章 200: 30
Chapter thirty: Ultimate duo.
"Who in the blue hell are you?" – talks.
'I am a god! Fear me!' – thoughts.
"Pain? Is that you?" – Yamato/Rebellion.
"Umm… no, it's Jesus…" – demonic.
...
Konohgagakure. Torture chamber…
SLAP.
"Ouch!" Neji yelped. "Damn, that hurt!"
"Shut up and start talking!" Tsunade screamed.
Huyga raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me, do what?! How can I talk if I shut up?!"
SLAP.
"Ouch! You could at least restrain a little…"
"Where is Naruto?!" The Hokage asked in anger.
Neji shrugged. "How the fuck should I know?! He's like the devil… wait a second, he is the devil!"
SLAP.
"OW! Stop this, dammit!"
"Calm down, Tsunade, or you'll kill him before he'll say anything." Orochimaru commented.
"Shut up!"
"Please, master…" Sakura pleaded. "Maybe we can talk to him and…"
"Yes, we might actually do better with…" Sasuke added, but was interrupted.
"No, later." Tsunade responded. "Everyone out! I'll talk to him face to face."
"Are you sure, Tsunade?" Orochimaru asked. "We could…"
"Out!" The woman yelled in anger.
"Fine, fine, we're out." The snake sannin said and left with others in tow.
Satisfied, Tsunade put her hand under Neji's jaw and raised it to look him in the eye.
"Now you will tell me where Naruto is." That was not a question.
"Heh, I told you I don't know. He could be anywhere." The prisoner answered.
SLAP.
"Stop that! I mean it!"
"And what will you do if I won't?!" The Hokage mocked.
"Well I…" Neji sighed. "Hehe… nothing I guess."
"Damn right!"
SLAP.
"Ouch!"
"Ready to talk?"
"Okay, okay… but why are you so interested in his whereabouts? Shouldn't you be asking about weak points or something?" Then he looked at his ex-commander in confusion. "Or have you… oh my… Don't tell me…!"
Tsunade's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you talking about?"
"Please don't tell me he did you too…"
Tsunade's eyes widened.
"Oh. My. Fucking. God… He not only lacks any shame, he lost his common sense somewhere along the way as well!"
SLAP.
"OW!"
"Shut up! I don't know what you're talking about!"
Neji smirked. "Sure you don't!" He spat some blood. "I know that look in your eyes, you want to know what that meant, right?!"
"How do you…?"
"Know? Pretty simple."
"You will tell no one about it, or you will beg for death!" Tsunade stated.
"Of course, of course, Hokage-sama!" Neji exclaimed. "My mouth is shut."
"Alright, then tell me what Naruto's planning."
"As I said, my mouth is shut…"
SLAP.
"Fuck!"
"Start talking Hyuga!" Tsunade shouted. "I can do this all day, I wonder how long can you take my super powered slaps?"
Neji coughed. 'Damn, she's not jouking…'
"Well?"
"Okay, okay… Naruto, he…"
"He?"
"His sword…" Neji said. "It can open the gates to hell."
"I already know that!" Tsunade stated. "Keep talking!"
"Well, he's going to take his sword and…"
"And?" Tsunade repeated.
"Turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candy…"
SLAP.
"Ouch!"
"You're testing my patience, Hyuga!" The woman spat. "How long are you working for him?"
Neji laughed. "Hahaha… The entire time."
Tsunade's eyes widened. "What?"
"I was his ally before I even became a genin."
Woman's jaw clenched. "Why? I gave you respect, power, position! What did he offer?"
"Hah, nothing!"
"What?"
"He had nothing, so he could offer nothing… except one thing."
"And what was that?"
Neji smirked. "That we will never… AND HE MEANT NEVER… be bored."
SLAP.
"You bastard!"
"Yep, mother was not a Hyuga…" Neji started. "So daddy had to kill her and say that my mother was a branch family member, who died giving me birth... something like that, I don't remember clearly…"
Silence.
"You didn't know?"
Tsunade looked in shock. "No… But I heard about your fate speech, and what happened at chuunin exams three years ago!"
Neji's smirk widened. "Simply a show planned by Naruto and me… actually, the entire exam was planned by us. And it was me who stole all records on you when Orochimaru was killing the Third. Surprised again?"
Silence.
"Yep, the exams, your taking over, even Uchiha's escape were all planned by Naruto."
Tsunade held a pause. "Why did he leave me?"
