章 29: 28: Dimensional Phone Call
A great darkness clouded the land. Cruel. Menacing. Terrifying. And utterly adorable. Cass had turned to the dark side. To evil. She threatened everything we held dear! Who, oh, who would stop her?!
I had no choice but to step up to the plate. I was the only one who stood between the rest of the world and voluntary mute chaos. I stood steadfast against her wicked ways. And so, Cass' reign of terror was averted. It took a sacrifice on my part, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make!
In the end, I did make her some pancakes after my headpats — surprisingly — proved to be not enough. They only held her evil ambitions at bay temporarily. And the pout she gave me whenever I tried to stop could have been categorized as a deadly weapon. I had no choice but to cave to her villainous demands.
Thankfully, the goddess Didi was there to hold the line while I quickly whipped up a batch of chocolate pancakes. Even her legendary headpats were barely enough. Our audience watched helplessly, unable to do anything even when they knew their adorable doom was standing right in front of them.
As soon as I placed a plate in front of Cass, she gave up her evil ways. A great pyramid of rolled-up chocolate crepes made her eyes light up with stars. Almost literally, considering Cass' fluency with body language. And finally, the Dark Lord Cass was pacified.
"(*＾▽＾*)" The adorable beast was satisfied with her 'victory', digging into the pyramid-pile of pancakes with great gusto.
Didi and I returned from our quest as heroes. With our heads held high and justice in our hearts. Our audience just stared, confusion and disbelief thick in the air between them all. I shook my head. They didn't even know the horrors we'd saved them from.
Dick and Catwoman seemed to understand, at least. They gave us thankful nods for dealing with the threat to humanity that an adorably evil Cass represented. Lucifer raised a toast for us, INTENSELY amused by the whole situation.
"Now!" I clapped. "Where were we?"
The audience glanced at Cass, who already had her cheeks full and puffed out with chocolate pancakes like a chipmunk. They looked back at me. Then at Lucifer, remembering that the literal Devil was sitting with them at the bar. A few viscerally shivered at that information but my first story of the night seemed to have done some good in accustoming them all to Lucifer's presence.
"You were telling us about your demon girl harem. Was it completed with the addition of the female version of Lucifer?" Penguin asked, seeming to take a pragmatic and accepting approach to the situation.
His calm approach helped some of the others ignore Cass' short but monstrous reign of terror. They tried their best to put the adorably menacing, now-chipmunk-esque Bat out of their mind. A few mooks nodded and one spoke.
"Yeah, and I'm curious what happened next. What could possibly follow up taming the 'CEO of Hell' with pancakes?"
"What IS life with a harem of demon girls really like?" Dick wondered aloud.
I nodded, "Right, of course. There was one more demon girl I tamed during my time in that Hell. Judgment, the High Prosecutor of Hell. She was another Fallen Angel, actually. Adorable and quite kind beneath her chuuni demonic persona. She was the only one I ended up fighting and that's just because she was really committed to her job."
"Chuuni?" Two-Face asked, his face half scrunched up in confusion.
"Overly dramatic, middle-schooler syndrome," Penguin explained. "You know the kids who never really grew out of their childish fantasies even in high school and stuff? The ones who played heroes and villains long after society says they should have stopped?"
"So all of Gotham's cape population?" A mook snorted.
Penguin waved his hand so-so, "Sort of. I'd hesitate to label most of the Rogues as chuuni because a lot of us genuinely do have something wrong with our heads. Chuuni is more 'theater kid on steroids' than actual mental illness."
"There's also the 'cringe' aspect to consider," I added. "If you can actually back up your theatrics, it stops being chuuni."
"Exactly!" Penguin agreed with a snap.
"Anyway," I continued with the aftermath of my story. "After collecting Judgment, me and my harem of demon girls went back to Earth. And we all lived happily ever after… Until Modeus managed to accidentally kill me, of course."
"Death by Snu-Snu?" Dick asked with a wince.
"You'd think so. But she just tripped me with her tail by accident and I landed on my neck wrong."
My audience blinked, "That's… anti-climatic."
I chuckled, "Tell me about it. Of course, there was plenty of chaos before that point. To this day, I still don't know if I managed to get myself a proper harem or just nine very rowdy roommates. Either way, I had a lot of fun with them all. They were good girls, even if they were demons."
"Huh. That's what counts for a happy ending with demon girls?"
"It was a good life. Sometimes, whether or not you had fun is all that really matters in the end."
The audience fell silent for a few moments, considering my words. I used the chance to catch up on a bit of bar work that both had and hadn't already happened thanks to the Dead End's Death causality fuckery.
