Letting Go
"I need to ask something." Astor said.
He was sitting in the passenger's seat this time, Niss the one who was driving one of the many cars that Ren owned. Nash had stayed behind, needed for security while his sister was the one who was going to take Astor home. Finally, they were leaving that horrible party and returning to the mansion, away from all of these rude people and that disgusting August.
The scene though from before wouldn't stop upsetting Astor's heart. The way Ren talked, how he looked at him with those burning eyes, the sound of his voice as he begged for him to appear before him. That simple word, please, was the one that changed his thoughts in such an unexpected way.
"If it's about the party don't worry about it, August won't bother us."
"How do you know you like someone?" Astor asked.
"Excuse me?" Niss exclaimed, stepping on the break in a hurry, hoping to stop at the red light in front of them in time. "Where did this come from?"
"I..well, the thing is that…Ren…"
"You think you like Ren? My boss? THE boss?"
"I am not sure!" Astor said, his face covered by his palms as he tried to gather his thoughts. "I don't know him that well but I don't know. Every time that I look at him my heart starts to race and when he talks to me like that with all those nice words I can't help it but blush and then he, he touched my lips and…"
"He did WHAT?"
"Yes, he even told me not to smile in front of anyone else. He told me he would never let go of me and I don't know. Back there he seemed so scary but then Ren came after me and all he wanted was to talk to me. I am so confused and I don't want to like him." Astor whined, his eyes looking at the street lights as the car moved. There were only a few people out, past midnight, he barely saw anyone. All alone on this wide road, the lights bright into the night, he couldn't stop thinking. No noises, no unusual images to distract him.
"Why don't you want to like him?" Niss asked him, a confused expression on her face.
"Isn't it obvious? There are so many reasons. First of all, he is the Alpha and to everyone else, I am just the toy he bought. Also, I am weak and ugly. People always avoided me. I cannot fight. I don't have any qualities that would make me worthy to be by his side. Then there is the fact that I am a man and he…"
"Astor." Niss called his name, wanting to stop his self-hatred. She was gripping tightly on the wheel, her eyes focused on the street. "First of all, you are not ugly, you are incredibly beautiful. Just because you don't look like your typical werewolf it doesn't mean that you're not worth looking at. Didn't you see everyone when we went out? They all had their eyes on you, at the restaurants, at the clothes shops, everywhere, so don't think like that about yourself. Now, to be honest with you I do not know of Ren's feelings or why did he say or do all of those things. If you do happen to like him, actually like him you shouldn't think things like that, you should simply approach him and shoot your shot!" she said and her serious expression changed, a smile appearing on her face.
Astor breathed in, looking ahead but not really focusing on anything. It was easier said than done, he thought. No matter how much he analyzed it in his head things would always end up to him thinking of Ren. He was doing it subconsciously at this point in just a few days. Astor knew that he couldn't show these feelings, no matter how big or small he had to hide them, he had to pretend. Ren was not someone he could approach just like that as Niss said.
If he had to envision it there would be a wide canyon between them. One step and he would fall from the cliff, and meet his brutal end. Ren was on the other side, meters away from him, his back turned unaware of his existence. Never, not even in a thousand years would the canyon grow small nor the cliff become more smooth and less dangerous. Astor would simply have to watch from afar.
"I think that I just need to adapt here. He was the first person that was nice to me in a long time and maybe that's the reason why I get to feel this way." he tried to reason with himself, covering up his heart with lies. Niss did not answer him. She shook her head, probably in disapproving of the way he viewed things but that was not going to change.
From what Astor knew Ren was a notorious heartbreaker, he was also scarily strong and a pureblood. There was nothing that could bring them together. He just had to let it go.
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