章 38: Chapter 36
AN: I'm going to try and write as much as I can during this break because I'm expecting a busy week after this.
You guys gave some interesting answers to my last question. One even surprised me, didn't expect to see someone choose it.
Also, I'm compulsively uploading chapters with a minimum of 2000 words not including AN... That's why my brain can't produce more than a chapter a day at the moment. But if you prefer a shorter chapter, let's say 1000 words or less per chapter, I think I can do simpler scenes, dialogues, etc. And more than one chapter a day. 🤔
Anyway, here's another chapter!
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Last scene recap:
"When? Do you have to go with them? For how long? You're leaving me?" she blurted out question after question... She was panicking, I wasn't expecting this much of a reaction, I was expecting sad... Maybe some tears, but not panicking.
So I did what momma did when I had a panic attack back when I was younger.
I lifted her, set her on my lap, wrapped my arms around her, and gave her a firm and warm hug... I kept rocking her left and right, kissing her temple and the top of her head... Until she calmed down.
I need to know why she acted this way.
~~
Present
ROBIN'S POV
Gradually she relaxed... I continued to pat her back for a couple more minutes before I held her waist to separate us a bit so I could talk to her.
I held her cheeks with my hands so our eyes could meet. I sent her a questioning gaze, asking her if she was better now.
She nodded and put her forehead against mine, closing her eyes. Breathing in, while she held her hand against my own that was on her cheeks.
I could hear her heartbeat returning to an acceptable pace. Which calmed me down.
"I'm sorry, I don't know why I reacted that way. Thank you for handling the situation perfectly."
My hands were occupied so I could only respond by caressing her cheek with my thumb and kissing her forehead tenderly.
She looked up to match my eyes, and I gave her a reassuring smile... Encouraging her to speak her mind about what happened.
She pulled my hand down with hers, she was holding them between us... was squeezing, caressing, playing with my hands to distract or calm herself... And I just waited for her patiently.
"I don't know when it started... Well, scratch that, I know exactly when it started... But it wasn't this exaggerated before... I feel this strange pull towards you... I've felt it since the very first time I laid my eyes on you... At first, I didn't get it... I thought I was just intrigued, curious, or whatever... A normal feeling to be felt for another person who's like you, an extremely beautiful and unique woman... It wasn't strange to want to get to know someone like that, is what I kept telling myself... " She was looking down, still mindlessly playing with my hands.
"Then I got to know more about you, I like you more and more... As a friend... That I wanted to keep all to myself... But again, I told myself that it was normal to treasure your friends so much that you'd want to monopolize their time and attention..."
[AN: nope, not normal bestie thoughts Rosalie dear. 😅]
I wanted to smile so bad... I'm hearing all this for the first time... And discovering that I wasn't the only one going coo coo with love, felt nice to hear.
"but then I discovered that you sucking faces... I mean... Being intimate with other women... I was mad... Hurt... I felt betrayed... At first, I thought it was because I was lied to, and kept in the dark, while you three had your inside jokes and discussions... But that didn't feel right either... I knew it was more than that... I had an inkling of what it was... But for some reason, I was afraid to broach the subject..."
"I thought that I just didn't like that you weren't cherishing your body more... That... Maybe if you were with just one person, I wouldn't have felt so negatively... Weirdly enough... I was fine with you being attracted to women... I... For some reason, it felt right. The image of you being with a man always felt wrong to me... So when you got together with Isaac I was shocked... But I accepted it because it was normal for a woman to be with a man right? And you are a wonderful woman... But to be honest, I resented Isaac... I thought he didn't deserve you... But I saw how happy and comfortable you were with him... I've never seen you be like that with a man who wasn't a member of your family..."