Lucifer casually sipped at his drink, the glass refilling even as he did, "Excellent story. I quite enjoyed hearing about my dimensional counterpart. Something like that would have really livened up my time in Hell."
"You, uh… You don't have a problem with Mr. Barkeep… fucking the female version of you?" A mook asked hesitantly.
"Oh, goodness, no," Lucifer chuckled. "We may have shared the same name, but she wasn't me. That much was made very obvious by the fact that she hadn't retired before Sean came along. I DESPISED running Hell."
The mook just blinked at that, "Huh, you learn something new every day."
"I mean, truly," Lucifer continued. "Who would enjoy running Hell? The paperwork. The same thing eon after eon. And don't even get me STARTED on the company! Hell is a pathetically deplorable place to spend eternity."
His words gave more than a few in the audience pause, "I… may need to go back to church at some point."
Lucifer smirked menacingly, "For what good that will do you~…"
"Shit… Still worth a shot though, right…?"
I nodded, answering before Lucifer could crush their spirits further, "It is. Anything to avoid an afterlife in Hell. I've been there. Being a Sinner isn't worth the short-term fun."
The mooks shifted uncomfortably and someone spoke up to change the subject, "Hey, Mr. Barkeep? You said you had two stories about Lucifer. Any chance we can get the second one now?"
"Sure, I don't see why not. Though…" I hummed in consideration. "I think that story will have to be told a bit differently than the usual. It all really started in a somewhat unique way… I lived. And then I died."
Catwoman laughed, "Yes, I can see how that would make the story a bit hard to tell."
I grinned, "Indeed. Now, I was well and truly dead. And instead of my usual routine after death, I was sent to Hell this time. There, I lived again as a Sinner. I had plenty of chaotic adventures in that literal Hellhole but this story focuses on someone special. Let me tell you about the daughter of Lucifer Morningstar."
"Oho~?" Lucifer chuckled with interest. "Once again, Mr. Barkeep. You have my attention~…"
An idea suddenly occurred to me, "Actually, Luci, you might be able to help me with this story. Think you can open a dimensional portal if I show you where to put it?"
"I don't see why not," He said. "But no one other than me will be able to come and go through it. Will that be a problem?"
I waved dismissively, "Not at all. This is more of a dimensional phone call than a physical visit. If I wanted to bring that Hell to this Earth, I'd do it myself."
"Oh, God…" Dick paled.
"Not that I plan to," I reassured. "I have my ways of doing so but I think I'm a bit out of practice. It'll be easier all around if Lucifer opens the portal to my specifications. He'll likely be much more accurate than me and it'll assure everyone that things won't spiral out of control due to my outside influence."
"I can't believe the Devil is the more reasonable option in this situation…" Dick mumbled to himself. He shook his head, "Alright, fine. I very much doubt I could stop either of you. Just… please don't let this run out of control on my watch. Babs would never let me live it down."
"And she's already going to be prickly enough just knowing the Devil showed up at the bar," I said knowingly.
"Yeah," Dick sighed. "I'm REALLY not looking forward to writing up this report."
"Ah, paperwork," Lucifer shook his head fondly. "Truly, my greatest work."
"If anyone had any doubts that he was really the Devil, that would have put them dead to rest…" A mook muttered.
"ಠ_ಠ" Cass actually stopped eating her pancakes to stare dead at Lucifer. 'You've made an eternal enemy here today, Devil…'
"Huh… I wonder how that works?" I mused aloud.
Penguin took the bait, asking, "How what works?"
"Well, I've certainly encountered paperwork before. In every single one of my lives. Enough so that I've started thinking about it as one of the constants of existence," I explained.
A mook shook his head, "Mr. Barkeep, that question is so far above our pay grades it ain't even funny."
"Constants of existence…?" Another asked, sounding like he didn't want to know what that answer would be.
I nodded wisely, "Death, Taxes, Paperwork, Spaghetti Westerns, and Shrek. There are more. But those are the ones I've encountered recently."
My audience just stared at me with blank, uncomprehending faces. Did this count as Eldritch knowledge? Barbara did ask me to be more careful with sharing that stuff so casually. Uh, oops…?
Lucifer chuckled, "I believe it's rather simple, really. I created paperwork here. Someone or something else created it everywhere else you've been, Sean. And if I didn't do it here, the same thing would have happened. It is, after all, a Constant of Existence."
"Like… Spaghetti Westerns…?"
"Yeah, Shrek, I could at least understand. Specifically, Italian Westerns seems like a bit of a stretch."
"You can understand Shrek?!"
