章 17: On His Own (4)
"Huff...huff...huff"
Some time has passed as Hope remained curled on the floor taking in short breaths. His face rested against the cool ground as his chest rose and fell rapidly. Hot breath passed his lips against the chill air as he counted the seconds.
What did it matter to count the seconds? It still hurt.
Everything still hurt.
But even so, Hope willed himself to move.
His muscles screamed as he adjusted himself to a crawl.
Now that night fully submerged the world into darkness, Hope could barely see what was in front of him. The only forms he could make out were the vague silhouette formations and hinted blue of the night. Behind him was pitch black. It must be a cave then. No wonder it felt like the wall had disappeared during his fall.
Krrrrrrrr...
Sunset happened a lot faster during this time of year. But why did the days change when the seasons change? Why were some nights longer than one portion of the year, and some days longer than the other portion of the year?
Such small questions didn't benefit Hope. At least, he assumed they didn't.
What was important was that it was cold. Cold nights were just as much of a threat as facing monsters.
But moreso in challenging the intelligence of one's survival. Not hand-to-hand combat.
Krrrrr...
Hope dragged his shield that was still enclosed around his left fist as he crawled.
He then stopped when his hands brushed against the monster's corpse. Or Grieve Crawler the Spell called it.
But as he sat himself up, something snapped inside his chest. Hope bent forward and groaned in pain. It throbbed and ached like a sucking vermin that stubbornly wouldn't let go.
'Dammit...'
Wanting to heal at an abnormally fast rate only happened in stories fellow soldiers would say. Wherever and whatever stories they have read it from he didn't know. They entertained themselves too much with tales and daydreaming.
Every time they would return from their missions, those soldiers highly expected themselves to easily spring back into action the next day. But soreness would tie them to their beds, making it impossible for them to stand.
The more that happened, the more they realized that such stories and realities were different. And the imaginative dream of them acting like an Awakened was a mere fantasy.
But Awakened had it rough too, right?
"..."
'They're damn Awakened. Don't they recover a lot faster?' Hope thought.
Definitely faster than a Dreamer.
Hope crouched low to the ground to relieve the ache in his chest, the voices in his head slowly replaced the pain in his mind. He supposed they would be a distraction till the pain passes.
How should he put it...
He recognized all of their voices.
But at the same time, he didn't.
It was almost like standing in a sea of crowds. Individually, he could pinpoint what line came from where, or what lyric belonged to whom. But if they spoke all at once then it was intangible.
Huh. If he tried to recognize them all at once-
!!!
Hope's head swelled from the action.
The voices once distant and docile like the brushing of a wind suddenly turned into vicious snarls and barks. His mind tore in multiple directions as he attempted the feat. A call pulling him in one corner. Another pulling him in the other. They didn't have conscious thoughts of their own, or maybe they did, but Hope could feel them crying 'Listen to me here,' or 'No over here!'
'Bad idea. Fucking. Bad. Idea-'
"Urgh....!"
Choose one Hope thought something said. His instinct probably. Something from the crowd, it said.
Anything.
'No...'
Hope pressed his head harder into the ground.
Hope didn't want to.
He didn't want to be at the mercy of his own mind like this.
Hope then bit down on his tongue. A sharp pain shot in his mouth as blood started to overflow with the taste of salt and metal.
Immediately the voices calmed down as the pain at hand overruled them all.
Finally, they returned back to their original volume.
"Huff...huff..."
With a shaky hand, Hope leaned on the monster's corpse and forced himself to sit up again. This time he did it without fail. Although the pain was still there, he refused to obey that as well.
He traced his hand along the monster's shelled back. After reaching its middle to lower back, Hope slowly raised his left arm and then brought his whole weight down to strike the monster's spine.
Slash!
"Erk!"
Hope squeezed his eyes shut.
His muscles screamed from the action. But Hope was more than enough fed up with its complaints.
'Move. Dammit.'
"Tsk." Hope pulled back and struck again. Then again. And again. And again.
And again.
Sqlssh!
The sound of flesh and the squelch of soft juicy meat were felt under his shield. Its bloody aroma filled his senses. Finally, Hope dismissed his Memory; the shine of ethereal light lit one moment then disappeared the next.
"..."
Hope flexed his hand before reaching through the dark warm flesh and silk blood. He felt around the monster's torn innards before a sudden dim orb of light peeked through.
Hope was greeted with the Soul Shard. Nothing that could serve as a flashlight or a lamp, but it was something, nonetheless.
Hope wouldn't destroy it just yet though.
"That's one though." Hope paused and eyed back at the monster.
