章 18: Chapter 18
Psalm told him not to be embarrassed and promised to answer any questions he had whenever he felt comfortable talking about it.
'It' being sex, of course. It dawned on Felix what almost happened between them. Though his boyfriend had promised that that wasn't in his agenda at the moment, he still couldn't help but think about it. He was a bit scared, and weirded out.
He wanted to talk about it, but he realized that he mentally wasn't prepared and whatever he'd say would be too much for him to handle. So, he told his boyfriend so. And everything went back to normal…somewhat.
There were already a lot of things Psalm had to do concerning his graduation, so he accepted whatever he had to say and continued giving him the usual words of affirmation and sweetness before he quietly left.
Felix felt it was pressure off of him, because it was giving him time to think. To research. And to tell Ada, of course.
"Hm…I've read and watched a lot of sex scenes between men," Ada said when Felix opened up to her on the phone.
She'd wanted to come visiting as usual, but he told her not to bother herself. It was good enough for him that she was reachable by phone because she was the first person that came to mind after his whole ordeal.
"Me too," Felix said.
"So…what exactly are you scared of then?" Ada asked.
"I don't know…I've never done it. I don't think I'm ready for all that stress. I know it hurts like hell and the whole prepping process just seems… Maybe I'm asexual?"
Ada didn't waste time to laugh loudly at that.
"I'm sorry, Feli. I don't think that's how that works," she said. "Besides, I don't think you should worry, Psalm doesn't care. He would never pressure you to do what you don't want to. From what I've seen and what you've said."
"Hm."
"If I were experienced in your own type of…maybe I would've given you some tips but…you may need to do some research yourself. And with Psalm eventually. I doubt he's inexperienced."
Felix hummed. He didn't know how to feel about Psalm being 'experienced' though. Yes, there was no doubt that he probably was, considering a lot of things like their age, his wealth and more, but that didn't mean he liked the thought that he'd been intimate with other people.
Ada continued speaking, "All I can tell you is not to worry so much and focus on other aspects of your life. You don't need to sleep with each other immediately. Some people wait for an entire year."
"What about you?"
"Me, what?"
"I don't think I've ever asked you if you're a…"
"Oh! I lost my v-card to my last boyfriend on the weekend of my birthday, Feli. I thought I told you. How could you forget?!"
Felix's brow furrowed as he tried to remember. "Are you serious?"
Ada sighed. "I guess you might not remember since I mentioned it just once. But I did though. It was nice, but as you know, he ended up being a piece of shit, so we broke up."
"What about you and Onyema?" Felix asked, wondering if he was prying too much in his friend's sex life. They'd never been explicit before.
"Oh, my dear Onyema is such a sweetheart, as always. He doesn't want to do anything yet and I'm fine with it," Ada said. "So, basically your relationship is like mine. Don't bother yourself too much."
"Okay," Felix said. "I guess you're right. Maybe I shouldn't have felt too overwhelmed since nothing was even forced."
"Nope. But your reactions were valid. Your first relationship, first boyfriend and all. Take your time."
"Thank you, Ada," Felix said, really appreciative.
"You're welcome!"
"I have other things to say, but I think we can do that on Whatsapp," he said, after getting a text from Jon and remembering that he hadn't told her about him.
"Okay."
Just as he was about to cut the call, he was stopped.
"I know you're still trying to gain some courage and all…but I just want to remind you that you haven't talked to Psalm about him graduating and eventually leaving," Ada said finally.
Felix sighed. Great. Now he had more things to think about.
"Feli?"
"I'm listening."
"I think you should get it over with soon, honestly."
"I hear you."
"I think I'll need to be telling you everyday at this point."
Felix groaned. "I'll do it, Ada. Now, please go online and wait for me to gist you what else happened today."
That seemed to do the trick, because she was all excited about more 'gists' and blew him kisses on the phone before hanging up.
"Being in a relationship seems harder than I expected," he said to his quiet room as he stared silently then proceeded to open his WhatsApp messages.
*****
Graduation day came faster than he expected. It was almost like he blinked and the day came.
Before then, Psalm made sure to invite him to the party he was having at his place. He also mentioned that some of his family members were going to be present, especially his dad and siblings–whom Felix had never met.
It seemed Psalm's last days in school were going to take a toll on him no matter what he tried. Even the support of his best friend couldn't do anything to calm him down now.
The school graduation ceremony was something he didn't care for, but went to anyway, because he'd meet Psalm there. So he dressed up in his best formal outfit with his gift in hand and sat in the congregation, for a few hours accompanied by his friend and her boyfriend.
Standing by the side to wait a few more minutes while Psalm hugged and took photos with everyone and anyone who would approach him–which was a whole lot–wasn't easy, but he didn't mind as long as he wasn't the center of attention. Standing right next to Psalm would make people see him, and he didn't need that.
Eventually, Ada abandoned him for a minute to meet Onyema's sister who was a graduate and whom she'd met before. She was always crazy about meeting new people anyway.
"We should go," Psalm said to him when the crowd around him dispersed and he saw him standing by his car.
"Yeah," he happily agreed, gingerly jumping into the car, hoping no one saw him. He doubted if no one did though.
He was secretly happy he didn't have to meet some of Psalm's friends and family that came. Sure, he'd eventually meet them at the party at night, but that gave him some time to prepare and panic more.
"I'm sorry, I'll have to come back," Psalm apologized. "I figured it made sense for us to drive somewhere else and get some time together."
Felix smiled at Psalm. "It's okay. I know you're busy with celebrations."
"We haven't even talked about how you'll get to my place for the party after this," Psalm said. "Damn, I forgot."
"I came here with Ada and her boyfriend, remember? The guy has a car."
"Oh. Yeah, you're right."
Felix watched his boyfriend on the driver's seat, looking a bit sweaty and trying to calm his breathing as he drove them out of the crowded area.
"Congratulations on your graduation," he said softly.
"I'd rather you say it with a kiss. And we'll have to move far away from people for that to happen," Psalm responded, squeezing his hand.
Felix laughed. "Okay. I just hope your people won't be too worried."
"They won't die if I leave them for a few minutes," Psalm responded, unconcerned with his eyes on the road, seemingly scanning for a spot to park.
This is going to be a hectic day, it seems, Felix thought with a sigh as he relaxed on the passenger side, holding his boyfriend's hand as he looked out the window.
He wondered if today was still the right day to tell Psalm everything he'd planned.
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