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58.73% Pokemon - Solo's Strange Journey / Chapter 36: MiSsANNE Impossible

章 36: MiSsANNE Impossible

Salandit-POV:

That. Was. Amazing!

I have no idea how master did that, but it felt sooo good.

... Huh? Did I just think of Swole as 'master'?

Ah, it doesn't matter. I'll call him whatever he wants as long as he does that again.

"This won't become a habit." He crushes my hopes and dreams.

"This is a special reward for being exceptional pokemon and for doing an incredible job at the gym. You two got that?"

Sigh... It was too good to last forever. I guess I will need to put in a little more work to make him accept his role.

It's the bunny's turn now but she's too busy with glaring at me for going first.

I stick my tongue out at her for good measure.

Swole does something with his phone before putting it away and turning to Buneary. "Now... It's your turn for a massage--"

Her ears have suddenly turned towards the door. An intruder?

I can only smell myself through my nostrils and Swole's smell still lingers on my tongue right now; Those are the only smells I notice, so I don't know for sure what's out there.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Are you hearing an enemy?" I ask her and prepare for a fight.

... By 'prepare', I mean repositioning myself on top of his shoulders and igniting my back for Ember. His shoulders feel oddly inviting. I could just fall asleep on him, right now... If it wasn't for the stupid invaders.

Buneary nods and gets closer to the door where she starts doing Defense Curl.

I wish I already knew how to use Nasty Plot, like my mommy. It would make me so much more useful right now.

"2 adults. Only humans." Whispers Swole. "One leaning against the wall, the other crouched behind the door."

Huh? Can he see through walls already?

"... number 3 is binding..." A female voice quietly drifts through the keyhole. "Got a nice click there... Nothing on the inner or outer pin. Same on 4, I think we might have 4 set already."

What is she talking about?

"Salandit, get ready to use Sweet Scent as soon as the door opens. Buneary, knock them out, don't breathe in her attack."

"Okay, nice click out of one..." The lock rattles a little.

Another voice sounds out. This one is male. "For Giovanni's sake, Laura, stop commenting on your progress. This is a stealth mission. Be stealthy!"

His voice became fairly loud at the end.

"They are all asleep. Urgh, now I lost my progress because of you! And how many times have I told you to never use my real name, you imbecile! I'm Domino! 009! The Black Tulip! Or literally any other name! Get it into your thick fucking skull! And never think you are anything special again. I outrank you. I own you. If you raise your voice against me again, I will shred you to pieces and feed you to your own Granbull. Understood?"

The lock rattles again. "Click out of one..."

I take a deep breath and get ready to gas the hallway. I'm confident of my control. Buneary doesn't need to worry about friendly fire.

Click "There we go. The lock is open."

The door handle turns and... "Huh? The light's still on."

Swole rips the door open the rest of the way.

I blow my load of Sweet Scent directly in the face of the surprised woman. It streams past her face and fills up the immediate area around her.

Buneary jumps through the doorway, over the woman and disappears from sight.

The soft thump of a body dropping to the ground can be heard a moment later. The woman - Laura - looks to her right and panics floods her at the sight of her knocked out accomplice.

She tries to run away but stumbles and falls to the ground.

Another kick by Buneary knocks her out too.

"Anyone else in the hallway?"

"No!" Buneary responds.

While my move still lingers in the air and blocks a direct line of sight into the room or out of it, master moves from one corner of the room to the next in order to use his weird ability for scouting.

"I can't sense Dawn... I'm not sure if I'm too bad with aura or if she's gone... Buneary, can you drag them inside?"

She obeys while Swole pulls out a rope from his bag of wonders. He takes it and starts binding up the male human.

To make myself useful, I pull out one more rope and bind up the female.

She wears leggings, arm gloves and a short-skirt, all in white. Each has a pink stripe but her shirt is black with a pink 'R' embroidered inside.

Her blonde hair curls up in a tight, twin-drill style and I feel like I have seen her violet eyes before.

I bind her up with the ropes.

...

"Salandit... How did you even do that?" Master questions my work.

"I sstudied how to make knots from your picture book."

I can see him gulp down some saliva. His Adam's apple moves up and down hypnotically.

"Those are some good knots..." He compliments and makes my heart flutter.

Huh? My heart flutters?