"I accepted it... But the murky feeling in my chest stayed... And it just kept brewing inside me... I tried to distract myself... I usually don't entertain the men my father sent my way... But I thought maybe I just need to focus on someone else... So I made the mistake of going out with Royce... I'm just so glad that it didn't go any further... And they're now gone... But without the distraction, I was left alone with my thoughts again... "
"then you asked me something... Then I realized what this feeling was... Why I didn't like seeing you with other people... The murky feeling in my chest got a bit better... Especially when it seemed like you also felt the same way... But along with the realization... The change of how my heart felt... Came insecurities... Possessiveness that I never knew I had in me... There's like something inside me, screaming to claim you... " She looked straight into my eyes...
And she did have that look like she'd love to lock me up and keep me all to herself. I may be crazy too... Because I wasn't scared or put off by it... I loved it. I knew what she was feeling in the bond. But I can't tell her yet. I should have realized it earlier...
"Then we finally kissed... It was like one of the barriers broke, and my feelings intensified... Sometimes it's even hard to breathe... just thinking of you makes me breathless... My body reacts in ways I've never felt before... I'm scared, but I can't get enough of this feeling... It's so intense and overwhelming... But I can't get myself to stop..."
"I know we have had this back and forth... Subtleties... Having sweet torture being vague... Trying to see who gives in first... But hearing that you're leaving, to a different country... I know that you're going to come back... But have you seen yourself?"
She held my face closer to hers and roamed her faze around my face.
"You're so gorgeous even without trying... Just by standing still somewhere doing the most mundane things or simply just breathing... People will fall in love with you..." She bit her lower lip before continuing.
"I'm confident, that if it's here... In New York... I'm the most beautiful woman you'd ever meet, excluding you... But the world is vast... And you might meet someone better than me..."
Does she think I'm that shallow? That I only love her for her looks? I was about to refute, but she continued.
"And I know you're not the kind of person that just falls for looks... And I do feel and see from your actions... the way you treat me... Look at me... That you also feel strongly about me too, and I might just be paranoid and overly anxious... But not being able to see you for a long time... Not being able to repel all the men and women who will no doubt clamor to get your attention... Not being able to hold you... Kiss you... Just thinking about it physically hurts." she said with a frown.
Oh I know, I know the feeling so well... I feel the same towards you. Wait, was this how it was for Bella too? Is that why she went cray-cray... And went zombie/catatonic when Edward left her? If it was, it would explain a lot.
I've read in some novels that bonds need actions to be done to strengthen it... To lessen the burden on the mates... Aaah... I'm so stupid. How could I forget about it?
"Are you disappointed in me now? Scared? If I were you, I'd be scared too... I'm trying my best to act normally, I have responsibilities with my family, they're not as accepting as yours... and I can't be all willful, free, and uncaring like I want to... We even have to sneak around and hide from people's prying eyes because of me... What if you can find someone who can be as free as you... Someone who can give up everything for you... Unlike me... "
"Maybe that's one of the reasons we haven't said it to each other yet... That's why we haven't gone further than kissing... Why do you keep stopping... Because doing it confirms our relationship..." her eyes went blank and glossy with tears building up in them.
She shook her head and covered her face with her hands to hide her face... She tried to remove herself from my lap, but I held her waist so she couldn't escape.
Aaaaah, I'm such a shitty mate, aren't I? My brain is useless, I didn't even consider checking how the bond is affecting her... Fuck.
[AN: Yup, you really have 😑 look at how you made Rosalie feel all this time.]
I released a deep sigh, I'm so disappointed in myself right now.
I took her hands away from her face, her chin up to face me. She reluctantly did, tears were pouring down from her eyes, now rolling down her cheeks. I could see the hurt, the insecurities, anxiousness she felt from her expression... The guilt and shame...
I could feel my face morph into a painful look... It hurt seeing her like this...and worse, I caused this...
I caressed her cheek with my hands, then tried to wipe away her tears before I let go, to talk.
*I'm sorry that I made you feel all these negative feelings... I'm sorry if I haven't made you feel secure about us... I've been insensitive this whole time, I didn't notice how you felt... I'm not scared or put off by how intense you're feelings are for me... In fact, I love it... I lo-* I was cut off by her.