I shook my head, "I never said Italian. I said Spaghetti. And Westerns doesn't always mean cowboys and the like. It can mean anything based on whatever 'West' exists. As for Shrek… I have no good explanation for that one. Honestly, even I try not to think about it too much."
"… My head hurts for some reason."
"Can… Can we change the subject?"
"That might be for the best," Didi came to everyone's rescue. "Let's leave the talk of Existential Constants for now, Dear. Give the mortal minds a break. I'm rather curious what you mean to do by having Lucifer open a dimensional phone call."
"I don't know if showing them all something past the Source Wall is giving their mortal minds a break," I chuckled. "What I'm trying to do is simple though. I just want to have a little reunion. And I thought Lucifer might like to meet his daughter."
Lucifer smiled in interest, "I do, at that. I'm usually very careful about that kind of thing with my mortal conquests. And if I made Mazikeen carry a baby for nine months, she would rip out my wings. Meeting my dimension counterpart's daughter will be simply… fascinating~…"
Didi squinted at both of us, unconvinced, "Hmmmmmmm…"
"If it helps," Lucifer said. "I do believe my daughter — even dimensionally displaced as she will be — would count as something of a niece for you, Didi."
Didi's mood did a u-turn so fast it gave everyone watching whiplash, "Sold! What are we waiting for~? Hurry, hurry, I have a new niece to spoil!"
As it so happened, Alice had stumbled into the bar just before Didi said that. It seemed she was only just now getting up from her after-school nap and coming down to work. That was fine. Didi and I didn't police her too much on that. She really only worked at the Dead End as a token method of 'paying her way'. As long as she made an appearance at the bar, Didi and I left her to manage her own schedule, especially with her just now starting school again.
Still, she came in to hear Didi's excitement at a 'new niece' and instantly exclaimed in jealous horror, "Mom?!"
"Oh, Alice! Perfect timing! Come over here, we're just about to meet your new cousin. And you should meet your uncle Luci as well. Oh, this is all so exciting~! The family's growing so fast!" Didi rambled eagerly, beckoning Alice over behind the bar.
Alice obeyed her mother, coming in for a grumbling, still slightly jealous hug of greeting. She turned a suspicious stare onto Lucifer, who was watching her with fiery, crackling amusement.
"Who's this supposed to be?" She asked.
Lucifer extended a hand to her over the bar, "Lucifer Morningstar. Charmed to meet you, little Alice. And may I just say, welcome to the Cosmic Family."
Alice's eyes lit up at his introduction but she tried to play it cool. She shrugged, "Cool. Devil and stuff. Nice to meet you and all that."
"Oh, you are just a treat," Lucifer chuckled.
"Whatever…"
"Wonderful! You two are getting along perfectly!" Didi clapped happily, ignoring Alice's embarrassed grumbles. "Now, Sean, Luci, make with the doing and the things! Quickly, please, I have a niece to meet!"
Lucifer and I both smiled at her infectious excitement. Didi was hard to resist at the best of times. When she got worked up like this about family? You might as well give up entirely.
With a thought, I brought the dimension to the front of my mind. I didn't know its exact 'address', so to speak, but I had a ballpark estimate of where it could be found in the Void Between. Enough that I didn't think Lucifer would have much trouble finding it, especially not with the dimensional resonance of his counterpart and that Hell.
Catching Lucifer's eye, I pushed the memory forward. He accepted it easily and graciously, not even trying to dig any deeper into my mind. Good. That would have been… unpleasant. Both for me and for him, I suspect. My mind was in no way helpless, even against someone like him.
Lucifer paused, considered for a moment, and then nodded. Something intangible reached BEYOND in a way that was simply indescribable. It made the others at the bar shift uncomfortably, even if they didn't know exactly why. Even with the unique nature of the Dead End, there was no way they could see the Truth of one of the most powerful beings in their multiverse reaching past the Source Wall.
Only Didi, Alice, and I got a taste of what Lucifer was truly doing. Didi and I were used to this kind of power being thrown around. Alice very much wasn't. Her eyes went wide in awe, excitement, and profound disbelief. Her magic — so powerful in its own right — tried its best to trace what Lucifer was doing. It fell far short.
The scent of sulfur filled the air, almost unnoticeable except to the most sensitive of noses. A LIGHT, from nowhere and everywhere, shined upon the Dead End. Dimly at first. It slowly rose like the morning sun.
As something inexplicable changed within the Dead End, a random mook asked a nervous question, "You know, I've been wonderin' for a while now. Who's more powerful between the two of ya? Lucifer or Death?"
Lucifer chuckled as he 'worked', "That's an interesting question. I'm actually older than Didi by a considerable margin. My Father, brother, and I were around before Creation itself. But Didi and I are both essentially omnipotent in our fields. My field just happens to be a bit wider than hers. In pure power, I think-…"
Didi cut him off, still riding high on the prospect of meeting her 'new niece', "Nah, I'd win."