"If I remember correctly, there should be a slip knot near her wrists for safety... Yeah. There it is. Let's disable it. How did you even get a red rope? I'm sure I didn't buy any."

I shrug my shoulders. It's a bag of wonders. It does what it does.

"And you shouldn't read Pokemon Pals." He says but I choose to ignore his advice. It contains great reference material.

Master quickly checks the bodies of the prisoners for possessions before moving it all out of their immediate reach. Including some pokeballs.

His pace is hurried and I can tell he is back in his usual mood of 'slightly panicked'.

I ignore a sudden urge that compels me to move back to my place on his shoulder. Something weird is going on with me.

Instead, I walk alongside him as I continue watching him work. He picks up all of his stuff, including his egg and Buneary and he walks over to the door leading to Dawn's room.

It's not locked anymore. A simple twist of the handle opens the room and I scan the room for its features.

It smells of Dawn and of the two intruders. But the room is empty. Her clothes are still neatly on their spot where Swole left them.

His mood changes to 'very panicked' as he quickly loots her room to return her stuff later.

"Can either of you sense where Dawn is?"

I shake my head. My sense of smell isn't good enough for tracking with all these other smells mixed in. And my night vision isn't helpful here at all.

Buneary strains her ears but shakes her head in the end too.

She's either not making a sound or not anywhere nearby.

I can see the gears turning in Swole's head as he considers our next move.

Without giving any explanation, he returns to his room where our prisoners are.

His gaze swaps between the male and the female for a while. Uncertainty is visible in his eyes.

I notice this from time to time. I used to doubt his leadership whenever he took too long on his decisions but the results have spoken for themselves so far.

He has yet to disappoint.

'I now realize that a team is much better. And... I... urge you... to join our team.'

Ever since the gym battle, the annoying rabbit's words have started to resurface in my memories.

That Durant... She was seriously powerful. Not as strong as mommy but still seriously strong.

And Buneary would be way too stupid to win on her own. That win was all his.

His strategies for my parts of the battle were incredible too.

Maybe... The bunny has a point.

No. No way. I'm not becoming some kind of pet for a male of all things.

The natural order of things has to be obeyed.

---

Swole starts moving again. Apparently he has thought it through enough. 

He approaches the female and slaps her face lightly. "Wake up."

She doesn't react.

"She's awake." Buneary says. "I heard her breathing change."

He slaps her again. Much harder this time. "Wake up!" He screams in her face and her eyes fly open.

She takes in the details of the room. Her eyes stay on the door and on her personal belongings a little longer than everything else.

At last, she looks Swole in the eyes. "W-what are you doing? I-I'm innocent! Help!"

Slap "Where is she?" Tears well up in the female's eyes as his hand print forms on her cheek.

"W-where is w-who? I-I d-don't know what you want from me!"

Slap He hits the same spot again. "Stop playing games. You opened the wrong door, 'Lockpicking Laura'. Or Domino. Or 009. The Black Tulip... Maria."

"Or what!? Huh? What are you going to do to me, punk!? Slap me some more?" She struggles in her bindings for a moment.

But my skills with the rope turned out to be too difficult for her. "W-what? What the hell? Is this bondage?"

"Yes. And you can guess what happens to you if you don't answer my questions."

Her eyes move across the room once more. This time stopping on Swole's groin for longer than necessary.

"You don't have the balls for that, goody-two-shoes. You're a pussy! You want to threaten me with a good time but you can't even say it out loud! Ha! Don't make me laugh!"

This makes Swole pause.

Seconds tick by where he simply stares in her eyes without moving a muscle.

Then his hands move. He pats her down once again, more thoroughly this time. Under her leggings, skirt and blouse: He finds knives at each location before tossing them into the corner of the room.

He also removes her boots and gloves. Everything he can get off of her without loosening her bindings.

"Salandit. Time to train your precision a little more. Can you use Incinerate on only her clothing? Not her bindings? Buneary, stay ready to knock her out again if she manages to break free."

This... is new. I haven't seen him act like that ever before.

I like it. "I'll do my best!"

I try to charge up my igniphores for Incinerate but they had already been excited for some reason and are ready for action.

The move is actually going to be too powerful, so I need to power it down a little. I don't want the female to burn alive.

Domino's stares at me. Not a sliver of fear can be seen.

Does she still believe it's a bluff? ... Is it a bluff? 