Should he hide inside it...?
"Mm..." He didn't like the idea. But it was an option. "Even in death it's still useful."
Hope set the orb gently aside before turning back and widening the gash he made on the monster. A few times he had to force himself to stop to give his arms and chest time to rest, but then continued until the monster's skinned side matched the crouching size of himself.
He didn't plan on hiding directly inside the monster. But resting against the monster's flesh would serve enough as a warm wall.
"Sigh..."
Besides, he didn't want to be in the belly of another beast again.
Hope turned and grabbed the orb. Pain scorched him as he adjusted against the skinned flesh, facing the cave's mouth. Hope didn't mind what effect it would have on his outward appearance.
How worse could it get?
The monster's blood-metallic smell mixed with its odor filled Hope's nose heavily. He stared blankly down at the soul shard in his hands, feeling the blood dry streak along its surface. A ball of silver-blue flames between his palms. But no warmth emanated from it.
Hope frowned.
Well, now what was he going to do for the rest of the night?
He was exhausted, no doubt his muscles were tired from the battle with the crazy monster, but nothing of a sleepy spell lurked behind his eyes.
Truly...was he unable to sleep...?
"..."
A thought crossed his mind, but he felt reluctant about the idea.
His fingers twitched on the orb.
'I'll...have to do it carefully this time."
There was an obvious thing he could do if he were to stay up all night.
If he was going to explore his memories, he was going to do it his way.
But more carefully this time of course, so as to not lose himself in its sea. He was able to accidentally submerge himself into the memories before. That meant that he could do it consciously as well, right? He might as well learn since this damn curse was with him in the long run.
'Let's see...'
Hope paused.
Maybe memories of his sister then-
!!!
'Hi, Hope! Guess what I drew today!'
'Don't tease me like that!'
'Oh look at those lights! Can you see them? Can you see them?'
'Mama says to smile smile haha-'
Hope bit down on his tongue again.
"..."
It was quiet once more.
Well, as quiet as it could be.
He turned his head and spat blood off to the side before recollecting his thoughts.
"More...specific specific...memory...dammit..." He muttered under his breath.
Hope took a deep gulp and shut his eyes again.
As he carefully sat in the silence with the voices whispering in his mind, he caught one that was his sister's voice and held onto it.
'Hope! Hope, come here!'
Hope just wanted to listen to the rest of her lines, but the more he held onto her voice, the more he focused on the memory, there was an immediate pull towards it. Images from that memory flashed behind his eyelids, all sporadic like puzzle pieces. But Hope let themselves piece together until finally, they rebuilt themselves completely around him into one concrete image.
It all happened in an instant. But since he was more conscious about it, he saw the layers it had built itself upon to its final form.
And this memory...which time was it?
Ah. He remembered. Of course he did.
As his sister's voice continued to call out to him, the world from his memory felt like it was truly within reach.
The weight beneath his feet was there. His feet...were smaller in size. The soft wind through the window's net frame could also be felt against his skin. Huh. The splintered wooden planks could be counted too.
Hope wanted to touch it, but his arm didn't move.
Right...It was a memory.
Not something he could run freely inside.
But something that he could only relive in the moment.
He felt a sigh escape his lips as he turned in the direction of where his sister called. He remembered—
—the apartment he and his family stayed in had worn gray rooms with short hallways. Shadowed green tints hid in the corners, adding to the stuffy mold smell of their home. Or temporary home. It was one of the many settlements he and his family had chosen from.
And they had moved a lot.
"Hope!" His sister called.
He paused as he looked into the room she was in. She was lying in bed with a messy fold of sheets around her.
"If you don't wash that filthy mouth of yours then you owe me a dollar!"
How...did his sister learn to talk like that again?
Ah. She was eight at this time. And he was ten.
Not that that explained her way of speech.
Hope felt his mouth curve into a frown and his small legs carrying him to her room. "The hell is a dollar?" He heard himself say.
Yura, his younger and only sister, pouted.
"Don't say that! And well- I don't know. I hear people mention somethin like that to the other kids." She raised her chin in the air. "They said everytime they swear they put a dollar in a swear jar."
She nodded as if in agreement with herself.
"Mm..." Hope reached her bedside and grabbed the edge of the flowery patterned wrinkled sheets.
"You sure-"
"Positive!"
Hope sighed as he pulled the sheets up to her waist. Then tried to flatten the wrinkles with the stroke of his hand. They didn't disappear though.
"We don't need to do that."
At that moment, the sounds of gunfire could be heard in the distance. Like faint rapid thunder.
Yura simply shook her head.