"He never left you, he left Konoha. And as Hokage you must remain in Konoha…" Prisoner's smirk turned into an evil grin. "Or not?"
Woman's head shot up.
"That's what he offered you, ne? To stand by his side once again…"
"S-Shut up…"
"Oh, right on the nail, Neji!" Hyuga praised himself. "The only question is… why are you hesitating?! It's a simple yes or no question. Do you care about Konoha this much? If you do, then your answer is no. If you don't… well, you're smart, place two and two together."
Tsunade stood silent for a moment, then turned around and left also without saying a word.
"I think she likes me…" Neji muttered when she left.
ANBU training grounds…
"Where in the green hell is he?" Hyuga Hanabi was fuming. Her cousin was late for over two hours. "When I find him… or maybe he got infected from that guy who always late. What was his name? Something between cock and wakisashi… No matter, I guess I'll head home."
She was just walking away from the training field, when she heard…
"You sure about this?"
Hanabi noticed two ANBU members talking and decided to hide and listen.
'Could be useful.' She thought.
"Yes, the order came just today!" One of two guys stated.
"Damn… I can't believe Neji-sama was a traitor…"
Hanabi's eyes widened.
"But how did they found out?"
"I heard they tried to activate his cursed seal… he's a branch Hyuga member if you remember."
"Yeah, I do."
"So they activated it, and nothing! He got it removed! I bet by the demon himself…" The last sentence was whispered.
"Fucking demon! My father died because of him!" The ANBU guy spat. "When I get my hands on him, I'll… Guh!" His eyes suddenly opened wide in shock.
"Narata, what happened?"
Said Narata answered nothing… he only fell face first into the ground, allowing his colleague to notice one small black haired girl.
"No one insults Naruto-sama while I'm around! Raiton: Byakurai!"
Despite being an ANBU, the guy was too shocked to avoid the deadly beam, which pierced his forehead effortlessly.
"I got to warn Naruto-sama!" Hanabi exclaimed and ran off.
Meanwhile at Kurenai's apartments…
"Naruto? Are you awake?" The red eyed woman asked.
"Zzzzzzz…"
"Yeah, I could use some more sleep as well…" She said, drifting off again.
Hyuga mansion…
"Ha!" Hinata concentrated, doing one handed seal.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" A branch family member screamed, clutching his head.
"This one's clean." Hyuga clan head said to her escort. "Next one… Ha!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Another branch family member screamed just like the first one.
"H-Hinata-sama? Is this really necessary?" Her escort asked. Of course, he was from branch family as well.
"Yes, it is. Ha!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
'Damn, this bitch has totally gone off!' Hanabi thought, observing the situation from the roof.
"Have you found out who's missing?" Hinata asked.
"Yes, Hinata-sama." Branch family member replied. "Aside from Neji, there is only one person who never answered the call."
"And who is it?"
"Y-Your sister Hanabi, my lady…"
The clan head glared. "Consider her hostile." She stated. "Ha!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"Send the order at Hokage's tower to capture Hanabi dead or alive."
Person in question sighed. 'Damn, there goes my cover…' She thought. 'I have no chance to contact Naruto-sama. The only ones I know are Neji and Kabuto… Kabuto… Where is this motherfucking pervert when you need him? Oh right…'
Flashback…
"I'm going on a mission by Hokage's orders. Keep an eye on my lab for me, okay?"
End Flashback…
"Moron…" Hanabi whispered and jumped off. "Neji-niisan will tell them shit, and when they realize that he's a dead meat… I guess it's up to me to rescue him, right?"
Silence.
"Right! And that's the bottom line, 'cus Hanabi said so!"
Torture chamber…
SLAP.
"Ow! That's it, my verdict is… Konoha's women are insane!" Neji concluded.
"How could you!" Sakura preached. "After everything Konoha's done for you…!"
"Oh? And what was that?"
"It gave you everything!"
"It gave me nothing!" Hyuga spat. "I managed to get everything only because of combined efforts of Naruto and myself!"
The kunoichi glared. "You're only making things worse."
"I'm sorry, but… who in the blue hell are you?" Neji asked. "I don't believe we are acquainted enough for you to talk with me like that. Let's keep it formal, okay?"
"Why did you betray us?" Sasuke asked, leaning on the wall.
"Never did such thing!" Hyuga stated. "Better ask this, how could I ever ally myself with you?! Look at yourself, total absence of intelligence…"
SLAP.
