章 2: Once Awake
...
...
It's cold.
Or at least, I think so.. I may have forgotten how it felt.
I don't know how long I've been drifting down here.. in this, nothingness..
There is no light to be blinded by, no darkness to retreat to... just an abyss. My senses have long been lost, taken away from me.. Who could have thought?
That the afterlife would be so empty. Heh..
How I wish to see once more, to hear once more, to.. feel once more...
All I can do is think, forever contemplating, endlessly trapped in my own drivel!
A sick joke is what it is.
Let me tell you something...
Silence, is very loud.
Here, where there is no sound to distract me, no light to lure my eyes, nothing at all. That's when the shadows come to play. They lurk within my mind, the only bastion of thought I have left!
Here, they whisper, they taunt and sneer... Goading me about my failures, my insecurities, my differences.
Here, I am helplessly and utterly alone.
But that's okay.
I don't regret anything, there is no use in crying over spilled milk, blood, or guts. After all, who is there to blame.. but me?
And it's true, it's my fault.. but it is also my choice. And If I can't even trust in myself to defend and believe in my own choice, then..
I deserve to be here.
'Falling... falling... falling...'
Up or down? Left or right? Alive or dead?
Don't know.
Don't care.
I'm too busy falling, yo! Ah, I'm going insane again... here we go again.
Oh! Where am I anyway? I don't know, others probably don't as well... I'll take the liberty then..
I'll name this place...
'Limbo'
Heh, it's a little more than obvious but... it's better than void, no?
That's what I thought!
Nothing exists in the void, my mind is something, therefore It cannot be in nothing... because that would be something? Is nothing a something? What then? Ahh..
So many questions, and unfortunately I have all the time in the world!
Speaking of something, what am I? Definitely not human, I've got no body, or at least no senses to ascertain such a conclusion.
I am no longer Adam..
Yes, that is my name. What? It's stupid? Well, it's probably better than yours!
Then,
a soul? What qualifies as a soul then? Is my mind the soul? That's all I have right now after all. Hmmm, I think the question most important of all is..
Why does it matter? Right, it doesn't at all.
What matters is that I'm a something, and not a nothing. Right, that wouldn't be very nice at all. I still have a little more to think about before I inevitably start craving true death.
A something...
Am I? I can't do anything, can't interact with anything, can't CHANGE anything... am I really a something? Or am I just a nothing after all, stuck in his own nothing bubble?
That's okay.
This is totally okay.
Am I having a crisis? Unfortunately no, I'm afraid a something has happened.. just now. I just realized, I haven't actually 'felt' anything... emotionally I mean.
Like I'm just blabbering for the sake of it, or because that's just what's 'normal'.
This isn't normal.
...
...
'I don't want this. I don't like this. Let it change. Make it stop. I want it to stop.'
I DON'T WANT THIS-
And like the last burning cinders of a once-lively flame, my mind 'collapsed' in on itself, the last remaining embers having faded into nowhere...
I changed.
Everything Changed.
Freedom. Form. Life.
Just like that, I woke up.
---
"Tweet tweet! Chirp! Croak!"
Melodious sounds... sounds.. I heard it.
"Rustle! Rustle"
A playful breeze... leaves rustle in delight, scampering about.. I felt it.
A beautiful lake, expansive.. yet modest. Trees formed like mute sentinels, guarding an ancient sanctuary. Water clear as the sky, sand puffy like clouds.. Flora and fauna in complete harmony, united in one, living as one.
I saw it.
But barely, it was blurry, as if it was but a mirage, a mere delusion.
I-I.. don't know.
'I'm overwhelmed.. My mind can't help but to pull blanks! What!?
Is this.. heaven?'
That would explain everything. I look down at my hand and-...
'Where are my hands? Oh... I have no hands. No body either, it seems. All I see is.. pure energy? Wisps of hazy white smoke(?) seem to have coalesced around my consciousness. How do I know? Educated guess. What education? Lots of fantasy novels, duh.'
I'm crazy and delusional? I've been through Limbo, I don't think those are off the table anymore mate.
'But forget about that! Look at all this!
With what eyes? I don't know either, but I can and that's all that matters!
What a beautiful place, no? Why, it's splendid! No doubt in my ghost mind!' I thought to myself as I tried my very best to frolic near the lakeside. It's been to long! Truly!
I noticed my wispy frame seems to struggle to follow my speed..
I slow down.
Don't wanna find out what happens when I lose my protective cloud embryo after all. Speaking of... can I?
I look towards my hand, and with but a thought. A hand.
So, without my human body, technically I can move at the speed of thought? Heh, who am I kidding, its probably just magic.
Another thought. This time, a better image in my head...
'Hoho! I wonder how this looks..' I think as I start willing my consciousness near the crystal clear waters. I'm a natural!
And what do I see? A little boy by the age of 10, yet.. not. The boy was not made of flesh, he was made of plucked clouds and gentle breezes.. not of mind and body, but one of pure spirit. His long and untamed hair flowed more elegantly than a calm stream, and his features were perfect... too perfect..
They were inhuman. He was not human. His eyes were too intriguing, his smile was too pleasant, his expression was too bright.
He was different. But-
That's okay.
His heart sunk not an inch deeper, but not because he didn't feel anything, rather.. he couldn't. Even as he stared unflinchingly at this completely alien image.. he felt nothing..
...
Freedom, he was given too much of it. This form, it was a willful one.. he could tell. Free to run, free to roam.. that not even the most terrible of emotions, most venomous of grudges.. can catch him. In the face of an onslaught of turbulent emotion, he knows he will stand unfazed. Even now, he wished to giggle, to smile and take flight! He was born for it.
Yet what of the imperfections? the flaws... one cannot be complete without them. They say the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Yet, can one be bright if there were no darkness at all?
So empty..
...
It'll be okay.
Don't take what you're given for granted, who knows what powers man the curtains? All I need to do.. is accept.
"Kuhaha! That's more like it!" A melodious voice chirped quite giddily, I'm guessing you know who.
That part was quite easy. I'm not one for theatrics at the end of the day..
Okay, maybe I did get a little dramatic. But in the end,
'What does it matter? I'm still me.. and that's all I ever needed in the first place. I think like me, I kind of act like me, now I look better than me, heh.
Time to get busy!'
... with some rest.
"Huahh!" What a view, huh.
-- To Be Continued --
(So much talking, yada yada.. heh. Well let me clear something up, while this type of long winded stuff will naturally lessen as the story progresses, I wanna make it clear that this is a part of the story that I care for more than the other things like magical elements.. it's up there with fights and character interaction.
So if you don't like all this mental jibber jabber, either you can skip some parts, or just leave..
Though, I'm still setting up the character itself, so there's naturally gonna be less of this, just making it clear how the MC acts and thinks you know?
As always, reviews, comments, power stones, any support is appreciated! Please feel free! See ya!)
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