章 14: Insanity

A hundred years is a lot of time, maybe not as much for the people that normally lived within this world of magic and monsters. But for a normal human being from Earth, well, I should have died of old age at this point.

In fact, that brings up another good question. Is what does happen if I die from old age in this realm? I never lived long enough to find out. Matter of factly, my current life is the longest I've gone without dying, and now I am up to twelve years without a single death.

I don't look or feel much older other than my hair becoming really long, reaching my waist, and my beard going down to my chest.

Who knows what will happen? In fact, how long is my current lifespan with all the extra strength I have gained?

These are all things that I constantly question myself with in my free time, which is becoming more frequent.

I don't even know where the hell I ended up with that big blackout. As I am nowhere near the places I once was before, my mind shattered. After I left the desert, I found myself in dry grassland that seemed to go on forever. Very few monsters are found in this region, at least from what I have noticed so far.

Anyways, a hundred years have passed since I came to this realm. I have died well over a thousand times by now. Maybe many times more, depending on how many times it was during my shattered years. Memories are still occasionally coming back from those years, mainly in dreams as I sleep.

Remember those memories as being nothing but a wild beast brings terror to my mind, and none of them are good. Only pain and confusion as my body runs purely on instinct during those years.

But I am back now, and I plan on staying in control this time. Maybe not sane, but at least in control.

Another thing to note is that I no longer fear pain nor death, as it is but a normal occurrence to me that I have become numb. In fact, I fear nothing at all anymore. Fear is but a distant memory, almost as distant as those from Earth.

Ah, my memories from Earth. To me, that is like looking at a movie of another person as we are too different. I feel no connection or resonance with the Arthur of Earth. I am just Arthur the man who seeks to slay the Gods.

I don't even care who or what I have to kill to get there, to slay them. Any who stand in my way or become obstacles in my path, are but a bag of flesh and blood that should be cleaved apart. Simple as that. Death is but a facade of life. Something out of reach of me, yet something I deliver to others.

Monster or no. Well, I say that to myself, yet I have only faced monsters. There have been humanoid monsters here, but no actual civilized beings.

I do have plenty of time to think, sometimes too much time. Some of the time, I feel like I am being watched by people similar to the old me, yet they watch or read about my struggles, my story. But I know it is just a figment of the insanity that grips at my mind.

Or, like other times, I feel as though my struggles were planned, my moves and choices not my own, as if written before me and for me.

Makes me want to make irrational decisions to prove to myself that my actions are my own. I once jumped straight into the mouth of a lion-like monster to prove to myself that it was my choice and not of some higher being or whatever I get this feeling from.

Other times in moments of clarity, I do realize that maybe this is what insanity is. Or maybe I am more sane than I ever was. In fact, was I ever sane? Was anyone? Maybe sanity and insanity is but what we believe ourselves to be. If we believe ourselves to be sane, we are sane, but if we believe we are insane, then we are insane.

Or that could be the insanity talking. Or my own mind talking since it is the only thing for me to talk to. Am I talking to myself, or is the voice in my head someone else? I don't know, and at this point don't care. It is better than silence.

Silence is painful.

But there is some good news in all this talk of insanity and the passage of time, as I have truly become strong.

Stronger than I could have ever believed myself to become. Not yet strong enough to kill Gods, at least I don't think so, as I have yet to fight one. But I am on my way to being one of the strongest in this realm. And still, nine hundred more years to go.

Though I am finding it harder and harder to get stronger. Like I am at an Impasse.

Monsters below A-Rank don't give me much increase anymore when I eat them. Only A and above give me any noticeable increase in strength. Yet they are harder to find and even harder to kill.

But with my spear that is also getting stronger and stronger, bathing in the blood of these monsters, I am moving forward, at least in body. My mind yet struggles.

Another thing to note is that my taste buds have also adapted since all I eat is raw meat, which tends to include skin, fur, and even bones sometimes. Occasionally organs are part of my diet as well.

My teeth have gotten so strong that they crunch bones to powder, and everything just becomes nutrition for me. Though I would say, the stuff that comes out of me has also evolved and become quite deadly to weaker monsters. I don't even want to discuss how I found that out.

But it is time for me to move on, keep surviving, and getting stronger. I have a goal, and I will achieve it!