The intently listening audience gaped at her for a moment. Lucifer snorted in unexpected humor. His 'spell' actually faltered for the briefest of instants as Didi's blunt statement of confidence managed to disrupt his concentration. Shaking his head, the 'spell' resumed just as quickly
He laughed, "In a way, perhaps. She'll likely be there when I do eventually die, waiting to walk me to whatever afterlife awaits us. But since only Father can possibly hope to destroy me, the point is kind of moot."
There was a pause as everyone tried to process the exchange that had just taken place. Didi's almost uncharacteristically joking not-joke. Lucifer's casual confirmation that even the Devil could die, if only at the hand of his Creator. The unthinkable idea of an afterlife for beings like both of them.
The only appropriate reaction was a resounding… "Fuck."
"For real, man. Never thought I'd be in anything close to this situation."
"Even in Gotham."
"This is our life now," Dick sighed. "Learning Cosmic level lore from the Devil and Death herself. Not to mention whatever Sean asked Lucifer to do…"
Catwoman looked at her drink — the virgin White Russian — and scoffed, "For once, I don't believe just cream is enough to soothe my nerves."
"( •́ ⍨ •̀)" Cass made a strange, confused, kind of scrunched-up face. 'Weird. Too much thinking. Too many revelations. Let me eat my pancake prize in peace. No one wants to hear about the Devil's daddy issues…'
"I kind of do," Penguin mused. "In a sort of morbid curiosity way."
"'Daddy issues' doesn't even begin to cover my relationship with Father," Lucifer chuckled, surprisingly good-natured about the subject. "Even after billions of years, we never seem to see eye to eye."
"I think that's more because the two of you are too SIMILAR rather than the opposite," I commented.
"That's-…" Lucifer paused. "Huh. I've never considered it that way. You may just be right. Michael and I were the first two beings He created in His image… Two halves to His whole… I can't deny the idea that the reason we don't always get along is because He sees Himself in me."
"It does make sense, cousin Luci," Didi added. "Having met both of you from a somewhat outside perspective, I can safely say that you're more alike than you realize. Even with your historic differences."
Lucifer thought on the subject for a moment longer before shaking his head, "Food for thought. For later. We have something much more interesting to focus on at the moment."
"Hearing about THE Biblical Family like this is throwing all of my beliefs for a loop," Two-Face grumbled.
"Ah, there we are," Lucifer muttered, thankfully changing the subject off of biblical lore straight from the Devil's mouth.
He didn't so much as wave his hand. And still, reality — Creation — unraveled before him. He kept the phenomenon contained and under control. That didn't change the fact that something far beyond the mortal ken was happening in the Dead End. Actually… what else was new?
An image was briefly superimposed over Lucifer's mortal form. Wings of LIGHT exploded from his back. PURE LIGHT. They only lasted a moment. A single moment that was long enough to sear Divinity into the audience's mind. Even the weakest wisp of that Divinity was enough to mark everyone's souls.
"Oh, holy fuck…"
"Literally," Dick deadpanned, blinking LIGHT from his eyes.
Thankfully, Didi was there to mitigate any collateral damage from Lucifer's multiversal power. With just a hum, she soothed all of the souls in the Dead End. The warm touch of an old friend lifted the unbearably Divine weight.
"Careful, Luci," Didi reminded, gently and calmly. "We have an audience here."
"Ah, apologies," Lucifer didn't lower himself to regret but he did apologize. "I'm unused to working this grandly around mortals."
"(╯°□°）╯" Cass threw her hands up dramatically. 'My mind burns with godly power! I! Am! Immortal!'
I calmed her with generous headpats, "There, there, Cass. This will pass. Focus on your pancakes, not the LIGHT."
Lucifer chuckled and finally, the air behind me split right down the middle. Trails of fire and LIGHT crafted a portal, a window in mid-air. The aperture in time and space finished connecting to something BEYOND. Still patting Cass, I turned to face it, ready for what awaited us on the other side.
A scene came into view. What looked for all intents and purposes to be a hotel lobby. In it, a lovely young woman stood, biting her lip cutely as she read through a handful of documents. She hadn't noticed us or the portal yet.
She was tall and slender. Blonde and beautiful, even if that beauty carried a subtly inhuman hue. Her skin was so pale it might as well have been white. Adorable blush spots adorned her cheeks. Slightly yellowed eyes focused intently on the task at hand. From the way she was biting her lip, a pair of fangs could be seen in her mouth.