"Don't feel pressured to say it just because I freaked out on you..." she looked at me seriously.
*I'm not* I said with furrowed eyebrows and, a slight smile and pouted.
My expression seemed to soften hers a bit.
*now listen... Well look... Look carefully ok? * I say slightly nodding down and giving her a look that asked for confirmation, to which I received a nod.
I held her cheeks and looked lovingly at her directly.
I opened my lips to mouth the words, one by one... Carefully and clearly...
I... LOVE... YOU...
Her eyes widened, her heartbeat quickened, and skipped a few beats... I gave her a quick peck on her lips before letting go to sign.
*I love you... I loved you from the moment I saw you... You've occupied my mind and heart since then, and you never stopped living rent-free from them. I've tried to let go and move on from you... I've done a lot of things to move on that I regret because it hurt you in the end... I've always thought that you were someone I couldn't have... That you're meant to be somebody else's partner... Because I clearly can't give you your dream life... You'll have to give up a lot of things, or live in hiding, pretending... * those last lines had double meanings... Because if she decides to be with me... She'd have to change...
*So I decided to just be your friend... Stay up until your Dream Husband... And marry him... I was planning on leaving afterward... Because as much as I love you, and want your happiness, it'll hurt too much to see you living your life with someone who's not me..*
I took her hand and placed it above my heart.
*Do you feel that? I love you so much, my heart feels like it's going to break out from my ribcage to offer itself to you. And it's not just now, it's every time I think of you, see you... Feel you... I'm going crazy from holding myself back all this time... Whenever you have to mingle with whoever your father brought, I wanted to just snap their necks or pop it off their body... I hated it... I hated not being able to express how much I love you... I also want you all to myself, I want to mark you all over in love bites to let other people know that you aren't available anymore... * I grabbed her waist, squeezing it possessively, and moved closer to her neck... Giving her feather-light kisses and letting out warm breaths against her skin... And finally lightly licking and biting her earlobe...
She sucked a deep breath in... And a moan escaped from her lips... It sounded like music to my ears...aaah... I want to hear more of it... I could feel her body heating up...
I pulled back to look at her face again... Her face was ruddy... She was dazedly looking at me... Her breathing uneven... Lips parted slightly...
I gave her a lustful grin. Which made her grab my collar to pull me in for a kiss...
I remembered something. Fuck.
'know you've been listening in, and you know the situation, I need to fix and secure the bond. Soooo... Can you Grab Mom and leave for a bit?... Please' I sent Edward a mental message. I totally forgot they were home. I know they know what we're about to do, but the good thing about long-lived supernatural family was their tolerance and open-mindedness.
"4 hours, and then we come back." was his response before I heard Mom yelp. And felt their presence away from home.
She pulled back from our kiss and looked at me lovingly.
Her left hand on my nape, she leaned back a bit, her right moved for her finger to touch my lips gently, and her gaze moved up, from my lips to my eyes.
"I love you... I love you too... I love you so much..." she said... Finally replying to my confession...
I couldn't help my face from morphing into a silly lovestruck smile... I knew it, I felt it... And she said everything else but these words... But hearing it straight is different...
Leaned in to kiss her... And things started to get heated... My hand started to roam her back... And slowly reached down to her plump bottom... This made her break out from our kiss, giving me a lust-filled look, panting, she pulled my collar to get me closer and whispered into my ear.
"Don't even think about stopping halfway later..." her voice and warm breath tickled my ear, giving me pleasant goosebumps all over my body...
Fuck... Me...
~~
AN: what? Are you mad I cut it? You aren't right? Cos if you are, my feelings might get hurt, and I might not feel better or confident enough to write the next chapter. 🥺... 🙃😉
As you can see, there's a possibility that the next chap might contain lemon. So it might take a while for me to release the chapter. Because I'm gonna try to at least make a decent lemon. 😶
Thanks for all the power stones... Love receiving comments, so keep em coming, it encourages me to read em... But please no mean one's ok... My heart is fragile...
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