"Ouch!"
"For your information, I was the smartest kunoichi in my class." Sakura stated proudly.
"Yeah, sure… And Naruto said that you were the most useless person he has ever seen!"
SLAP.
"Stop that!" Neji shouted. "By the way, when I first saw you in action at chuunin exam preliminaries, I had to say that I completely agree with Naruto's description of you."
SLAP.
"Fuck…"
"My punches can be just as strong as Tsunade-sama's." Sakura stated with a smirk.
"Cough… yeah, I can see that much…"
"Now tell me…" She continued. "Where is Naruto?"
Neji's eyes widened in shock. "Holy shit! Have you slept with him as well?!"
"What?!" Sasuke shouted.
"N-No I didn't…"
"Then I guess you desperately want to…" Hyuga pressed.
"Stop that!"
"Then why the fuck do you want to know his location… which I don't know by the way…"
"I… I want to bring him back…" The girl exclaimed quietly.
"You what?!"
Silence.
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hyuga laughed hard. "You had better chance at convincing Uchiha three years ago."
Sakura glared at him. "Shut up! I will find him, and I will bring him back, and we will become a team again and…" She started to sob.
"Easy…" Sasuke placed his hand on her shoulder.
"You do understand that if you do bring him back, he will be sentenced to death and executed, right?" Neji asked.
"We'll think of something…"
"Sure you will."
"Let's go, Sakura." Sasuke started. "He won't tell anything to us."
"By the way, tell Tenten to go fuck herself." Neji said before two of them left. "Suckers…"
Near prison dungeons…
'Great, totally overrun by ANBU members…' Hanabi thought, observing the situation. Neji-niisan is in prison, I'm being hunted, Naruto-sama is missing… what could possibly be worse?!'
Then she noticed two people leaving the building.
"It's alright, Sakura. We'll still find him." Uchiha Sasuke stated, hugging his teammate.
"It's just… sob… I hoped so much to get the information on him. It's just…" Sakura replied.
"It's okay, we still have each other." Sasuke said and kissed her.
'Ewwwwwww!' Hanabi thought after witnessing that. 'I take that back, my day's just gotten worse…' Then she turned back to the prison. 'Now how in all circles of hell am I going to do that?!'
Kurenai's apartment…
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."
In front of the torture chamber…
'Why is it I who must stand here?' Neji's guardian asked. 'Everyone could…' Then he noticed some movement. 'A woman… Anko-san? No, too small…'
"Girl? What are you doing…?" He asked.
"It doesn't matter what I'm doing!" The girl responded and with the speed of lightning lunged at the guard and hit his chest with a peerless juuken strike.
'Why do they always asking who is it? I mean they were told not to let anyone in… or not?'
"Huh?" Neji asked when he heard his cell door open. "Another interrogation?!" He mocked. "I got enough slaps for today, so the shop doesn't work. Please come again!"
"Get your lazy ass up from the floor, or I'm going to kick it!" Very familiar and not so kind voice stated.
"Hanabi?!" Neji's eyebrows rise. "What the fuck are you doing here?!"
"Tough luck, cousin. I got this shit removed as well, so we both are compromised." The girl replied. "I even managed to see the bitch herself trying to activate every branch family member's seal in order to find another spy."
"Fucking bitch…" Neji spat. He didn't have the seal anymore, but he sure as hell remembered the pain.
"So, what are we gonna do?" Hanabi asked.
Neji's jaw dropped. "You… You don't have a plan?!"
"Umm… nope. My goal was to get to you."
Ex-ANBU clapped and rolled his eyes. "Brilliant, Hanabi! Absolutely brilliant! Now as you said there's only one thing to do… It's to decide WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO!"
The girl glared. "At least I did something, so shut the fuck up and be grateful!" She stated. "Besides, we will be spotted anyway, so let's just blast our fucking way through!"
Neji thought for a second, and then shrugged. "Simple, easy to remember… Why the fuck not?!"
Kurenai's apartment…
"Uwaaaaaaaaah!" Naruto sat up on the bed and stretched. "Kurenai? You awake?"
"Zzzzzzzzzzz…"
"I guess not." He carefully got out of bed, dressed up and kissed her forehead. "You were great, till next time."
Ex-jinchuriki closed the door and left… only to notice two burning yellow eyes. Where? On his necklace.
"Oh fuck…"
Hokage's office…
"Fucking Hyuga!" Tsunade shouted.