Clearing my throat, I pulled the attention of the Princess of Hell onto me, "Charlie?"
Her head swiveled up to look at me — at us — in instant recognition. Charlie Morningstar gasped, "Sean?! You're human again! And alive!"
I heard a mook mutter a question in the background, "Uh, why was 'alive' an afterthought…?"
"Hell, man. Keep up with the program," Another mook scoffed.
I smiled at my old friend and former landlord, "Hey, Charlie. Long time, no see. At least, for me, it has been."
Charlie cocked her head, "Really? It's only been a few days since you died again."
"I hope no one's too broken up about that. As you can see, I got better," I joked.
Big, almost comedic tears welled up in Charlie's eyes, "Oh, it was just terrible, Sean! I cried all day! Even Vaggie said she missed you!"
"Really?" I asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow. I knew how unlikely that was.
"Err… Well, she was thinking it! I know she was!" Charlie quickly reassured.
"That sounds more like the Vaggie I remember," I chuckled.
"It's so good to see you again~!" Charlie eagerly changed the subject. "I know you always said you'd be fine but still! I don't know how you managed it… But I'm glad you did~!"
I smirked, "I have my ways. And I had a little help finding you now. But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. I should introduce you to everyone and tell you what I've been getting up to lately. Wanna meet the new gang, Charlie?"
"Do I ever~!" Charlie exclaimed excitedly.
"I'll introduce you first to make this whole thing easier. Ladies and gentlemen," I began, stepping slightly aside so everyone had a clear view of Charlie. "Meet Charlie Morningstar. Daughter of Lucifer and Lilith. Crown Princess of Hell. My former landlord. And one of the kindest, most caring souls I've ever met."
"Oh, stop~!" Charlie blushed, clutching her cheeks and wiggling in place at my praise. "You always say the nicest things~! I still remember the first time you told me you believed in my dream. You were the first other than Vaggie, you know…"
She sighed fondly. I grinned, "You know, I'm actually doing something similar to your passion project these days. It's a bar instead of a hotel and it's more of a neutral ground project than rehabilitation. But we've still rehabilitated a fair few villains so far."
Charlie teared up again, "Oh, Sean, you're going to make me cry~… That's so sweet~! It's… It's going well…?"
"It is. There's hope for your dream yet, Charlie," I said, smiling at her softly.
Charlie's face lit up with a beaming smile. Happy tears still welled up in her eyes. But everything about her expression showed her heritage. Like Lucifer, Charlie brought LIGHT everywhere she went. She just went about it in her own unique way.
"Ready to meet everyone?" I asked.
She nodded eagerly, visibly full of so much emotion that even CHARLIE couldn't express it all. And that was something of an achievement. She was quite literally glowing with pride and happiness.
"These are the mooks," I introduced, waving at everyone crowded around the bar. "Say 'hi', everyone."
"Hello, Miss Charlie," They all chorused as one.
"Oh, that's so cute~! Are they some kind of hivemind~?" Charlie asked curiously.
"No hivemind," I chuckled. "They're just used to my antics at this point. I've trained them well. Now, these are some of our villains. Two-Face, Penguin, and Catwoman. Two-Face and Penguin haven't technically been redeemed but we'll get them one of these days."
Two-Face snorted, "Fat chance."
"Eh, more like 50-50," Penguin quipped with a smirk, poking fun at the other villain.
Charlie smiled, "And what about Miss Catwoman there~?"
"Selina redeemed herself all on her own for a piece of Mr. tall, dark, brooding, and currently absent," I said. "I didn't have to lift a finger with her."
"What can I say?" Catwoman shrugged. "My Bat is very persistent. Resisting him is like resisting a brick wall. A big, sexy, growly brick wall."
"I completely understand," Charlie nodded vigorously. "Though, I prefer them short, spunky, and supportive."
"Next, we have our resident heroes — for tonight, at least. This is Dick-…"
"Hello," Dick simply waved.
"And this is Cass," I finished.
"（￣ ｗ￣）Ψ" Cass briefly looked up from her pancakes to greet Charlie. 'Mmmmmm~ Hello.'
Charlie's eyes went wide, her pupils blowing up, "Neuron… Activation~! Oh. My. Stars~! She's adorable~!"
"And deadly," I quickly added to soothe Cass' feelings.
"•̀.̫ •́✧" Cass nodded proudly. 'Damn straight!'
"Eeeeeeeeeiiiiiii~…" Charlie let out a quiet tightly controlled squeal, watching Cass go back to her pancakes with excited LIGHT in her eyes.
"This is my adopted daughter, Alice," I continued the introductions.
Alice waved lazily, "Yo."