"Yes we do! You spend your whole time at the window so much that you pick up your talk talk from all them soldiers." She glared at him.
Although, Hope couldn't help but pat her on the head in response.
He thought his way of speaking was fine.
"Ah. I think a dollar is money." Hope noticed Yura tilting her head in confusion.
He sighed again. "Something about growin on trees I heard."
Yura's eyes widened. "But we don't have any trees!"
The gunfire ceased in the distance.
"Nope." Hope placed her small worn teddy bear next to her. "But fine. I'll put a coin in a swear jar."
She frowned as she fiddled with the teddy bear's ears. "But where will you get all that money?"
Hope shrugged. "I'll remember till I earn myself some—
"Erk!"
Crack!
A random shot of pain twisted in Hope's chest. Hope involuntarily gripped onto the orb hard enough that it shattered between his fingers.
'Ah dammit. How long till I recover?"
Hope gritted his teeth as he watched the faint blue vapor seep into his chest. Then darkness replaced the light.
Hope groaned again as he steadied his breathing.
"Huff...huff..."
Hope's hands closed into a fist and pressed against his eyes.
"Seriously."
Hope felt slightly conflicted as he glimpsed back at the memories of his sister but then willed himself to pull away.
At this point, Hope thought he should offer his sister the world then for his failed actions.
Though it would be comical if she actually put a number on how many times he'd cursed.
His jaw started to ache from clenching his teeth for so long. Seconds have passed. Probably minutes. As Hope stared into the darkness with the monster's flesh hugging behind him, he forced his mind to keep the voices at bay.
He was slightly tempted to explore more. But he didn't want to go into the past anymore.
It was the past for a reason.
Besides, it wasn't like anyone would miss him anyway.
So maybe he should do the same.
In need of another distraction, Hope summoned his [Ashen Shield]'s memory description. He might as well learn what this new weapon, or defensive item, had in store for him.
The familiar ethereal runes weaved themselves as they began to fill in line after line. It almost reminded him of when he first summoned his Aspect's description-
'Nope. No. I don't fucking remember.'
Hope shook away the tangent thought and stared back at the description.
Memory: [Ashen Shield]
Memory Rank: Awakened
Memory Type: Weapon
Memory Description: [Against dragons and fiery beasts, a shield belonging to one of the great heart warriors withstood the heat and might of its enemies. But time has worn him and his allies. Even his shield had broken into a myriad of pieces. In last remembrance of him, the people have repaired what little remained and restored what little of itself. But alas, the strength of the shield always reflected the strength of its owner. Even to death]
Hope blinked at the runes.
'Dragons...With this thing...?'
Hope paused then summoned his shield and felt it form onto his left hand.
He frowned as he felt the weight again.
Light.
Too light.
But it had its benefits for that as well he supposed. In close combat it proved not only to be good for deflecting and blocking, but for quick agile attacks. That would prove useful. Hope wasn't exactly keen on carrying or using a heavy shield anyway.
"..."
But that also proved that he would have to be in close combat for it to work effectively.
Hope dismissed it, a bitter taste filling his mouth. Not from his bloody tongue this time.
But such a valuable thing lost much of its originality, dwindling to a smaller insignificant part of itself.
"Sigh..."
Well, it seemed to have some fight left in it to have withstood the strength of the monster. Hope leaned more against the wall of flesh as he felt a slight chill from the wind.
It was going to be a long night.
His muscles desperately needed it. At least Dreamers healed faster than mundane humans. Hopefully, by early morning, he would be able to start traveling again.
He was ready to get out of these hills as fast as possible and reach the Mirror City. Then he could reequip himself and travel his way back to Acheron.
And after that then...
Hope paused.
He would have to plan for that later.
***
Hope lost track of time that night.
Or at least he let himself to as he stared off into space and battled the voices. He had nothing to do after all except to be teased by their whispering.
His fingers traced the rocky ground beside him, sometimes in light motions and other times in aggressive ones whenever he was ensnared by the memories. The skin had blistered from the constant friction throughout the hours, its raw tips more prone to pain now.
But Hope's face remained placid.
He then turned his right leg to the side.
'Mm...That hurts less than...an hour ago?'
As he thought that, the atmosphere started to lighten up. It happened at a slow gradual pace, but the cave in front of him became clearer. The cave was surprisingly small. The mouth of it was tall, but the inside ended no more than fourteen paces across.
Hope turned his head to the left.
East.
This time he couldn't see the sun rising. But he knew dawn had finally approached.
クリエイターの想い 
MonoSilence
MonoSilence Thank you to all the faithful 90 readers and your comments.
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