"Calm down." Orochimaru said. "That was just the first day. We still have much time to crack him. And we will."
"Damn right we will!" Tsunade commented. "He will tell me where Naruto is and then I…"
"Then you'll what?"
"I'm gonna make him eat his fucking sword!"
Orochimaru whistled. "Quite a feat…"
"Tsunade-sama!" A very shocked Shizune rammed into the office. "We have an emergency!"
'I already don't like the sound of that…' The Hokage thought. "What is it this time?"
"Hyuga Neji! He escaped!"
Tsunade's eyes widened. "HE WHAT?!"
"Apparently he was released by his cousin Hyuga Hanabi. They managed to kill several ANBU members and now are blasting their way through to the main gates!" Her assistant reported.
"Fuck! Of all possible things!" Tsunade gritted her teeth. "Shizune, mobilize everyone! Those two must not under any circumstances leave the village limit!"
"Hai!" Shizune saluted and ran off.
"Come, Orochimaru! We are going as well!"
The snake sannin smirked. "Hai, Hokage-sama!"
"Shut up!"
Konoha downtown…
"Raiton Byakurai!" Hanabi shouted, piercing some chuunin's chest. "Huff… huff… How long do you think we can last like this?!"
"Hakke Kusho!" Neji exclaimed, taking down three Konoha ninjas at once. "Fuck me if I know… but I don't think it will be too much. Konoha's shinobi population is about thirty thousands. And our numbers are… two. Can you count our chances? Hakkesho Kaiten!"
"Gah!" Some jounin screamed, flying away.
"Yes I can, mister smartass!" Hanabi answered, ending some shinobi girl's life. "And no thanks, I'd rather fuck Naruto-sama… if we'll be able to get out of here of course, which is very unlikely…"
"Juuken!" Neji hit someone in the heart. "What's wrong with you girls?! What makes him so special?!"
"Baykurai! I don't know, but…" His cousin replied. "No woman can ever be the same after being with him."
"Motherfucker… I need some more pointers from him…" The older Hyuga whispered.
"Neji-niisan!" Hanabi suddenly shouted. "Reinforcements from the left!"
"My left, or your left?"
"It doesn't matter which left it is! Fucking look there!"
Neji did so, and…
"Oh fuck…" He whispered. "As if we don't have enough already…"
Indeed, about fifty ninjas were approaching at alarming rate.
"What should we do?!" The girl asked.
"Into that alleyway, quick!" Neji shouted and ran with Hanabi close on his track.
"Now what?!" She asked when they ran through narrow alley and Konoha ninjas were right in the middle of it.
"That's what!" Neji exclaimed, taking battle stance. "Hakke Shintenkusho!" He shouted, thrusting his palm forward and causing two large buildings to collapse right onto their followers.
"Damn that was good!" Hanabi commented.
Her cousin smirked. "Thanks. Now we're…"
Thirty more ninjas landed around them.
"…fucked." Neji finished his sentence calmly with already fading smirk.
Hanabi rolled her eyes. "Great, now what?"
Neji raised an eyebrow. "Duh, I told you, we're fucked."
"I can see that, you idiot!" She yelled in response.
"Don't yell at me! I'm older and a man by the way!" The older Hyuga stated.
"Go fuck yourself, you fucking sexist!" Hanabi answered. "And I will fucking yell at you all I fucking want…" She looked around herself. "Which probably won't be too fucking long…"
"Language, Hanabi!"
"Fuck you!"
"Umm… Can I bother you?" Some Konoha jounin asked with 'what the fuck' expression on his face.
"NO!" Two Hyugas shouted in unison, glaring at each other.
The jounin sighed. "I'm afraid I must insist."
Cousins turned to the speaker.
"Shiranui Genma, right?" Neji asked.
"Yes." The jounin answered. "And I have the order to bring you both in alive. But I must assure you that I won't hesitate to use deadly force."
Hanabi shook her head. "My god, I'm scared!" She said with obvious sarcasm.
"You're pretty brave, little girl." Genma commented. "But you forgot that you're talking to a jounin."
"So?! Ranks mean nothing in shinobi world!"
Genma chuckled. "Hmhmhm… Says who?!"
Hanabi smirked. "Says Uzumaki Naruto!"
The jounin glared. "You're testing my patience!" He started to get angry. "Give up now, Neji-kun. You have no chance at leaving this village alive. Return to your cell and you might be granted a quick death."