I don't even know. He never had to rescue one of our team-mates before.

I breathe out a tiny stream of fire. It just barely reaches her skirt but then starts spreading all over her clothes in an instant. It takes a lot of concentration to keep the fire contained.

It wants to consume all of her equipment. The fire is like a wild beast, trying to destroy everything it touches.

Her grunts and muffled screams of agony aren't making this any easier. 

I need a lot of concentration to make Incinerate do anything except its intended purpose.

But I did it.

Because I'm just amazing. Her shirt and skirt are both burned off and only ashes and her underwear remain.

"Her panties too?" I ask and receive a shake of his head in response.

I consciously stop my tail from wagging excitedly.

Master picks up one of the shorter knives from the ones he tossed away and gets closer to Domino.

"Rape. Torture." His voice is ice cold.

But it fans up a small fire inside my heart.

"A friend taught me a lot about first aid, you know? I know where your arteries are. Without medical attention, you would bleed out in 5 minutes."

"You don't scare me, boy. You're 10 years too young to be-- Aaaargh!" Her bravado is cut off by a scream of pain as the blade of the knife plunges into her thigh.

"That was your muscle."

The knife comes back out and he sprays some of his emergency potion on the wound to close it.

"I'm not losing another friend. I will do whatever it takes to find Dawn. And you are a criminal. I don't give a shit about you."

The knife moves again. This time cutting the straps of her bra, so he can just pull it off with his hands.

"And I've been horny ever since Maria gave me a massage."

"Wait! Don't do it! I will tell you everything!" 

My head snaps over to the other guy.

He's awake now and he struggles to get out of his bindings. He is lying on his stomach and his limbs are bound up behind his back like a Lechonk.

"Don't you dare intervene, you-- Humumfp!" Domino's threat is cut off when master stuffs her mouth with her own bra.

He's wearing a black outfit with a red R printed on his chest.

"Please! I will tell you everything you want to know, just leave my sister alone!"

"Alright. Start talking... Or else..." He empathizes by running his hand along Domino's shoulder.

"Yes! We're Team Rocket... And we are trying to infiltrate Sinnoh. Our mission was to pretend to be refugees and to recruit as many dissidents as we can. You see... Sinnoh is ripe for the picking. And we want in on their business. But the helmsman found out that the captain was wearing a disguise and--"

"Did I ask for your life's story?! Tell me where Dawn is! Stop wasting my time-- Huh?"

This time he emphasized by grabbing her by her pussy.

"Iew. Did you pee yourself or something? Your panties are soaked and there's a puddle under you..."

Domino blushes and squirms after having her arousal pointed out.

This explains where the smell comes from. I thought for sure it was either Buneary or me.

She has become good and ready for mating.

"Ptui" Domino manages to spit her bra out. "It's a natural reaction, asshole! Fuck you!"

Her foul mouth is quickly stuffed again with her bra.

"I get it now. Well, little brother. Tell me where Dawn is or we are going to try and see just how nice and lubricated your sister is."

This time he keeps his hand on her kitty. Domino squirms in her bandage, unable to stop any of it.

"She's in the cargo hold! Under the first level! All the prisoners are kept there! Right next to the engine room!"

Without saying another word, master gets up, takes the knives with him and leaves through the door.

Buneary immediately hops on his shoulder but I... decide to walk beside him.

---

"Salandit? Are you alright?" Master eventually quietly voices his thoughts as we sneak through the corridor towards the stairs.

He looks at me with deep regret and sadness in his eyes.

I'm still very aroused but more than that... "Yess. I am fine." 

More than that, I am conflicted.

"I... I'm sorry, Salandit. Please don't be afraid of me."

Afraid? Huh? What's he talking about?

"Why would I be sscared of you, ma-- Sswole?"

I'm scared of myself.

Something weird is going on with me.

Unlike that rabbit, I have dignity! I won't debase myself to the point where I would place anyone above me!

I can pretend to be some kind of submissive pet to get what I want, but I would never actually be one!

"Why else are you... not on my shoulder? Did I do something wrong?" Ma-- Swole says with worry laced in his voice.

I'm-- I don't have an answer for that. I don't even know why.

"I jusst feel like walking."

He accepts my decision but still leans down to brush his hand over my back.

I have to suppress a shiver and reign in my tail after it decided to wag on its own.