"Spec~tacular~!" Charlie cheered for me. "I'm sure you make a wonderful father, Sean~!"
"Highly debatable," Alice deadpanned.
I chuckled, "Now, I should probably introduce you to my lover before she loses control of her excitement. She's very eager to meet you-…"
Didi cut me off, practically vibrating despite how much she tried to keep a tight lid on her anticipation, "Hello, Charlie~! I'm Death of the Endless. But you can call me Didi. I won't have family calling me by that stuffy old name. Or, if you want, you can call me 'Auntie'!"
Charlie cocked her head, slightly confused, "Auntie? Death?"
"Indeed!" Didi chimed. "Really, we're just distant relatives but you can call me Auntie if you want! I'm very happy to meet you, Charlie. I'm of the opinion that you can never have enough family."
"So am I~!" Charlie's eyes lit up with stars. "It's always only been Mom, Dad, and I. And they aren't together anymore… Dad hasn't been the same since Mom left… And she isn't answering my calls. But I'm happy to hear I have other family members I didn't know about~!"
Didi frowned at the news about Lilith, "Hmm, now, that just isn't right. Cousin Luci, can we do anything about little Charlie's family troubles?"
"Cousin Luci…?" Charlie asked in surprise, realization creeping onto her face.
Lucifer chuckled, "Perhaps. But the real question is if I should. Things there are more complicated than they seem, my dimensionally displaced daughter~… Your story is not yet told. Do you wish for me to spoil it before it has even truly begun~?"
Charlie gaped at Lucifer now that he'd drawn attention to himself. A few emotions flashed across her expressive face. Disbelief. Recognition. Nostalgia. A sliver of hope.
I knew just how complicated Charlie's relationship with her parents could be. Even with how caring and empathetic she was, I had been one of the only people she truly opened up to. Right there alongside her girlfriend Vaggie.
She'd told us about her Dad's depression and the difficulties he had in relating to her. And about her Mom's apparent cold-hearted betrayal and disappearance. The hole Lilith had left in their lives… Now, Lucifer was saying there was more to that story. Did Charlie dare hope…?
As if that was even a question when it came to Charlie Morningstar. Her expression firmed with determination, "No. No, I don't. I have faith in both of them. Dad'll get better. He tries, even now. And Mom will come back.
"The hotel is really starting to get off the ground now! It'll work! I know it will! I've even gotten some big-name Sinners to stay and give redemption a shot~! To spoil our story now would be a disservice to all of us, even if it might end better in the long run. I'm going to believe in my Sinners~! And believe in the me that believes in me~!" Charlie finished on a high note, holding her hands high.
A few of the mooks couldn't help but clap for her, "Woooo!"
"Shit, that was inspiring, girl!"
"The me that believes in me! Damn straight! You can do anything you put your pretty mind to, girlie!"
Lucifer smiled at her, just a bit of pride leaking through his usual cocky expression, "Good choice. I think that will be for the best. But I suppose we'll just have to wait and see. Be warned, my child. There will be ups. There will be downs. Your future — your good ending — is not secure. But I think you'll find it well worth fighting for…"
"Heck, yeah~!" Charlie pumped her fist. "Man, I'm pumped now~! I'm gonna write like three new songs to promote the hotel~!"
"'Heck, yeah'," Catwoman quoted with a giggle. "For the daughter of the Devil, she's pretty damn adorable."
I smiled fondly, "Yeah, that's Charlie for you."
"She even seems to have inherited my passion for music," Lucifer commented.
"Well, duh," Charlie giggled. "Who doesn't like MUSIC~?"
"The girl's got a point. Even this grouch," Penguin said, pointing at Two-Face. "Enjoys a good tune."
"You talk about me like I'm completely dead inside. I'm only HALF dead inside," Two-Face grumbled.
"Was that a pun, Dent?"
"Maybe… What if it was?!"
"Nothing. It's just good to see your 'winning' sense of humor making an appearance."
"So, uh, Sean…?" Charlie asked hesitantly, interrupting the villainous bickering. "How'd you come to meet… my Dad…? Or something? Another version of Lucifer? I'm still a bit confused about that but it's nice to see some version of Lucifer happy again~!"
"Well, as you might remember," I deadpanned. "I died."
Charlie's eyes teared up and her lip quivered dramatically, "How could I forget~?"
"And then I died a good few more times after that," I continued. "Until I finally met Didi and then here we are."
"That… doesn't really explain much," Charlie said.
"Really? But he tells it so casually," Dick joked.
I shrugged, "I mentioned all the bits that mattered."
Charlie blinked, "But… you only mentioned dying and meeting-…"
"Didi. It's Didi. Meeting her is the bit that matters most."
