章 2: Chapter 2: Into Naruto verse
Naruto Uzumaki arrived at his home, weary and exhausted.
Naruto: (Stumbles in, weary and defeated) Ugh, why does Sakura have to punch SO HARD?
Naruto rubs his sore cheek, muttering under his breath about the complexities of the female mind. Today, after failing the Academy exam for the THIRD time, Naruto finally achieved his dream of becoming a Genin. Ecstatic, he sought to celebrate with Sakura, the girl who held his affections. However, his attempt to ask her out resulted in a swift and resounding slap.
Naruto: (Grumbling) This is all because of that emo boy, Sasuke Uchiha! ...Though, he is kind of cute.
Sasuke, the brooding heartthrob, had every girl swooning at his feet. Naruto couldn't fathom what made him so special. Sure, Sasuke had the brooding face, the silky black hair, the flawless complexion, the incredible skills, and... wait, did Naruto just think Sasuke was cute?
Naruto: (Slams his fist on the table) Ugh! What am I even thinking?!
Naruto groans, running a hand through his spiky hair in frustration.
Naruto: I will become the greatest ninja! The Hokage! That's my ninja way, believe it!
Naruto declares with a determined glint in his eyes and a wide, toothy grin. Then, a moment of silence washes over him.
Naruto: (Sheepishly) ...Maybe I should practice that pose in private.
He realizes he's been completely alone, his inspirational speech wasted on an empty room. Not only that, but his declaration felt little cringy.
Just then, a loud whistle pierces the silence. It came from Naruto's ass
Naruto: (Squirming) Crap! Crap! That super spicy ramen is kicking in!
After graduating, Naruto's first stop was, of course, Ramen Ichiraku. Teuchi, the ramen master, was pretty much the closest thing Naruto had to a father figure. (There was also the old Hokage, Hiruzen, the Dumbledore 2.0, but Naruto wasn't entirely convinced the guy actually cared.)
Anyway, to celebrate becoming a Genin, Teuchi whipped up a special super spicy ramen. It burned like molten lava, but Naruto, a devoted ramen enthusiast, devoured it anyway. Teuchi warned him about the "afterburn," but Naruto, ever the impulsive knucklehead, ignored him. He inhaled five bowls, and now his backside felt like a volcano about to erupt.
Clutching his burning buns, Naruto bolted for the bathroom. He fumbled with his pants, practically throwing himself onto the toilet seat. Then, with a mighty groan, he unleashed a torrent of fire and fury.
The sound was akin to a geyser erupting, scalding steam filling the tiny bathroom. It wasn't just water – this was molten lava threatening to melt the entire porcelain throne.
Naruto: (Screeching) Aaargh! I knew I shouldn't have gone overboard! This feels like my butt is possessed by a demon! Believe it!
This was no ordinary bathroom break; this was a battle for survival. Naruto, despite the village treating him like yesterday's trash, still harbored dreams of becoming Hokage. But if he couldn't even conquer his own fiery bowels, how could he possibly protect the villagers? ...Even the ones who ostracized him.
Naruto: Huh?
Suddenly, a strange sensation washed over him. The fiery pain began to recede, replaced by a feeling of empowerment. Oddly enough, it no longer hurt. In fact, his body felt… stronger.
His heart pounded with an intensity that resonated throughout his entire being. His eyes widened, and in that moment, a single word escaped his lips:
Naruto: ...Chad.
Naruto wasn't sure what he just uttered, but a profound feeling resonated within him. He scrambled to his feet and with a grimace, began wiping himself off.
Naruto: Chad... Who is that? Why does that name sound so... empowering?
Naruto had no clue who this "Chad" might be, what he looked like, or what he did. But the moment the name left his lips, a wave of positivity and motivation washed over him. Loneliness had been a constant companion in his life, yet this single word brought a lightness to his spirit. He felt good. Optimistic, even.
Naruto: Who is this 'Chad,' and what kind of power is this?
Suddenly, a booming voice filled the small bathroom – a voice that dripped with manliness and exuded pure motivation.
???: It is but a mere taste of my true power.
Naruto: Who's there?!
Naruto spun around, searching frantically for the source of the voice. He couldn't pinpoint its origin, but it felt strangely comforting.
