章 98: Chapter 1740 - Can He Endure? (5)
A heavy silence hung in the air. Neither of the two sitting there, nor the one standing, spoke a word.
Though they knew of each other's presence, they maintained their silence. The faint moonlight drifted gently across Baek Cheon's face, barely brushing it before slowly receding, making way for the deep darkness that soon engulfed everything.
Throughout that long stretch of time, Chung Myung stood still, wordlessly.
At last, after what felt like an eternity of silence, Chung Myung's lips began to move.
"Are you harboring any resentment?"
Baek Cheon's eyes slowly turned toward Chung Myung, the sound reminiscent of rusty hinges creaking open. His strained movement halted, and his now empty eyes met Chung Myung's gaze.
Chung Myung found that look strange.
How had Baek Cheon's eyes appeared when they first met? He could no longer remember, as the memory had long since faded. But at least, they hadn't looked like this.
Surely, they had been filled with hope and confidence—perhaps reckless, but also brilliant in their own way.
"Resentment…"
A cracked voice leaked out, empty like the gaze that matched it.
Baek Cheon's eyes seemed to drift beyond Chung Myung, to somewhere far off. In Baek Cheon, Chung Myung saw a reflection of his own past self.
What could Baek Cheon be seeing right now? Chung Myung clenched and unclenched his fists.
Baek Cheon spoke slowly.
"If I must resent someone, where should I begin?"
"…"
"Should I blame the Great Sect Leader who made this decision? Or perhaps the Evil Tyrant Alliance, which made me this way? Or maybe, should I blame myself for living recklessly, without ever knowing the price I would pay? Which one…?"
As he muttered to himself, Baek Cheon let out a bitter laugh—no, it was more like the remnants of a laugh that had never fully formed. The empty sound spread through the quiet night.
"Who should I blame? No… who should I start blaming?"
Baek Cheon's gaze fell to his own hand.
What had he once tried to grasp?
He wasn't sure anymore. Now, there was nothing left for him to hold. Perhaps he had known this all along but had been the last to admit it to himself.
And yet…
"I could have endured."
Baek Cheon looked up at Chung Myung once more.
"I could have withstood it. The ridicule, the pitiful glances, the agony that felt like my insides were being ripped apart… even the humiliation."
A faint, bitter smile curled at Baek Cheon's lips.
"Even if it meant enduring hell on earth, I would have chosen that path. Simply because I wanted to choose it. Of my own will. With my own hands."
His gaze wandered blankly once again. Though it remained empty, a flicker of light seemed to dance in his eyes as if searching for something. But only for a moment—soon, Baek Cheon's eyes emptied again.
Because there was nothing left to look for.
"And yet… even that choice is denied to me. Even that…"
His words dissipated into the night.
Chung Myung knew. Every decision Hyun Jong had made had been for Baek Cheon's sake. Hyun Jong had sacrificed so much for him. Everyone was concerned for him. In some ways, Baek Cheon was a blessed man.
But still…
"It's strange, isn't it? I tried so hard, worked so tirelessly… yet here I am, right back where I started."
Chung Myung's expression darkened.
"In the end, I'm living a life I didn't choose. A life that's supposedly for my own good, but not one I ever wanted."
Baek Cheon's eyes focused on Chung Myung once more.
"Where did it all go wrong? Or… was it wrong from the very start? Was I hoping for something too grand, something impossible? Did I overreach? Was I desiring something someone like me should never have dreamed of?"
"…"
"Answer me."
Baek Cheon's voice cracked.
"Answer me."
Huddled in the darkness, Baek Cheon seemed as though he might crumble at any moment.
"You always gave me answers. You always showed me the way."
Chung Myung squeezed his eyes shut. His eyelashes trembled.
"So tell me now. Tell me what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go. What… what can I even do?"
Chung Myung remained silent. He couldn't speak. Any words he said would be meaningless.
Whatever he said would only sound hollow.
"Say something. Even if it's not an answer… whether it's comfort, a rebuke, a curse… anything. Don't just stand there."
"…"
"Say something… anything… please…"
At last, Baek Cheon crumbled, collapsing as if he had no strength left to hold himself up.
"Please…"
His frail hands weakly scraped at the worn wooden floor. His shoulders trembled.
Chung Myung looked down at him in silence for a long time before finally speaking.
"There was no mistake."
"…"
"Loss is never something you can choose. Even when you don't want to lose, you lose. That's what loss is."
As much as one gains in life, just as much must be lost. That's simply the way life is.
Chung Myung knew this all too well.
He knew the pain of losing what should never have been lost. He also knew that the deep hue of loss could soften the sting of death.
But even so, he couldn't understand how Baek Cheon felt right now. Every person faces loss in their own way, and every response is different.
That's why Chung Myung offered no hollow words of comfort. It wouldn't be right to offer anything less to someone who was fighting through such intense despair.
Baek Cheon's empty gaze was fixed on Chung Myung.
"…There was no mistake."
"Yes."
Baek Cheon let out a low laugh.
"Is that so? Then what am I supposed to do now?"
That hollow laugh stabbed deep into Chung Myung's heart. But still, he could only remain silent.
"Answer me."
Chung Myung simply looked back at Baek Cheon. And in that moment, after what seemed like an eternity of emptiness, a surge of emotions flooded Baek Cheon's eyes.
Chung Myung spoke with difficulty.
"I've never given you an answer, Sasuk. If you thought I had, that was just your own misunderstanding."