Didi blushed and looked away, "Oh, Sean~… Must you embarrass me with such sweet words?"
"Always," I nodded firmly. "But I also mean that literally. Didi is the one who anchored my soul to this reality. Without her, I wouldn't have met this Lucifer and I wouldn't be 'calling' you now, Charlie."
"(-_-)ゞ" Cass cocked her head. 'How'd you die in the first place, Sean?'
Charlie sighed forlornly, answering for me, "Even if you're okay now, I don't think I'll ever forget that moment, Sean. No one in Hell will."
"I bit the bucket on Extermination Day," I elaborated.
"Extermination… Day…?" Many in my audience paled at that idea.
"It's a yearly event in Charlie's Hell. And yes, it's just as bad as it sounds."
"That… doesn't sound like a good time," Dick observed 'cannily'.
"Oh, it's just horrible," Charlie explained with a pout. "It started as a method of population control for Hell's Sinners. Which is already cruel and callous. But now, it's just a day of indiscriminate slaughter by the Exorcists. Sure, some of the Sinners aren't… great. But they don't deserve to be exterminated like-! Like vermin!"
Lucifer clicked his tongue and shook his head, "Sounds like a power move from Heaven to me. There's no reason any version of Hell should need 'population control'."
"So you were killed by… Angels?" A mook asked.
"Eventually, yes," I smirked. "I took more than a few of them with me before I went out though."
"Oh, don't be so humble, Sean," Charlie giggled. "You brought half of Hell down on their heads~! Everyone's already calling it 'The Cainening' and it's only been a few days. There are even rumors that Adam was wounded in the Cataclysm you caused."
"Cataclysm…?" Dick asked with audible trepidation.
"Oh, yes, I wasn't exaggerating when I said he brought down half of Hell," Charlie grinned proudly as she told of my exploits. "Almost the entire Ring of Pride is still being rebuilt. I believe in human terms, the damage covered something like the entirety of the New York Metropolitan Area. Of course, the total affected population was closer to the Greater Tokyo Area than merely New York City."
"( ._.)" Cass looked a bit lost. 'Wat?'
I chuckled, "I was just standing my ground."
"That's you standing your ground?!" Someone asked, their voice strained.
I nodded, "Really, it's the Angels' fault for pushing me so far."
That statement got a few choked laughs. Disbelief and sheer awe hung heavy in the air. My regulars must have known I was powerful. But to hear about the devastation I'd wrought in that Hell firsthand was an entirely different beast.
"You must have been pretty popular with Heaven, Sean," Dick deadpanned.
"Not really, no. But he's REALLY popular in Hell~!" Charlie chimed helpfully.
"Huh, I would think setting off a nuke in Hell would have the opposite effect," Penguin puzzled.
Charlie laughed an awkward, stilted laugh, "Well… Sinners aren't known as the most reasonable people in just about any sense of the word."
"Okay, old man, I gotta admit bringing down Hell on stuffy, sadistically righteous Angels is pretty cool," Alice said begrudgingly.
I chuckled, "Glad I could make you proud of your ol' Dad, Alice."
She grumbled, "Don't get too full of yourself… It was cool but you're still an old geezer."
"So much death…" Didi shook her head sadly.
"Setting off what sounds like a nuke in Hell? Yeah, I'd think so!" The mook's reply was made blunt and a touch wild-eyed with overwhelmed shock.
"Hmm? Oh, no, I mean the yearly Extermination," Didi hummed dismissively. "Even with how destructive Sean's stunt was, I can tell from here that it paled in comparison to the Angels' death toll that day."
Her casual explanation gave most in the audience a moment of pause, "Shit…"
"Straight from Death's mouth, huh?"
"Ain't that a sobering thought?"
"Man, you know shit's fucked when the nuke is the lesser of two evils."
Lucifer looked at me with a somewhat proud, still cocky smirk, "Couldn't have done it better myself. You did good, kid."
"Why, thank you," I drawled sarcastically. "Praise from the Devil certainly makes my last stand and dying worth it."
"Heh…" Lucifer snorted. "Glad I could help your 'poor' self-esteem. But seriously, Sean. I think you did the right thing there.
"Heaven is far from the perfection that everyone thinks it is. Hell is consistently worse, of course, but not by as much as people might like to believe. When the relationship between Heaven and Hell has broken down as much as it has in Charlie's native reality, drastic measures are needed."
He finished soberly, staring directly at Charlie. The Devil said his piece. His dimensionally displaced daughter listened. Charlie adopted a thoughtful expression.
"Drastic measures…? Is my dream… enough? Perhaps I need to be thinking even bigger…?" Charlie asked herself quietly.
