Hoshi, I wasn't sure if I wanted to hug them or hit them at first. I know it can feel almost invasive, like, who the heck are these people trying to just muscle in and call themselves my family like this? And, girls like us don't always have the warmest and fuzziest feelings about family, like, as a concept. Burned us too many times, and I get the sneaky suspicion it's done it to you, too, so I get why you're a little cagey about it. But, Ranko, I need you to hear me when I tell you this: you are my sister. I am yours. It's a decision we made together, all of us. We think you're gonna make our family better. Stronger. We aren't doing this because we want to hold it over you, or because we want some kind of karma boost from somebody. You are what's in it for us, sweetheart."
"But… why? I ain't exactly all that great." Ranko looked out the window again, sighing heavily. All I've done is be dishonest with them. At least now, I'm starting to believe some of the things I've been telling them. She bit her lip. My name is Ranko Tendo. I'm a girl. I'm a waitress. She glanced tentatively up at Izumi. I have… sisters. While she found it at least feasible to comprehend the idea of having sisters, probably owing to her time spent among Akane, Nabiki and Kasumi, she was a long way from accepting the idea of Hana as a mother, but she decided not to mention that. Mother is just another way to say "lady who ditched your ass at the first opportunity."
"I mean, I just wandered in off the street. I coulda been an ax murderer or something," Ranko continued. "And you just stuck me in your guest room without a second thought. Doesn't seem all that smart."
Izumi shrugged. "Sometimes, love means ignoring your head and doing what your heart tells you, and all of us knew right away when we met you that you belonged with us. You are one of us." She cocked her head to the side, smiling brightly. "You are brave, and tough, and sweet, and kind. You are soft as rose petals and as strong as steel. You, Ranko Tendo, are a Phoenix like us, through and through, and we can't wait to see you rise."
The redhead chuckled darkly at the idea of being reborn as a phoenix, when it had been the loss of the Phoenix Pill that put her in the position of needing a new identity in the first place. "But, what if I don't, though?" Ranko sighed, leaning her head on the cold plate glass of the speeding train's window. "What if I don't turn out to be what you think I'm gonna? What if I fail at everything? What if I don't know what I'm doing, and I end up doing the wrong thing? What if, after you get to know me, I'm not what you guys expect? I mean, hell, I feel like I barely know who I am right now."
Barely knowing might actually be overselling it. Hell, I only decided on my fucking name about nineteen hours ago. I don't know anything about what I want, or what I like, or…
Izumi leaned over, careful to avoid the angry red splotches around her young charge's earlobes, and wrapped her arms around Ranko's shoulders. She gave the smaller girl a gentle squeeze. "Then we're gonna all be surprised together, and we're all gonna learn to love that girl together. Starting with you."
Loving the girl I am? That sure would be something. Ranko looked down and away, trying not to let the girl draped over her back see the reddish tinge beginning to paint her cheeks. It's nice to dream, though. It's been a long fucking time since I've felt anything that could remotely be described as pride. But… they seem to believe. They believe I'm a girl. They believe I'm worth investing in. They believe I'm… Her cheeks warmed further, chuckling noiselessly again as she recalled Yui's mantra from the other night. I am wanted. I have worth. I have people who care about me.
The brunette winced a bit as her younger sister's bright red earlobe caught her eye again. "Does it hurt? Your ears? You reacted a lot worse to getting the piercings than most girls do."
Ranko shrugged, wincing a bit at the callout. "Yeah, I…" She sighed, looking down at her hands. Last thing I want is to let them know how vulnerable I am, but I'm also sick of lying to them. Maybe something in between? She swallowed hard. "I'm… not so good with the whole pain tolerance thing. Total wuss, I guess. But I'll manage."
Izumi nodded quietly, an expression of consternation on her face. "I'm really sorry, you know. I should've asked you before we did that. It wasn't cool of me to surprise you with something painful - and permanent - like that. I just…" She chuckled, shaking her head. "Fashion and style are just such a big part of my life, it never even occurred to me that there could be such a thing as a girl who didn't want to have her ears pierced. But, I should've asked you first, and I apologize."
Rolling her eyes, Ranko scoffed under her breath. Right?! Just "sit down, it'll be fine," and then… pow! Still, if she'd asked, even if I knew how bad it was gonna hurt, I'd probably have said yes. I mean, I didn't necessarily want it - and hell, who knows if it'll even last if I ever change back - but… she's right. It's something that's normal for girls. So, if I'm gonna be a girl, I should try to do the things normal girls do, even if they're hard. When in Rome, and all that.
"It's okay," Ranko said after a long, contemplative pause. "Really. You were tryin' to do something nice. Maybe warn a girl first next time, is all, 'kay?"
Izumi nodded. "I promise. And I really do hope you had fun today."
Ranko nodded, managing the hint of a smile. "I mean… it was terrifying, and awkward as all hell, and I feel guilty as fuck about you guys spending all that money on me, but… yeah, I guess I did! Other than the whole punching holes in my head thing, anyway!" She found herself emitting the slightest of giggles. "It was just, weird, ya know? Not really all that used to being the center of attention in a good way."
"Better get used to it, kiddo," Izumi said with a bright grin. "We tend to heap it on the new girls in this family."
Well, one thing's for damn sure: I definitely qualify as a new girl, Ranko thought with a shy smirk as the train screeched to a stop.
クリエイターの想い 
AnneOminous
AnneOminous And here it is, our first entirely new chapter of Reignited! We'll be back on Tuesday with the original 1.15, now 1.16. This chapter afforded me an opportunity to "correct" something I regretted in the previous chapter in the OG story, but couldn't unilaterally change due to my promise not to retcon major events in Reignited.
Writing on Book XIII is coming slow but steady. I just got approval to take a week's vacation from work starting next Friday, so I'm hopeful to make a quantum leap forward on it with those nine days off.
I just wanted to say, again, how much I appreciate the opportunity to reach through the ones and zeroes of the internet and touch your hearts with my words. It means more to this broken, messed-up girl than I'll ever fully convey.
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