Neji's eyes lit up. "My, what an offer!" He exclaimed excitedly. "But I'm afraid that if I'll turn back now, I'll trip over fifty Konoha ninjas I just killed. So I guess I'll have to refuse."
"You leave me no choice then…" Genma stated.
"Hanabi…" Neji whispered. "I'll hold them off for as long as I can. Try to get out of the village and push as much chakra as you can into this ring." He extended his hand to his cousin. "When I say… Ow! Why the hell did you hit me for?!"
"Shut up, you moron!" Hanabi replied with somewhat sad look. "You might not be the best cousin… but I sure as hell won't let you die alone."
Neji glared. "Don't argue with me on this one, Hanabi! You're too young to die, and…"
"Neji." She interrupted. "It was a pleasure…"
The older Hyuga smiled sadly. 'Damn you for your stubbornness…' He took a battle stance. "Well… I guess it can't be helped. Let's do this!"
Both sides were about to attack, when…
"How dare you!" Sudden voice echoed.
"What?!" Everyone looked on the edge of nearby roof, where stood none other than… Uchiha Sasuke.
"How dare you…" Sasuke continued. "How dare you stand in front of me?! Bow down before my greatness!"
Genma sweatdropped. "Wha…?"
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" Neji laughed like a maniac. "You couldn't choose a better time! We were already giving each others farewell speech!"
Sasuke glared at Neji. "How dare you speak before I allow you to?!" He then turned to Konoha shinobi. "And you! Are you deaf?! I said bow!"
"Umm… you're still a genin, you know…" Genma exclaimed.
Sasuke jumped down. "I didn't said bow down before my rank, I said bow down before my awesomeness!"
"Uh… greatness…" Neji corrected.
"Oh yeah… Right, it was greatness." Uchiha muttered. "Now bow!"
"Sasuke-sama, what are you doing?" Some chuunin asked.
Said genin gave trademark Uchiha smirk. "What am I doing?! What does it look like I'm doing?! I'm betraying Konoha again and joining Naruto!"
"Wha…?!" Genma stuttered in shock.
"But why?" Another jounin asked.
"I'm glad you asked!" Sasuke said. "The answer is simple, I will join him because he will give me power! Bwahahahaha!"
Genma raised an eyebrow. "But didn't he say he's going to kill you… slowly?"
Uchiha thought for a second. "Damn, he did… No matter, I'll still join Naruto because I'm a dumbass! Bwahahahahaha!"
"Enough! Get them all!" Genma commanded and all Konoha forces jumped into action.
"Forgive me, Sasuke-kun!" Some kunoichi ran at him and… "Gah!" Was stabbed through the chest with a katana.
"No! I will never forgive you!" Uchiha exclaimed, withdrawing his sword. "I don't know why though…"
"Damn you, Uchiha!" Genma shouted. "We believed you!"
"And that's why I always called you imbeciles!" Sasuke stated. "I'm a traitor, and a piece of shit, and a loser, and motherfucker, and moron, and…"
"Quite the description…" Hanabi commented.
"Thank you!" Sasuke beamed. "That's just a small part of what I am… oh."
SLASH.
Two shinobi lying in pieces.
"Haha! It is useless to approach me from behind!" Sasuke stated as his eyes turned red. "I have Sharingan! Which means I have 360 vision!"
"Umm… that's actually Byakugan's ability…" Neji corrected.
"What, really?"
"Yep."
"Well, they… accidently fell on my sword then!"
"Suuuuure! And I'm Orochimaru!"
'Shut up! I'm in the middle of the fight!'
"Don't stop the attack, capture them!" Genma shouted.
Neji smirked. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Sasuke shrugged. "I don't know… Are you thinking about an orgy with two hot Japanese twins?"
Hyuga shook his head. "Moron… I mean do you remember when we…"
Uchiha's eyes lit up. "Of course I do! The tremendous return of the Ultimate duo!"
"It will be grand!"
"Raiton: Byakurai!" Hanabi shouted and dodged the incoming strike. "It sounds cliché. And besides, are you two imbeciles going to stand the whole day, or maybe you want me to do all the work?!"
Sasuke beamed and nodded. "Yep, please do!"
"Fuck you!"
"Later, now…" Sasuke did some handseals. Of course they were wrong, but Konoha shinobis never knew that. "Chidori!" He shouted, ramming his blazing hand into chuunin's chest.
"Fuck, that really is Uchiha!" Someone stated.
"Stop them!"