Just a few days ago I had to consciously make it move. 

All these little motions I used to do to manipulate my mate into thinking what he needs to think... They just happen on their own now.

Am I becoming weak?

"Hey." The bunny decided to hop off and walk next to me. 

Her ears are still listening for ambushes and I highly doubt she has the mental capacity to scout and keep an active conversation at the same time.

And considering how long I'm leaving her with no answer, I doubt she's really paying any attention to me.

"What do you want?"

I choose to keep most of my attention on scouting. That way we won't run face first into an enemy.

"Did you like it too?" She asks at some point without really answering my question.

I doubt she can comprehend anything right now. No point in discussing it with her.

"Yess." But I can't lie to myself. It was the hottest thing I've ever seen. Even better than finding a male with multiple mates.

We are on the stairs between the first and second level on the ship.

I know that there are at least 2 humans downstairs. Just as I'm about to notify ma-- Swole, he stops on his own.

"2 guards... moving..." He whispers and Buneary confirms with a nod. "A patrol. Let's wait."

I hate to admit it... But he really is a good choice. A leader.

I wonder... would he save me too?

"Yes. Let's go."

Did he answer me? ... No, he just talked with Buneary.

But I think he would.

"What would he do for uss?" I look to the bunny for answers. Which is a stupid thing to do. 

And without even a second to think, she answers me. "Everything."

After walking some more in silence, we stop in front of a map. Depicted is the layout of the lowest level of the ship.

"I'm sensing 2 people at the doorway right here." Swole points out a room on the map and the entryway he means.

"Dawn is in there too, but too far away from the door for me to sense. Salandit, can you sneak through the air duct to confirm the situation inside?"

I nod and walk up the wall.

A thin metal grate covers the hole in the wall but I can just cut it open with my claws and a bit of type energy.

... Swole did a good job sharpening them.

I have to slow down a lot because my claws would make a lot of noise on the metal tunnel otherwise.

Once I reach the other grate at the end of the tunnel, I can see what's going on inside the room.

A large group of humans is more or less huddled in a corner. Some are asleep. Others, Dawn and some trainers I saw on the line for the ship, are just barely awake and afraid.

The opposite corner holds a bunch of pokeballs with weird devices wrapped around them. Are Mawile and Prinplup locked inside their pokeballs?

That's... scary. That could have been us-- me inside one of those balls!

Near the door are two guards, one on each side. They wear a black uniform and their hats hide their eyes in shadows.

A Raticate is positioned between the guards and their prisoners and a Gloom is in the middle of the group of prisoners.

I try to scan for any other useful information. The light near the ceiling is very low. I would be practically invisible up there. If I'm careful, I could probably cut this grate open enough to get on the ceiling for an ambush.

Nothing else stands out.

Just as slowly as I approached, I retreat back to Swole and Buneary.

We reposition to a shaded and secluded area to plan.

Swole pulls out his notebook and draws the room and the doorway before asking me questions.

"Where is Dawn? ... Is she in the middle or more on the outside of the group of prisoners? ... Are the guards here and here? ... Any other guards? ... Any pokemon? ... There and... around here within the prisoner group? ... Probably for Stun Spore..."

I answer all of the stuff as it comes up and add my description of the room.

"... Wait, you said they store the pokeballs inside that room?"

"Yesss?"

"Are they retarded?"

"The pokeballss are locked up. The pokemon cannot esscape on their own."

"Still... All we need to do is to get inside, unlock the pokeballs and we have enough trainers to fight our way out. Wait, how many pokeballs was it? I'm assuming that all the prisoners are trainers but they could just be the regular staff of the ship..."

"Around 10. It wass not a lot."

"Damn. Dawn's are 2, some beginner trainers moving out of Canalave and the Captain, I'm guessing."

Then he stares down at his piece of paper again. Looking for something I can't see.

Eventually, he looks at us again. "Salandit. Can you sneak inside the room and use Fake Out against Gloom? Fake Out, then Incinerate, Ember and Protect if necessary. Otherwise, repeat Incinerate and Ember."

"Easily." I nod before I wag my tongue at Buneary because I know she wouldn't be able to remember that.

"Buneary, as soon as the door opens, attack Raticate with Jump Kick. I trust you can handle the rest of the fight."

She wags her tongue at me! That bitch! How dare she!?

