章 7: A little love is all one needs

"I am not sure how much longer I can hold. Each day is no less than a war. A war against myself. Sometimes I honestly wish that I had the whole world against me. In this way, I wouldn't have to feel so unloved. Only if anyone told me before that hating yourself makes you feel this unwanted..."

She closes her diary and sighs.

"This can't go on, Heaven. You need to get up and get ready for the day. You are not a coward, remember that," she smiled at herself.

But soon, it dropped.

"Not a coward? You also know that you don't care about the circumstances. If there's anyone else after Nivea then you would have called her. She might be dead and if that's the case then why would it matter who finds out what? But you are not calling her. You are the most selfish human out there, the worst sister," another part of her said.

"I am not, stop, please. She, herself requested me not to contact her. She promised that if she was in deep danger then she would call me herself. I trust my sister," she defends herself.

"Huh, sister? Listening to her, you say? You always did whatever you wanted to do. You can't fool me. You are selfish, you deserve to die," her inner demons were screaming so loudly that even her screams couldn't fade away the voices.

"I am not selfish, I am not selfish. I also love her. I am not. Please, stop! I beg you, stop," she felt on her knees, her palms covering her ears.

Her whole face has turned red.

She thought that she was immune to her taunts by now but every day, it's the same.

She was her own enemy. She was the reason behind her miseries. Her guilt was eating her alive and she started to see herself as the villainess, the destroyer, the unlucky girl.

Every time, she would get a glimpse of happiness, her insides would come to haunt her.

She was tired of this by now. It seems as if a whole different person who's really close to her is causing her pain.

She was slowly falling deeper into depression when a sound reached her ears, breaking her trance.

"Life goes on, like this again ~"

It was her phone's ringtone. She stands up after trying so hard.

With shaky hands, she takes the phone. A fear in her heart, that the phone might stop ringing soon.

The other person who's trying to reach her might feel like she's not worthy of their time, they might abandon her like everyone else has, or they might abandon her like she has.

But her worries soon change into hope when she notices that the phone's still ringing.

They didn't give up on her, she might not be so unloved after all.

The caller id was 'little angel.'

A smile touches her lips. Her little angel was her only hope in this world, she's her tiny world.

She picks up the call.

"Hellooooo, what took you so long to pick up the phone? Are you ok? Do you want to go to see the doctor? Should I bring medicine for you? Mama?"

After getting no response for quite a while, the other side seems to sound worried.

Heaven didn't know that someone's worried voice could make her feel this good, this lovable.

"I am here only, darling. I was a little away from my phone and that's why I couldn't pick it up. I am sorry, my little angel. How are you doing?" She replies, her worries seem to fly away, her heart filled up with happiness.

This tiny life was all she had. Like the last drop of rain, a shelter in the storm, the comfort of warmth in the rain, the first ray of sunshine, this tiny life was her only hope.

The reason behind her not giving up on life. The encouragement behind her waking up every day.

How she wishes she could live with her every day. Only if the situation was easier, only if the job she had was a normal one. Only if she had a normal way of living.

"It's ok, mama. I am not mad at you anymore. I called you to ask when will you come to meet me. Those people are bad, you are the only good person I know. I love you, mama. When you come this time, take me with you. I don't want to live with them. I am sad," she dramatically pouted but then realized that her mama couldn't see her.

She then started fake crying.

Heaven chuckles. She knew that the situation wasn't as deep as she made it seem. This girl was talented enough to be a small child actress.

"What did they do, baby?" Heaven faked her sad voice and played along.

"They didn't buy me any chocolate. They said that if I eat more than 5 chocolates every day then my teeth will get ruined and then Mama won't love me anymore." Her words were like a stab in Heaven's heart.

How couldn't she love this little ray of sunshine? She's her earth.

"It's nothing like that, baby. Mama will always love you, even if you don't love Mama. They just don't want you to have cavities. They hurt a lot and then you will cry."

"It's nothing like this, mama. I will forever love you. You are the best. If you promise to meet me tomorrow then I won't eat chocolates, I promiseeeee."

"Umm, well, if you promise then I promise to meet you tomorrow. I will come, baby."

"Yayyy, see you tomorrow, mama. I am going to play. I love you."

"Mama loves you more." And she cuts the call. Her hands weren't shaking anymore and neither was she feeling heavy.

Sometimes all one needs is a reliable person who actually values their emotions and gives a little love.

She was happy but for how long?

A pong sound could be heard. She again opens her phone. It was a text.