"Damn!" Neji exclaimed. "You know, we fought for about two hours before you arrived… Hakke Kusho!"
SLASH.
"And?" Sasuke asked.
"We're pretty tired, you know…"
"Suck it up. Chidori!"
"AAAAAAHHH!"
'Damn, I'm starting to like this technique!'
"Ho! I guess you need to be called copy ninja now!"
'Know your role and shut your mouth!'
"I don't have a mouth!"
'Wha… Well then simply shut up!'
"Sure, your majesty! Maybe a towel, or a cup of morning tea?!"
Sasuke shook his head. 'Shit. Sometimes this thing pisses me off…'
"I love you too!"
"Neji, DFD!" Uchuha shouted.
Neji got on the ground.
"Judgement Cut!"
SLASH.
"Keiji!" Some Konoha kunoichi yelled, seeing how head fell from her comrade's shoulders. "I'll kill you, Uchiha!" She ran at Sasuke when…
"JFU!" Neji screamed and Sasuke jumped high instantly. "Hakke Kusho!"
"Gah!" The kunoichi gasped when she was suddenly hit from behind and sent flying into a wall. A sickening crack was heard when her head connected with it, which informed about her instant death.
"What the hell are you yelling?!" Hanabi asked in confusion.
"Oh, our commands you mean? Kaiten!" Neji asked back.
"Yeah."
"Well, DFD means duck the fuck down." Her cousin explained.
"And JFU means jump the fuck up." Sasuke added.
"I see… Juuken!" Hanabi killed her next victim. "Fuck, I'm at my limit!"
"Another reinforcements!" Neji yelled.
"Crap. Withdraw!" Sasuke commanded. "I'm covering the rear!"
"Run, Hanabi!" Neji shouted, sprinting towards the gates at full speed.
"Don't let them escape!" Genma screamed. "And try to take at least one of them alive!"
Konohagakure. Main gates…
"Whew, made it!" Neji stated… just as about two hundred shinobi appeared in a puff of smoke.
"Or not…" Hanabi finished for him.
"Give up." Shizune spoke.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. 'Eh?! I thought I killed this bitch…'
"Maybe you missed the vital spot. She's a medic after all…"
'Fuck, I hate missing!'
"I never expected betrayal from you, Sasuke-kun!" Hokage's assistant continued.
Uchiha grinned. "Always expect the unexpected…" He then turned to Neji. "And if I say that again give me a nice kick in the ass."
"Will do."
"You will never have the chance, Hyuga!" Firm female voice stated.
"It doesn't matter what we have!" Hanabi shouted.
Sasuke sweatdropped. "Umm… It does matter what we have, Hanabi. It doesn't matter what they have…"
"Stop right there!" Another familiar voice shouted.
"Here we go…" Sasuke muttered, rolling his eyes.
Tsunade and Orochimaru walked out from the crowd.
"You're not going anywhere." The Hokage stated. "And for killing so many of my subordinates, I will take you down myself!"
With that she jumped high into the sky and did her infamous heel drop, trying to get Neji.
"Uh-uh-u-uh!"
Tsunade's eyes widened, when her crushing blow was simply stopped by Sasuke's forearm.
"Don't underestimate the power of the Uchiha!" He stated, throwing her off. "Bwahahahaha!"
Suddenly…
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
Everyone turned their heads and noticed… another Uchiha Sasuke.
"Ah-ha! An imposter!" First Sasuke stated, pointing his finger.
Second Sasuke's eyes widened.
"Sasuke-kun is not an imposter!" Sakura shouted. "You are an imposter!"
First Sasuke smiled confidently. "You are wrong, my dear Sakura! You see, I have the ultimate proof that I'm the real Sasuke!" With that he crossed his arms, raised his chin and. "Hmph!"
Silence.
"You see! Only the real Sasuke can have such an effect by simply saying hmph!"
Second Sasuke smirked slightly, and even without crossing his arms…
"Hmph!"
Silence.
"Damn…" First Sasuke muttered. "But I still can prove…!"
'If that's the one who I think that is…' Sasuke thought to himself. Then he leaned and… kissed Sakura.
"EWWWWWWWWW!" First Sasuke and Hanabi exclaimed at the same time.
"Fuck! I can't do that!" First Sasuke exclaimed. "Alright, you can be Sasuke."
"Game over, Uzumaki." Orochimaru said calmly.