"Alright. Salandit, you have 5 minutes to get into position. Then I will try to get them to open the door. As soon as it opens, you need to start the fight. It will distract them and we can catch them off guard."

I nod again and we move together to get back to the door. I scale up the wall and through the air duct once more.

With my claws sharpened and refined, I slowly and carefully cut through the thin metal strips of the grate. Just 3 cuts are enough because I can hook my claws around the metal and bend the strips inwards to create a hole big enough to climb through.

I squeeze a little through the hole and hold on to the ceiling with my extremely versatile clawed paws.

My hands possess the properties of both knives and gum.

With my claws I can penetrate almost any surface and with the pads on the underside of my hands, I can stick to any surface I want.

Mas-- Swole once told me that it's 'Van der Waals force' between atoms that allows me to stick to anything. Or rather, he grumbled it out loud as he read from my book.

The shadows on the ceiling provide an easy cover as I make my way to my target. Right above Gloom.

Once the battle begins, I will just drop down on him and win...

But... Gulp. There is no exit.

The guards and Raticate block off the exit. As soon as I drop down... it's do or die.

This is insane.

I don't want to be trapped!

Knock knock.

"Hey, we found someone sneaking in the kitchens." Master's recognizable voice rings through the door.

The guards look at each other, deciding who's supposed to take over the work.

If I don't follow through with the plan, master and Buneary are going to be in danger... Gulp.

The left guy decided to make a move and his hand closes in on the doorknob.

They would do the same for me! I can't disappoint!

Fuck!

Fuck it! I charge up Fake Out.

The knob twists and the door opens a smidgen.

That's the signal.

I clench my jaw and let go of the ceiling.

My fate is sealed. Whatever happens to me now relies on my master.

Gloom doesn't even see me coming, when I claw into his face.

He stumbles back in pain and confusion. Still, he realizes the mess he's in quickly, and tries but fails to charge up a counter attack.

His dumb face radiates stupidity and confusion as I feel the heat radiating off my back from the charging Incinerate.

He can do nothing but drool like the idiot that he is while I blow my fattest load of Incinerate right in his face!

I don't even give him the time to recoil in pain, that's how fast I have my Ember ready and blast his face once again.

But the fight's not over yet. Pink energy collects on top of his bulbous head and coalesces into a moon-shaped structure. Master would know what that is but I know I'm not going to get hit by it.

The humans who are awake scatter away like insects under a rock while we fight. They drag and pull the ones who are asleep to safety.

That dumb bitch, Gloom's aim is off. I have to sidestep into the move with Protect to ensure nobody else gets hurt by the attack.

One Incinerate and Ember combo attack later and the fight ends with Gloom falling face first to the ground in a knocked out heap.

I immediately look around and see Buneary is still busy fighting Raticate while master boxes with the other Team Rocket guard. One is already on the ground--

Oh no! He got punched in the face!

As fast as I can I rush to help my trainer. I charge up Scratch, knowing it will slice this asshole into ribbons!

Master lands a counter hit but his opponent is still standing. His back is turned to me. He won't see what's coming.

I jump and aim for his head!

Slice!

Cut lands and I throw the guy across the room like a rag-doll.

"Are you alright, master?!"

He has blood streaming down his nose and a split lip... "I'm fine. Go help out Buneary with Will-O-Wisp."

I turn around and see her battle is still ongoing. 

Buneary and Raticate are facing off right now. Raticate can barely keep going and Buneary has a bleeding ear.

Once again, my opponent has his back turned to me and doesn't see the orbs of magical fire floating to him.

The fire blazes up around him for a short second and then dissipates, leaving a small burn mark behind.

With the odds clearly stacked in our favor, Raticate seemingly just loses the will to continue fighting and falls over.

---

Raticate is KO.

The human who mas-- Swole knocked out is KO.

Gloom is KO and the guy whose face I turned into meat-scraps... He's just KO too? ... Ah, right. I forgot. Humans became more durable and are stronger than animals now.

Dawn looks through the stack of locked pokeballs for Prinplup and Mawile. Some other trainers are looking for their own pokemon and Swole is taking care of Buneary's wounds.

The other captured humans are looking on in confusion, except one guy who seems to try to manage the gaggle.

"Hey rabbit. You got hurt again? Ssucks to ssuck."

"Grrrr. My opponent was stronger than yours."

