章 59: [FIRST GIRLFRIEND] -I

"Now answer my question, Shikimori Miyako... "

"What question?"

"Why do you think that I don't like being with you? Hmm??"

I asked this question while I continued kabedon-ing her against the wall...

Now as to why I did all this to her, it is because the reason... A mere reason: Shikimori Miyako might love this situation as it is one of her favourite scenes in an anime. And how did I get to know this all --

Well, one time when I was practising Volleyball with her in the stadium which is not far from our apartments, she told me about her favourite anime or show. And in that specific show, she loved this scene so much that she told me every single detail about it.

Good Grief.

In the anime, the main character accidentally kabedon the main heroine against the wall. The Heroine blushed so hard at this, that she even punched the main character in the face... Brutally. He even has to meet the nurse in the infirmary right after apologising to her.

Well, whatever. This is not an accident. I am doing this because I want to... And on top of that the other person also wants to experience this.

No, it's not like I want to do these kinds of things with them regularly or anything.

[...]

What?

"Shikimori Miyako, answer me..."

"Well, be-because..."

"Hmm??"

"B-because I... I love being with you, I love the way you look at me, I love the way you take care of me, I love how you always know what I want, I love your smile and -- No, actually I love everything about you, Kaneki-san."

After saying these all, she started to take some deep breathes and what can I say --

"I s-see..."

She said all this in one single breath that made me stutter a little bit and what in the world did I hear just now...? I mean it's okay that she likes me or maybe loves me but hearing it directly from her is... Something which feels very strange to me.

But the main question is- do I also have feelings for them? Hmm...? I guess there are...

I have some feelings for them. Maybe it's from the moment I first met them or as we talked with each other my affection for them increased along with it... Or there is a completely other way.

Well, whatever.

Then about one or two minutes more passed in complete silence during which she and I shared few eye contacts with each other, where I didn't break our eye contact while she couldn't look directly into my eyes.

Currently, her whole face is red like a tomato, her bangs are also on her forehead. It seems like she started to feel embarrassed because of what she said to me.

I mean. Isn't the words she said just now like a way to confess her feelings for me? Hmm --

What is going on here? I have the upper hand on her, right? Then how could she do something like this? And why the hell am I also hugging her back...? Why?

[BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER, USER]

Really?

[JUST ADMIT IT.]

Okay, okay.

...

....

.....

Yes. I indeed love Shikimori Miyako, I love with all my heart and even if I have to do something which is wrong or bad, I will do it. I will do whatever possible thing that would make her mine, and only mine. I can even hurt myself if I have to...

And unfortunately, the same can be said not only for her but for some other heroines as well. I don't want to become a scumbag with many girls, women at his side... But there is no other way around. I don't have other options.

I tried to ask why don't you give this system to any other man other than me... But the answer is the same all the time --

[YOU ARE ONLY WORTHY OF THIS SYSTEM. ]

One day, I even asked a very dangerous question: Does the Goddess of Love love me or something? Because I don't why the hell this is happening to me. Why?

I mean, what does 'love someone' even mean? Is it all about caring about that person? Is it about thinking about that person all the time? Is it something that you wanna brag about with everyone you know? Is it something on which people should waste their time as well as money? Is it something which would make them lose their mind or make them go crazy? Is it something on which one should be proud of? Or --

Well, I have one or two answers on the topic.

...

[PAST FLASHBACK]

This is not one of the best memory but it is also not the worst one. This was the time when I was around 5-6 years old and was present in the playground of the White Room.

The ground was not that big but it was enough for the children of our age group to play there. Moreover, now there were only ten subjects left out of the whole lot of 35-40 subjects.

That day, we were doing nothing special. Every subject was doing whatever his or her guardian

was telling them to do... Some were exercising, some were learning, some were reading, etc.

Kiyo was not present there, nor was the professor. They were both gone to meet someone. And that someone was Kiyo's mother. She was in hospital because she was diagnosed with some kind of rare disease. I don't know what that was, nor do I know now.

Since I said everyone was with their guardian. I also come under everyone, so here I am standing beside my guardian teacher, who was smiling while holding one of my hands and looking at me with her eyes closed.

"Sensei, I found a word which starts from the letter 'L'."

I said this to her as she continued to caress my hand which was red from - ah- I can't quite remember it. Well, that's not the point, the point is what happens after that...

"Oh... What is that word, Ren?"

"It is L-O-V-E..."

I pronounced the letters correctly. It made her to show a lively smile which I had never seen before. Then she grasped my hand with her both hands and then she --

"Ara~ what a pretty word, you found there! Where did you find it?"

"Professor Ayanoukoji always use this word whenever he addresses us like, 'my lovely children...'."

Just as I finished saying this, I noticed her change, her reactions, her grip on my hand. It always happens whenever I say something and I somehow happen to bring his name up, she always ends up feeling irritated and annoyed.

And her whole behaviour changes...

"Hmm... You are absolutely right."

"..."

"What does that word mean?"

"Hmm? Oh, you want to know the meaning, hmm? Well, how about we talk in somewhere private, Ren-chan...?"

"..."

I nodded my head in agreement that time because I knew if I disagreed with her then she would do something that would make me feel worse... So, I just agree with her every time.

After that, we both came back to my room... There is nothing, just a bed and a study table along with a chair.

We both sat down on the bed, the distance between us was very little, I mean, it was negligible. One of her hands was near my right ear and I already had some idea as to what was going to happen next...

She twisted my ear so hard that I literally made a sound, to which she smiled, laughed and said "Fufu... You are a bad boy."

It's been ten years or so, and I still haven't got the answer as to why she called me a 'bad boy' at that time.

Well, whatever.

"Love isn't something for which you have to fight with others and try to gain it. It's... It's something that will find you and will always be there whenever you need it the most..."

I nodded my head like a kid... Well, I was a kid at that time, so there's nothing different about it.

"Now then, go out and practice."

"Is this all?"

"Yes, is there anything else you wanted to hear?"

"No."

"Good."