'Sasuke' mocked a pout. "Damn, you got me…" Burst of flames and instead of first Sasuke there stood Naruto. "But you're wrong about game over, jabroni! I of course could stay and play some more, but my friends got a little tired, so… oh, and a hint… Do you remember where we're standing?"
Snake sannin's eyes widened. "Oh, shit! Capture them!"
The demon smiled. "Konoha ninjas talk too much. And that's the bottom line, 'cus Naruto said so!" With that he put his hands on Neji and Hanabi's shoulders and all three of them disappeared in a flash of black.
"Naruto, WAIT!" Tsunade and Sakura screamed simultaneously.
"Fuck!" The Hokage punched the ground, creating a small earthquake. "Prepare our troops. We're leaving for the Moon country at the next sunrise!"
...
Omake: Naruto vs the Ghost Rider…
Phone: "I have voices in my head, they counsel me…"
Darthemius (Picking up the phone): "Hero may die! Yes, we're killing heroes for a price… Yes, we've got discounts. You can get it if you're a war veteran, arrancar, death eater, or matrix agent. But only after we confirm your identity…"
(Some whispers in the phone)
Darthemius: "No, we're not working on holidays… Celebrations? No, that too…
(Some whispers in the phone)
Darthemius (sighing): "No, we can't kill Telletubbies… as much as I want to… No, it's because our sweeper after seeing them screamed in fear, almost had a heart attack and even tried to kill himself afterwards…"
Naruto: "Hey, stop berating me!"
Darthemius (Ignoring Naruto's outburst): "Who…? Mew Mews…?"
Naruto (With what the fuck expression): "Who the hell is it?!"
Darthemius: "Who am I talking to?"
(Some whispers in the phone)
Darthemius (Sadly): "Sorry, sir… Yes, I understand sir… I know you're about to snap, but you can't kill your own daughter… Yes, I know it's Playoff time… No, Naruto can't give your wife the Stunner… Sorry, sir… No, I'm afraid not, but you know what… I think I know the right person to help you… Yeah, call this number… Sure, ask for Orochimaru. Have a good day." (Cancelling the call) "Poor guy…"
Naruto: "Those monsters again?"
Darthemius (Nodding): "Yeah… It's like there's no salvation from them…"
Naruto: "By the way, why did you call our company "Hero may die"?!"
Darthemius (Shrugging): "Dunno… sounds right…"
Phone: "I have voices in my head…"
Darthemius: "Hero may die! Yes, we… who…? Oh, for sure, you got it!" (Cancelling the call) "Get up, you lazy son of a bitch! We have a work to do!"
Naruto (Happily): "Really?! Let's roll!"
Later…
Naruto: "Where the hell is this jabroni?!"
Sound of a bike engine…
Darthemius: "Ah-ha! There he is!"
Johnny Blaze (stopping his motorcycle): "Who are you? Why are you standing in my way?"
Naruto (Happily): "We are here to whop your candy ass! And there are two things you can do about it: absolutely nothing and like it!"
Johnny Blaze: "I see…" (Changing into Ghost Rider form) "Don't blame me then…"
Suddenly…
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Darthemius (Looking at Naruto strangely): "What are you laughing at?! The battle didn't even start yet…"
Naruto (With similar expression): "Why are you looking at me?! I didn't laugh right now."
Johnny Blaze: "He's not lying…"
Darthemius: "Then who was it?"
Laharl: "Me! Mighty and terrible king Laharl!"
Darthemius: "Well, what the fuck are you doing here, terrible king?"
Laharl (Smiling from ear to ear): "Oh, nothing much…" (Snapping his fingers)
Policeman: "Uzumaki Naruto, Darthemius, you are under arrest for stealing king Laharl's signature laugh. You have the right to remain silent…"
Naruto (With wide eyes): "Now wait just a second!"
Darthemius: "You can't reserve rights for laugh!"
Laharl: "It's 21st century! I can reserve whatever the hell I want! Take them away!"
Naruto (Being pushed into police car): "I can't fucking believe this!"
Laharl (When policemen were gone): "You can come out now."
Heavily bandaged man in a wheelchair: "A job well done." (Giving Laharl a suitcase)
Laharl (Counting money): "All here. Pleasure to do business with you, Mr. Kishimoto!" (Disappearing)
Massasi Kishimoto: "Hmhmhmhmhm… sweet vengeance!" (Walking… rolling away)
Johnny Blaze (Left alone): "Umm… What the hell did just happen?!"
...
週次パワーステータス
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