"Hold still Buneary. I need to treat your ear."

She grumbles something out as Swole applies the stinging potion to her ear. I don't know how she can take that pain without even scrunching her face up.

Swole pets her bloodied head after finishing the quick treatment. "Perfect. Good girl. Salandit, do you need any treatment? I don't see any obvious wounds."

It feels nice to know that he worries over our health so much. "No. I got through the fight without issuess. Thankss for worrying!"

Urgh. It feels so weird saying it now that I really mean it. It's like I'm losing my sense of pride.

A few popping sounds coming from pokeballs opening interrupt my train of thought. Dawn releases Prinplup and Mawile from their immoral prisons and hugs them tightly. Even going so far as to ignore the pain of Mawile biting her arm.

Only then, after ensuring the safety of her pokemon, does she acknowledge her savior. She runs in while Swole is busy securing the area and hugs him as well.

Tears begin to stream down her face and she tells him how afraid she has been and how glad she is that he came to save her. All the while she clings to him like a love-sick Lillipup.

Which is nice to see. My chosen mate is very attractive to other females. This means my own choice was right.

As for my... team-mates... I'm not sure what to make of that topic. This isn't at all what mommy taught me to do.

She taught me to make the males do everything for me and that other females are only going to steal my resources.

But then why does this all feel so... right?

I think I need to think about this all a lot more. What is right and what is wrong... I just don't know anymore.

Good thing a commotion happens around mas-- Swole right now. A perfect distraction.

... Now I'm even describing everything as perfect too. Terrible.

"We can't just leave all these people in the hands of Team Rocket!" Some man shouts at Swole.

Buneary is trying to threaten him to get out of our trainer's face, but he ignores it.

"We don't even know where the jammer is." Swole responds calmly. But I can tell he is getting pissed off. "Do you want to torture the location out of these chumps?" He points at the knocked out guards. "... I don't."

I'm pretty sure I saw one of them twitch at the mention of torture.

"Right now, we have the opportunity to get all the people in this room to safety and then we can still call for help." Swole continues. "I'm going to take Dawn and we're going to use the emergency boats to get to the coast."

I love it when he gets determined and domineering like that. A good trainer must know what he wants and must have the drive to go after it.

"Anyone who wants to come with us, follow me."

Quite a lot of people immediately side with him. Mostly the ship's crew. 

A 3rd of the trainers stayed with this other guy and another 3rd were looking on with ambivalence before deciding to stay and try to fight Team Rocket.

As we walk out of the room in one big group, I notice Swole rubs his eyes tiredly. For some reason, I get this weird urge to climb on my spot on his shoulder but in the end, I ignore it because I still need some space to think about stuff.

The emergency boats are on the first floor of the ship and on the way there we stomped on a few Team Rocket grunts who run around the ship like headless Pidgey.

Looks like they found out about the big breakout somehow and they have been trying to find us. 

But with Swole in the lead, we managed to find the shortest route to the emergency boats, went on them and the 'helmsman' - whatever that it - helped get us in the water without any further issues.

Honestly, why do ships have so many weird names? I feel as dumb as Buneary when I listen to Swole talk about various parts of the ship.

More names should be like, 'emergency boat'. A smaller ship that people use in an emergency.

Still, "I really hate thiss ssmall boat." I can't help but complain.

It's terrible! Who designed something so evil!? "Why iss it so close to the water?"

"Awe." Swole coos. "Is someone afraid of getting a little wet?"

"His! Phrassing."

... Another habit I got from him. Making these weird 'references'. I don't even know what that means but it gets mas-- Swole to smile every time.

"Come here." He holds his arms open as he leans back into the orange, inflatable boat-wall.

I would need to get closer to the water to get into his hug-- Oh! And I wanted to stay away from him too, at least for a while. So I shake my head.

"P-please?" ... He has Buneary to cuddle with already. "I... I really need you..."

... I surrender.

I get into his open arms and snuggle up with him and after only a few moments, he falls asleep.

This is nice... But we're far too close to the water. This sucks.

Maybe I should just go to sleep? Once I wake up, we're surely going to be on real ground again.

"You're guarding firsst!" I call out. 

The rabbit punches me when I close my eyes and pretend to sleep.

While I'm at it, maybe I can also pretend that I'm not on a swimming death trap in the middle of the ocean.


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