In truth, Chung Myung had never believed that he was showing anyone the 'right' path. After all, he had never found the right path for himself.
If anything… it was Chung Myung who had leaned on them.
Though he couldn't find the way himself, he had believed that they would. But now, the one he had believed in most had lost their way. The one he had trusted to open the path forward was crumbling here before him, at the edge of a cliff.
And Chung Myung had no idea what to say to someone in such a position.
What could someone do when neither turning back nor moving forward was allowed?
Then Baek Cheon asked again.
"Is that so?"
In that moment, Chung Myung saw it clearly—a single, distinct emotion blossoming in Baek Cheon's eyes, amidst the wreckage of so many others.
"Then why did you even come here?"
It wasn't resentment.
"Did you come to comfort me?"
It was… envy.
"Did you come to mock me? Or maybe to give me some righteous speech with that virtuous mouth of yours?"
When walking together, it would seem brilliant when following the trajectory. But when it becomes impossible to do so, that light becomes unbearably blinding.
Blinding enough to burn someone's heart black.
Chung Myung was familiar with such a gaze. However, the reason this moment was so painful and suffocating was because the person before him was the one he believed to be farthest from such a gaze.
"I…"
Chung Myung hesitated for a moment. It felt like self-deprecation would spill out.
Baek Cheon probably didn't know.
"You seem to misunderstand... I'm not as great or exceptional a person as you think, Sasuk."
He had said it many times before. It wasn't some superficial humility. He had repeated it sincerely.
"There's nothing I can say to you, Sasuk."
Some might see brilliance in Chung Myung, but it was nothing more than a facade. Chung Myung was just a ship adrift in a vast sea, filled with strength without direction, as Baek Cheon had once said.
Without someone to guide it, it didn't know where to go.
"Then why..."
"I didn't come to say something to you, Sasuk."
Chung Myung cut off Baek Cheon's words in an indifferent voice.
"I came to talk about myself."
Even in the midst of his deep despair, Baek Cheon was startled. It was understandable. With Chung Myung standing before him, claiming to talk about himself at a time like this.
"No one's asked me."
"Asked what...?"
"How I escaped from the encirclement of the Evil Tyrant Alliance. Or why that guy let me go so easily."
Baek Cheon's eyes wavered slightly. He hadn't considered that. In the urgency of the moment, he had been relieved just to see Chung Myung arrive.
But now that he heard it, a belated doubt arose.
Why did Jang Ilso let Chung Myung go?
If he had wanted, even if he couldn't kill him, he could have at least driven him to the point where he couldn't intervene in the battle. So why did he let him go so easily?
"Do you know how I got out?"
"You... don't tell me..."
Chung Myung gave a small, knowing smile.
"Don't misunderstand. There was no deal."
"..."
"He just let me go."
"What?"
"Simply and without any conditions or demands."
Suspicion appeared on Baek Cheon's face.
At the same time, a strange smile tugged at the corner of Chung Myung's lips. It was a completely different expression from what Baek Cheon had ever seen before.
Chung Myung suddenly looked up at the night sky. He could almost hear Jang Ilso's mocking laughter in his ears.
- Why do you think I'm wary of you? Hm?
"He said."
- After all, you're just a well-fed pig.
Chung Myung blinked slowly.
- Isn't that right?
"The moment I chose the Sichuan Tang Family and ignored the annihilation of Mount Tai, I became nothing more than a hypocrite who only talks big."
Jang Ilso's bright laughter resurfaced in his mind. It was suffocating, as though it was tightening around his entire body.
- Tell those who died there. Tell them you're upholding that precious righteousness. It would be quite amusing, don't you think?
Jang Ilso had left with those words.
But in reality, he hadn't left at all. At least not in the sense that his words were still carved into Chung Myung's heart.
No, in truth, the scar had already been there. Jang Ilso had merely dug into the unhealed wound like a ghost, sprinkling salt upon it.
"I expected this."
Since that time. Or maybe even from before then.
If the moment of choice came, he would never hesitate, no matter how difficult it was. And if there was a price to be paid for that choice, he would bear it all alone.
But…
"You said you wanted to put your will into that hand, right? It's a good sentiment. But, Sasuk."
Chung Myung gave a small smile.
"I'm not the kind of person who can grasp that hand."
"...Chung Myung."
"As for me..."
He had wanted to stand tall and proud before himself. Just this once, he had wanted to do his utmost. But he had come to understand.
An aimless effort, devoid of will, was no different from blindly swinging a blade.
One person who had lost the power to carry out their will, and another who had power but didn't know the way.
The two people, who should have complemented each other, could no longer stand back-to-back. So then...
"You asked me to answer. But before that, Sasuk, I want you to answer me first."
"..."
"What do I do now? What should I do?"
Baek Cheon's hand trembled slightly.
The moon peeked out from behind the clouds again. The pale moonlight settled over Chung Myung, who was still staring at the sky.
"I don't know."
"..."
"I don't know anymore either."
Baek Cheon finally realized. Chung Myung's small shoulders were crumbling.
Unable to bear it, Baek Cheon closed his eyes.
'You were leaning on me.'
Chung Myung's once strong back now looked endlessly fragile. Yet, even though he wanted to support him, Baek Cheon no longer had the strength.
The one who had lost his way and stood in place, unable to move forward, wasn't just Baek Cheon alone.
クリエイターの想い 
Muffin_niffuM
Muffin_niffuM Chung Myung seems so . . . Human.
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