???: Fear not, Naruto Uzumaki. I come in peace.
Naruto: (Stuttering) T-then who are you, mister? And why am I suddenly so pumped?
???: I see. Your newfound motivation suggests you have the potential to walk the path of the true 'Chad.' A journey of self-improvement, goal achievement, and the unwavering belief that with grit and a positive attitude, any obstacle can be conquered, propelling you to new heights of personal growth.
The voice's words reverberated through Naruto, filling him with a newfound confidence. In this cruel world, such a concept could easily be a trap, yet this voice somehow managed to erase all his doubts and negativity with a single sentence. Naruto yearned to understand this power, the source of such unadulterated positivity and motivation.
Naruto: Whoa! That's amazing! Tell me more!
His voice brimmed with determination to delve deeper into this power.
Naruto: So, what do I do? How do I become a 'Chad'? More importantly, how can I meet you?!
???: It's quite simple, Naruto Uzumaki. Simply listen to your inner voice and speak my name.
Naruto nodded resolutely and squeezed his eyes shut. Focusing intently, he tried to recall the name of this enigmatic entity.
Naruto: Positive Chad... no, Motivated Chad, no that's not it! What is it?!
He squeezed his eyes shut, straining to remember the name. But nothing came to mind except for the faint rumbling emanating from his still red baboon ass.
???: Naruto Uzumaki, calm yourself! Focus on the light within your heart.
Naruto: B-but I can't…!
???: Don't give up, Naruto Uzumaki! You possess immense ambition. If anyone can unlock the true potential of the 'Chad,' it's you. You have the drive for self-improvement, the spirit to forge your own path. It's within you, Naruto Uzumaki!
Naruto's eyes snapped open, those words of encouragement clearing the last vestiges of doubt. A tear rolled down his cheek.
???: Failure is a part of the journey, Naruto Uzumaki. The true 'Chad' spirit lies in the relentless pursuit of self-improvement.
Naruto: No, mister. I won't give up! I think I can do this.
Naruto squeezed his eyes shut once more. This time, he saw a faint light – a tiny flicker that threatened to extinguish at any moment. But within it, he sensed immense power, the key to the strength he craved. He inched closer.
Naruto: Muscles…
Visions began to form. The closer he got, the clearer the light became.
???: You're on the right track, but not quite there.
Naruto: (Grunting) Biceps!
???: Close, but keep going!
Naruto: Abs! Six-pack!
???: Getting closer!
Naruto: Jawline!
???: You're almost there!
Naruto: BEARD!
???: YES! NOW, NARUTO UZUMAKI, SPEAK THE NAME!
Naruto's eyes flew open. He reached out, his fingertip brushing against the light. And then, a name thundered in his mind.
Naruto: GIGACHAD!!!
A wave of music flooded his ears, a triumphant anthem that seemed to emanate from within.
[BGM: g3ox_em - GigaChad Theme]
A blinding light engulfed Naruto, bathing him in pure, concentrated masculinity.
Naruto: What the...?
He blinked, vision swimming as he adjusted to the sudden luminescence. When his eyes finally cleared, he found himself no longer in the confines of his bathroom. Instead, he was floating amidst a swirling vortex of celestial bodies.
Planets, stars, red giants, neutron stars – even black holes – all the raw physical forces of the universe swirled around him in a cosmic ballet. Each danced a precarious dance: some radiating life-giving energy, others harnassing it, some birthing creation, others embracing destruction. Yet, amidst this cosmic choreography, all these celestial marvels seemed inexplicably drawn to a single figure.
He stood impossibly tall, his form radiating pure, unadulterated power. Herculean arms, sculpted by gods themselves, hinted at unimaginable strength. Legs, thick as ancient redwoods, could likely hold the weight of a multiverse. His chiseled abs were a testament to the positive forces of existence, while his broad chest seemed to emanate an aura of unwavering determination. A sharp jawline spoke volumes about his masculine dominance, and his beard – oh, the beard – whispered tales of untold wisdom and experience.
This was, without a doubt…
Naruto: Gigachad.
The figure boomed with a voice that echoed through the cosmic void.
Gigachad: Welcome, Naruto Uzumaki, to the Gigachad Universe.
週次パワーステータス
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