She was left to think on the subject as a mook changed the subject, "So, uh, that Hell Extermination… Does ours have anything like that?"
Lucifer laughed freely, "Goodness, no. I may have retired but my brother would never let relations come to that point. In the end, Heaven and Hell are two sides of the same coin. Hell's health is Heaven's and vice versa."
Two-Face just nodded at the metaphor, "… Nice."
"If something like the Extermination happened here, Hell would rally for war. And when Heaven and Hell go to war… Well, let's just say there will be PROBLEMS…" Lucifer grinned.
For a moment, he was silhouetted by LIGHT and shadow. Only burning brimstone eyes and that wicked quirk of his lips showed. The audience paled and balked in visceral horror. His demonic showing disappeared as quickly as it came about. As if it never even happened.
Didi sighed, reaching over the bar to flick Lucifer on the nose, "Please. Stop. Scaring. Our customers. Cousin Luci."
"I don't know. I'm having a lot of fun doing it," Lucifer chuckled unrepentantly.
Didi fixed him with a light glare, "Still. You know better than almost anyone that they have nothing to worry about there. You're just winding them up. There hasn't been any real tension between Heaven and Hell in millennia."
"That's…"
"Good. That's good," The mooks and even the capes at the bar breathed a collective sigh of relief.
Charlie still seemed distracted by her thoughts. Through long familiarity, I could tell she was turning Lucifer's words over in her head. They seemed to have the desired effect on her. She was moments away from 'Charlie Scheming'. Like plotting and scheming but without any of the negative connotations those words carried. Charlie was much too positive for a single evil implication.
This might be a good time to bring our little reunion and catch-up call to a close. Once Charlie started, she was impossible to stop. Particularly when it came to her dream. This was simply too important to her. I might as well give her the space she needed to flip her dream plans on their head.
"Well, I think that's our queue to let you go, for now, Charlie," I said.
Charlie startled slightly out of her thoughts, "Hmm? Oh? Oh! Yeah, okay. I'm afraid I'd be a little distracted now if we continued. Will I… Will I hear from you again, Sean…?"
I nodded, "Count on it. And say hi to Vaggie for me. It was good to see you again, Charlie."
"And you, Sean," Charlie's smile was soft and bright. "And it was nice to meet all of your new friends~! Even… Dad…? Strange… but nice~!"
Lucifer chuckled quietly, "I could say the same about you, Charlie Morningstar. We'll have to talk more at a later date. Perhaps you can even introduce me to your true father?"
"Mmm~!" Charlie hummed and nodded. "That'll be fun~! And it was nice to meet you too, Auntie Didi~!"
"A-Ah~… My, my heart~…" Didi let out an adorable whimper. "This has been lovely, little Charlie. I look forward to the next time we meet."
"Alright, everyone," I said. "Say goodbye to Charlie."
"Bye, Charlie," The mooks chorused.
"Stay strong, little devil kitten," Catwoman encouraged.
"Look me up if you ever find a way into our reality," Dick winked at Charlie. "I think we could have fun together~"
"Charlie has a girlfriend, Dick," I flatly shot him down for her.
Dick wasn't so easily deterred, "And? She can come too."
"Sure thing~! Vaggie always needs more fun in her life. Sounds like a date~!" … Charlie was way too good for him.
"( ·∀·)っ♨" Cass raised her last pancake to Charlie in a toast. 'Bye, bye, devil princess~!'
"Hngh~! So heckin' cute~!" Charlie had to bite her lip to stifle her squeal. Even then, it was only half effective.
I smiled at her, "Bye, Charlie. Until next time."
With that, Lucifer cut the connection he'd forced past the Source Wall. Charlie waved and smiled happily as the window into her reality began to close. Soon enough, it was gone and there was no evidence that a portal to the VOID BETWEEN just stood in the Dead End.
"Damn…" A mook said into the comfortable silence that followed. "I'm gonna have so much to tell the priest at my next confession."
Another mook snorted, "You'll probably get labeled as a heretic, buddy."
"Yeah, probably."
"Man, what a fuckin' night…"
Lucifer smirked, "Oh, I get the feeling that we've only just started."
"It's not even 10 o'clock yet," Someone groaned.
"Taking bets, people," Penguin joked. "What else does Mr. Barkeep and the Devil have in store for us tonight?"
With practically perfect timing, a few new faces walked into the Dead End and up to the bar, "Hey, we're the band for the Black Canary X Constantine gig. Who should we talk to about setting up our equipment and stuff?"
"Huh…" Penguin paused. "You know, I didn't have 'live music' on the over-under list."
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