章 218: Honestly Speaking

Naomi continued looking at him, afraid of how much he was reading in her eyes. His expression flipped through several changes before settling into resolution.

"You deserve far better than the way I have treated you," He said.

"Every word you say perplexes me further. You risked your life to save mine. How could I deserve better?" Her stomach clenched in anxiety. What in the world was he saying?

"I mean, in my heart. I have done my best to keep you out of it instead of welcoming you in. You deserve better."

"I can ask nothing more of you," She dropped her eyes and pulled her hands away. He raked his hand through his hair in frustration.

"There!" His voice turned into exasperation. "I think you mean that! If you had but asked, nay demanded, that I be the type of husband I should, then it would have been easy to keep you at arm's length. It is in my nature to rebel, at least internally. You give me nothing to rebel against, nothing of substance to resent.

"Even your presence, which I was prepared to begrudge, you do not force upon me. I am a quiet man, but I find myself talking to you even when you are content with silence. When I would stay home from the wedding of people I hardly know, I find myself wanting to go just so I can take you with me.

"Why must you change me? How have you wormed your way into my affections? How is it I find myself wanting to apologize to my parents for my disobedient attitude?" He had begun to pace in the sand.

"I'm not sure," Naomi was shocked at his ranting. "Why do you want to apologize?"

"Because despite my petty need to resist their plans for my life, they were right! They brought me the last woman in the world I would have chosen for myself, and yet, already I could imagine no one better."

"You sound frustrated," She swallowed, taking in his words.

"I am frustrated! They already think they always know best! And you had to come here and prove them right!" He threw his hands up and turned away.

"So you want me… to be worse?" Naomi still wasn't clear on the point of this conversation, but she would do her best to help.

Caspian paused, and an amused smile cracked through.

"That would be wonderful, but I'm not sure you can, even if you try."

She blinked at him. "Is that sarcasm?"

"Yes. I don't want you to change." His voice softened. "I'm sorry. I was trying to explain something but I turned into a ranting lunatic. I tried to clarify my feelings but I'm afraid I've likely muddied the water more than before."

"Mmm." She hummed in agreement.

"May I start over?" He asked.

"Please do," Naomi was mildly amused by this tactic.

"I have not been entirely pure in my motivations or clear in my communications with you in the past. That ends now."

"So what happens now?" She looked him full in the face.

"Now, I'm giving in to the temptation to pursue you, and care for you. No more resistance. We don't need to rush things; we can take our time and get to know each other at a comfortable pace, but I thought it was important for you to understand what's changing in me. What you've changed." He smiled at her and retook her hands.

"I'm not sure what I've done," His wife admitted.

"I think you have an inkling," Caspian countered with a wry smile, pulling her into a hug. She eagerly accepted the embrace, at least partly because she could hide her face against his chest while she tried to process the many emotions racing through her.

She shivered slightly in the breeze, and he held her a little more tightly. Feeling his steady heartbeat calmed her nerves.

They walked home hand in hand, drying in the sunshine and enjoying the moment of serenity.

______

Mayra's daily check-in with Cora about the brides had become one of her favorite parts of her life here. The older woman had a lot of wisdom and unique perspectives on situations that she didn't mind sharing.

She also didn't seem to mind Mayra's personality, which was a balm to the young woman's heart. Many people here, including most of the new batch of brides, merely politely tolerated her. It was much more pleasant to spend time with someone who genuinely enjoyed your company, with no pretense.

She had to admit that Peter seemed to enjoy being around her, but he had other motivations, she was sure.

"Swimming lessons sound like a great idea," Mayra agreed, turning her thoughts back to the conversation at hand. She, Finn, and Ashley had all learned to swim at Riley and Roland's behest; after the war, it seemed best to be prepared for anything.

"Ashley and I know how, but if there are any Cetoan women that would like to get to know the new ladies and help teach, there are many pupils."

Cora nodded, making a mental note to ask anyone who might be interested.

"Thank you for coordinating all this, Mayra. When you came I was skeptical of your role, but you have become invaluable in keeping track of the brides and helping streamline the process of getting them settled." She smiled genuinely at the younger woman.

"I find a great deal of satisfaction in a well-made match. I am gratified that Naomi and Caspian seem to be doing wonderfully; it bolsters my hope that more can find happiness together."

"I as well. I will not pretend I had no anxiety over strongly encouraging him to go through with the marriage. It is a relief to see that they are a fine match."

"Do you have any ideas on what to do with Brenna?" Mayra took up the subject as it came into her head. "After her actions helping Haf, and then Naomi, I don't want to treat her badly. On the other hand, it is a problem the way the other Rhone girls hate her."

"I've been giving this some thought," Cora said. "It troubles me that she was so closely related to the Void before, and now there are fears of its return. Still, it would be unfair to punish her if she is truly repentant, and she may even prove helpful in the fight against it in the future."

"So what do we do? Keeping her separate works for now, but finding her a husband might be tricky if she doesn't mingle along with the other women to meet the men." Mayra was at a bit of a loss for what to do.

"Let her come here, I suppose, to meet some potential suitors in private. It still doesn't solve the problem of the other girls hating her, but perhaps with time and proximity, those things will fade." She seemed unsure.

"Do you have anyone in mind?" Mayra asked. She couldn't think of any Cetoan men she'd met that seemed a match for the girl.

"I will consider it and invite someone over this afternoon. Please have her come over for the evening meal."

Mayra nodded, a bit irritated on the other Rhone girls' behalf that the most hated one amongst them would get the special attention of the Commodore's wife, but she had no other solution to the problem.

At least the girl would be closely watched for signs that she was still connected to the Void somehow.

Hugging Cora goodbye, she picked up her shadow, Peter, on the way out of the hut. He wasn't particularly interested in the ins and outs of their matchmaking discussions and normally waited outside for them to finish.

He seemed to enjoy fresh air and the time to think.

"How did it go?" He asked.

"It was all right," Mayra responded flippantly. "She liked my ideas and had some good ones of her own. I'm optimistic we can have many good matches soon."

"And some bad ones?" He questioned.

"Well, that's bound to happen sooner or later, isn't it? Even couples who marry for love often turn out to be a bad match in the end."

"So why bother matching at all?" Peter prodded.

"Because people love babies," Mayra quipped, although her tone had an edge to it.

"What's wrong?" He asked as she quickened her steps.

"I'm just tired. I find myself needing to get the women matched and settled quickly, to make room for the next batch. Efficiency at the cost of personal attention and care." She frowned.

"Would Ashley help you, and Dierdre?" He asked.

"That's actually a good idea, Peter. I'm ashamed I didn't think of it." Mayra looked at him curiously.

"I'll ignore the insult in there and just say that I'm glad to be helpful," He winked.

"Thank you for your help," She amended with a smile. "Now I have to go let Brenna know she's expected for dinner and matchmaking at the Commodore's hut tonight."